Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Farwell Amy Aussie. My favourite Aussie Animal

Do you think dreams can predict the future? This may sound odd but, I dreamt two nights ago that I watched Amy leave from my back door. This morning I did just that and she was wearing the exact same clothing. She was wearing a purple sweater. I hope Amy isn’t mad at me for not coming.

I am horrible I was supposed to come and see her off to the airport but, sadly I slept in. So I was only able to give her a hug good bye this morning. She looked really happy. Now I have to wait to see her in September. Now I am stuck with Joan. Screams! Ha ha ha just kidding!

I love Koala’s here are some of many pictures I have taken of them.










Koalas remind me about Adventure Joe... read about him here.

I eat off my floor. Superman is my hero

For two days in a row… Joan has woken me up in the early morning. It was all about pie. Today I was fortunate…Joan came over yesterday wanting me to try out a piece of her lemon pie that she had made. I was half asleep. I dropped a piece on the floor and she still made me eat it. It’s safe to say I swept and mopped my floor after this incident. Since I lately I have been so found of the script format I shall share this with you.

Joan: Mel…lissa… Are you a awake? Come on walk up. I know your home….
Me: Who is it?
Me thinking: Obviously its Joan…Who else says my name Mel and then issa in attempt to correct themselves. Pretend you’r estill asleep why you have a chance. Not again!
Joan: It’s me Jo…. Melissa! Starts to whine while she says my name.
Me: I’m coming!
I open the door. Joan dressed to the nines as always, stand at my door with a white plate, complete with a tiny little sliver of pie.
Joan: do you want to try my pie. I am giving a piece to everyone I bugged yesterday in order to make it.
Thinks back to Yesterday… Ah yes the whisk you wished to have.
Me: OK thank you Joan.
Me thinking: I am tired… I don’t want pie now. I’ll try it later and give her plate back when I am done.
She stands there looking rather excited… obviously she wants me to try it.
Joan: Try it is tastes really lovely. I was able to borrow a beater from someone else.
Me thinking: I wonder how many more residents she bugged?
Me: OK I just woke up. I am going to make some coffee.
I turn on the kettle, the water starts to boil.
Joan: babbles on about the pie she made. I found this recipe on the internet… and its wonderful I think I am going to keep this recipe. It was nice as. The other one I tried didn’t work out at all.
Me thinking: Pretend to sound interested… must have coffee… COFFEE!
Me: I see….
I turn around from the kettle… the piece of pie slips of the plate… landing on the floor.
Me: Whoops!..
Note this was seriously accidental and I did intend on trying the pie.
Joan: Oh no!
I pick it off the ground. The pie battered and smooched.
Me: I guess I have to throw it out.
Joan: Looks kind of upset.
Me thinking: I trust my floor so I will eat it. I have been mean to Joan enough lately.
Me: I can eat it. My floor is not that dirty. Even thought it’s kind of gross to eat off a floor.
Me thinking: Ewww…. It hasn’t been swept or mopped in months. I don’t eat off the floor unless I am desperate.
Joan: Looks happier. OK… I eat off my floor all the time, when I drop stuff. And believe me, you should see my floor. Laughs her annoying high pitched laugh. Don’t worry it’s not disgusting. Lots of people do it.
Me thinking: It appears I will be one of them.
Me: OK….
I grab the pie swallow it up as quickly as I can…I clean off her plate and dry it for her. It tastes good.
Joan: It was good wasn’t it… what did you think of the lemon?
Me: It was good.
Me thinking: I think I tasted dust… bleh. But the lemon filling tasted good. My aunt makes better pie than you. Mwhahahahahaha!
Joan: Well I must be going… I have pie to give to others.
Me: OK see you later.
Me thinking: Get lost already… hopefully no else drops their piece on the floor. Ah Joan you are a character.

Note to Amy: I told my mom, that you said she was the “coolest Canadian mum ever.” She told me to tell you thank you. My mom was curious on why you thought so.

Last night I finally finished the movie Amy, Chris, Antonia and I filmed almost three weeks ago. It’s a silent film with subtitles… and Beethoven is the musical background. At the end I used a song by Buddy Holly. It’s really cool.

Have you ever had one of those days? The ones that is completely uneventful. That’s what it has been like since Monday. Nothing interesting has happened. Yet its not necessarily a bad thing. It’s been relaxing. I’ve been able to write a lot.

I am excited Superman has opened in theatres… I really want to see it.

I don’t like Superman because he is the ultimate hero. He reminds me of the Greek mythological hero, for instance Hercules, strong, invincible to anything, unbreakable. I like Superman because its something my brother and I shared as an interest. I remember when he was 10 and I was 17, my mom bought him the set of Superman movies. He loved them. He even thought he could fly. He tried to jump of the stairs outside and wore a towel as a cape. I also like Superman because although he is unable to be wounded he still has the human qualities of love, hate and anger. Superman was also created by Canadian Joe Shuster, and his friend Jerry Sigel. It is said that Lois Lane was modelled after Shuster’s wife. The imagination and the inner turmoil of the character is something that interests me but….

I don’t like the Superman story, or at least part of it, because it confuses me on why Lois Lane never figures out that Clark Kent and Superman are the same person. I mean all that is different is Superman has a part in his hair on the opposite side of his head and wears a ridiculous blue spandex and a red cape. Clark Kent has glasses. If Lois Lane is such a news hound and so intelligent why hasn’t she figured it out yet. Superman is confident and heroic. Clark Kent is a shy bumbling fool. Either way the same man is in love with Lois. Lois doesn’t even give Clark a chance. It’s unfair because only the audience knows of the double identities. I also noticed how Superman will do an incredible amount of damage while rescuing someone of fighting the villain, yet his not made to repair or reimburse for his actions. This just goes to show I think too much about stuff.

I feel like a charity case. I have been without my friends for awhile. Not that I am not enjoying it. It gives me time to write my stories and collect my thoughts. The manager of where I live, Evelyn invited me to come to the Botanic Gardens with her, and her adopted grandchildren. I felt like a tag along. It wasn’t that bad really. I took my camera and the one of the kids was annoyed with me because I took to many pictures and the other kept telling me which pictures to take and how I should and shouldn’t take them. I felt like telling them to f off but that wouldn’t be appropriate or nice and well their kids. They grow out of the annoyingness, hopefully.

I finished my story for Chris. You can read it here. Chris is the coolest. When I first met him he mentioned Alanis Morissette because I am Canadian and she is his idol. I still don’t understand why. I kind of wanted to be his friend because he seemed really interesting. If it wasn’t for Amy inviting him to McDonalds over a month ago, I don’t think we would be friends like we are now and if I never approached Amy and talked about Bollywood I might never have gone to McDonalds with them. It’s like a chain reaction or like Newtons Law, for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.

Note to Chris: Hopefully you read my blog. I wrote this story for you out of friendship. It’s different then the story I wrote for Amy because you’re not going away and because it’s slightly more vulgar and weird. Take note of the inside jokes. Hint, hint, wink, wink.

I am kind of sad. Amy is leaving for Canberra tomorrow. In fact I think I had a dream about it. It started off weird. My mom and brother were at my house here in Australia. My mom was really depressed and upset. She started to threaten that she was going to leave because the back yard, the front yard, the living room, the kitchen, you name it was trashed in my house because of my brother. They finally left. But when I looked out my door it was Amy leaving instead.

Monday, June 26, 2006

You're so Chris and Amy.. I bet you think this post is about you

Our Adventure as We See It

Conversations between Carol and I…. discussing her visit in February and what would happen if I were still in Canada. This is a guestimation of what was said. I miss my friend.

Carol: With all the time differences. When I come to your house I might just fall asleep on the floor until you start poking me with a stick.
Me: Wake up!
Carol: Carol you awake? Kick kick, nudge nudge, poke poke.
Me: Smack, smack.
Carol: Continues poking…
Me: Carol are you awake?
Carol: Owwwww Melissa!
Carol: I’m tired give me a piggy back ride. But you say the hell with that, walk yourself, damned you!
Me: I’ll make you a make shift stretcher.
Carol: What’s a make shift stretcher? (This is not to make Carol sound dumb….she actually did ask this. I thought it was funny.)
Me: Its something used to carry people on. I’ll hook it to the back of my bike and carry you around.
Carol: Cool
Me: Yes yes it is.
Carol: Faster Melissa Faster.
Me: No I can’t its too much work.
Carol: Faster *cracks whip!*
Me: Ow ow stop Carol… this is harder than it looks
Carol: FASTER! Cracks whip again.
Me: Oh no the whip Owe it hurts stop it Carol. Ahahahaahahahahahah!
Carol: Ahahaahahahahahah FASTER!
Me: Better yet… I will find you a kangaroo.
Me: I will be like here Carol, hop a roo.
Carol: Or maybe you will get me a wallaby and I will name it Wally. Carol has a thing for wallabies.

