Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Decisions Decisions What am I to do?

Have you ever come to tumultuous decision in your life? One that will decide things for a very long time? YOU’RE INTIRE LIFE! Oh sorry entire is spelt with an E.

Anyways, this is happening to me at this very moment.

Two questions are haunting me.

1. Do I go back to Canada?
2. Do I find a way to stay in Australia?

So far both questions are plaguing me to the point of insanity. Its haunting to the point that I even dream about it, even more so than my obsession with the story I’m writing. Sometimes in these dreams I am going home and feeling miserable and sometimes I am staying hanging out with my new friends.

If I go back to Canada I will feel like I have failed in some way, even though I really haven’t according to wise spectators, scientists and sexual therapists. Think Chris, Jo, Kate and Amy.

Yesterday for some reason I was all set to go home. I had this idea to go to University of Calgary and finish my degree there. To me it would be just like Chris changing to Macquarie University in Sydney. So it wouldn’t be quitting. And it isn’t!

Then this part of me says NO! I should finish my degree here and find away to pay for it. Today I was all depressed about it and even more depressed when my grandparents offered to help me go home. But what is home? And where is it? In fact I don’t think I have ever found a place I can truly call home yet. For some reason that really disturbs me.

Then another part altogether says I should go back to Canada to:
1. Face my demons
2. Find my father (long story)
3. Escape Chris sexualized advice.
4. Save Lachlan’s Mum

Then today I find out that Carol thinks we’ve drifted apart, a very clear example of the affects my decision to come to Australia in the first place. Apparently friendship isn’t the same in front of ‘computer screen.’

It’s as Carol said:

“It was better being able to talk to you on the phone and you being physically here to do stuff with me. We hardly talk anymore because we are to busy for each other and it hate e-mailing people and it's not the same talking to someone on a computer screen, then it is face to face. So I feel we've drifted apart and are going are separate ways”

Ah and of course the story Carol would have said:

“You abandoned me you NERD nerdy retarded weird girl! Now I am all alone with my fat self!”


She then destroys her computer screen by way of SUMO! Because she hates talking to computers and anything that looks like it talking to her. Or perhaps she accidentally knocks it over on her way to the fridge.

My response to both:

You’re absolutely right. Have I lost a once prosperous friendship? And if I leave Australia will this doom my now new friendships I’ve made? Will they be relegated to computer screen? I certainly hope not.

So much for this pact we made!

And a surprise positive comment from my friend Becky in Canada, when I asked her if she thought we were drifting appart as well:

“I mean we can't help it that your in Aussie Land and I am busy with my new boyfriend, and trying to find myself a new job and plus you have your new hobby”

My response:

I suppose my new hobby would be my novel? Oh and blame the Aussie Land reference on my mom. Anyways, she seems to have a more positive outlook which is promising. Her only request is when I come back to bring her souvenir. I would bring her a koala but it might suffocate and die in my suitcase. And I am not one for animal cruelty.
All and all Australia hasn’t been a waste of time or money. I’ve made some really good friends and learnt new things about people, journalism and even myself.

And now I rely on faith that everything will work out for the best no matter what happens.

P.S. Captain Bottle Pop are the greatest! Oh and Read my story!

Friday, January 19, 2007

My long account of 2006

I would first like start my blog off by saying:

Kate I am sorry if I upset you. My comments were rather negative. I know your comments weren’t meat to be mean. I Mel-issa am big dinklehead. The end!

And now to other things…

I suppose it’s my turn to write a best of 2006. Much like Chris and Amy 2006 was a very eventful year. But unlike them I think I might write my best of 2006 a little differently. 20 days late kind of differently.

The first thing I remember about January 2006 is me walking at 7 a.m. in freshly fallen snow. I was asked to work this day but the managers even offered to take me to work on account that I have no vehicle and still don’t, go figure. Ironically the manager never showed up. Also during this month I was periodically accused of having borderline personality disorder by a good friend from college, who at the time was my roommate. Unfortunately are friendship ended on bad terms not a good way to start off the New Year. This was my last full month before I went to Australia.

February a very stressful month, the first half I was preparing to go to Australia, the other I was attempting adjust. Sometimes I still had to tell myself I made it to Australia. February ended with a bang. My flatmates Justin and Joan started dating and I made a new friend. On orientation day for university at CQU I was somehow inspired to discuss Bollywood and differences between indigenous peoples in Canada and Australia with Amy. I think it was fate. At the end of the month I moved to a different flat.

March was just as interesting. I moved to a new flat in which I met my favourite flatmate of all time Louie! She was the best. She had an awesome collection of movies I have seen in my entire life. Oh and I met Multimedia Guy!

In April a trip to Great Keppel resulted in bad sunburn. Other than that the day was great. It also was the month I became obsessed with a horse just down the street.

May was an interesting month. It was during this fateful month the A.E.S.M was formed! Many adventures followed this.

