I want to know why?

Today a sermon about Gods love at church really made me think. Actually it kind of pissed me off. The premise (using the story of Lazarus) was pain and how it shows you, you need Jesus. Pain shakes up your life so you realise you need to depend on him because humans are self-centred bastards who would rather do things by themselves then ask God for help. So God makes us suffer because he loves us and he wants us to see that? Why would a loving God want people to suffer?

It made me think of how my brother suffers so much. Recently he broke his foot and had to have surgery on it. He now has Osteoporosis added to his ever alarming list of problems. If God loves all of us why would he allow someone to have so many disabilities and barriers? Where was God when my brother was born? Why does my family have to stand by and watch him suffer? If this is God’s will then it royally sucks! It’s not fair damn I am not blaming Him, I am just wondering…. I don’t even know if my brother even has a relationship with Jesus or knows about Him because he can’t communicate it to me. And Christians some wonder how some can become Atheists!

I asked two people at church today and my mom not one could answer my question properly to my satisfaction.

1. Just looked at me blankly almost confused and finally after a couple of awkward seconds said “some questions you can’t answer. It’s not fair but its life.” Pfft! Mind I think if I asked around some more this would be a common one.
2. The second one compared my brother to the Chilean mine rescue of 30 and the horrible earthquake in the same country which killed 300. So basically Tony is on the 300 side. Seriously?
3. My mom said this God gave my brother a high pain threshold because he knew he’d be in a lot of pain. She doesn’t blame God either. Nice answer Hev-Lady seeing as you didn’t answer my damn question.

Here is what I think. Maybe Tony is the way he is because when they are around him they’re filled with goodness my brother has (That’s not to say he doesn’t have any darkness in his personality because believe me he does). You can see the good side of humanity, people’s compassion, the ability to look past all the medical labels and see a person who brings joy and makes them laugh. He is a treasure underneath all the pain. However, why does he have to have so much hardship in order to see these things? I see a 20 year-old guy a work, a cocky, moody, self absorbed regular guy and I think, that should have, could have been my brother, (minus the cocky self absorbed bit :P). I guess I won’t be able to properly answer this question, but it doesn’t mean I don’t or still won’t think I about it.

P.S. I nearly dropped the f-bomb in front of two little kids whilst I was discussing last week’s power outage.

Returning to my love

It feels good to be back! By that I mean behind my computer or with my notebook, with words again. I think I abandoned them, but it really isn’t possible because I use words every day, I think this applies to everyone.

A friend Sam-Lady (whom I haven’t written about in a while. She was a flatmate from which seems like eons ago who was harassed by a fire breathing rat-faced poo-head named Elise-Woman! Rah! Yes, yes, yes, I am using the mean words again but if you ever met her and got on this persons bad side…) said to me three words.

“You should write!”

I agree. I should but I don’t. It occurred to me I haven’t written a proper story for about four years. I have all these ideas swimming around in my head, I write them down but I don’t take it to the level the counts. I don’t turn it into what the idea is supposed to be, a story. Not to mention I haven’t been writing so processing my thoughts has gone down hill. A friend at work, I’ll call her Chip (because she is so chipper :P) even noticed I wasn’t myself, wondering if perhaps I am letting my new job get to me. On the contrary I find it very amusing. (More on that in a minute) The thing is I haven’t been writing and it’s depressing me. I forced myself to write some of my story Fizzy Lemonade, the sequel to Song of the Superheroes (which I started almost 3 years ago). I had the joy in my heart that I hadn’t felt in donkey’s ages. I have troubles concentrating like I used too but I tried.

People fascinate me I see some people around town that I could base characters off. For instance:

The morbidly obese guy who rides the bus: He takes up a whole row of seats. He has dirty blonde hair which looks like it hasn’t been washed in months; a scruffy beard, has a cane with a skull on it and is always wearing a leather jacket. Yesterday I saw him wearing a black velour cape. He could be a bus pirate. :P

Then there is the adorable tiny Asian woman: who coincidentally rides the bus too. She wears her pants practically up to her arm pits with bright pink socks. She like me always has her back pack. It’s forest green. It looks so heavy that it might send her flying backwards if she wasn’t holding on to something.

I should write more often, enough said.

Chapter 10 of Fizzy Lemonade is ready to read too. :)

P.S. I made orange flavoured sugar cookies and I grated the knuckle of my thumb whilst collecting orange zest only to find out my roommate was allergic to oranges.