My Antarctic Penguin Adventure!

Dear readers who are not averse to read randomness,

I am still convinced certain friends have no sense of humour. A couple of weeks ago after a week of still “rescuing their laundry from the apparently evil Ev-Lady,” This time my flatmate was getting sick of looking at Joan’s bra. So I devised another scare tactic text.

“If you don’t come and get your stuff it will get eaten! And by that I mean dressing the naked lady statue outside and leaving it in the rain. THE ENTIRE RAIN! As she demands clothing and warmth. P.S. my flatmate is going to go Germaine Greer on your bra and I’m gong to try on your mini skirt.”

Unfortunately, I was rung moments later by Justin, who did not see the “joke in it.” Then to make it even more random, my flatmate Elise was chanting “Uguchaka” our worshiping naked lady statue chant in the background. This caused Justin to mention she was psycho. No she just has a sense of humour!

May I point out to last the entry? I wouldn’t let anything happen to Justin and Joan’s precious stuff. I like them, why would I do mean things like that? It was an entire joke. AN ENTIRE JOKE! My flatmate knew it was joke and I am pretty sure others would too. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out I wasn’t serious. Which I might add was successful message as Justin came to collect the stuff. So where both of them just oblivious to the fact it was humour or do they have none? Besides the naked lady statue wasn’t particularly interested in Justin and Joan’s clothing, she’d prefer some nice silks from the props at certain photography studio. THE END!

I keep having strange dreams…This one tops all of them!

It started off with my brother in my room and sadly just like old times he was making a mess in my room, by throwing stuff and breaking things. This of course really pissed me off. I was about to kick him out, when a scientist arrived at my door and informed me that my brother and I had been selected for an experiment and we were turning into penguins. It was time for us to leave and be taken to Antarctica. I remember my mom waving goodbye.

As we came to the door, I suddenly felt very short and felt like I was wobbling. We were at one point meandering down the city street and a big brown dog came up to me and tried to eat me! The scientist offered no or little help. Then after I fought the big brown dog off I saw a vulture and I knew I would have the same problem with him. Luckily the scientist came to rescue my brother and me in a black limo, running over the vulture. This was lucky because there was an alligator not far behind as well.

Once my brother and I were safe inside, I suddenly had the urge to eat raw fish. We drove all over I think it was North America until we came to the ocean and the limo turned into a deep sea submarine. Soon we arrived in Antarctica I saw others like me. Apparently they too were turned into penguins but they could still only see their human self as that is what they had been conditioned to believe. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t see my penguin body, but my normal human self.

To test my readiness for penguin-hood they placed me in the cold ocean water. I panicked and nearly froze from the cold. They said it wouldn’t take long so they placed my brother and me on a fancy ice sculpture. I followed the other human to penguin experiments to the top. I suddenly realised this was my new life and I have to take care of my brother. I realised I had to feed him by eating fish and vomiting it back into his mouth as he was just a little baby penguin. He however rejected it because he did not understand what was going on. I then tried again by vomiting into my hand and offering it too him. I told him it was eggs and mushrooms, his favourite foods. He didn’t believe me.

P.S. The humour or lack there of thing wasn’t meant to be an insult. It was just my rant for the day.

Thank's Tickle Face!

Dear hopefully respondent readers,

Here is my attempt at being more attentive to my blog. I will start off by making an entire correction. In my previous entry, I stated I got a message regarding my blog which said

“UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE NOW NOW NOW!”

But really is said.

DATE UP DATE UP DATE UP NOW NOW NOW!

Sorry for misleading any dear readers and causing harm to the message sender himself.

It’s hard to believe in nine days I’ll have been in Australia for two years which is two entire babies and then some, but according to Chris,

“When a woman has a baby she gets pregnant for seven months to dog face lady man.”

So if this theory were correct it would be three babies and a bit?

Anyways, I would have written a longer entry last time but lately the computer lab is constantly taken over by entire Brazilians. ENTIRE BRAZILIANS! By about 7 p.m. they smarm in to look at pornography. At around 8:00 Friday night six of them filled the room instantaneously. By 8:15 there were at least eight. I had to make a quick escape before they attempted hitting on me and asking me repeatedly if I am married or speak Portuguese. As I left the room I being polite said see you later bye! To which all six of them in unison said bye! Then one, who is 36 and likes 23 said “I love you!” and smiled at me. I was seriously freaked out and made a hasty exit. Mr. Thirty Six is the creepiest he keeps telling me that I am very beautiful and that he dreams about me, but enough about Brazilians.

