Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My Living Video Store Has Gone Away….

Well Louie is gone now. She left last night in a hurry. As Amy put it my living Video Ezy is gone. Chris said we (Kayla and I) will always remember Louies DVD collection, then we will remember Louie. On a high note Kayla and I scored heaps of free stuff.

This is kind of ironic but I took out some books about terrorism for my tutorial topic presentation for Mass Media and Journalism class and the books are due back at the library on September 11. I don’t know if this is a odd coincidence but, it’s kind of creepy.

Inspiration for my stories come at odd times. Such as the one you will read below about Carol. It’s about the demotion of Pluto as a planet.

Melissa, Chris and Carol are on the bus, travelling on their next adventure, to the planetarium.
Melissa: Hey Carol I just read in the newspaper today that Pluto is no longer a planet is was demoted to a dwarf planet or something
Carol: Noooo Pluto is a dog not planet. He can’t be a dwarf it’s physically impossible. There are seven dwarfs not eight.
Melissa: I wasn’t talking about Disney. I was talking about astronomy, the solar system, the celestial bodies that are out of reach from planet earth.
Carol: There is no such thing as astronomy its called astrology. I am sick of talking about Star Trek. Can’t you talk about some that is un NERDY for once?
Melissa: Actually Carol astronomy is the scientific study of matter in outer space, especially the positions, dimensions, distribution, motion, composition, energy, and evolution of celestial bodies and phenomena and astrology is the study that assumes and attempts to interpret the influence of the heavenly bodies on human affairs.
Chris: I don’t remember talking about Star Trek. I though we were talking about Pluto. Hey did you know they name woman’s products Libra does that count as astrology?
Carol: Your not supposed to talk ‘girl stuff’ in public ?
Melissa: Carol Chris is a guy.
Chris: Nooninooninooninoo!
Melissa: I’m a Libra.
Carol: You’re not a tampon Melissa. You are a NERD NERDY retarded girl.
Melissa: I was speaking astrologically.
Chris: I’m a Virgo
Carol: Is that Aussie slang for virgin?
Melissa: It’s a zodiac sign.
Chris: You’re a zodiac sign
Melissa: You are!
Carol: Nooo you’re humans…stop believing in all of this Egyptian stuff. Also zodiac is the name of a bear in Canada or Alaska.
Melissa: Carol that’s the Kodiak
Carol: Nooooo I wasn’t talking about Camera stuff you NERD!
Chris: Speaking of cameras did you bring yours Melissa?
Melissa: Of course my camera is part of my soul it comes on all of my adventures.
Carol: Well you won’t be taking any pictures of me. My fat might break the camera.
Chris: Well if you sat on the camera it would break, but other than that I think the camera will be OK!
Melissa: Carol that’s just dumb. Also the type of film I use is called Kodak or Fuji
Carol: Why would a mountain make film?
Melissa: Mountains don’t make film Carol.
Carol: You said Fuji as in Mount Fuji
Melissa: No Carol you I said Fuji as in film.
Chris: Oh come on you guys. No more arguing! Lets talk about Amy!
Melissa: What for?
Carol: Who is this Amy and why do you keep talking about her?
Chris: Never mind
Carol: Nooo you NEVER YOUR MIND!
The bus stops, arriving at the planetarium, Melissa, Chris and Carol get off the bus. Unfortunately the planetarium was closed.
The sign says: We are closed, due to the fact that Pluto is no longer a planet, we regret to inform you the planetarium is now closed for renovations.
Carol looks at the sign with delight.
Carol: I was right Pluto isn’t a planet. Stupid planetarium people I could have told them not to put some cartoon dog in their Star Trek exhibit.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Noooo YOU’RE FAT! And I crush you with my fat NERD nerdy brain.

My Grandma sent me the funniest joke about Baked Beans, so I thought I would share it. Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supremesacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.


All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she feltreasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!

Thoughts of the day:

I finished the movie Chris, Kate and I made. The only problem is Windows Movie Maker won’t let me save it.

Kayla is still a know it all, but I figured out why.

Louie is moving and I don’t get the bigger room. I have a new flatmate as soon as Louie leaves. He wants her room because he has a big desk and big bed, sounds like he is bringing his whole entire family here, which he can’t.

Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. Seriously who has the right to strip planetary status from a poor distant Pluto? And I wanted to be an astronomer. Actually I still do.

I miss Louie’s movie collection

Is Smallville really a complex drama or is it just some teenage boy with I have to save the world complex, whose is in love with a girl who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings?

What would happen hypothetically if Carol were to come to Australia tomorrow and meet my current flatmates? Here is my estimation:

Melissa Flat: Carol and Melissa have just arrived at Melissa’s flat, returning from the airport. They run into Melissa’s flatmate Louie.