In June the A.E.S.M made a movie. I used my digital camera to film it. It was sporadic as it was fun and weird. It started off with Antonia coming out of the fridge, me disappearing and being the ghost narrator, Antonia being poisoned from drinking poison lemonade to Chris being the murder. I also began writing a series of Wild Will stories about my friends laced with inside jokes. I started a job at Express Subs & Sushi in which my nationality was often confused with America. I also met my new flatmate Kayla, who was an insufferable know it all.

In July term 2 started. Also it was in this month I pondered on the relevance of American programming in Australia first by watching a nature show about penguins and then Miss America. It was also in this month I debated whether it was a good idea to stay in Australia and study because of the financial side of things. It was also said by my unit managers that I am lonely. They still insist that I am even though I have brought friends over heaps of times. July was also the month that I ate pigeon eggs. YUCK! My obsession with finally speaking to Multimedia guy continued.

In August I developed an obsession for decoding the Futurama alien alphabet and Babel Fish. I even started writing my ‘Carol stories’ in French, German, Portuguese, Spanish, and other languages. I also developed my theory on the know it all. Chris, Kate and I decided to film a sequel to the A.E.S.M. movie filmed in June. Kate and I were the new flatmates of Chris, which is quite different than the original. Chris has gone mad, yet flamboyantly homosexual, Kate plays a girl with attitude and I play a girl who has three voices, Melora, Carol and Wild Will Who dies in this film? I am still confused by it. It’s left rather open ended. Oh yes and who could forget about Desmond, who lives in the boot of Kate’s car. Also Chris and I made a documentary about the Multicultural fair at CQU.

In September Chris and I filmed a documentary about the first two Flat To Myself movies. It’s about two documenters named Maverick and Angela, although, they often refer to each other as Chris and Melissa. Of course this was before we established the names of the documenters. Anyways, they attempt to find out what really happened as well as visit the dog Fergus who they may have unintentionally misinterpreted to be a witness and there is a return of the thing that taunted them at the Multicultural Fair. I gave up on Multimedia Guy, deciding it was the “Where’s Waldo of the romantic world.” Also I met Jack, who according to Chris eats babies. It was because of this I had this truly confounding dream in which Amy and Carol died, I became Chris then as Chris I married Jack. I also discovered that there is Fergus Ontario Canada and a Fergus County in Montana U.S.

October was a strange month. I entered a time of self pity and homesickness the day after my birthday. I found out that I am actually Mexican and I have to earn my right to be Canadian. Also in October I went to Sydney with Chris and Amy. We went every where from the monorail, The Opera House, Taronga Zoo and a gay bar on Oxford St. That trip was the highlight of my experience in Australia. And I joined Greenpeace and gained a better appreciation of the environment. I also started to write my novel called Songs of the Superhero. I also apparently decided to stop writing Carol stories.

November marked the worst flatmate of all time. I spent a lot of time writing and eventually developing homesickness as it came closer to December. I finally retired Wild Will as a character although; he does appear occasionally in my superheroes story. I also went back to analysing differences between Australia and Canada for some reason. I also replaced the character Carol with a character named Philis.

December was tough being so far away from home and all. It was this month I came up with Finbarpurpleton. I lost the job at Express Subs & Sushi even though I liked where I worked. I also began to obsess over my story, which I still am. By December there were 27 chapters written and over 44, 000 words. I then began a science fiction like kick, starting with the planet of Uranus, which I thought is a stupid name. Christmas I spent with other international students and I ended 2006 with Amy, Ram and I ringing in the New Year which was quite different from the others. Especially Ram’s funny dancing.

15 things I learnt last year:
1. Huge Laurie is Welsh.
2. Beaches are fun
3. Sarcasm can be misinterpreted. In fact anything people say can be.
4. I need to grow a back bone. This is true and this statement is directed to no one.
5. Wild Will is Amy’s cult figure.
6. Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. Seriously who has the right to strip planetary status from a poor distant Pluto? And I wanted to be an astronomer. Actually I still do.
7. I’m a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl.
8. My name is Melissa and I are from Canadia.
9. Fergus is an unspeakable name
10. I have mad some of the best friends in the entire world. THE ENTIRE WORLD!
11. Officer Octogenarian is the most beautiful prettiest boy in the entire universe of Bamboozle.
12. Be careful what you write in a blog.
13. The name Finbarpurpleton is causes migraines.
14. Jo is a good cook.
15. Homesickness is an ongoing thing.

All in all 2006 was definitely an eventful and defining year....

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I am drowning in all my self pity.

Yesterday was a good day. I went to the beach with my friends. But it turned sad when I found out my flatmate Kristine is leaving on Saturday. She is the coolest flatmate I have had.

I was also a crabby cow yesterday, I would have been better off hiding in a deep dark hole and not coming out until my mood had improved.

