Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Monday, February 09, 2009

MY ENTIRE MIND!

I keep losing things lately as of now my winter hat and my brush is missing, wait I merely looked a second and found my hat lying in the laundry basket. Perhaps if I look there my brush will be there too? Had a quick look and it is still missing.

Another thing I seem to be losing at an alarming rate, my entire mind. MY ENTIRE MIND! When people ask me how I am doing or what are my plans I keep saying I’m good or I am up to nothing really, but want I really want to say is I am waiting for my life to start again. It has seemed to come to an abrupt halt. A complete standstill… and the things that shouldn’t be worrying me are and those that should aren’t. For instance I couldn’t give a crap about student loans and whether or not they take my money, after it was there money that got me too Australia in the first place.

I’ve been trying to get back to my writing but I am just stumped. I have all these ideas stuck in my head just itching to get out, but I can’t place them into words.I have this sneaky habit of having a story idea, starting to write about it but then putting it aside because for starters.

a) I get bored with it
b) I get stumped. I am unsure of how the story progresses next. I guess this is a classic case of writers block.
c) I write fragments of the stories as they come to me and I have no idea of how to piece them all together. One time I wrote the ending first, but I couldn’t figure out where the beginning starts or if a story even has a beginning, but merely a starting point.
d)I start to hate it because it just gets on my nerves causing me to get frustrated with the piece I am working on.
e) I forget about it.
f) I focus too much on the characters to the point that I am not sure how to do them justice. It’s hard to explain.
g) This sounds weird but the characters don’t like what I am writing or additional characters I am adding.

I’ve only really finished one story, but it still feels like I am not done it at the same time. I always wonder is a story ever finished? Oh wells I hope you enjoy my writing and reviews are always nice.

Then there is the fact that I don’t own the English language in which I am creating these supposed stories. I don’t even own the symbols that make the language possible. No one does and if you want technical not a single thought is possible without it. Lacan even said it. There is no self, no thought without language. And I think it was Barthes who postulated that we don’t own language. So I am I stealing or something, or just merely existing in a system of signs unaware of the power of words I use and the anxiety that comes with the use of language. Not mention there is no author only readers and I am a first reader. Case in point I am rambling. The English language, better yet language and the art of using it creatively in stories confounds me.

P.S. Ummmm…..Its my 200th post in this blog.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

How I spent my Sunday Afternoon.

Today I saw a movie that brought me back to my fascination with cultural analysis type days back at university.
Anything for Love (also known as Just One of the Girls, a Canadian film :P) is a story about Chris Cadler a musically talented and rather effeminate teenage boy who falls in love with the stereotypically blonde beautiful Marie Stark while pretending to be a girl to escape a bully. I see this movie dealing more with sexual identity and the stereotypical gender codes we are forced to follow rather than a stereotypical teen romantic comedy, which just proves that I read too much into stuff.

Chris and his friend Dan are frequently victimized by Kurt and his gang of followers. Kurt is a a rough creepy fellow who seems to have a fetish for dominating others where it be his friends who aid in his bullying or others. He wears tight jeans and leather which brings a certain negative stereotype to life. Kurt is the epitome of hyper masculinity. More about him later…

Chris enrols in Bentley high school for their music program. Soon it is found out that his tormentor Kurt also attends the school. On his first day of attendance he can’t even make in the front door with out Kurt harassing him. So he devises a plan to get in the front door. With the help of his sister and perhaps the inspiration of a person he saw on the bus that may or may not be transsexual. (She looked very Mrs. Lachlans’ Mumish.) Chris decides to dress like a female and soon as he is inside he change back. His plan is amazingly successful. However, he encounters two teachers while dressed as a girl and somehow gets stuck in this role, something I don’t understand because his disguise is transparent. I could tell he was a guy dressed in drag and he seemed to have no qualms with acting like a female. Despite this Chris is constantly trying to keep up with the charade with somewhat humorous and stereotypical results.