Melissa: Oh hello Louie this is Carol from Canada, Carol this is Louie
Carol: Hey
Louie: Hey Carol what bring you to Australia?
Carol: I want to be a waitress
Louie: Cool but couldn’t you do that in Canada?
Carol: Noooo Canadians don’t hire fat waitresses.
Louie: (Gives a puzzled look) Yes they do.
Carol: Have you ever been to Canada?
Louie: No but,
Carol: But what…how do you know?
Louie: Well I have a friend whose been to Canada and America
Carol: Yes America not Canada, they are different. Canada only hires skinny girls,
America only hires American skinny girls. Here in Australia all the skinny girls are at the beach so I figured I had a chance to be a waitress.
Louie: That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. You’re really weird like Melissa. You
know that don’t you?
Carol: You’re the stupidest person I have ever heard.
Louie: Rightio it was nice meeting you Carol I’ve got to go to bed now I have night shift.
Carol: Why are you going to bed at 2 in the afternoon that’s just stupid. I’m the one with
jetlag not you.
Melissa: She is a nurse. They work odd hours. So Carol want me to show you around or did you want to relax and watch some TV
Carol: Noooo I should walk around a bit I think the plane ride made me fatter.
Melissa’s other flatmate Kayla shows up from the kitchen.
Melissa: Oh hi Kayla this is my friend Carol from Canada.
Carol: Hi
Kayla: Hi
Awkward silence…
Kayla: I just thought I should point out that it is impossible to get fatter on a plane ride.
Carol: You’re impossible
Kayla: What?
Carol wanders around the living room.
Carol: (Shouting) well of course Melissa I figured that out.
Kayla: Figured what out?
Carol: Shut up! We’re not talking to you.
Melissa: I was just telling Carol how they don’t have Canadian commercials here. So Carol what do you think of these Australian commercials.?
Kayla: What?
Melissa: Ummm…right, well Carol and I will be on our way I think we will go see the horse of Stack Street.
Kayla: OK I’m going to put these rubber bands in the fridge because I was told they would last longer
Carol: That’s just stupid, that’s like saying that there is such a thing as a pickle machine.
Melissa: Well there are canners so you can make pickles…does that count?
Carol: I guess.
Kayla: Canned food is bad for you because all of the nutrients are sucked out of it. It actually makes you fat.
Carol: I hate you
Melissa: Ummm…. Kayla remember what I said to you about talking about eating habits and food and what not when my friend from Canada is around?
Kayla: You never said anything about that
Melissa: Yes I did.
Kayla: No you didn’t you said not to talk about that with your friend from Canada. This is Amy from Canberra right?
Melissa: Noooo I said “this is my friend Carol from Canada.” Like two minutes ago.
Carol: I hate you! I can’t believe you would mistake me for someone else. Canada and Canberra sound completely different the only things that’s the same is that they both start with the letter K.
Kayla: Umm Canada and Canberra start with a C.
Carol: Nooo it has a “K” sound therefore it starts with K.
Kayla: Yes it has a “K” sound but it doesn’t starts with K.
Melissa: Hey come one I don’t want you arguing with in the first two minutes of meeting.
Carol: Shut up! Melissa I am right and you know it.
Kayla: No I am right.
Melissa: You’re both right. In the Greek alphabet Canada starts with a K. in the English language it starts with a C.
Carol: Melissa Greek doesn’t have an alphabet; they’re an ancient race that died when they joined the Romans.
Kayla: That never happened and it’s called Greece not Greek.
Carol: Yes it did.
Melissa: Kayla what did I tell you about arguing with my friend from Canada.
Kayla: Some friend from Canada she makes your other friends look smart.
Carol: Noooo you’re dumb.
Melissa: No she doesn’t
Carol: Yeah I am Melissa’s only friend.
Kayla: And for your information Ontario is the capital of Canada I checked
Melissa: With what? You’re all knowing knowledge of nothing.
Carol: Ontario is a province and the capital is Ottawa! Provinces can’t be capitals, because they already have cities and stuff in them.
Melissa: Carol is right Ottawa is the capital of Canada.
Carol: Why are you agreeing with me?
Melissa: Because you’re right for once.
Kayla: No I just know. I talked to my friend Melinda.
Melissa: Kayla you fucktard, Carol and I are from CANADA! I think CANADIANS would know the capital of their country. Melinda is from AUSTRALIA not CANADA. End of story.
Carol: Obviously Melissa stop being such a nerd, a fat brain NERD know it all that is nerdy fat!
Kayla: You can’t be nerdy fat? Also I don’t appreciated being called names. Honestly Melissa why do you have to get so defensive all the time.
Carol: Obviously you can’t because some people doooo know what they are talking about, they just like to rub in your face because they can. Melissa learnt all she knows from me Carol, because I am the smartest in the whole entire world.
Melissa: No I didn’t Carol.
Kayla: I do know what I AM TALKING ABOUT!
Carol: Noooo Melissa and I do because she reads encyclopaedias and I am ALL KNOWING and you’re not plus I am fat.
Kayla: No you’re just retarded.
Carol: Noooo Kayla YOU’RE FAT!
Melissa: Hey Carol! How about we watch The Simpsons (Trying to change the subject)
Carol: Melissa she just insulted me and all your going to do is talk about the Simpsons I hate you.
Melissa: Carol I would try to stick up for you but I think your doing a good job of it yourself.
Kayla: I’m your flatmate aren’t you going to stick up for me?
Melissa: Keyword: flatmate, I thought you said flatmates are not friends; Carol is my friend and you’re my flatmate. Oh yeah DON’T YOU EVER CALL MY FRIEND FAT AGAIN or I’ll crush you with my fat nerdy brain.
Carol: YEAH! GO MELISSA! So go stuff yourself full of none fat canned food. Kayla. Melissa and I have catching up to do so if you bug us I will crush with my intellect too.
Kayla: What intellect? Its obvious Melissa was right when she said you were stupid.
Melissa: No I did not say that. I said she was stubborn. How can that be misinterpreted as stupid?
Carol: I am not stubborn. I never stubbed anything, although I was born. What do you mean by stubborn Melissa?
Melissa: Ummm…it means your smart?
Carol: Ohhhh so I am a fat brain now too eh?
Kayla: Urgh never mind. I am going upstairs you two can argue over pointless stuff.
Kayla storms up the stairs in a huff.
Carol: No you never your mind…I have a mind you don’t.
Melissa: Wow Carol you pissed Kayla off and now she has gone upstairs and she has stopped being all know it all like. You should stay her more often.
Carol: How can I stay here more often if I just got here?
Melissa: Right I forgot Carol obviously you have only been here once. How silly of me.
Melissa and Carol sit down and watch TV.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Luke Skywalker is not notorious, that would be Darth Vader

