Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The death of the author is birth of the reader!

I decided that I since I have deprived people of my new works long enough and the endless promising to write more. I shall share a bit of Fizzy Lemonade that I have written lately.

“Ashleigh, Ashleigh, terrible news!” says Roland, a black Labrador, with an adorable yet annoying smiley type face.
“What?” Ashleigh replies.
“Our Author friend has died,” Roland whined. “You know Sarah Evans. I saw her book published this morning you know that means she has passed on to writer heaven. You know the system of signs, the place all great writers go.”
“What?” Ashleigh repeats, dumbfounded.
“Sarah’s an author,” says Barthes, his Husky companion. Husky as in the dog not husky as in husky, but you know the breed of dog…
“Ummm why is that terrible?” Ashleigh asks.
“Well if she’s an author she is dead!” Roland remarks. “DEAD!”
“Yes and I she must be pregnant too,” Barthes adds.
“There is also a big baby boom too!” Roland says.
“Let me guess they are all readers,” says Ashleigh. “You do realise that an author’s death is only metaphorical.”
“What?” says Barthes.
“Sarah isn’t dead,” says Ashleigh. “She was merely the first reader. Readers are the ones that say what a book is about. Therefore there are no author only readers and the author therefore enters a symbolic death.”
“I don’t understand!” says Roland.
“Sarah’s isn’t dead,” says Ashleigh. “It’s to do with the system of signs. Language doesn’t belong to the author. It belongs to everyone. Therefore there can be no authors anyways only interpreters.”
“But she is an author not an interpreter!” says Barthes. “Authors die. Interpreters work at pregnant old lady man conferences and translate old Fergarianese.”
“And then readers are born,” Roland continues. “But when they become an author they die.”
“You’re misconstruing an entire theory,” says Ashleigh.
“So are you coming to the funeral?” asks Barthes, completely ignoring Ashleigh’s common sensical answers.
“AN ENTIRE THEORY!” Ashleigh bellows.
“You’re are so disrespectful,” Roland growls. “Have you know respect for authors?”
“She is being disrespectful to authors,” a lonely dejected voice in the background calls. “Lets get her!”
“Yeah! Good idea lets get her!” says Barthes.
Ashleigh is suddenly chased down the dirty alley way by a black American cocker spaniel, a black and white Shiatsu Terrier of all cuteness, (both of which are important enough to be named later as nothing of ill will is intended towards them) and the aforementioned Roland and Barthes, who are coincidentally named after the crazy French guy Roland Barthes who actually conceived the idea, that was misinterpreted by the two of Ashleigh’s pursuers.

(c) Copyright 2008 by Melissa McKenna no part of this may be reproduced with out written permission.

What do you think?

So what has happened since I last wrote…

Well I am still couch bound for starters, but I am getting used to the vegetable-onion couch as I like to call it.

I have a cold or some sort of something that is making me sick. Urgh! Although, I was particualrily pleased I could have the cough (lollies) candy I like. They didn’t have the brand I liked back in Australia…

I miss Australia.

Winter has arrived and I am not ready. I am barely acclimatised as it is!

I now work at Wal-Mart. Satisfaction is Guaranteed Always! I have less hours here so I am officially going to devote myself to my writing when I am not working. It’s not that bad to be a cashier. I mean you say hello you scan, scan, scan take the payment and say goodbye. The End! Oh yes and the Wal in Wal-Mart is short for Walton as in Sam Walton the company’s creator.

McDonalds probably thinks I am passive aggressive, which I think I am too.

My dog Sydney has a new obsession, the computer keyboard. He was sitting on my lap last night and he kept trying to type stuff with his floppsy white paws and/or licking my fingers. I put him on the ground but he kept jumping up to sit with me. Maybe he missed me while I was at work? You know your life is boring when you write about your dog. He attempting to sabotage this blog entry as I write this.

My birthday is in 10 days! My mom and I are going to the pub across from where we live for a meal and a celebratory drink! Woot!

P.S. Sydney likes noses too!

Monday, September 22, 2008

3 things (and then some) that have happened since my last entry...

The number 3 has been popping up a lot lately.

I have 3 best friends…I am not naming names…

I’ve crashed on 3 different couches.

I was hired by 3 places whilst in Lethbridge.

I lost my dog 3 years ago and now I have a new one.
Things have definitely changed in many more ways since I’ve come back to Canada.

I turned on the Price is Right the other day and instead of Bob Barker, like I was expecting it was Drew Carey. I kept thinking “what the f*&^@ happened to Bob Barker?” Go figure he retired after 35 years in 2007. Where was I when this all happened? Oh right I was in Australia.