Nearly everyone is deceived. Marie becomes his best friend after Chris helps her escape from her boyfriend John who constantly pressures her to have sex with him when she is not ready. This part kind of reminded me of a scenario in health class, where everyone had to watch the videos on abstinence or waiting till we were ready, the ones with cheesy story lines and bad acting. There were several of these types of moments in the entire movie. THE ENTIRE MOVIE! Even more so when John dumps her for not going all the way, it is implicit that he is an asshole, but that is typical male behaviour that is somewhat a given and could and would be expected from a teenage boy. Marie’s typical female response is to be all sad and emotive about it. Marie wants it to be special, while because John is a guy just wants to have the physical side of it.

Marie even convinces Chris to join the cheerleading squad, at first he declines, but when told he could potentially spend a weekend with cheerleaders he accepts because being a boy he clearly likes to ogle womanly bits. It is this attraction to the opposite sex, which is seen as a problem with his sexual identity by the gym teacher/councillor Ms. Glatt who noticed him gazing at other girls whilst cleaning showers. It is because of these perversions his secret is discovered. When she speaks to Chris she assumes that he is merely a lesbian, trying to hide her secret feelings. While having the discussing in her office Chris assumes that she is talking about him being a male and dressing as a girl. When he reveals himself she freaks out because apparently dressing in woman’s clothing is a completely different matter. Chris quickly pointed out that there was no difference and made up a story about him having a fetish since he was 11. She suggests counselling to help him with his fetish for woman’s clothing.

However the part of the movie I found the most interesting was how Kurt is immediately attracted to Chris’s persona “Chrissy”. He becomes hopelessly love sick. Throughout the film he is constantly vying for “her” affections. Chris finds that he can use his feminine side to manipulate him as well as maybe play with emotions as well. Chris even asks his sister Julie if there is a way to manipulate him to do his own biding. In which she asks if me means to emasculate him. Chris is successful you see a change in Kurt’s appearance and his aggression slightly subsides. It is implied by Chris that Kurt is homosexual because he is always around guys and is constant need to dominate other guys and emasculate them, symbolically robbing them of their manhood by beating them and harassing them. It becomes more awkward when it is discovered that Kurt is Marie’s brother.

His parents seem oblivious to his activities, but once they are slowly unravelled his father Louis in particular becomes concerned, especially when Kurt brings him flowers and a love note when Chris is not at home. He immediately assumes Chris is in the middle of a gay love affair and hopes to God that Chris and Marie are sleeping together. He asks Chris if he is gay and says it’s OK, when its semi clear that it is, but it isn’t. Chris replies by telling him that it was just a joke, a way of Kurt harassing him. Eventually when Chris’s true intentions for dressing as a female are revealed his father replies by saying “you should have stood up to him (Kurt) I didn’t raise a sissy.” His father forbids him to go back to school like a girl and intends to transfer him to another school. Sadly Chris needs too stay at the school in order to attend a winter showcase, where talent agents are attending and could aid in his career as a musician, but his father is intent on him not becoming a female again to the point that he is almost irate.

When Chris finally comes out with the truth he is booed at by a crowed in a pep rally, slapped by Marie who misconceived his intentions a way to get into her pants and nearly beaten up by Kurt. Although Kurt’s reaction was more from embarrassment as he had no idea Chris was a girl. The stigma attached to being in love with a boy was clearly relevant throughout the film and oddly Chris doesn’t seem to be too worried about Kurt’s crush on him, more likely amused. Anyways, on a movie level it was somewhat better than some cross dressing type movies but like I said earlier a lot of scenes reminded me of health class. I found it to be kind of dull, a way to pass the time. It was sweet, but kind of sour as far as movie experiences go, utter tripe. However, on a cultural level I found it to be profoundly interesting especially Chris’s relationship with Kurt, both as a guy and as a girl, as well as the reactions from Chris’s parents and his teachers.

I could ramble on, but I will just leave it at that….so now you know how I spent my Sunday afternoon rather than going to church to apease my mom.

P.S. Alanis Morissette had an entire cameo in the movie I just talked about. AN ENTIRE CAMEO! She sings at the end!