Hmmm let’s see what has happened today? A whole lot of nothing. I worked today and that’s about it. I have been feeling really homesick. They say the sixth month of being overseas is the hardest. That’s right I have been in Australia for six months and one week. It feels like years. I haven’t decided if I want to go home after my degree is done either. I also found out today that my grandparents won’t be coming to visit in September as my grandpa has blood clots and they cannot get medical coverage.

Things I that I have thought about today.

1. Smallville
2. Carol
3. Know it alls
4. Essays
5. This new camera I saw at Target. I want it I want it
6. The movie I am making
7. Royal Canadian Air Farce
8. Homesickness for CANADA
9. Chris and Kate
10. The Beach
11. Multimedia Guy

Thursday:
On Thursday I spen the day working on essays for class. I have gotten a whole lot of nowhere with them. I also talked to my mom. I told her that I want to come home early and all she seemed to do was encourage me to stay in Australia until my degree is done. I find that really weird because wouldn’t my mom try to encourage me to come home instead.

Wednesday:

On Wednesday I went to the beach with Chris and Kate. It was the perfect day for it too. The sky was the most beautiful blue and there was not a cloud in sight. It was fun enough said. I would tell you about Desmond but that’s another story for another time.

Tuesday:

Here are a few cryptic sentences and phrases that sum up Tuesday night… scaterogically speaking.

Notorious means being known for doing something bad

Luke Skywalker is not notorious, that would be Darth Vader

Disease and disorder, there is a difference between them

Pickles and ball…are symbols and are guaranteed to be made fun off if a certain someone is in the room.

What is a pickle machine?


It’s now a fact Kayla is a big stinking insufferable know it all…see August 9 entry. I have come to this conclusion. It’s a tone of voice she uses. It’s in her face. It’s impossible for her to be wrong in her own mind. Although she did contradict herself and say that she could admit she was wrong. To that I say bullshit! I try to like her but I feel myself clashing with her, but then again sometimes I don’t mind her at all. I have learnt that I should just let her think she is right. Key word: Think! I don’t think she is aware of it consciously either. I think I have changed because I used to be like that. I felt strange superiority and significance in being right. I used to argue with a friend (Not Carol) about stupid trivial facts. She said I made her feel stupid. Maybe this is just Karma at work, my self esteem has improved or I see an aspect of myself and its ugly.

Tuesday night Chris, Kate, Kayla and I were victims of a prank. Kayla called Pizza Hut, but it was a store that had closed previously. It was then turned into a house number. Someone decided to pretend they were Pizza Hut and we ended up waiting for pizza that never came. We then decided to go to pick up our selves. This is when we found out that we were the objects of some mean joke.

Five things I have learnt lately

1. Authors are people who have had work published, for some reason I thought that it only included books. There just given different names, like poets, playwrights, screenwriter, and novelist. I wonder can it cross over to the internet seeing as its self publishing. What can you say I am shallow minded.
2. Chinese is a language. It just has many dialect groups. This one is just dumb on my part.
3. Beaches are fun
4. Board games + Melissa and Kayla = Bad
5. Sarcasm can be misinterpreted

Monday, August 21, 2006

There's not alot going on.

Quote of the day:

Brent LeRoy is in the library.

Brent LeRoy: [whispering] Okay, I was just wondering if you had a book on child psychology.
Alice the librarian: [still whispering] On what?
Brent LeRoy: [still whispering] Child psychology.
Alice: [still whispering] "Jives on top of me"?
Brent LeRoy: [sarcastically] That's right Alice, I want a book about jives on top of you.

