I keep losing things lately as of now my winter hat and my brush is missing, wait I merely looked a second and found my hat lying in the laundry basket. Perhaps if I look there my brush will be there too? Had a quick look and it is still missing.
Another thing I seem to be losing at an alarming rate, my entire mind. MY ENTIRE MIND! When people ask me how I am doing or what are my plans I keep saying I’m good or I am up to nothing really, but want I really want to say is I am waiting for my life to start again. It has seemed to come to an abrupt halt. A complete standstill… and the things that shouldn’t be worrying me are and those that should aren’t. For instance I couldn’t give a crap about student loans and whether or not they take my money, after it was there money that got me too Australia in the first place.
I’ve been trying to get back to my writing but I am just stumped. I have all these ideas stuck in my head just itching to get out, but I can’t place them into words.I have this sneaky habit of having a story idea, starting to write about it but then putting it aside because for starters.
a) I get bored with it
b) I get stumped. I am unsure of how the story progresses next. I guess this is a classic case of writers block.
c) I write fragments of the stories as they come to me and I have no idea of how to piece them all together. One time I wrote the ending first, but I couldn’t figure out where the beginning starts or if a story even has a beginning, but merely a starting point.
d)I start to hate it because it just gets on my nerves causing me to get frustrated with the piece I am working on.
e) I forget about it.
f) I focus too much on the characters to the point that I am not sure how to do them justice. It’s hard to explain.
g) This sounds weird but the characters don’t like what I am writing or additional characters I am adding.
I’ve only really finished one story, but it still feels like I am not done it at the same time. I always wonder is a story ever finished? Oh wells I hope you enjoy my writing and reviews are always nice.
Then there is the fact that I don’t own the English language in which I am creating these supposed stories. I don’t even own the symbols that make the language possible. No one does and if you want technical not a single thought is possible without it. Lacan even said it. There is no self, no thought without language. And I think it was Barthes who postulated that we don’t own language. So I am I stealing or something, or just merely existing in a system of signs unaware of the power of words I use and the anxiety that comes with the use of language. Not mention there is no author only readers and I am a first reader. Case in point I am rambling. The English language, better yet language and the art of using it creatively in stories confounds me.
P.S. Ummmm…..Its my 200th post in this blog.
A Life of Choice
8 years ago