No Dogs Allowed!

“Every human body has its optimum weight and contour, which only health and efficiency can establish. Whenever we treat women’s bodies as aesthetic objects without function we deform them and their owners.”

~Germaine Greer: The Female Eunuch.

I found that above quote interesting. It makes sense to me for some reason. When I read it, it jumped out to me among the garbled words that lay before me. Yes I’m reading the Female Eunuch. It’s strange.

I’m in a ranting type mood…so I apologise in advance if this blog entry sounds mean or whiny. I however won’t apologise for how I feel.

I’ve encountered some bad luck…

My new job ceased to exist after only 3 ½ hours. It made me mad on so many levels…Apparently according to the all knowing manager and his experience of all knowingness about the service station industry, I wasn’t suited for the job and it was better if I was told sooner than later. Rather than making me wait till the shift was over. I am not even being paid for it. Its one of the moments were I wish would have told the manager to go wank off and demand to be paid for my time. Even the enormous bowl of spaghetti I made didn’t quench my anger.

Today I was dragged around with my flatmate Maria. I don’t think she likes to be alone. I’m the exact opposite.

Here is a list off all the places we went for four long wasted hours.

1. Cleopatra's Beauty Salon
2. Wellness centre. Took her forever to find this place.
3. The University
4. Back to Cleopatra’s
5. A Tattoo and piercing shop
6. An adult shop. (It’s not anything X-rated.)
7. Diva- girly jewellery shop
8. Kebab shop
9. Angus & Robertson Bookstore
10. Another wellness gym type centre.
11. Subway
12. The Heath food store at Shopping Fair
13. Australia Country Living
14. A Pet store.

This whole entire day was a waste of my time. I wish I never went.

If that wasn’t bad enough, the pet store made me depressingly sad. I saw two puppies that looked exactly like my old dogs Shelby and Heidi. The little puppies were in a small dingy cage and looked so lonely and sad. I was tempted to pay for both of them just to get them out of there. I hope some nice people come to rescue them soon. Maria didn’t like them. Perhaps they weren’t fashionable enough?

Maria and her quest for a dog a strange interesting story indeed. Maria wants a dog because according to her she needs companionship.

She once had a cute golden puppy named Honey for about a day and a half at our flat. She ignored the fact that she couldn’t have one. It’s in plain English in the renters’ agreement NO DOGS ALLOWED. A depressing statement, which would anger a certain big brown dog named Finbarpurpleton. And perhaps his brother FERGUS!

She then coming to her senses, realising she couldn’t have her own way, tried but with no avail to find someone who would take care of it for her. She then gave it away to a pet shop. Then she blamed her sadness of losing the dog on Jo and me. The nerve of her!

Sadly, more like ironically, as is usually the case, she found someone after who could take care of her dog? However, new people attracted to the dog’s beautifulness, bought Honey from the pet store. Now Maria is mad because she couldn’t get her puppy back and she paid $50. Oh poor her. The world does not revolve around her.

DUH! If I was the new owners I wouldn’t give her back. It’s her own damn fault. I find those actions entirely selfish. She could have gotten Tarynn and me in trouble with management. Not only that, I was under suspicion that her puppy was a fashion accessory and not a flipping pet…THE END, which is probably why the cute sad dirty lonely puppies I saw today weren’t even considered.

PHEW! I’m done!

And now for some house keeping:

Note to my friends who keep asking me about what were in the secret files Sarah found in Chapter 45. I said what they were. If you read to almost the very end you’ll read this.

“… a folder with secret love letters to Paris Teddington, travel plans to the outer reaches of the solar system, a deadly virus, parasites and confidential files from the superhero agency, the police department and both Bamboozle Times and Bamboozle Chronicle Herald.”

I checked my story when I was asked and indeed I wrote what these secret files were. Read the chapter again if you don’t believe me.

P.S. I’ll carry your blender!

Attending the unattended...my blog

Someone keeps asking about my blog, namely a Princess Jo.

Why?

Is it because I’m interesting?

No it’s merely the fact that according the wise princess that I and many of our blogging friends have neglected our blogs. But then again if PJ is really interested to know my insights she is one of the friends that have the advantage of face to face communication.

My heads been in other places lately…In fact my head is full of thoughts that could be written out. I go through these phases where my head is so crammed full of questions and musings it hard to concentrate.

So here are the top five things I’ve been thinking about, in no particular order or importance.

Writing
I was reading my text book for Technology Communication and Culture where I read something quite brilliant. Scholar Andrew Robinson wrote that writing is among the greatest inventions in human history, because it made history possible. He also notes that many people don’t stop to think about how they write or how they learnt it.

Also I’ve finally managed to write Chapter 45 of my story. Not to mention I keep thinking about other stories, as well as assignments I should be writing. Because they are due Week 6!

Ghosts and the paranormal.
It’s actually something that quite interests me. I am not so sure I believe in the paranormal but I believe in the unexplained. That perhaps there is a reason for it.
Is my house haunted? Jo thinks so…I kind of wonder, seeing as strange things have gone missing, but it turned out to be something else, which I don’t think I should go into at the moment.

Getting a job
This thought has been on my mind for months. I finally have a job. It’s at Caltex as a kitchen hand. I start Monday at 6 a.m. Hopefully things work out.

Journalism
One of my classes I have undertook this term has been Television Journalism. I’ve been thinking about television in the sense that it’s different from newspapers. It’s helped me realise that, although very interesting, I don’t want to work in that area of journalism.

Dream interpretation.
I and many of my friends and flatmates have had some odd dreams lately. It makes me wonder why people dream certain things and why. I often to go to Dream Moods and visit the dream dictionary, but sometimes it still don’t make sense.