From Corner Gas…my favourite TV show

Today I will write my blog in the form of questions and answers:

1. How was yesterday?
It was awesome fun. I spent the day with Chris. I showed him the show Corner Gas. Then later I went to the movie The Lake House with Chris, Kate and Kayla. Then we played Monopoly in which I lost.

2. Have you learnt anything lately?
Why yes many things:
a) Procrastination is bad and causes unneeded stress…
b) I can put skill I learnt in college to good use because of my procrastination. I had to write a 500-600 word essay question. I was able to finish it in two hours, thanks to learning how to write a story in less than 20 minutes I had no problem finishing the my assignment. Now all I have too do is work on my essays due in week 12, but….I don’t want to do them.
c) Never hand an assignment I think is substandard. I could have handed my Introduction to Communication and Culture assignment in early, but there were grammar errors. Now it wasn’t worth much, but it just shows to the tutor that I don’t really care. I know ‘p’s make degrees’ but I won’t except anything but my best.
d) When something bad happens you have 30 minutes to dwell, this is advice from Chris, as I have a bad habit of brewing over things that can’t be changed or fixed.
e) That I get defensive to easily

3. Any dreams you have had lately that puzzle and confound you?
Last night I dreamt I was in a two plane crashes. The first one took place at night in the year 1964, which is my mom’s year of birth. The plane was shaking all over the place and I was thinking how this plane crash brought everyone together and we had to keep from hitting our heads or we would die. In this one some people survived because part of the plane crashed on rocks. In the second plane crash the plane was plummeting very quickly I felt like I was swallowing my stomach. I wasn’t scared though because I was with my dream man, the one I love, although I couldn’t see what he looked like. The plane was crashing because someone brought a cooking spray on board. It was the same kind used where I work. It was originally indicated that the plane was crashing into the ocean, in which all the passengers would be liquefied, but I was aware that I was dreaming and decided that the plane would crash on land. We ended up crashing into a shopping mall, everyone survived.
I also dreamt that I was traveling all over the world. I was on plane to Hong Kong where I met Kinwai, he was killing rats to eat and I was visiting Kayla’s aunt. Also a huge mansion was lifted off the earth and transplanted to another planet, because someone put part of Harry Potters broomstick in the wood, I only knew this because Robin Williams showed me.

4. Most fun thing you did last week?
On Thursday night, Chris, Kate and I decided to film a sequel to the movie, Amy, Antonia, Chris and I filmed in June. Kate and I were the new flatmates of Chris. Its actually quite funny. Chris has gone mad, Kate plays a girl with attitude and I play a girl who has three voices, Melora, Carol and Wild Will and to that I say roo roo roo roo! Who dies in this film? I am still confused by it. It’s left rather open ended.

5. Thing you're most obsessed with lately?
Lately I have been obsessed with many things…
a) The Canadian show Corner Gas
b) The Futurama alien alphabet.
c) Wild Will (as usual)
d) Carol
e) Chris
f) Movie making
g) My camera breaking.
h) The story I am writing.

6. What is a good movie you have seen lately?
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: this movie screams weird, Tim Curry in drag and Susan Sarandon as a goody goody gumshoes girl. (That’s my own description by the way.) I didn’t recognize half the actors, probably because it was filmed in 1975. It’s about transsexuals and evil gender bending scientist named Dr. Franken Furter.

7. Anything annoying happen recently?
My camera screen broke. It can still take pictures but the view screen is cracked. I took it to the computer area of Harvey Norman. One of the computer guys said it would cost $200 and up to fix it. He suggested I just invest in a new camera. So that’s what I am doing. I am going to set my money aside of a digital 35mm SLR, my ultimate dream camera. It what I always wanted, it’s pretty sweet because I can use my lenses from my film SLR.

8.Song you have heard in the last three days that is still stuck in your head?
You might have thought that it was a Buddy Holly song, but it’s actually Maneater by Nelly Furtado.

9. Any exciting discoveries or news?
a) Why yes, this one I found out by accident,. I figured out how to put sound into the movies I make. I am currently redoing the movie ‘A Flat To Myself’ as well as working on the sequel. Lets hope I have enough space on my computer.
b) Louie is moving away!

10. What I am currently working on
a) As it is uni break this week I shall be working full stop on essays. I have four due in week 12.
b) The movie that was filmed on Thursday.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Oh Music I am but a fool, I am so in love with you

I bought the new Nelly Furtado album. Is it me or does it sound completely different the usual stuff she usually sings? Oh wells its still good. I also bought Johnny Cash and Neil Sedaka. Louie had a lot to say about my musical tastes…saying ‘I was beyond help.’ So what if I like music that was made way before I was born. To me music made then was a lot more real and it wasn’t like the commercial crap now. No offence to those who like that kind of music. I also bought the Guy Sebastian album Beautiful Life. It was one of my goals when I got here to Australia. It is a pretty weird goal.