I am also selfish when it comes to sunscreen. I had this real paranoia that I am going to run out of it and be all burnt like I was back in April on Great Keppel Island. No scratch that I am just being selfish and mean, mostly selfish.

And apparently I am a partial journalist?

This is according to Kate. For some reason Amy is a journalist, and Kate’s a journalist but I’m a partial journalist? This all started when Chris quoted a line from my story. How woman can’t be journalists because they have woman features and Kate says to him ‘there are two journos here.” So I asked who she meant. Because I figured there would be three. But apparently not she was referring to her and Amy as journalists but I was only partial one. As if!

I have a college diploma in journalism. I worked for a student newspaper and actual newspaper before I came here to Australia. And I am member of the Canadian Association of Journalists. So to be called a partial journalist is quite annoying to me. Even if it wasn’t meant to be mean. Note: this isn’t meant to be mean towards Kate either as she is my friend. As always I am just reading into much stuff.

What do I have to do be taken seriously? Maybe I should just die! That would make the whole world a lot better. My gravestone will say: Her lies Melissa McKenna, weird nerd nerdy retarded weird girl and partial journalist, she never amounted to anything special and her crabby nature is remembered by all the unfortunate souls who came in contact with her. The End!

This pathetic I am drowning in all my self pity. I am sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. I’ll be surprised if I make it to tomorrow without feeling the same way.

Monday, January 08, 2007

You are MEAN to him but nice to everyone else? Therefore you must drink from a tap.

It’s been a long absence…

I am the second person out of my friends to update there blog this year.

2006 what a year! It appears 2007 will be just as eventful. It’s already gone off with a bang.

A new year a new enemy…I’m sick of explaining about this one.

A new job – I have a new job at a canteen at the local meat works. They hate me I know it. Perhaps I am just paranoid. But it is an easy job.

Same friends- Yay! Who wouldn’t want to start of the New Year with these amazing individuals?

A new story is in the works –its science fictiony but still silly like the superheroes one. In the words of Philis “Only you would write science fiction like stuff because you’re a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl!” Yes, yes I am. You can read it here if you like.

Amy is a pirate and I am a droid from a distant planet called D3 – you’ll have to ask Chris about this one.

And apparently God broke my Brita jug because I am too mean?

To explain this one I will execute a story with two fictional characters called Rocky and Rose.

Rocky and Rose do not get along very well. Rocky is an arrogant doo doo face from an exotic foreign country and Rose is a know it all from some westernised country.

One day Rose asks Rocky to help cover the costs of using her Brita filter jug. Because she figures if he uses it he should help with the costs. Rocky reacts by saying she is ‘mean.’

A few days later Rose drops her Brita jug it cracks and breaks precious filtered water flows all over the floor.

The day after that Rocky imposes a very important fact on Rose.

Rocky: I notice your jug is broken.
Rose: So?
Rocky: That is what you get for being mean. You may think no one knows but the people up stairs they know.
Rose: (gives a confused look) Are you suggesting God made me break my water jug.
Rocky: Yes because you’re mean. I’ve seen this happen many times before.
Rose has a flashback to the previous day. She is grabs her water jug out of the fridge. Seconds later she is interrupted by a booming voice.
God: You have been mean; there for you shalt not haveth nice tasting filtered water!
Rose: Oh well….. I will try to be nicer to everyone because I can’t drink tap water please God give me strength to be a nicer better person. (She is most definitely not kidding about this one. )
God: Everyone?
Rose: Everyone except Rocky. (She drops the jug)
God: You are MEAN to him but nice to everyone else? Therefore you must drink from a tap.
Rose: OK have it your way God. I learnt my lesson
End of flashback.
Rose: That’s the stupidest thing I have heard in my entire life.
Rocky: No it isn’t I have seen it happen many times to people.
Rose: Stop saying words!

Moments later Rose’s friend lends her a spare Brita Jug, therefore ruining Rocky’s ENTIOR THEORY! God looks back on how rude Rocky is to Rose and sends an even ruder lady to berate him for not paying a power bill, which in turn equalizes the destruction of the Brita jug.

End of story.

This story is of course about me and my flatmate Kumar I just though it would be better to write this story with a different name rather than take his name in vain 13 times and well I wanted too.

I also might add I wasn’t trying to be sacrilegious. I believe in God and if there was some reason why my stupid jug broke and it’s a form of cosmic balance for being mean, then so be it. I learnt my lesson.

And now its time to share my one and only…

My New Years Resolution: to finish my book and publish it. I have now written 31 chapters of my story, which you can read here. It’s safe to say I am obsessed with it.

I even followed in on my plan. I decided to look into finding an agent. I decided on New York Literary Agency. Big mistake! They almost ripped me off luckily commonsense kicked in before my wallet opened. To put it simple they’re a fake literary agency who pray on writer dreams. Luckily I Googled the name before it was too late. I could write a whole blog entry on this.