Its 3p.m. my time and 11p.m. Carol’s time, I am bored as I can think of nothing else to say or do. When I remember…

Me: if it were 3 p.m. and I was back home I would ask you to do something.
Me: pretending I am back home…Carol lets do something! *shakes fist angrily*
Carol: Yeah I know I am bored.
Me: Me too.
Carol: I miss you Melissa *cries wipes tear from eye*
Me: Awhhhh Carol you want a Kleenex? *hands one to friend.*
Carol: Thank you… *blows nose in most disgusting way in order to gross out friend.*
Me: Ewww…. *Suggests friend go to doctor to clear out nasal passages.*
Carol: Carol is to poor to see a doctor.
Me: Fine I demand doctor sees friend for free.

I added more pictures to my walls in my room… I have a Great Keppel wall, an Australia wall, a Canada wall and a wall of contradiction. Yesterday: Sadly I didn’t tested my bike out yet or mail off postcards meant to go my Mom and Grandma in Eastern Canada.

Today I rode my bike it works so much better now. I was able to go up hills no problem. I wonder if it’s psychological or I actually could make it up those hills better. Anyways I finally mailed the post cards to my rellies (relatives.) The post offices are weird here. In Canada, when you come to mail stuff at post office they will put it in the bin for you behind the counter here in Australia they make you post it yourself.

The tale of the three Grandma’s

Ah yes my Grandma in Eastern Canada… I call her my British Nanny. I don’t think she knows that either. She is my blood related Grandma. I have three Grandmas a step Grandma, who I call my gram…but not to her face. Never call my gram granny. She says it makes her feel old. She gets very angry. And finally my adopted Grandma, who I call grandma, but I feel awkward in doing so, I think it’s because she is my brothers Grandma and I am only related by marriage. She looks like an actual stereotypical grandma. She has white hair, wears and apron and cooks really good food. Both my adopted grandma and step grandma live in Western Canada. Now thanks to me you can stalk all three of them.

You're so Chris I bet you think this post is about you

I finally finished my Wild Will story about Chris… It’s really weird. It is littered with more inside jokes. Its also slightly more vulgar, because I know Chris would get it more. I haven’t typed it up yet thought. If not I will post it in my story blog. I have this thing where I have to write it on paper first then type it up. I figured since I wrote a story for Amy I should write one for Chris. Perhaps I will even write one about Antonia. It won’t be a Wild Will story, maybe about her coming to Australia from Hong Kong and how she meets her new friends… an eccentric Australian, a down to earth Australian and a shy, yet outgoing Canadian. Hmmm… that’s a good idea. The reason for a non Wild Will story: I am not sure she would appreciate the humour. Ah yes and Carol too… she doesn’t understand Wild Will either… so I guess I will think of something else.

I remember when I asked Chris what I should name Amy’s Wild Will Story…We were at McDonalds on our last day with Antonia…it was a sad day, but a good day all at the same time. It suddenly occurred to me how I wrote my brother stories for Christmas. So I thought I should write Amy one since she was going away. Meanwhile we are signing Amy’s going away card with out Amy’s knowledge. Although Amy is smart enough to know that something was up.

Me: Should I write a Wild Will Story for Amy?
Chris: Sure sure (imitating Antonia, in case you are wondering Antonia has a way of saying sure that is unique.)

Sometime after… I started my story. I was attempting to come up with an idea of the story. Which at this point was about Amy, who wants to be a Bollywood Star but needs an Bollywood name. I got to the part where I was giving Amy a new name. I couldn’t remember the Indian name Amy liked… The rest of the story is as follows… she calls Wild Will, a rottweiler, who with the help of John a rather giant man and a koala named Adventure Joe, help her come up with one. Meanwhile Chris has gone kind of crazy because he hasn’t had his daily dose of caffeine. I do nothing in this story of real importance.

I yet again called on Chris.

Me: Hey do you remember the Indian name she gave her self I am writing her a story?
Chris: I think its Aishwarya…
Me: That’s what I thought.
Me: Wow that was a normal answer… I thought it would be something weird.

Little did I know what he would say next…

Later on…

I needed as name for my story, something to call it. So I yet again asked Chris… his suggestions were partially helpful or somewhat odd actually.

Me: Chris my story for Amy is finished. I just need a title. Any ideas?
Chris: Vagina and the Amy if not how about You’re so Amy?
Me thinking: Ah I don’t think that first title will work. I think Amy would be shocked if I called it that.
Me: Hmm I guess…it’s about Amy, she is in search of Bollywood name, a man named Raul and I said she was a lesbian fire fighter.
Chris: Cool

It has a rather long name but, it works to an extent I think. I ended up calling the story: In search of the perfect Bollywood name: You’re so Amy I bet you think this story is about you! So all though his answer is a little on the weird side, it helped in the long run. Amy ended up being very touched by the story or merely maybe it was the gesture of writing her a story. Amy told me that Wild Will is her cult figure. Ah I am so proud.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Multimedia Guy, Indian Curry and more…”Let me capture a snap!” I'll tell you about my day.

I am holding my friend Carol to her plans to come to Australia. So I made a banner. Don’t be surprised if you see it on my blog every time I post. Mwhahahahahaha! There escaping it Carol. Hopefully she reads my blog. I would rather be bugged by Carol than anyone else in the world, including Chris and Amy of course.


Anyways I was reading my new book One Hundred Ways to Say I Love You. It’s a good bye message. I thought it was really beautiful. My opinion on love has changed from reading this book, because I had it in my mind it was the Hollywood view of love, you know the sappy romance, where boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they fall in love, they live happily ever after. I have come to the conclusion that love is more deep than that. I believe it can include more than just a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, but can reach as far as family, including the dog or cat, friends, whether you meet them when your young or old and maybe even people you have never met yet. It’s not that there degrees of love just different ways comes about. Its hard to explain.

Shake hands, we shall never be friends,
all over;
I only vex you the more I try.
All’s wrong that ever I’ve ever done or said,
And nought to help it In this dull head;
Shake hands, here’s luck, goodbye.
But if you come to a road where
Danger
Or guilt of anguish or shame’s to
Share,
Be good to the lad that loves you true
And the soul that was born to die for
You,
And whistle and I’ll be there.


Alfred Edward Houseman
1859-1936

A Multimedia of things to tell….P.S. Wild Will Rocks Amy’s Socks.

I was awoken at 8:50 this morning. The reason: Joan was looking for a whisk. She was making lemon pie. She wanted to know if I had an electric beater, I told her Louie might have one, but she may not want me to lend it out without her permission. I also upset Joan because I accidentally told her about Amy’s farewell party. She wasn’t invited because Amy’s parents don’t like Joan. I felt really bad. I guess that’s what happens when you are still half asleep. What an interesting start to my day.

So I decided to stay up seeing as it was 9 a.m. much too late to go back to bed. I called call my grandparents at a decent hour. It was only 4 p.m. their time. I always forget and call them at 3 p.m. my time which is like 10 p.m. their time, much too late for grandmas and grandpas. Ha ha just kidding. I called them to let them know I had a job. Anyways, here is proof, my grandparents want me to get married.

Me: Hi Grandpa, I have good news for you.
Grandpa: Really what is it?
Me: I have a job now.
Grandpa: Oh I thought it would have been you’re getting married.
Me thinking: What the hell? I have only been here four months.

My bikes been fixed. Yay! It works better than when I first got it. I finally found someone to help me repair it today. His name is Lindsay he is one the complex managers. I thought I had fixed on Saturday but, it went back to its previous condition, not to mention the seat came right off the bike, just before I got to work. Now the seat is higher and the tires are fuller of air. I plan to take my bike for a test drive to the post office. The funny thing is I was trying out my bike with out my shoes earlier and I stubbed my toe. It was only because I pushed on the breaks to quickly and because my sandals kept calling off my feet. It hurt, now I have battle scars to add to the others since I have been in Australia. It wasn’t as bad as the sunburn I got in April mind you. It was then Lindsay educated me on proper ways of breaking and stopping with my bike. I felt kind of silly because I didn’t know this.

Yesterday was also my first day of work. I work at Express Subs and Sushi. It went really well I had what I call a Murphy’s Law day, where everything went wrong, except it happened before and I started work. I slept in, left later than I should have and on the way there my bike fell apart. I almost clipped a curb because the drivers in Rockhampton are terrible, don’t worry they just as bad as where I used to live in Canada. I also felt sick the whole way there. But once I started everything went perfectly smooth. It was really weird, I never messed up at all. The only thing was nervous because after all it was my first day. It was cool I learnt to make sushi, including the rice used to make it. I was even allowed to try a piece. It tasted really good. I think it started off well because they showed me how to do dishes, which I think anyone can do. Its sweet they have a dishwasher. McDonalds and Burger King, where I sadly used to work, I had to wash it all by hand. I like my new job more because it’s not a structured as my old ones it has a local feeling to it. It’s special because it’s not a giant corporate chain.

Last night Amy and I went yet again to see another friend, Romey, along with her friends Becky and Lisa. We had curry again, it was just right. It wasn’t spicy, and it wasn’t too weak. I was full, and they kept giving us food. We watched Romey’s sisters Indian wedding. It was really beautiful. Then we watched a Bollywood film called Dhoom. It was a cool, it was an action film, but they had singing and dancing as usual. I thought the actors and actresses were gorgeous.