  1. Buy an Aussie artists album (Yeah I know its Guy Sebastian.)
  2. Watch Australian Idol, (mainly because my mom keeps bugging me about it.)
  3. Show Royal Canadian Air Farce to an Aussie.
  4. Make new friends…(that’s an obvious one.)
  5. Try Vegemite (I see what they mean by acquired taste.)
  6. Photograph a koala
  7. Meet an Australian journalist…(Why that would be my good old journalism tutor Bruce Honeywill)
  8. Go to a beach. (Does Great Keppel Island count?)
  9. Watch a TV show that is strictly Australian. (I’ve seen Rove Live, Blue Heelers, Neighbours and All Saints)

There are still many things to do on my list…. Some on which include seeing famous landmarks and meeting my relatives which I have never met before.

Oh yeah the song by Neil Sedaka song about Carol is actually called ‘Oh Carol.’ But it is a real song just the same. Carol never believed me when I told her. True Story!


Here are the lyrics to the song:

Oh! Carol
I am but a fool
Darling I love you
Though you treat me cruelYou hurt me
And you make me cry
But if you leave me
I will surely dieDarling, there will never be another
'Cause I love you so
Don't ever leave me
Say you'll never goI will always want you for my sweet heart
No matter what you doOh! Carol
I'm so in love with you

Oh! Carol
I am but a fool
Darling I love you
Though you treat me cruel
You hurt meAnd you make me cry
But if you leave meI will surely die
Darling, there will never be another
'Cause I love you soDon't ever leave me
Say you'll never go
I will always want you for my sweet heartNo matter what you do
Oh! Carol
I'm so in love with you...

Monday, August 14, 2006

Je suis un chef de doo de doo

Well it appears that I haven’t written in a while…not much has happened. Yesterday I went to the Multicultural fair at the uni. It was fun. Chris and I filmed random stuff with my camera. I also got a surprise phone call from Amy. I also taught Romey, how to say I am a doodoo head in French, but he didn’t get it…he though I was speaking to him in some Canadian slang.

Chris and I also graduated early. He graduated with a Bachelors of Maternal Care and I graduated with Nimbus 2006 Aviation Studies….ha ha ha, now it was just a mock degree much like funineering….not that’s a degree I want. Ask me later what fungineering is.

Today I showed Chris Royal Canadian Air Farce. It is a sketch comedy show back home. I had to skip over the bits that were “To Canadian” because of the context in which it was made and the audience in which it was made for. There were also a lot of intertextual references made specifically for Canadians. Wow I really am learning something at uni. I didn’t waste my money after all.

And now for something completely different…Verbal Babelfisheria a story of many languages.

Melissa: Hey Carol did you hear about this new disease its called Babelfisheria.
Carol: No you made this up!
Melissa: No its true…apparently it causes people to speak in a foreign language randomly with out warning.
Carol: Vous êtes sourd-muet là n'est pas une telle chose.
Melissa: Carol why are you speaking French?
Carol: Ce qui?
Melissa: Yes you said “you’re dumb there is not such thing.” Then you said “What?”
Carol: Noooo I never said anything in German and you can read it because Germans don’t have a written language.
Melissa: Dije que usted hablaba en fatsobastso no alemán francés
Carol: Che cosa non parlo Russo?
Melissa: Ich sagte, daß Sie im französischen nicht deutschen fatsobastso sprachen
Carol: Eu não ainda undertand você! Fale English..English! Inglês!
Melissa: I said you were speaking in French not German fatsobastso…
Carol: Noooo you were speaking in some foreign language only to prove how smart you were. I said I still don't undertand you! Speak English..English! English! I don’t speak Russian.
Melissa: Hoeveel keer één moet herhalen zelf... stop hebben sprekende Portugees en Duitsers een geschreven taal.
Carol: Was!
Melissa: Was what? All I said was how many times must one repeat themselves….stop speaking Portuguese and Germans do have a written language.
Carol: Je n'ai pas dit étais I dit ce qui ?
Melissa: Now you are speaking in French again!
Carol: I never said was I said what! You are such a fatbrain I’m tired of your know it all antics.
Melissa: Looks like we are suffering from this strange disease.
Carol: Enfer Sanglant !
Melissa: Now now Carol no swearing.
Carol: All I said was “bloody hell!”

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The K.I.A. what is it and who knows it?

Monday at uni, Joan showed up and sat with Chris and I uninvited for the second Monday in a row. If I did not like her I would have told her so. I hopefully behaved myself this time. The events that transpired from this have inspired this entry.

Somewhere along the conversation…Joan says.