I guess I could start with writing about a dream I had that was very confounding or interesting to say the least.

I dreamt a cold snap came to Australia, just like the kind back home in Canada. It was snowy, cold, freezing, but I didn’t feel a thing. I felt quite normal. I was walking down the street enjoying it for some reason. I remember all my friends complaining and I kept saying, “You think this is cold? It’s much worse back home!” The only thing I remember from the cold that was out of place was my feet were really cold because of my boots.

I remember some friends saw me and they offered me a lift. Officer Old was in the car but I didn’t see who was driving as he was sitting in the passenger’s seat. He seemed really happy, but just like real life I couldn’t seem to speak to him. The car was like the cars back home, which is the opposite of Australia. I quickly got in the back seat stopping two other girls from trying to get in because I thought they were evil. I wasn’t successful as one of the girls made it in magically. Suddenly on the way the girl who made it in kept whining how she needed to go to Big W so she could buy underwear and I said I might as well go because I need to check the roster. I think it was my way of keeping the peace.

I then remember walking down a set dodgy stairs to check the rosters. But the railings kept breaking when I held on to it for support and I was for some reason walking around in my bare feet and I kept thinking I really need shoes. I then checked the roster diligently searching for my name, but I couldn’t find it. Feeling distressed I asked a manager what the go was, to which he replied they had to make some cut backs and they’d call me if they needed me. I felt that I was in actual fact fired and felt really anxious and I wanted to cry. I suddenly thought now I am screwed because I’ve lost both my jobs, first Pixi Foto and now Big W. Funnily I felt as though I cause Pixi Foto to be angry with me.

So I not willing to give up went straight to the head manager (who is a very scary lady boss I might add) bare feet and all decided to tell her the situation. I pleaded with her to give me another chance. I said:

“Please can I have my job back because my I am uni and my grandma said she won’t help me if I don’t have a job and I’ll have to go home.”

I was on the brink of tears. The assistant manager who was in the office too, (he is pretty scary too) and he told the head lady boss not to listen to me, but luckily she sighed reluctantly and said “OK.” I felt an overwhelming peace and I replied, very enthusiastically.

“Thanks Tickle Face!”

I suddenly realised I shouldn’t have said that because the manger looked very silent and shocked because I was in fact pointing out a giant fuzzy ticklish looking spider on her shoulder, named Tickle Face who was the real manager of Big W and was helping me all along. I wasn’t supposed to bring attention to this. I suddenly felt panicked and that is where this dream ends.

It’s after that bizarre ending to my dream I thought what the hell? In retrospect I figured out some of the meanings. I am homesick, my grandma who is helping me is Tickle Face as I am not supposed to tell anyone she is helping and reflects some real life fears, mainly the one about getting fired, which is strange because I am willingly going to be fired from Pixi Foto. In fact I keep lying to them and scarily it’s getting easier. It makes me feel unsettled. I am being completely dishonest and yet surprised that I am getting away with it at the same time

I also know how to get ones attention. On Wednesday I saved Jo’s belongings from peril in the laundry room. I wondering when she will come and collect it ask her when are you coming to get your stuff? To which there was no reply. So I resulting to drastic scare tactics text her this.

“My flatmate wants to have a bonfire and your stuff is it. She said she’s sick of looking at your bra!”

To which I was rung at 10 a.m. by a frantic Jo asking.

“What the hell is happening too my stuff!?”

I told her it was merely a joke and a device to get her attention, which let’s face it worked. She said it wasn’t very nice as she a couple of things are family treasures from 50 years ago. I know it wasn’t very nice. Joan, Joan, Joan like I’d let anything happen to your stuff!

This entry was random as my flatmate and I discussing what we should sacrifice to the naked lady statue outside. I’ve given her flowers twice, both symbols of guilt, (if you read last entry you’ll figure it out), an Australian flag, a bird feather and a necklace. Elise says the guy who mows our lawn will be seriously confused. We also discussed giving it bread and chanting to it when our new flatmate arrives to freak her out. Also something as mandatory and equally as random as updating my blog, Song of the Superheroes is now in it’s final stages of completion. I’m now done the third draft and will upload it for your reading pleasure. I think and hope this is the final one.

P.S. NEON MEATE DREAM OF OCTOFISH!

Fake Bookings + Catastrophe = Silly Melissa Giggles

Dear readers I know who read my blog....

What have I been up too since the 13 of January? Quite a bit actually, but for some reason I have neglected my blog for almost an entire month. I plan to write more even if it’s shorter and more pointless than this one. In fact I am updating now because I have been getting friendly reminders from certain people over the last two days.