I also saw my friend Muzzy, which is merely a nickname. Amy reckons that he likes me. I like him, but I don’t like him. It’s hard to explain. It was fun talking to him because he has been to Canada and we could talk about Canada stuff and no one had any idea what we were talking about. Muzzy the last time I had seen him died his hair flaming red, this time it was purple with blue tips. I think his hair might fall out. When the others took pictures, which Romey called it “capturing a snap.” Muzzy made a point to put his arm around me. It felt really awkward. Romey also made Amy mad because she says he was trying to hit on Lisa, which I think is totally crossing the line.


And now for a brief interlude…. some pictures or shall I say, some snaps.




This is Amy and Kumar at her good by party.


That’s tops….


Miss Monkey face…

Oooohh I am actually smiling.

Amy and Romey.
And now the story continues…P.S Wild Will

The previous night I went with my friend Amy to see our friend Kumar, his nick name is Rocky, because he used to box when he was younger. It was fun, we had chicken curry and listened to Indian music and just talked about stuff.

I made the mistake of rambling on about an Aussie guy I kind of sort of like. My friends and have nick named him Multimedia Guy, because I was dumb and didn’t ask his name I can’t seem to talk to him, it’s so stupid. Multimedia guy is really cool and I when I try to talk to him I feel embarrassed and awkward. In fact he isn’t in Multimedia he is in IT, but taking the same Multimedia class as me. It’s a core subject, meaning we both had to take the rotten class. I am going to try and hunt him down next term. So I can at least find out his name and stop calling Multimedia Guy. Amy and I were going to do that together, but she is going to Canberra.

For example this happened a month ago, after a Multimedia lab.

Multimedia Guy: Is it busy in there?(referring to last tutorial a lot of students are preparing for the evil third assignment) He is drinking coffee. He he I like coffee.
Me: Yeah…mumbles a little
Me thinking: Duh. Note to Melissa say something constructive and non stupid. Don’t mumble.
Multimedia Guy: Oh rightio
Me: squinting because I came out a dark building the sun was in my eyes. I haven’t said anything stupid yet.
Me thinking: Damn sun argh! Say something don’t just stand there looking at him.
Long exaggerated silence.
Me thinking: Ah what awkward silence.
Me: The sun is sure bright. Its burning my eyes probably because I came out of the dark building.
Multimedia Guy: says nothing, but kind of grins. Hopefully he thought I was just being shy or said something weird on account of brain drain, due to ridiculously hard assignments.
Me thinking: Idiot! I am getting the hell out of here before I embarrass myself anymore.
I walk a way feeling really annoyed with myself.

That’s what happened pathetic isn’t it. I am doomed. I can’t seem to talk to the male species it’s really frustrating. As soon as I think I kind of sort of like someone or almost kind of sort of like them, I get fumble mouth and proceed to say something totally obvious or ridiculous. It’s not fair! I told my friends about it, they laughed. As they should it is well deserved. I think I am going be celibate and eventually be a nun, a journalist nun.

Perhaps I will ask for Chris’s help. On second thought no I won’t he will probably say something weird, such as this imaginary conversation in the event that I find him again.

Multimedia Guy: How’s it going?
Me: Going good
Me possibly thinking: Let’s try to say something comprehensible here.
Me: This is my friend Chris.
Chris: Hello Multimedia Guy.
Me: Smiles awkwardly.
Me thinking: Urgh if only I knew his name.
Multimedia Guy: Oh rightio. Probably wonders why Chris called him Multimedia Guy. My name is ….
Me possibly thinking: Yay I know his name. Note to self tell Amy…
Chris: Melissa wants to make sweet, sweet love to you!
Extremely awkward silence
Me: Blushes uncontrollably. I run away and avoid Multimedia Guy for life. Curse you Chris!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Eventhough there far away parents still know how to embarrass their children.. Just kidding I love you Mom! The Rest of My day

My mom may be far away, across the Pacific Ocean, but she can still embarrass me. She posted my baby pictures online in her blog for the whole entire world to see. I was shocked. I told Carol who was online at the time. She reacted with laughter.

Mom’s explanation

Me: Why did you post my baby pictures?
Mom: For my friends…there wasn’t any bad pictures
Mom: I can take them off then
Me: I know I just think its funny that’s all
Mom: Well I posted some of your brothers too
Me: Well that’s fair
Mom: Haven’t finished yet
Me: thinking: err… OK what’s next hopefully it isn’t my pictures from Grade 3 embarrassing
Mom: Well this way too honey if you wanted to show your friends pics of you when you were younger.
Me: Ah cool
Me: Sorry I didn't upset you did I?
Mom: no, I thought I upset you
Me: No I was just shocked is all
Mom: Lol okay
Mom:I omitted the one where your butt naked at the beach when you were three.
Me thinking: Thank you mom, wouldn’t want some perve getting his jollies from naked picture of me
Me: I was like what my mom posted my baby pictures.. I found it funny really

Carols reaction:

Me: Oh no my mom posted my baby pictures on her blog.
Carol: Ahahahaahhaha let me see so I can laugh some more.
Me: Noooooo!
I show her the blog.
Carol: You know you weren’t bad looking baby.
Me: Thank you.
Me: My Mom likes to embarrass me.
Carol: Yes, yes she does… hahaahahahah your mom is hilarious
Me: Yes, yes she is, of all the embarrassing things she could do.

This next conversation is proof that my mom likes to embarrass me. The first one was unintentional… this one was meant for laughs.

Sometime later….still looking at my moms blog, she posted pictures that I took in Australia. Justin and Joan have arrived. Shudders… just kidding

Me: Justin and Joan are here in the computer lab... there wondering how you got pictures of them lol
Me thinking: Justin and Joan are to dumb to figure out that maybe I gave her the pictures…
Mom: lol I am sneaky
Mom: Did they want them off.
Me thinking: Who cares? Leave them on mwhahahaahahaa
Me: No
Me: Justin said he was just wondering
Mom: Tell him I sent a spy camera over in your luggage and it stuck in your glasses too and its so small no one can see it
Me: He laughed
Me: It worked....(the pictures)
Mom: lol
Me:How dare you install it in my glasses you stalker
Mom: tell him I’m SERIOUS
Me:OK... I will I just did
Justin: (turns to me) I am reading what your mum said you don’t have to repeat it to me.
Me thinking: … excuse me? This is a private conversation. I wish Wild Will was real.(I had no idea he was reading it behind me.)
Mom: Nope just got to make sure you don’t have unsolicited sex while abroad..lol
Me: thinking: Oh… mom you have embarrassed me enough today. On a good note Justin and Joan are leaving. Mom is my hero after all. Who needs Wild Will.

The Rest of the last of the best....P.S Wild Will

Yesterday I was so bored… I decided to write myself a letter. I even drew the stamp on the envelope. I placed it outside at the from mail box. The reason for this… I haven’t been getting any mail for the past few days, so the managers of where I live told me to write myself a letter. They made fun of me because they didn’t think I would actually do it. I decided to write down my goals.

I have good news I got the job I applied for at Subs and Sushi. My friend Carol in Canada said, she thought I would be the “last person she thought would work at a sushi place.” Its pretty sweet. I start tomorrow at 11 a.m. There are no buses tomorrow; I was worried that I wouldn’t get there because the seat of my bike was gibbled. Luckily, today I thought to take some thing heavy and bash it back into place. I took one of Louie’s cooking pots. I am lucky I didn’t reck the pot. Louie never has to know. Mwhahahahahaha! Now I have a way to get there. It takes some of the pressure off. I am actually not as nervous about the job as I thought I would be, I think it’s because I have experience in the food industry. I remember the teachers at school telling me I don’t belong in this field, but it doesn’t really bother me, a job is a job.

My friend Carol is coming to visit me in Australia in February Yay! We’re going to cruise around Australia for a couple of weeks and if possible maybe even go to Japan. I saved the messenger conversation. So it is in writing. I’ll call it the …A.E.S.M Distance Friends Oath. I am holding it to her. I told her be positive and say she is coming to visit, not that she plans too come and visit.

Last night, I went to Amy’s good bye party, or should I say good luck party. I think it is funny she is going away to Canberra and she has a big party, not that she didn’t deserve it. I went to Australia and I there was nothing, but I guess I can count the dinner my Aunt made before I left. My Aunty Melodye’s is the best cook ever. I miss her cooking.

Today I went shopping with Amy and her friends Becky and Lisa. It was fun I guess. Becky and Lisa are really into clothing. They looked at like five or six fashion stores, with clothing that is way expensive. It started to get tiresome, but it wasn’t a bad thing. I went to Big W, which is kind of like Wal-Mart in Canada. I bought my brother a Harry Potter pencil case. I liked it so much I bought one for myself. It’s a pain in the butt to open though. I probably shouldn’t have got it. I also bought some really nice black pants for work at K-Mart.

I also found a little book called One Hundred Way to Say I Love You. Its not stomach turning sayings either. They are really sweet and sentimental ones.

For example:
“If ‘tis love to wish your near,To tremble when the wind I hear,Because at sea you floating rove;If of you to dream at night,To languish when you’re out of sight,If this be loving, then I love.- Charles Dibdin 1745-1814

Thursday, June 22, 2006

My Boring day... the tower of coke...