I miss it a lot.
I miss Bob Barker. I used to watch him when I came home from school for lunch when I was in grade five. Sometimes I’d feign being sick so I could watch the second half. Strange I know. I wanted to see who one the grand prize. I have no idea why but I really liked the show.

Things have been going OK now, despite the fact that I am without a room. I am sleeping on the couch. I am the mercy of my mom’s night owlness. She doesn’t go to bed and she sits there till 12 a.m. or a later peeling onions, chopping onions, chopping potatoes, carrots… the list goes on. She is either dehydrating or canning the vegetables from her garden. I think she has done quite well. The house smells of onions mind you and so does the couch, but I live with it. It’s my own fault. You see when I ran away to Lethrbridge. My mom gave the second bedroom back to Tony, now I would feel bad if I kicked him out again. So for now I am couch bound until I find my own place or my mom changes her mind. The second may be happening you never know. Although I am not sure I want the room it smells like dehydrated onions and dog pee. The dang dogs go where ever they want and they have this doggy like fascination with my brother’s room. Sydney my dog is getting better slowly and my mom used vinegar to get some of the smell out.

I have been in a grouchy mood. I guess it’s a bit better than the previous feeling of depression. I really don’t like working in fast food. I had the opportunity to get away from it but because of 50 cents difference in pay. I screwed it up. I still feel bad about that.

So I wonder did I ever like working at McDonalds beforehand? I seem to really hate it now. Here is some evidence of my distain…

“Today was a good day. I am finally done with McDonalds. I
slacked off too. This is the last time I have to hear a manager rag on me to do
something. Usually I do something after all I am paid too but, it was my last
day and all I kind of just felt like it.
Manager: "Melissa find someting to do." or "I am sure there is lots to do"

Me: "OK." *continues to do nothing.* Talks to crew member also doing nothing, but not getting in trouble. Grr.. the irony eh?
Me thinking: What are they going to do fire me. Ha ha.
It feels weird. Today will be the last day I have to put
breakfast parts away, sit in drive thru and sadly the last time I will see my
friends. No more till, no more angry customers, I am glad to be gone. This is my
last fast food job I want out of the

- February 15, 2006

Oh wells I might not have to be there much longer. I just got hired at Wal-Mart. It is pretty much the equivalent of Big-W with a bit of Woolworths jammed into it as they have some grocery items. Is this weird I miss working at Big W? I won’t go into my opinions on the company. Amy probably knows what I think of it. Anyways, who cares it is a better job than nothing. Not that I am unhappy to be employed. It’s better than the luck I was having back in Australia. I also think it’s ironic because the Wal in Wal-Mart I think is sort of Walter. One of my characters is named Walter…I find that entirely coincidental.


I really miss it.

I think I already mentioned that, but I think that’s where some of my sadness is derived from. Not only that but my massive debts. The government is mad at me because I am behind in three payments. Yikes! I want to tell them go away I am will pay you but I have no money to do that at the moment. Now on top of this I am sick. I have a cold and then I found out I had a stomach virus of some kind. How annoying. I was told to take a couple of days off of work something I can’t afford to do.

Right now my dog Sydney is quite the character. He keeps trying to hump my leg. He goes after my underwear and bras. I think he has a lingerie fetish as well as a foot fetish. I swear he won’t leave my feet or anything related to feet alone. I constantly say “my feet are not your chew toy.” Mom says the same thing. Then not to long ago this cranky pre menopausal pregnant old lady woman accused Sydney of doing the dastardly deed of impregnating her ugly terrier because she has seen another black and white dog roaming around. Little does she know he is still too young to know what it is meant for, he is five months old so he is just coming into his puppy sexuality if that’s what you want to call it and he seems more interested in himself or boy dogs, particularly Hev-Lady’s dog Weiser. I am not saying he is that way, but I won’t be surprised if Nigel does an outing on him. Oh yes he doesn’t leave the house on his own…so I know he is innocent of all claims against him. I hope I have a picture I can put up soon.

I want to write more of Fizzy Lemonade…I always get inspired when every I walk the dog for some reason. However, I keep dreaming about killer robots who shot at people they interpret to hate robots or the government or something. I had this long complicated dreams twice now. I told my mom and she pretty much demanded that I write it down, but I don’t really care about the robot story right now. I am sure if it was indeed a dingmare I will continue to dream about them or the idea will come back to me when I am ready to flesh it out more. As I am writing this the robots have identified themselves as characters and are deeply offended I don’t want to write at story about them…perhaps I will write the synopsis of my dreams. Then come back to it.
I thought it would go with my intended theme of three by talking about three different things but I think it was 6 or 7 oh wells.

P.S. Carol is feeling a bit sad lately and I am not sure how to cheer her up…

P.S.S. I can’t wait for the massive road trip in August!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Rough Transistion!!