Joan: Justin has influenza.
Me thinking: What are you trying to sound smart now?
Me: Umm isn’t that the same thing as the flu?
Joan: No its true influenza the flu is different.
Me thinking: No its isn’t.
Me: Umm…no it’s the same. Flu is short for influenza.
Joan: Gives me the ‘I can’t believe your going to argue with me look because I am obviously right.’ Note: That is the sign of a fight to the death argument.
Me: I’ll ask Louie because she is a nurse.
Me thinking: I give up, this is a case of the K.I.A.F.T.D.S

I think I have changed because my old self would have fought her to the death over this stupid fact. Well not actual death. I did ask Louie about this as well as my Mom, who studied the influenza virus in college and got top marks. I was proven right, Joan was not, therefore, Louie said she is dumb, that she has two ears and no brains in between. I did not say that, nor did I seek that response. I only wanted to find out if I was right, which I was. When I mentioned this to Chris he said my actions were a little over the top, that I went through a great deal of trouble to prove how right I was. That they were…I am not ashamed to admit it.

What exactly am I writing about? I am writing about the Know It All. When I talk about the Know It All, I mean those who know trivial facts or those with opinions. What is K.I.A.F.T.D.S? It’s an acronym I came up with which means, the Know it all fight to the death scenario. Sometimes is a look or a tone of voice, in which they state the fact or opinion.

A K.I.A.F.T.D.S can be over the stupidest thing. Here is an example: Kayla, Louie and I were watching House, when it shows a scene about how a woman contracted worms from eating pork. This is when Kayla said.

Kayla: That’s why I don’t eat red meat.
Me: Pork is white meat.
Kayla: No its red meat, because it makes me sick.
Me: No! Pork is a white meat!
Kayla: No it’s red, because I know it makes me sick.
Me: No it’s white!
Me thinking: Urgh God damn it I give up this argument is pointless.

Through out this whole stupid argument, Louie was wise enough to stay inconspicuously silent. The humble know it all.

It was once said that those who know it all annoy those who actually do. So very true. Some would say there are two types of know it alls, the ones that do and the ones that don’t but, I have narrowed it down to eight types. These are people I have met through out my life; they can also cross over into each other. I am not going to say who they are either.

1. The Basic Know It All: They genuinely do know what they are talking about or at least they believe they do.
2. The shallow minded know it all: They have little knowledge, but think they have more, and it scared them if someone knows more than them. When challenged they will go into attack mode, their whole self esteem relies on them being right even if they’re wrong, they will stop at nothing to prove their correctness.
3. The Actual Know It All: People who actually do know what they are talking about enough said. They are usually pretty humble about this, unless they are challenged.
4. The superiority know it all: This is a combination of the first two, they feel superior and take pride in the fact. When challenged they too will go into attack mode, their whole self esteem relies on them being proven right, which 90 % of the time they are. They will stop at nothing to prove their correctness. They will sometimes even go to outside sources to prove how completely right they are. The first and third one is a scary combination.
5. The argumentative know it all: They could be either of the above, they will never stop arguing the point with you. They won’t give up ever, whether they are right or wrong. They will usually start the argument in the first place. Make sure you bring your boxing gloves. The point of this is to not argue with them in the first place.
6. Insufferable know it all: Like the second and the third one except they go on quoting all they know all the time and try to make others feel stupid and hope that you are number one know it all and not number two or number four.
7. The Unaware Insufferable Know It All: Same as six except they don’t know they are doing it.
8. The opinionated know it all: They believe so strongly in their opinion they will fight you over it until they prove to you that they are right or think like they do. For instance it could be environmental issues or politically motivated debates such as Canada’s stance on same sex marriage. They key to dealing with this know it all is to not necessarily side with them but accept that there opinion is different then yours.

The Know It All gathers their knowledge and believes they know they’re true because:

A: A friend told them
B: TV program or some sort of media told them.
C: Other influences
D: There are gullible little fuckwits.

All the aforementioned The Know It All has four particular traits:

1. They like to be right.
2. Do not like to be proven wrong,
3. Do not like it to be insinuated that they are wrong
4. Will sometimes fight you to the death over it. (Metaphorically of course)
5. Will occasionally give up if they have too, but this is very rare.

The best defence when in a fight to the death with a know it all.

1. Agree to disagree: This one is hard, especially if you are fired up about the argument.
2. Go to outside sources if you have too.
3. Stop arguing with them as soon as possible, before the argument gets heated
4. Question why they believe what they do. For example: I asked Kayla why she though pork was white meat. It’s because she believes before the meat is cooked it is red.
5. Understand that it’s OK to be wrong sometimes or have a different opinion. Keep in mind know one can know it all.

Sadly one person must always be wrong. And know one can really know it all. I sadly am on that list I am a three. I also think people can shift from each type depending on their mood or the argument at hand. Perhaps all in all some people have troubles admitting they are wrong. I learnt its good to question. If you question why they believe this then you understand why in the first place even if you think it is dumb.

So do you agree with my analysis or shall I have to fight with you to prove my correctness?

Saturday, August 05, 2006

That'll be the day

Last night I had a dream about Buddy Holly. He was on a TV show featuring his songs. I kept on thinking, wow I know why people like him now. He was also on a TV add for Chicken Salsa and Tuna Soup. It was a strange dream. I told Kayla about it this morning. Here is her reaction in script format.