The Leaning Tower of Coke

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
The pictures were taken at the mall on Monday. Chris and Kate thought it would be funny to make a tower out of coke cans.


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Chris and Kates Dangerous Liaisons Impression, it's hillarious.
The Dilly on the Day

I spent my day reading and lazing about. See I am boring…I am currently reading Memoirs of Geisha. I started in February and I haven’t read it since April, but I can’t leave a book unfinished. I still remember a lot of it so it’s all good. I changed my mind.

Currently I am writing another Wild Will Story. It’s a sequel or perhaps a continuation of the story I wrote for Amy. It’s really weird, as usual and it’s littered with inside jokes. I also wrote part of another story I am writing.

I asked my friend Becky if she wanted to join the A.E.S.M.. She said she wasn’t sure. She asked what the A.E.S.M does. I said I didn’t know. What does the A.E.S.M. do? I should ask my friends.

I have this strange idea. I want to save all pop cans and bottles and go to South Australia to recycle them because it’s the only state in Australia that gives money to recycle them. I just wanted to something silly while I was here, that way I could remember it more and get a few laughs because if you think about it my idea trey bizarre.

I talked to my Grandma online today, yet again she asked me about the time. Why does it matter to her so much? The good news is my Grandpa is feeling better so they are coming to Australia in September. Also I found out my uncle might be moving to Australia. He has been getting job offers to be a truckie and drive road trains. I hope he does then it will give me an excuse visit him.

I talked to my mom the last couple of days. She seems to be doing well. My brother is in the special Olympics. He is playing soccer. My brother Tony has cerebral palsy. I miss him a lot. I asked my Grandma to bring him when they come to Australia but, she said no. Figures!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Too tired too walk, too tired to find a chair.. my pictorial post...

A day at the mall... a way to defy the norms that restrict us. Just kidding.... My mom will probably think my friends are weird. It was funny because the security guard came soon after I took a pile of photos. It was funny because people barely noticed what we were doing. I still can't believe I did it.




This is me.I look happy don't I? I have this bad habit of not smiling for the camera.

Amy, Chris and Kate, the guy standing beside them is Chris as well. I call him the other Chris. It looks like he is making a mental note never to associate with us in public again.




Peace out!

Thats Tops!



© Melissa Canadian 2006

A three day update.... boringness guaranteed

Sunday:
Lets see Sunday went well. I had a good day. The story I was writing, was for my friend Amy. I was going to wait till Monday when Chris gave Amy her going away present, but I decided to show it to her early. Amy loved the story. It was a Wild Story. It was littered with inside jokes. That only Amy, Chris and I would understand. I think my next story will be for Chris. Read here
Amy and I went to see our Indian friends Raj and Yogi. Raj invited us for dinner. The only thing is he never told us it was a birthday party. There were nine Indians and two girls, the two girls being Amy and I. We had Indian food, which consisted of curry, rice and flat bread. It was spicy. I felt like my mouth was on fire. Amy seemed to like it more than me. Through out the night Raj kept trying to offer me a beer. I said no three times. It was funny.

They also had a lecturer over from the IT program at the uni. He kept singing “Oh Canada.” I think he was trying to get me to sing it too. And once again I was asked why I choose Australia. I first said “I am sick of people asking me” but then I realized it was a bit rude. So I added. “I think it was for the experience.”

I never told Yogi Amy like him because Amy changed her mind. Thank goodness. It would have been really awkward. The strange thing is when Yogi came in the room I felt excited for her. She can never see anything bad about Yogi. Well, they do say love is blind. No offence Amy.

Monday:
I spent the day with my friends Amy and Chris and Chris’s friend Kate. We went to the shopping fare (mall). It was fun, because we ended up siting in the middle of the floor in a heavy traffic area until the security guard came to up to us. We ended up seeing the same security guard four times.

I bought my brother Tony a State of Origin t-shirt. Ah but what is the state of origin you ask? Actually I might have said in previous entries but, basically it’s a rugby match between the Australian states of Queensland, the Maroons and New South Whales, the Blues. They play three matches every year. It is the best out of three. I had to buy him a maroon coloured shirt because Amy said she would seriously disown me as a friend. I think that was a joke. I hope… My brother looks better in blue, but its cases like these that colour matters. Perhaps I should go buy him a blue one when Amy’s not looking… ha ha just kidding. But then again, I mentioned this to Louie today and she said it didn’t matter which colour shirt I got because I am not from Queensland. I am neutral because I am from Canada.

The four of us were going to make another movie but, Amy had to go home early. Ah the fun… we have. I ended up watching Chris and Kate do there version of Dangerous Liaisons. It was funny.

Amy ran into Joan but she didn’t want to tell her that we were hanging out with Chris. Chris, who she calls CK is her friend as well but, it’s a different friendship than me. You see I think she likes Chris because, she likes the idea of having a gay friend. I like Chris because he is a writer and we can talk about writer stuff that I don’t think many people would understand. His sexuality has nothing to do with my friendship with him. I think that’s important. I don’t want to label. Unfortunately, I think I have already done that in some case. I am going to try not to do that from now on.

Tuesday:
It was raining I don’t mind the rain, but the only problem is you get really wet. I had a job interview. Yay! I had to take the bus because of the weather, otherwise I would have walked. The bus drivers were grouchy. The interview went good. I hope I get the job. The owner seemed really nice. He is South Korean, but he had an Aussie accent. It was a Korean accent mixed with an Aussie accent. That’s the best way to explain it. He was really nice he gave me a lift home because of the rain. He said they would look forward to working with me and that he likes my Canadian accent, but they’ll call me. Back home that means sorry we’re not interested.

Today a.k.a. Wednesday:
Anyways so far my day has gone well. I went with my flatmate Louie on our fort nightly shopping trip. (Fortnightly means every two weeks.) We usually go every Wednesday. I bought some post cards for my mom and grandma. I also bought two books, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and Shadow of the Giant. Shadow of the Giant was written by the same guy who wrote Enders Game. So I am sure it will be good. The only thing is that this book is the end of the series, but I remember my aunt and uncle saying that each book is a separate story and you could start anywhere. I think I will ask them about it again. If so I will try to find the rest of the series. I am jealous of authors and novelists; they can create such wonderful brilliant stories. I hope one day I can do that.

Ah Louie, whose real name is Louise, my flatmate… she now has 285 movies. She has three shelves full of them and their all alphabetized. It’s awesome because she lets me borrow them. Her movie taste is almost simular to mine. There are a few movies that I don’t like. I think I hit the jackpot when I moved into the unit I did. Louie is awesome. She came here to and took me shopping today and she didn’t even have too. I told her thank you that I wanted to pay for petrol but, she said “That’s OK I don’t mind. I had to come into town anyways.” Not to mention letting me watch all her movies and use her dishes because I don’t have any of my own. I really did luck out. I wish there was some way to show my appreciation.

I found out why I am having troubles getting a job. In Australia, they have different rates of pay based on age. Those 21 and over are more expensive labour. Also, employers are more likely to choose their own over a foreigner and there are work restrictions on my visa. I am only allowed to work 20 hours a week and full time hours between semester breaks. If I am meant to get this job I will. If I am not, then I am not, simple as that.

Weird Conversations between Chris and me….Part 1 of a billion

This is Chris...

Chris and I have bizarre conversations from time to time. These are some of many. I love talking to him. One minute we can have a silly conversation, then before you know it we can have an in depth conversation. These are the silly ones.

This was the night we went to the Bird Cage bar. We were walking in the dark and I mentioned how it was like horror movie scene. Joan is my old flatmate. There is a joke between my friends and I that I don't like her.

Chris: Oh no its Freddy Krueger!
Me: Oh no
Chris: Oh no its Chucky
Me: Whoooo Chucky, Hey look its Jason
Chris: and there is Michael Myers
Me: Ahhh…
Chris: Oh look there is Joan
Me: Ahhh…. (pretends to run away.)
Chris: Yes and she is suspended in mid air. (Strikes a pose) And appears from behind a bush.
Me: Yes and she says (Mocks Joan’s high pitched voice) Hi Mel. I mean sorry Melissa.
Chris: She is holding a large knife and she says (imitates Joan’s high voice) you want brownies? She is actually holding a pan of brownies.
Me: No thanks.
Chris: Look there is Kin Wai and he is holding spatula and he says (imitates Kin Wai )Want Pizza?
Me:Oh look there is Chris and he says “meat pie”
Chris: Nooninooninooninoo!

This came about when Chris, Antonia, Kinwai and I were at McDonalds one night. This is not meant as offence to Gandhi.

Chris: I want to make sweet, sweet love to Gandhi.
Me: Well Gandhi doesn’t want to make sweet, sweet love to you.
Chris: Well Gandhi can go fuck herself.

This is from a text message conversation we had…I am not sure if toximopological help is even real and I have no idea which political opinions he wanted. The gist of it was Amy and him wanted to hang out with me..

