Me: Hey did you know Xerophargy is a diet of bread and water?
Carol: No its not that’s just a clever way of saying someone is fat.
Me: No its not
Carol: I hate bread and I hate water…they make you fat.
Me: Well if used in the right way carbohydrates aren’t so bad for you. Also water is an essential element to life its self.
Carol: What are you suggesting I go on a diet?
Me: No I was just sharing a fact with you
Carol: Yeah well waitresses don’t eat bread or drink water because it makes them fat
Me: sighs Never mind
Carol: Noooo how can you never your mind. If your mind didn’t exist, neither would you.
Me: What are you talking about Carol?
Carol: My fat, bread, water, your never mind
Today I had a surprising revelation. I am unnecessarily mean. This was pointed out by Chris. I was being mean to Joan. To him it was unnerving. I didn’t even realize it. I think it’s because I am not a group kind of person. I start acting a little introverted and regress to a seven year old state. That’s my theory. I don’t know I guess I wasn’t into Joan fondling my hair and admiring her crap hair dye job. Did she totally forget that Kayla helped her? I kept saying really cryptic mean things; it was only until Chris pointed it out that I realized it. Its true I like Joan, but as Chris said. “I like her on my own terms.”
I saw Multimedia Guy today, I mean Josh, I mean Multimedia Guy. I saw him twice today. I wish I could talk to him. I also got bit ravenously by ants while sitting at the bus stop, but that’s another story for another time.
A short interlude….my commentary on the world, I wrote this over two months ago and I can actually remember when I wrote it. It was just before my Communication Law class at college at about 12 in the afternoon.
The World According to Chickens
The world is a mess. Like a garbage dump. The rainforest is disappearing. The Great Barrier Reef is in danger. Pluto the dog finally lands on Mars. Dogs are underestimated for their intelligence. They lead simple lives.
If only humans could see themselves through a giant magnifying glass. They see what they have done wrong only to realize it is too bloody late. Poor Pluto the dog is trapped on Mars.
A big black hole arrives out of nowhere.
“Times up humans mwhahahahahah!” It says evilly.
Luckily the big mean black hole decides that Venus the second planet from the sun is a much tastier snack.
“Venus tastes like microwave chicken.”
So the humans realizing they have another go about to make the world a better place, ignore it as usual and go back to their self consuming lives.
Or so they thought, 5 ½ giant chickens decide to take over the world. The chickens destroy the evil detestable polluting environmentally bad factories. And Pluto the dog is still on Mars. (In case you’re wondering.)
The chickens go to each continent. One chicken in Europe names Peter. One in Asia named Ben. One in Africa named Paul. One in Australia named Georgina. One in South Africa named Sally. A half a chicken in North America because they decided North America has been a super power long enough, that sadistic ½ chicken named Discombobulated is all they should get.
Now you are wondering why is there 5 ½ chickens and how can they take over the world? Why is Pluto the dog a demented Disney character, doing on Mars.
The writer is thinking that her hand is cramping up. The dog, who cares? The 5 ½ chickens? It sounds interesting. Taking over the world? Why not chickens are smart enough!
Who will save the world?
A psycho talking dog, who threatens to eat people but doesn’t because he is a vegetarian. (No thanks to his owner) He is not rabid because he isn’t, but he is a psycho because he drinks to much root beer and eats too much melted cheese. As for the talking? It is one of the world’s unexplainable wonders.
Did I mention he is a Rottweiler? Of course it also important to note his name is Wild Will. Not just Will, Wild Will. Why so particular? Just because he says so.
First off Wild Will rescues Pluto and sends him, appropriately to Pluto. Hey why not?
A few days later the big black hole comes back.
“Times up chickens,” it says. “bwhahahahahah!”
Wild Will being smart makes an alliance with the black hole not to eat Earth, but eat Mercury instead. It’s a useless planet. So now that would make Earth the first planet from the Sun. How lucky are we?
A Life of Choice
7 years ago