Reminders that say:

“Update your entire blog!”

“UP DATE UP DATE UP DATE NOW NOW NOW!”

And

“When are you going to update your blog?”

So I am assuming that since there is a sufficient demand for an update I’d better write one. NOW, NOW, NOW!

Anyways I have some exciting news! Guess who made bookings at Pixi Foto recently?

NIGEL BOTTINGTON! At 9 am on Saturday the 23!

And

*Drum roll!*

MRS. LACHLAN’S MUM!!! 40 minutes after Nigel. (Under the pseudo name of Cathy Somerfield…They’ve banned people with the name Such And Such and if I put Mrs. Lachlan’s Mum I think they’d find it rather obvious)

Daniel Hillard from Mrs. Doubtfire made a booking at 10:20 too!

Then 3 people are being rung up at a later day by them…

ASHLEIGH MCGLONAGICK!! She want’s pictures to send to Scotland (Again if I put Neptune…)

PHILIS PHILMORE (Has a request that close up shots are made because she is worried she won’t fit in the camera shots)

NORMA NORMINGTON! She are wants nice pictures too!!!

This prospect of booking my superheroes characters gives me entire silly Melissa giggles.

They will also be calling

Janet Weis and Brad Majors from Rocky Horror Picture Show

And Robin Hobb the famous author

As well as a clever play on words…

PAT SMEARS! (Think Pap Smear) Because they love to talk about them so much! In fact one time I heard them talking about their ovaries while a lady in a pram meandered by.

And just for Chris Laura Honeysome…

Along with other random people who don’t exist. Who knew that fake people were more keen to book than real ones. Case in point I intend to leave my dastardly job with an entire bang.

I’ve had a tyrannical obsession with sticking it to Pixi Foto for the last two days now. I feel kind of bad, but then again Mrs. Amazing James Dean Lady is only giving me three hours next week so to that I say...see you later! They are proud of my sudden amazing rise in my rates, that will be until they call the adult shop, Later Day Saints (Mormons), Jehovah’s Witnesses, another REAL photo studio, escorts, septic tank treatments, pregnancy termination services, Jenny Craig and others I can’t remember.

I am going to be in so much trouble. However, I must give 50 -70 % credit to my flatmate Elise who told me I should do it!

This all started when I had my first talking to by my manager at Pixi Foto by Miss Amazing James Dean Lady. Apparently when she wanted me to get some dastardly unrealistic amount of bookings in a half hour I rolled my eyes. But not only did I roll my entire eyes I did so in the presence of a potential recruit into her anti nerd nerdy retarded army of photographers. I say anti because they are on a different level than me. Don’t get me wrong I like Miss Amazing James Dean Lady and her sidekicks Fig-Lady and Jam-Woman, but they have amazingly high expectations and demands on my promoting ability. Apparently I should be bringing in more for the $18 an hour they pay me and if I don’t get my rate up there is no point in keeping me around. It’s not my fault if they have gotten them done before, have their own cameras, don’t have the money to pay or have many other legitimate excuses. Case in point I am looking for another job…AN ENTIRE NEW JOB! So now it’s evident I will leave this job with catastrophic outcomes for both parties.

Not to mention they make me feel like an outcast because I feel more smart then them. For instance Fig-Lady assumed where I live will be affected by the flood coming to Rocky. I felt like saying I live on higher ground you twat! Yes the water is going to roll up the hill…But I didn’t because it wouldn’t have been nice.

This is also the first time in my life I rejected someone. I’ve never been in this situation before. I am usually the rejected not the rejecter! I won’t go into much details nor, will I mention who it is because my friends know the entire story and that’s pretty much all the counts. I feel pretty horrible about potentially breaking someone’s heart, but I was told this is normal. It’s not my fault if I am not attracted to him in that way. I think if I did like him I would want him in that way, which I don’t. I think there has to be passion, butterflies, can’t eat, can’t sleep, dwelling in my dreams like some sort of reoccurring character. Even if they happen to say NO NEVER! To you while in dream land. Apparently, love of this kind is dangerous and unhealthy according to someone. Sadly I don’t see this person’s point! I’ll like who I like even if it’s unrequited because one day you never know if someone special will come along. Hev-Lady always said that these kinds of feelings are natural. It’s what makes us loving and caring beings. I agree. I just hope I made the right decision.

P.S. I have more I could write, but I’ll save that for another entry! Sorry I've been gone so long