Chris: Hi Gandhi we want you to come to the refec because we need your political opinions.
Me: Sure but is the bus running today? I was told it was holiday. If so I’ll be there by 12.
Chris: Stay where you are help is on the way.
Me: OK whose help am I receiving? And which kind, mental or physical help?
Chris: You’re receiving toximopological help from Christ on Calvary

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

My predictions for Aussie....Sadly they were nothing like I thought they were.

Ah yes I found the column I wrote last last year for college. I showed it to my friend Chris. He thought it was funny. This is my predictions for Australia.
Learning to Speak Australian

Next year in February, I am going to Australia. It was the song The Land Down Under by Men at Work, the bitterly cold winter and the stress of college life that are inspiring me to do this.

Australia is a long ways away from home and to make a journey of such socio-cultural proportions, not wanting to go overseas unprepared, I am learning to speak Australian.

Alternatively I should say Oz is a back of bourke from the Canadian hinterland and to learn the ways of the Land Down Under, I am going learn to speak Oz.

Now, you may have heard some Aussie phrases such as, G’day mate, or barbie as in barbeque or no worries. So for the fun of it I have decided to share with you some of the colourful Aussie lingo I have learned.

Aussie: I want to be a journo, so I am leaving my oldies, my rellies and my mates behind, to attend uni.

Here: Now that I have decided to be a journalist, I am leaving my parents, relatives and friends behind to go attend university.

Aussie: I will yabber with the banana benders in the warm sunny state of state of Queensland. I will take a James Cook around Brizzie, and surf the Gold Coast. Crikey! I need to buy me some sunnies and some cozzies.

Here: I will meet the fellow residents in the state of Queensland. It won’t be long before I will be touring the sites of Brisbane and surfing on the Gold Coast. All I need now are sunglasses and a swim suit.

Aussie: My relo’s say good onya, while my mate says I have a few kangaroos lose in the top paddock, that, I don’t know Christmas from Bourke Street. That dill hasn’t got a brass razzo of how to spell.

Here: My family supports my decision, but one friend of mine gives me the impression that I am not the brightest crayon in the box, that the light is on but know one is home. This advice is from someone who can’t even spell. It’s spelt pretty, not pritty, sentence, not scintance. Enough said.

Aussie: My mate says don’t go because I have no moolah, it is going to cost big bikkies. Stuff that, no drama I am goin’.

Here: My friend figures that I shouldn’t go because I have money and it is expensive. Darn it anyways this will be a never ending conundrum, Melissa versus money. Who cares as the Oz, say no worries!

Aussie: If I my hopes were decided by heaps of moolah, I would still be in Lethbridge having a blue with her about whether, Oz has provinces or states or if them blokes Down Under are dodgy. All her yabbering is furphy.

Here: If I defined my dream by money, I would still be in Lethbridge having an argument with her about whether Australia has provinces or states, or if Aussie men are sleazy, enough with the false tales already.

Aussie: A bluey is a bluey is a bluey. Hey, look at that bluey over there! Ouch! Call a doctor I just stepped on a bluey.

Here: I would rather be wondering what an Aussie means when he or she says bluey, which could mean, pack equipment, a traffic ticket, a person with red hair, a Australian Blue Cattle Dog, a heavy wool or felt jacket worn by mining and construction workers or a bluebottle jellyfish.

Aussie: My mate big-note’s oneself too often. I would rather hope a roo. Hearing her yawn on about herself is not my bowl of rice. I say lets throw a shrimp on the barbie before I chunder. Everyone bog in, except for my mate she already full, full of herself.

Here: My friend thinks too highly of herself. In Australia I would call her a figjam, an unpleasant nickname for someone who full oneself. I would rather eat mouldy turkey than listen to her talk about herself.

Aussie: I think I am being meaner than cat piss. Maybe she’s upset because she doesn’t stand buckleys of going to the lucky country.

Here: Yeah I am being a bit mean to her. Maybe she is just envious because she can’t go to Australia.

Aussie: She is a bodgy blundger. Why she is being such a wakka? Who cares what that sheila thinks, no worries mate! She’s a greenie and by that I don’t mean an environmentalist.

Here: I have no patience for her envious notions. This is when I discount her oblivious uneducated observations. She is a green crayon. This explains the green I have been seeing lately.

Aussie: You’re a battler. You’re cluey, as cunning as a dunny rat. Be your own sheila, be your own bloke and don’t give up on your dreams. She’ll be apples.

Here: All dreams take hard work, if you want something bad enough it will happen. Don’t let negative people bring you down. You’re clever, smart. Stand out in the box full of crayons. Every thing will turn out in the end. It will be alright.

© Melissa Canadian 2006

Saturday, June 17, 2006

The fun never stops, except when friends leave. Just look at the little toe? It’s "the Weekend"

On Friday I had this story idea in my head all day and it is drove me crazy. I kept forgetting to write it down, so I thought about it all day in hopes I wouldn't forget it. It’s under wraps and secret. I am not telling.

Yesterday was a good day, yet sad at the same time. Antonia left today. She loved her going away present. She started to cry as soon as she saw it. Amy and Chris wrote her letters. I didn’t I felt bad for it because I probably should have written one. I bought her a card though and had all her friends sign it. We also went to the McDonalds where we first met as a group. It was kind of cool. Amy bought me lunch, so I bought her a sundae. I feel like I am mooching off of her, because I say I don’t want to buy anything because I am an international student, so I am trying to be careful with money. So she will offer to “shout” for me. This means to cover the costs. I am not that bad off yet. I am just really paranoid when it comes to money. I just hope Amy doesn’t think I think I say it to get free meals because I am not.

Lots of other stuff happened too. On the way to McDonalds we walked by a cemetery, in which I was asked if I wanted to be buried or cremated. I am not really one to talk about death. But Amy brought up the point that I am going to have to do it one day… that’s a scary thought. For instance Kin Wai insisted that you can tell a pure Chinese person by their little toe. What the? He explained it but I still don’t understand how.

I thought it was funny, when Antonia said I was normal because I went to bed at 11 or 12 at night and Amy goes to bed at 10 at night. Yes and I am normal because I sleep in till 11 and Amy wakes up at 6 in the morning. Amy and I are so much alike yet so different. She is pleasant and lovely and I am cynical and sarcastic, what a combination.
Antonia said that I will be the first to be married. Amy, Antonia and I are all supposed to go to each others wedding.

I might finally have a job. Amy’s friend Sophie got promoted to manager of a sub and sushi place. I gave her my resume. Apparently she had me in mind. Wow I guess it is a good idea to share embarrassing history about McDonalds and Burger King. I really hope I get the job. I need one. There is a music store hiring but, if I want a ride there I had to be up by 8:30 a.m. The unit manager where I live offered to take me there. I think I will tell my friend Chris about it. He is a music fiend.

I never got up at half past eight. I slept in till 9:15 so much for job hunting. I might as well be a poor international student. It was nice of her to offer to take me and then I totally sleep in. What else is sad is I went back to sleep till 2 p.m. It must have been all the walking we did yesterday.

Tomorrow I am going to dinner at my East Indian friends Raj and Yogi’s house with Amy. It is “the weekend.” Amy has a crush on Yogi and she wants me to tell him for her. It feels kind of awkward. Her reasoning is if Yogi says he doesn’t like her back, then she can stop crushing on him. It’s funny watching her talk about him. On Wednesday, when Amy, Chris and I were at Hungry Jacks, she got all giddy and excited. I remember the days when I had crushes. Except I never ever told anyone.

A story for my friend.

Amy Ausi- My first Aussie Friend :)

This picture was taken at the Japanese Gardens on Easter. She is always ragging on me how I choose ugly pictures... I hope I used an OK one this time. I did some editing on my computer. Yes I am aware that I spelt approved wrong.

I wrote my friend Amy a story. It is weird, but it’s a memento to the A.E.S.M. Only my friends would know, because it is laced with inside jokes, Russian Canadian, lesbian firefighter, etc. Its a Wild Will story. I haven’t thought of a proper title yet. I asked Chris but it was vulgar and inappropriate, as always. It’s a good thing he is my friend or I would hit him. His suggestion was Vagina an Amy or You're so Amy. I picked the second one.

I have always noticed that my stories have a story behind it? Well this one does too. Sometimes even the characters have stories behind it. I wrote this story for Amy as a going away present. I wrote stories for my brother for Christmas; this is how I thought about writing her one. I like to write people a story because I feel it’s a way of giving a piece of me, as my stories are a big part of myself. I glad she is my friend.. I think was somehow inspired me to talk about Bollywood, to Amy when I first met her because it’s not something I usually talk about

Amy: Best of luck in Canberra and quite spamming my blog. Just kidding! Oh and you're right Chris does bring out the weirdness in me. .Let me know what you think. I might just write you another story. A non-Wild Will story and you can be Indian and marry a guy named Raul. I’ll be the eccentric cynic and you will be the lovely optimist. Enjoy the story.

P.S Wild Will

Read the story in my blog Adorkable tales

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The best way to confuse and Aussie is...