It has suddenly occurred to me while sitting and playing video games on my computer in Edmonton bus terminal, with at least 4hours till I leave for Prince George B.C that I have neglected my blog for over an entire month. AN ENTIRE MONTH! Whoops sorry. I hope it’s not to late too


Here is some of the reason for my absence the past month…

I am so depressed recently it’s only now that I feel like actually attempting a blog entry.

I am immensely frustrated!!!!

I was spending time with mom and brother.

And lets see painting doors and cleaning my grandfathers house he was renovating. I hope it burns to the ground.

My Aunty thinks I am condescending and rude.

My grandma, or should I say Sue-Woman has probably disowned me.

All because my mom got involved and sent some nasty e-mail about events previous and recently between my family and mom.

I guess to be frank, my life feels like it has turned to shit. My entire family has turned on me, except my mom of course. I have finally joined the ranks of pariah in my dysfunctional family. And the most of it has nothing to do with me. I am suffering for problems mostly between my mom and family. I know I am a part of it, but still why do I have to be?!

Scarily for a while there I thought of ending it all! I am not embarrassed to write that either. I am sure there are others who feel the same way at one time or another.

The only reason I am here is because of my three best friends 2 Amy and Chris who still e-mail me and let me know they care and Carol who helped me through the most trying time of my life to date, my mom despite some rough patches since I have been here and my little brother, who I immensely care about. These people and my all my friends are my family now. Fuck the rest of them!

Anyways, I digress, a lot has happened in this time period. This entry may get a little depressing. DEPRESSING! Because lets face it I am depressed and this is not about attention seeking of anything like that I am just stating a fact.

I went to B.C to live with my mom after Australia. 20 hour flight, 23 hour bus ride…

My mom gave me a puppy named Sydney. He is cute and I apparently he was used as emotional bate as if!!!

Saw my brother for the first time in 3 years and suddenly realised how much he has changed. Holy crap has he gotten tall.

Played Lego with my brother, my mom ended up destroying our creations accidentally I assume, well it was in the way.

Things were going OKish until almost almost a month later due to unforeseen circumstances, which I will not discuss on a public space…(most of my friends know what happened anyways). I went to Alberta partly because of the unforeseen event and partly because of pressure from Sue-Woman. Sue-Woman, who I can’t quite decide yet if I see as a grandma anymore…I could go on about her right now…but I won’t. Besides only three people believe me about what happened.

Now two weeks later I am going back to B.C. to live with my mom because of pressures and stress from Sue-Woman. I managed to get a job at the old McDonalds I worked at and Zellers a department store in which Carol works at. I turned down Zellers much to the (rightfully so) dissatisfaction of Carol I’ll write more about her in a minute. However, here is the big part. I had no accommodation because stupid students, came in August and took most of the places and the cheaper places where in the dodgy parts of town. And, AND this is a big one, Sue-Woman said she’d help me but then she turned around and didn’t because the place I found was too expensive and she didn’t think I should be living on the West Side. So it was either stay with Carol and her sister for a while and possibly get them evicted because I wasn’t suppose to be staying there for too long or stay in a woman shelter till I had enough money for damage deposit and rent in October.

For two wees let’s just say I was in the presense of a scarlety monster, being forced, FORCED to go to church and no where to live, which was constantly joked about as if it were some kind of joke. I was an emotional wreck. I also realised there error of my ways from the first incident…. The end…If I had a choice I’d would not go to either place I’d go home to Australia. Home, I’ve lost it. It’s as if I lost the love of my life. I want to go back so bad!

Then I got my old job at Burger King and McDonlads a week later. It felt so weird, like I was having an out of body experience. I felt like I shouldn’t be there for some reason.

Most of the friends agree with me in my decision and even if they didn’t it’s not there’s to make. Sue-Woman doesn’t agree, I think she might disown me too. She says I am making a big mistake…she doesn’t know I have left yet, at this point.What ever non-likingness between her and my mom is their problem, not mine, but I think I have ended up on the other side of Sue-Woman’s wrath, with my mom. I always wondered after Carol actually brought it up how can a person who isn’t even blood related have so much power and control over family affairs.

One word!


It’s the root of all evil.

The only good thing about coming back to Canada thus far has been seeing Mom, Tony and Carol. Carol is awesome. She seemed more positive at first, then some of the old habits I remembered so well surfaced…think Philis like behaviours. The only people I missed while away was Carol, Becky, Mom and Tony. I never missed Sue-Woman in fact I dreaded calling her and I felt even more depressed every time I had to add to the God Damn Fucking “Tally!!!” Lump sum payment my ass. She can disinherit me!

More positive entries will come soon!