Me: I had a dream about Buddy Holly last night.’
Kayla: Who is Buddy Holly.
Me: Ouch my heart that hurts….how can you not know who he is?
Kayla: I’ve never heard of him.
Me: He was a singer in the 1950s, a Rock ‘n’ Roll icon.
Kayla: That’s probably why I haven’t heard of him. Maybe if I heard one of his songs I might recognize it.
Me: Ever heard of Peggy Sue?
Kayla: Who is she?
Me: No no, the song Peggy Sue it was the famous on by Buddy Holly.

Honestly it never occurred to me that anyone wouldn’t know who he was. It was almost shocking. Oddly enough it angers me a little. And yet I only came to enjoy his music 4 years ago. Weezer has heard of him, they sing a song named after him. Even John Lennon knew about him, who said, "He made it easy to wear glasses. I was Buddy Holly." The Hollies also knew him they named their band in honour of him. The first time I heard of “Buddy Holly” is when I heard the song by “Weezer”. For some reason it made me wonder who he was. When I first heard his music, I was amazed on how unique it sounded. Not just for that time period, but now. Buddy Holly songs are brilliant and timeless. He had such an amazing beginning as an artist, yet a tragic end as well.

Buddy Holly is mostly recognized for his thick horn rimmed glasses and is considered by many to be one of the founding fathers of “rock 'n roll”. He was born Charles Hardin Holley on September 7th 1936 in Lubbock, Texas. From an early age Buddy Holly like many musicians expressed a love for music. Family singing was frequent. When Buddy was young he learned to play the violin and the piano, although he discovered a preference for the guitar.

In 1957 with the help of some friends he formed “The Crickets” Which consisted of Niki Sullivan, Jerry Allison, Joe B. Maudlin and of course Buddy Holly. Buddy was the guitarist and vocalist. Among the songs they recorded was a lively version of "That'll Be the Day," which ended up being one of his most famous songs.

In 1958 Buddy Holly met Maria Elena Santiago a receptionist for a New York City, music publisher. He proposed to her on there first dinner date. On August 15 1958 two weeks after they met they were married.

Buddy Holly went on to have a solo career, in which he sang the hit “Peggy Sue” in 1958 It was originally called Cindy Lou after his 2 year old cousin. At the time his drummer Jerry Allison was dating “Peggy Sue Gerron” they had just had an argument. Figuring a song named after her would impress her; Allison asked if the title could be changed. Buddy bet that if he could drum the whole song doing “paradiddles” (the fast beat) that he would change the song. Buddy didn’t expect he could, but Allison did, the song and “rock & roll” was changed forever.

In 1959Buddy Holly toured with “Ritchie Valens”, “Dion and the Belmont’s” and “The Big Bopper” as part of the “Winter Dance Party”. The Bus they were traveling on kept breaking down. Buddy charted a four seat plane to take two members of his band, so they could get some rest and a good night sleep. However each of them got separate requests by “Ritchie Valens” and “The Big Bopper” to give up there seat instead. On February 3rd 1959, Everyone on board died, Buddy Holly was only 22 years old at the time.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I am a doodoo head

You know you’re bored and do not want to do an assignment when: You use Yahoo Babel Fish to translate “I am doodoo head” in five different languages.

French: Je suis un chef de doo de doo

German: Ich bin ein doo doo Kopf

Portuguese: Eu sou uma cabeça do doo do doo

Dutch: Ik ben een hoofd van doodoo

Italian: Sono una testa di doo di doo

Spanish: Soy una cabeza del doo del doo

It also interesting to note that when I translated Chris, Amy and Antonia’s names into Spanish the translation stayed the same but my name Melissa is Toronjil. Its quite fun to check out, see for yourself.

I’ve decided to do a Carol story completely in French…

Mélisse: Flamingos sont rose parce qu'ils mangent de la crevette.
Hymne de louange: Aucun ils sont roses en raison de la pollution et de l'eau rose potable.
Hymne de louange: Pourquoi parlons-nous en français ?
Mélisse: Puisque c'est amusement à parler en français
Hymne de louange: Aucun ce n'est pas nous sont non français anglais... vous nous voient habiter au Québec ?
Mélisse: Aucun mais le Canada est bilingue et il est utile de parler cette langue propice
Hymne de louange: Seulement Jean Luc Picard parle français, parce que sa langue morte
Mélisse: J'ai pensé que vous avez détesté tenez le premier rôle le voyage ?
Hymne de louange: Oui mais moi ne peut pas l'observer parce que je suis gros
Mélisse: Ceci n'a rien à vous faire avec votre poids tête de doodoo
Hymne de louange: Je ne suis pas un chef de doodoo Secoue le poing dans la colère
Essais de mélisse pour changer le sujet.
Mélisse: Votre nom signifie le Hymne de l'éloge en français
Hymne de louange: Mon nom n'est pas français... votre nom est de fille étrange retardée en français tellement là !