40 Signs That You May Be Canadian:

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba,it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
12. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has Ever had sex and don't want to know if he has!
13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
16. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
17. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
18. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
19. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
20. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
21. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
22. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
23. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
24. You participated in "Participaction".
25. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
26. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
27. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.
28. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
29. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize"and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensiveeducation in bilingual cereal packaging.
30. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
31. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
32. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
33. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
34. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
35. You know what a toque is.
36. You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
37. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
38. You know Toronto is not a province.
39. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
40. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.

I showed this list to my Aussie friend Chris, which consequently confused him… This also inspired me to show him the Sharon, Lois and Bram opus, in which I then explained The Elephant Show and the song that goes with it. I grew up watching this show. Oh yes and Casey and Finnegan were from the show Mr. Dress Up. This inspired us to talk about old childhood shows. We also discussed dream analysis, but that’s another story.

And the rest of the day went like this…

I got up early to go hang out with my friends. I showed them the movie I was making. I thought it was crap, they thought it was creative and wonderful. Ah by the way this movie has taken up a lot of space on my computer. When I am done it will be put on a disc. I also had my student loan papers signed. I need them or I shall be un enrolled an in violation of my student visa, which means they could send me packing. Not good. I don’t think that will happen though.

Amy, Chris and I are getting Antonia a good bye present. She is from Hong Kong and is soon returning home. Amy bought her something “Australian” which happened to be a koala toy. Chris bought a picture frame. I am supplying the picture and the card. I am going to miss Antonia.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

When do you throw out that bar of soap?

Rove McManus and my search for understanding of Aussie humour...

I want to go to Melbourne, because I want to meet Rove McManus and ask him to explain to me why he is funny and what he has against Kiwis (People from New Zealand) I mean sometimes he is funny, but other times I don’t get it. Maybe it’s the Aussie humour?

But now it seems that it was already explained to me by my friend Amy. Aussies make fun of Kiwis because New Zealand is like their little sister and they tease them. I also noticed a rivalry when it comes to sports, mainly rugby… But I’ll explain that some other day.

In case you’re wondering I am talking about a weekly late night talk show called Rove Live, which kind of resembles the daily late night shows of Jay Leno and David Letterman style, but not really. He does the monologue, talks to his buddy Pete, which is simular to Conan O’Brian Late Night and he does a segment called “What The” which is kind of like Headlines from Jay Leno’s the Tonight show on Monday nights.

Last week weeks show he went on and on about how June, 6 2006 was 666 and how unlucky it is, how people from New Zealand have lisps, not to mention attempting to get Jennifer Aniston’s baseball cap back. I also wonder do guests on the show eat the M&Ms he has on set. Are they even real? Oh wells at least he isn’t on about Merkins still. Frick he went on about that for three or four weeks. Merkins are like toupees for the nether regions. I don’t see how that is funny.

Last night he made out with an ash tray, which he called a “pash tray,” made for those who miss their lovers “dirty kisses.” It was disgusting. He had ashes in his mouth. Pash is an Aussie term for French kissing, an open mouth kiss, a long and passionate kiss, you get it. He also made fun of Germany, reinforcing stereotypes, while managing to dress like a woman. According to Rove and Pete, Germans only eat sausages. He then had a staged sumo fight with the host from Wheel of Fortune, the Australian version, not the American one. Yes there are two different versions. It’s the same exact thing except the money sections on the wheel have less money on them. It only goes up to $500 and they don’t ask to buy vowel they just ask for it and are automatically charged for it. Sorry… about that distracting side note. Anyways he also put money into his Harrison Ford Swear Jar, because he said asses in front of 12-year-old soccer player.

On a good note he mentioned Canada last night. Canadian Idol was featured as part of the week’s “awkward TV moment” someone auditioning for the show broke wind. Poor Canadian girl if only she knew that this was seen in Australia and a loud eccentric Aussie TV host plus mates, made fun of her.

I wonder what good old Rove will do next Tuesday? Will he fire himself out a cannon get hyper off of stale m&ms, make fun of the Queen again?

You know what would be great? To get my mom to tape Royal Canadian Air Farce, mail it to Rove and say… this stuff is funny where I am from, watch and learn some Canadian humour. Not that Aussie humour is bad. I sometimes feel like writing to his help desk and asking him a stupid question. Like an anonymous person last night did. “When do you know to throw out a bar of soap?” I don’t know. When? Roves answer: “When it becomes smaller than the pubic hair you are washing it with or when you get paper cuts.” Ewww....

Monday, June 12, 2006

The tale of the awesome weekend - Lonely horses and those six white boomers

Saturday:
I had my friends over for the day. It was raining hard the perfect day to hang out. Chris brought the movie Carrie over to watch it was great. We ate fattening foods and just talked. Then we started goofing off. We used my digital camera to film a short movie. It was improv. It was fun and weird. It started off with Antonia coming out of the fridge, me disappearing, Antonia being poisoned from drinking poison lemonade to Chris being the murder. We also just talked about stuff. I am going to miss my friends we can talk about anything. Chris also helped me with my screenplay that I want to write. He says its sounds interesting, that it could be an art house or independent film.

Sunday:
Amy stayed over after the sleep over. We watched Kill Bill Vol. 1. I thought it was gruesome, but in an artistic way. Amy loved it, she thought it was original. We spent a lot of the day talking. We also went for a walk to find the horse that lives near my place, but he was mysteriously absent. Amy says I am obsessed with the horse.

Ah yes the horse that lives down the street. I find this odd because there is this horse that lives on a suburban street. He is all by himself he looks lonely and sad. I love horses. I wonder what its name is. At one time I wanted to be a veterinarian. There is too much science involved so I think I will marry one instead.

I love animals. I remember being fascinated by the animals in Australia. My favourite song at Christmas is Six White Boomers. I would always wait to hear it on the radio. I miss those days. This year will be my first Australian Christmas.

Friday, June 09, 2006

The typewriter goes Nooninooninoo. If I have a kid it will be named Melissa... if its a boy

Here is a summary of the last couple of days.

Thursday night I went the show with Amy, Chris, Antonia and Kin Wai. It was great. The show was fun, I took heaps of photos. We didn’t go on any rides we just walked around. It was still fun though. I feel like I have known Chris and Amy for years. Antonia and Kin Wai (I hope I spelt his name right) are cool too, Amy Chris and I walked to fast so we had to stop for them for another time. Kin Wai really likes Antonia, but she doesn’t like him back. It’s a shame because they look perfect together. There were also fireworks and lots of happy people. I filmed the fireworks on my camera. Also what I call cotton candy, the Aussies call fairy floss. I like that name better.

My friend Chris says the funniest things: We were waiting for Antonia to get pizza after the show, when all of a sudden he said. “When I have a kid I’ll name it Melissa… if it’s a boy.” Everyone burst out laughing. If anyone else said it, I think it would be different. Chris made me laugh so hard I cried. He kept pulling me hair and saying “curly, straight, curly, straight.” He says he is an attention hog. I think he is the personality type that automatically brings the attention. I like him a lot. I took lots of photos. Chris must think I am obsessed with him.

Yesterday I slept in till 2p.m. I really shouldn’t do that. I hate sleeping in because it feels like I waste my day away. I did nothing constructive, except maybe debate on what to wear .

Last night Chris, Antonia, Kin Wai and I went to the bird cage bar at the uni. Amy couldn’t go because she got in trouble for staying out to late the night before. I wondered why, but then it occurred to me that she is 17 and still liable to get in trouble with her folks. Oh wells I took photos for her. I also met Chris’s mom, she is nice. He looks like her. Anyways I thought it was funny, when she said she thought that everyone in Canada spoke both French and English because where were a “two language country.” The only other Aussie to ask me that was my flatmate Louie. I know some French but not fluently. I wish I did though.Chris and I arrived early so we decided to go to the college res to find Antonia and Kin Wai. We got lost. It was then that I pointed out that it was like one of those scenes from a horror movie. So Chris and I decided to talk about stuff they would talk about right before being killed. It was funny. He said it reminded him of the Simpson’s episode where about Bart and Sideshow Bob.

We eventually headed back, and they were waiting for us. Poor Chris he had to be breathalysed in order to come in because he is still a minor or as the security guard said “blow in the bag.” Them Aussies are clever with their words aren’t they? I felt bad for him so I bought him some a jug of Coke, also for the others as well. It lasted a minute and just filled up four glasses for each of my friends. It cost $5 too, what a rip off. They sure know how to bleed students dry. We didn’t stay long at the Bird Cage because we felt out of place. Chris said we looked like the characters from Napoleon Dynamite. He decided that we should be called N-Dynamos.

We then went to McDonalds, where Chris helped my finish my mocha frappe. Nooninooninoo! Chris started it this expression. That’s all we said last night. It was fun, but it felt weird without Amy. Chris and Antonia agreed, usually it’s the four of us or Antonia, Amy and I or Chris, Amy and I. There has been only one other time when there was no Amy and that was in the last week of classes, where Chris, Antonia and I went with the other Chris to Subway. Ah yes the other Chris, I don’t know much about him, he wears glasses and he has blonde hair. It’s cool because he has been to Canada. If I ever mention him again, he’ll be Chris who has gone to Canada. No just kidding.

The evolution of ethics... Media Ethics Essay

Ethics are a part of humanity. They evolved through out the centuries not just with society its self but in journalism as well. Media ethics is a topic highly debated between the people who rely on the media and journalists who deliver the information. The invention of the printing press in the 15th century, the presence of the penny press the 19th century, to the information, technology, business driven age of the 20th and now, Media ethics are important reflection of the profession of journalism in what they stand for and what they do.

Ethics are principals of human conduct and are sometimes called morals. The study of this is called moral philosophy. Ethics has been studied by philosophers for centuries, from the earliest philosophers Confucius in China, to Plato and Aristotle in Greece over 25000 years ago, to British 19th Century philosopher John Stuart Mills and 20th Century American philosopher John Rawls (Hurst & White 1994). To attempt to find a ‘universal prescription’ for human behaviour Anthropologists have studies small scale societies ethical systems (Hirst & Patching).

Information exchange has characterized all human societies, even prehistoric ones. The western-style press we know today would not be possible with out Johann Gutenberg’s invention of the printing press in the 15th century (Hurts & White 1994). in which he printed copies of the bible, calling it the Gutenberg Bible, the first book known to be printed with moveable metal.

Several centuries’ later news covering and gathering, which modern readers could recognize as newspapers had evolved. The evolution of the western-style press goes with philosophical developments.

Western philosophy started with the Greeks who were genuinely concerned with ‘goodness’ and ‘righteousness.’ One of the prominent Greek philosophers was Aristotle. He proposed the natural law theory, which actions should be directed towards goals (Hurst & White 1994). Aristotle also developed the Golden Mean which means ethical conduct or moral virtue is a mean or a middle ground between two extremes (Hirst & Patching 2005).

The words “good”, “bad” “rights” “duties” and “obligations are not specifically part of media ethics but rather part of the reasoning in moral philosophy. (Hurst & White 1994) Ethical thought varies between systems, the ‘descriptive method’ which describes situations and ‘lays out facts for out consideration’ and the ‘normative’ define what is good and bad and codify a list of rules to stand by. The media code of ethics could be considered normative as they set out rules of what is right and wrong (Hirst & Patching 2005).

The Penny Press, which created when Benjamin Day in 1833, dominated American journalism in the 1800s. It started when Day, published the first edition of the New York Sun. His paper was filled with reports of local crime and violence, human interest stories and entertainment pieces. It sold for just one penny. These papers changed the role of newspapers in society (Schiller 1981).

This marked the beginning of Yellow Journalism a term used in 1896 to describe the practice of William Randolph Hearst of the New York Journal and Joseph Pulitzer of the New York World and their sensationalist approach to the news, using catchy headlines and bold photography. Many newspaper readers regarded Yellow Journalism as unethical (Carberry 2005).

However, Pulitzer believed the day was lost if the newspaper didn’t feature a public service. He encouraged the practice of accurate reporting and sloppy reporting. In the 1930s journalists started using a formula which incorporated a clear concise straight news story. This was the start of journalism today also called New Journalism (Canberry 2005).

Journalists’ ethical principals cause conflict between journalists and the public. For example invasion of privacy or imposing on a grieving family after the loss of a loved one could be seen by the public as unethical behaviour. A journalist would justify this by bringing in the principle of the publics right to know. A clause in the MEAA states ‘only substantial advancement of the public interest or risk of substantial harm to people allows any standard to be overridden’ (Media Alliance Code of Ethics 1999).

Because of the negativity associated with journalism, professionals in the media are convinced that written codes are a necessary. (Rubin 1978)During the 1920s ethical codes evolved around the Western world. The U.S. press began to codify the principals of the journalism profession. (Hurst & White)In 1923 the American Society of Newspaper journalists adopted a professional code, “the cannons of journalism.”(Thompson 1978) While Australia had its first media code of ethics published in 1927 by the New South Whales Country Press Association. 1927 (Hurst & White 1994)

Demands for improved ethical standards among Australian journalists have been a focus for journalists. In the early 1900s newspapers gave readers details of where they can lodge complaints with the press. In 1992.changes to the Australian Broadcasting Act gave the television industry responsibility of devising codes of practice on news and current affairs programs. The Australian Press council decided to announce its actions to the public. The MEAA journalists’ section decided to review the structure of the judiciary committees which regulate the code of ethics. (Hurst & White 1994)

A code aims to influence the actions of professionals. It code can give a reason for a person to decide one action over the other. (Ethics In Journalism 1997) It gives professionals a sense of belonging. It gives them the ability to define and redefine themselves, telling them who and what they are. A code of ethics serves as a description for others. It describes their purpose, standards, and values. Others may use it to understand the profession and for expectations, debate it, assess it and consider any privileges or obligations of the profession. (Ethics In Journalism 1997)

Journalistic codes are different depending on countries and organizations; however, they have common elements, such as fairness, objectivity honesty, public accountability and accuracy.

For example the MEAA states, respect for truth and the public's right to information are fundamental principles of journalism. (Media Alliance Code of Ethics 1999) The Canadian Association of Journalists (CAJ) aims to promote excellence in the practice of the craft of journalism, and considers the privilege and duty to report the truth and serve the public interest. (Canadian Association of Journalists Statement of Principles 2002) The SPJ believes public enlightenment is the forerunner of democracy and justice.

Different to Australia in terms of an ethics code is India. The Press Council in India was at one time expected to devise a code of ethics for journalists and newspapers; however, a code acceptable to all has not been made so far. (Mehta 1979)

The Indian Press Council did set up guidelines for the conduct of newspapers. (Mehta 1979) For example, news involving death or crime is to be reported, with restraint and is to be strictly objective and news that aids in ‘peace and harmony’, and contributes in ‘restoration and maintenance of law and order’ is to be given prominence. (Code of Ethics of Various Journalists' Unions in Asia, n.d.)

Journalistic codes declare at least some of the standards by which we want to judge ourselves and our peers. They also show those outside the profession the kinds of actions we applaud and those we condemn. said Lou Hodge, chair of the concurrent review of the U.S. Society of Professional Journalists. (Ethics In Journalism 1997 p. 1)

A code of ethics and self regulation are features of a profession. However, there is a debate whether journalism is a craft rather than a profession, as journalist does not perform the same functions a lawyer or a doctor does. Journalists don’t need a licence, education, or any professional certification to become a journalist, although many now a days do have tertiary degrees (Ethics in Journalism 1997).

The code was ethics was seen by the Australian Journalists Association (AJA) 1984 review committee as ‘a statement by members to the public of the ethical considerations which will guide them in their activities on behalf of keeping the public informed,’ (Ethics In Journalism 1997 p. 2).

A reporter’s independence is the key to ethical standards (Rubin 1978). The Australian Press Council states, self regulation works because the industry is committed to it. It provides a system committed to high ethical standards (Australian Press Council 2004).

The journalists’ section of the MEEA judiciary system of journalists is the oldest form of regulation. The AJA administers the 10 point code of ethics. Each Australian state has a AJA judiciary committee, which is made of elected union members. Anyone can lodge a complaint against member for conduct that falls under the codes clauses (Hurst & White 1994)
A code of ethics cannot guarantee ethical journalism, only the journalist can (Ethics In Journalism 1997). Ethical standards will continue to change in journalism and society. Understand the philosophical aspects are important to understanding ethics today. Ethical codes are important as code describes what a journalist is and what they do.

References

Australian Press Council 2004, Benefits of Self Regulation, viewed 13 April 2006
http://www.presscouncil.org.au/pcsite/about/benefits.html

Canadian Association of Journalists, 2002 Canadian Association of Journalists Statement of Principles, viewed 20, April 2006 http://www.caj.ca/principles/principles-statement-2002.htm

Carberry, B 2005 ‘The Revolution in Journalism with an Emphasis on the 1960’s and 1970’s’ Yale-New Haven Teachers Institute, viewed 20, April 2006, http://www.yale.edu/ynhti/curriculum/units/1983/4/83.04.05.x.html
Code of Ethics of Various Journalists' Unions in Asia nd , All India Newspaper Editors' Conference: Code of Ethics for the Press in Reporting and Commenting on Communal Incidents Adopted in 1968, viewed 13 April 2006 http://www.medialaw.com.sg/ethics/jcode.htm#india

Ethics Review Committee, Media Entertainment and Arts Alliance, Australian Journalists’ Association Section 1997, Ethics in Journalism, Melbourne University Press, Melbourne

Hirst M. & Patching R 2005, Journalism Ethics: Facts and Cases, Oxford University Press, Melbourne

Hurst, J & White S 1994, Ethics and the Australian News Media, Macmillan Education Australia Ltd, Melbourne

Media, Arts and Entertainment Alliance 1999, Media Alliance Code of Ethics, viewed 13 April 2006 http://www.alliance.org.au/hot/ethicscode.htm

Mehta, D. 1979 Mass Communication and Journalism in India, Allied Publishers Private Limited, New Delhi, India.

Rubin B, J 1978, ‘The Search For Media Ethics in Rubin R 1978(ed) Questioning Media Ethics, Praeger Publishers, New York,

Schiller, D 1981, Objectivity and the News: The Public and the Rise of Commercial Journalism, University of Pennsylvania Press, Philadelphia, United States.