And now for the translated version:

Carol: Why are we speaking in French?
Melissa: Because it is fun to speak in French.
Carol: Nooo we’re English not French do you see us living in Quebec?
Melissa: No but Canada is bilingual and it is useful to speak this auspicious language
Carol: Only Jean Luc Picard speaks French, because it’s a dead language
Melissa: I thought that you hated Star Trek?
Carol: Yes but I cannot watch it because I am fat
Melissa: This has nothing to do with your weight you’re a doodoo head
Carol: I’m not a doodoo head. Shakes fist in anger
Melissa tries to change the subject.
Melissa: You’re name means Anthem of Praise in French
Carol: My name is not French... your name is retarded weird girl in French so there!

I also saw Multimedia Guy today, but I was too chicken to talk to him so I decided I shall remain a silent observer. If I can’t talk to him he certainly isn’t worth my while. And that’s all that happened today besides my boring class at uni.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Flaming Pink Flamingos Favour Futurama

Me: Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp.
Carol: Noooo…they’re pink because of pollution and drinking pink water.

If I could describe the day in one word it would be boring. Lately I am obsessed with decoding words of the Alien alphabet on Futurama. Also my mom sent me the exact same post card twice. I also made amends with a long time enemy, my inner demons.

This joke you are about to read reminds me of a conversation with Louie…You know the one where it doesn’t matter if you eat healthy your going to die anyway one.

This Is Heaven
An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercising.
When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi.As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost."It's free," St. Peter replied. "This is Heaven."
Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home bordered. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"
St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free."Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine’s of the world laid out.
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part--you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is, after all, Heaven."
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly.St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Another Carol story:
The reason for these stories Chris and I come up with them everyday. This is one we came up with today.

Carol and I are walking through a nature reserve, we walk past dozens of trees.
Me: Hey Carol did you know that trees are the oldest living thing on the planet.
Carol: Noooo trees aren’t living.
Me: Yes they are they breathe in Carbon dioxide and convert it into oxygen.
Carol: Don’t be silly things don’t breathe in Carbon dioxide.
Me: With out trees we would not be able to survive, we would have no air to breathe.
Carol: I don’t see trees saving my life and to prove it I will stand out in the middle of this highway.
Me: No Carol! You’ll get your self killed. I close my eyes in fear.
A logging truck comes by on the highway it swerves to get out of Carols way. A log rolls off, stopping all the cars, causing a 20 car pile up, smokes billows up from the wreckage.
Carol: Wow! Melissa you’re right.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

A mere over exaggeration by the foot

Me: Hey Carol interesting fact your feet are bigger in the afternoon than at any other time of the day.
Carol: Nooooo feet are the same size all the time. You’re just jealous because I have small feet and your feet are bigger because you’re taller than me and I am fat.
Me: Carol this has nothing to do with being fat.
Carol: Then how do you explain this? Shows her ankles. See look I have kankles because I am fat.
Me: Why because I am 173 cm and you are 124 cm. Obviously you would have smaller feet then me. If I had your size feet I would fall over or be unable to walk. Your proportionate to your weight. There is nothing to worry about.
Carol: Frowns….explain height in English please.
Me: You mean metric.
Carol: Metric doesn’t exist the Greek made it up and now it’s extinct like the buffalo.
Me: OK Buffalo aren’t extinct. umm…should I explain it in Imperial then?
Carol: What does these have to do with royalty?
Me: It doesn’t. I was referring to a different measurement system, it’s the one Americans use.
Carol: Well how tall am I?
Me: sighs I suppose that would make me 5 foot 7 inches and you 4 foot 10 inches.
Carol: Are you saying your better than because you’re taller
Me: No it’s only a 49 cm difference
Carol: English please…I thought you were an English professional, why are you talking all un smart on me.
Me: Umm 1 foot six inches taller than you.
Carol: A whole foot long…that’s like a Subway sub…except they’re better for you than McDonalds and they don’t make you fat.
Me: Well Carol it bit more than a foot. It’s a foot and a half and bit
Carol: Noooo there is not such thing as a foot long sub an a half.
Me: So do you want Subway?
Carol: Noooo I’d rather have KFC Canadian Fried Chicken.
Me: Carol Canada starts with a “C”
Carol: Noooo not in Greek it doesn’t
Me: Its Greece.
Carol: What are you saying Canada is covered in Greece? You’re stupid.
Me: No you’re stupid.
Carol: That’s it I’m not talking to you anymore. She turns around, folds her arms and pouts.

Yes it is true. I am a foot and half and a bit taller than Carol and she does have kankles. (Sorry Carol) And unfortunately Carol has a preoccupation with her weight. (Again sorry Carol)I must mention this important fact: Carol isn’t really this stupid, although she can be that stubborn. This could be an exaggerated version of her. Chris pointed out yesterday that I might have the habit of over exaggerating people. It is true. I think I do. I romanticize their characteristics and blow them out of proportion. It is also true as Amy mentioned, that I must be homesick, but I don’t really miss any one in particular.

Today was an OK day. I went to work and that’s it I went to work…that pretty interesting. I also came home and slept for four hours so now its 11 pm at night and I am wide awake and I have uni tomorrow. The End.