Society of Professional Journalists, 1996 Code of Ethics, viewed 20, April 2006, http://www.spj.org/ethics_code.asp

Thompson, J 1978, ‘Journalistic Ethics: Some Probing by a Media Keeper’ in Rubin B 1978(ed) Questioning Media Ethics, Praeger Publishers, New York,

The decision for my blog....hmm... AESM? What is it?

A Brief Interlude

I know this is blog is meant for my adventures Down Under, so I though I would share my essays that I have done for my classes here. It could be my adventures in writing as well. Ha ha just kidding. Don’t worry I will have a separate post on my day. But I am debating on this because I already wrote everything today in my journal. Anyways learning how to reference essays here in Oz is different than back home. They're more strick here.

The AESM


Amy, Chris, Antonia and I created the AESM (The Alien Ethnic Society and Melissa) My Aussie friends Chris and Amy came up with it, the reason is Chris is Eurasian, Amy is Italian…actually she is part South Sea Islander I think, Antonia is from Hong Kong and I am from Canada.

Here are the rules as made by me:

1. This is the most important rule: Friends are first always. This principle out ways all guidelines
2. Joan is not allowed into the AESM, under no circumstances, if allowed in. It shall be called AESEM Alien Ethnic Society Excluding Melissa. Posters shall be made to accompany this rule. (I’ll explain the Joan situation later.)
3. Martians are ok, they can join anytime
4. “Eh” is a Canadian word :)
5. Believe in the principles set forth by Ghandi, looking up on him and his life is essential.
6. Learn the secret handshake and goodbye salute, which is currently in the developmental stages
7. Being a distant member is allowed, but keeping in contact with you ASEM friends while abroad is very important or you will be deemed an inactive member. No like them. Mwhahahaha!
8. Bollywood is an excellent form of entertainment
9. You must like Alanis Morrissette or at least some of her songs.
10. Wild Will is Melissa’s imaginary dog hero. You must not make fun of this, you must also read all stories Melissa has written about him. (I am actually kidding about this one)


Thursday, June 08, 2006

A threat to journalism - a essay on convergence.

I wrote this for class in college last year, I though that the issue of convergence still has relevance and I wanted to share this short essay with you.

Convergence is the concentration of and cross ownership of more than one media. This is a topic heavily debated by reporters and media owners alike.
There is an increase of concern about a monopoly of ideas and the lack of the variety of voices in the media, including, newspapers, radio, and television.
Some reporters argue that increased ownership will affect the foundation of democracy in which it stands.
Owners defend concentrated ownership by sayings it’s the only way Canadian press can survive in the new global economy.
Convergence has been an issue and has been officially debated since 1969 by the Royal Commission on Newspapers, headed by Senator Keith Davey.
By the late 1960s three newspaper chains, Thomson Newspapers Co. Ltd., Southam Inc. and Financial Post Publications controlled almost 50 per cent of Canada's English daily newspapers, which was an increase of 25 per cent since1958. These growing concentrations of ownership lead to the commission.
It is a debate that continues to grow, not only in Canada but in other countries around the world.
Recently CanWest announced it would sell its some or all of its Ten Network holdings, which are television and radio stations, to Fairfax Digital, a newspaper chain in Australia. This has sparked cross ownerships concerns there as well.
Aug. 27, 1980, is often referred to as "Black Wednesday" to the Canadian newspaper world. Two of Canada's oldest newspapers were shut down, the Winnipeg Tribune, owned by Southam and the Ottawa Journal, owned by Thomson.
Their closer allowed for monopoly in their markets and sparked national outrage. This lead to the Kent Commission headed by Senator Tom Kent.
Kent proposed the Canada Newspaper Act, which was aimed at controlling media concentration and cross ownership of newspapers in the same market.
How will convergence affect the working journalist? Perhaps the pressing issues of cross ownership, or the marriage between the print media and the electronic media.
For example, the merging of newsrooms, a reporter files a story for CTV news and the same day ends up writing the same piece for The Globe and Mail. Both are owned by Bell Globemedia
Charles Wright, director of VTV News at Six said, "I can see a time in the not too distant future when you won’t say print journalist anymore. The word 'print' won’t be part of it — it’ll be 'journalist' or 'multimedia journalist. It’s going to make more sense for them [media organizations] to deploy resources out in the world … who can feed this great beast that is the yawning mouth of multimedia, online, print, radio, TV."
Robert Matas, a reporter with the Globe and Mail, finds this prospect unappealing. He says it will require "a different type of journalist" to be able to combine the skills necessary for coordination of print with television and the Internet. As to whether he would be receptive to stepping in front of a camera, he says: "I would probably find it frustrating and restricting. I am used to telling more of a story."
CanWest said convergence allows for more efficiency in the newsrooms and allows them to reach more markets. They believe an integrated media company is important for building content and delivering it.
Larger companies also allow from for higher employment with in the company. Small independent weeklies would have significant trouble surviving. Weeklies owned by a chain are given the same programs as Dailies, such as Quark Express and News Editor Pro which are costly.
Leonard Asper, president and CEO of CanWest Global said during a speech to the Canadian Club of Winnipeg on Jan. 16, 2001
“In the future, journalists will wake up, write a story for the web, write a column, take their cameras, cover an event and do a report for TV and file a video clip for the web. What we have acquired is a quantum leap in the product we offer advertisers and a massive, creative, content generation machine.”
Completely opposite to Mr. Aspers view is Quebecor. The company said they would maintain separate newsrooms between newspapers and television.
Pierre-Karl PĂ©ladeau, president and CEO of Quebecor media Inc said.
“Information professionals working in the newsrooms of all TVA, LCN and LCN Affaires stations shall at no time transmit, receives exchange or discuss information by phone, fax, Internet or other technology with information professionals working in the newsrooms of Quebecor Media newspapers.”
Kelly Nestruck, CUP Quebec Bureau Chief, said “Journalism in Canada is in a sorry state.” He noted that convergence threatens the variety of voices in the Canadian media.
In 2001 Southam, the newspaper chain owned by CanWest announced that it would begin running national editorials in twelve of its major daily newspaper. The editorials would be written by Murdoch Davis, editor in chief of Southam, who has since left CanWest. The editorials would be run three times a week. Individual papers owned by CanWest would be prohibited from running certain editorials which did not agree with the opinions expressed by Davis at the Southam.
In response to the forced editorials 50 reporters from the Montreal Gazette removed their bylines. A letter entitled "Media Giant Silences Local Voices" appeared on the Gazette journalists' website early in December; copies were printed in non-Southam newspapers like the Globe and Mail, the Toronto Star, and Montreal's La Presse. Many other journalists have also protested the national editorial campaign.
On Dec. 14, 2001, CanWest forced the discontinuation of the Gazette’s website. David Asper's made clear his disdain for the protesting reporters at the Gazette. He referred to their protest as "childish", "self-righteous", and "part of the ongoing pathetic politics of the Canadian left". If those people in Montreal are so committed, why don't they just quit and have the courage of their convictions?"
According to Robert Cribb, president of the Canadian Association of Journalists, the danger is clear. “It posed not only a potential threat to journalism, but to the public interest.”
“The federal government has allowed these media monoliths to create themselves, and with out much regulation or much attention to what the implications might be. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you allow companies like CanWest…to grow into what they are that there’s going to implications for journalism and the public interest.”
CanWest owns 14 major daily newspapers and owns more than 120 daily and weekly newspapers and flyer publications in smaller communities across Canada. They own 11 stations in eight provinces across Canada. These stations reach 94 per cent of the English speaking population. They continue to be a giant in the media industry.
Vancouver Sun reporter Jeff Lee acknowledges the convergence but, is skeptical about its intent. "There is a real danger for the public if convergence is done as a means to provide news more cheaply. If it’s done to provide the best information and content, then it can be a good thing … they (media organizations) need to remember what they’re trying to do — enrich the readers."
Some journalist, say it is undetermined at this point how convergence affects the newsroom or the work journalist. However they admit that a converged newsroom of television, newspapers and the internet it is a source of concern.
John Drabble, city editor for the Vancouver Sun and a former television producer at the CBC, does not believe that convergence will cause as much trouble for the print journalist as some people might think. "Nobody who runs a commercial television station is going to cut corners by putting someone on television who doesn't belong there," he added.

Sources:
http://www.canwestglobal.com/

http://archives.cbc.ca/IDD-1-73-790/politics_economy/concentration_press/

http://archives.cbc.ca/IDC-1-73-790-4840/politics_economy/concentration_press/clip9

http://www.yourmedia.ca/

http://www.montrealnewspaperguild.com/convergencelinks.htm

http://64.233.161.104/search?q=cache:To8dNrlaaN4C:www.peak.sfu.ca/the-peak/2002-1/issue3/fe-global.html+%22National+editorial%22+and+canwest&hl=en

http://cbc.radio-canada.ca/speeches/20010403.shtml

http://www.journalism.ubc.ca/thunderbird/archives/2000.10/convergence.html