P.S. Red cordial just add water!

My defining motto

“A writer writes always.”

It’s a favourite quote of mine from the movie Throw Mama off the Train starring Billy Crystal and Danny DeVito. Its become my motto as a writer.

A few months ago when I was first embarking on my novel writing journey, I suddenly realised this isn’t just another fanciful short story its going to be something big.

To describe the secret of novel writing basics is too complicated to tell for some reason. Perhaps it’s because I believe every writer is different and has their own way of writing their masterpieces.

Writing sadly can be an egotistical thing. I think it’s the one craft or art form that doesn’t quite mix with criticism. Perhaps it’s because it’s something that comes from inside oneself, from their heart. It’s a part of the writer. No one likes to be told they can’t write.

Criticism is different than a critique. A critique if properly told or written can be a good thing. It lets the writer know what they are doing well and what can be improved upon. Writing is the one thing that can always be improved. It is constantly a learning process. Its good to listen to what others have to say.

So instead of telling you how to write, I’ll share with you some tips I have learnt through my writerly experiences.

When going to college back in Canada my journalism instructor told the class that as a writer you should write for the ears and not the eyes. He didn’t mean how it sounds when being broadcast on TV or radio, but it’s how it sounds when you read it silently to yourself. Does it flow fluently? Can you read it easily and enjoyably?

Another tip I learnt when writing is to show not tell. When possible that is. It’s far more effective to be shown a character acting eccentric or evil than being told they are eccentric or evil. It’s also a clever to write in scenes because it shows what the characters and his/her environment is like and sets the mood for the story.

Cliques = death. Avoid them. Here is a list of cliques to give you an idea of what I mean. Originality and cleverness are key ingredients. No one wants to read recycled garble.

These sites had some good advice as well.

Advice on Novel Writing: http://www.steampunk.com/sfch/writing/ckilian/

How to Write a Novel: http://www.spacejock.com.au/WriteANovel.html

What not to do: http://secretgeek.net/nonwriter.asp

How to write a novel in 100 days or less: http://peacecorpswriters.org/pages/depts/resources/resour_writers/100daysbook/bk100da.html

Oh yes Chapter 44 is ready for your reading pleasure. Stay tuned for Chapter 45.

P.S. Princess Jo is a dinner party expert.

Things that make me laugh or mad depending on how you read this entry

Chapter 43 is now finished. I have started Chapter 44…. It’s on its way slowly…

I there has ever been a word, phrase or name that makes one laugh, mine has to be the classic line from Terminator.

“Come with me if you want to live!”

I was watching Terminator Friday night and once I heard the line uttered by the protagonist Kyle Reese, played by Michael Biehn I burst out laughing. I have no explanation of why I think it’s so funny I just do. Maybe it’s like Chris and his unexplained giggling due to a certain name.

FERGUS!

Ah yes the guy I mentioned from New Zealand a few entries ago. I probably should have mentioned, but forgot. He is an old man married with a kid and I was merely sitting at the pool writing after a swim having a political and philosophical discussion. So certain people hoping a romantically type story. Don’t expect it. I’ve decide to become a journalist nun. THE END! I wish people would stop hinting at a potential love interest every time I mention a guy. It seriously annoys me. No offence to my family or friends, but STOP IT! That’s my rant for the day.

I might also add that I judged my new flatmates Tarryn and Maria just a tad to quickly. It’s slowly getting better I’m not ruling out a lifelong friendship.

Despite a funny light bulb incident, more like bizarre occurrence. Some how when Tarryn changed the light bulb just above the hallway upstairs it fell out of the socket and smashed all over the place. I watched her change it and everything. So how many uni students does it take to change a light bulb? Five! When Tarryn’s friends come over they offered their assistance as many good friends would. It was funny watching them inspect the light socket and such. You’d have to be there. Don’t worry I’m not ruling out stupidity.

P.S. Why is the sky blue?

Meet Ashleigh McGlonagkic: A nerd NERDY retarded weird girl.

This entry will be all about strangeness….How a sudden real life moment, dream or people can inspire a story… Chapter 43…is almost done. I promise!

Never mind I’ll turn over my blog to my alter ego Ashleigh McGlonagkic seeing as it was brought to my attention that she is not a fully developed character as the others in my book. I thought perhaps a blog entry on her would be insightful. Actually it was something Amy said in her review, that Ashleigh is a prominent character in the way that the other characters feed off of her. I know what she meant but I am not sure how to describe it.

So here it is…introducing the nerdy one.

Dear blogosphere of hopefully intelligent humans:

I am Ashleigh “Ash-Lady” D3 McGlonagkick. As most of you may all ready know I am a former Neptunian science droid from Neptune’s inner core. I’ll make it clear now that my family and I have legal Fergarian citizenship. So all you wanksters out there who keep trying to have my Mom, Grandma and brother and I deported…you better shut your pieholes!

The strangest thing someone has said to me recently, since moving to Bamboozle would have to be Nigel Bottington. Philis usually takes the cake on random eccentricities (more like eats the cake) but Nigel is another exception.

On February 22 I received news about myself I never even knew. Nigel told me during an interview as a potential photojournalist for Bamboozle Times, that in there’s a statue of me in Quebec Canada, where everyone celebrates Ashleigh Day?

Read Below:

Nigel: I didn't know they had a statue of you in Quebec!!
Me: What?
Nigel: There is a big statue of you in Quebec made of marble and gold.
Me: As if!
Nigel: And February 9th is National Ashliegh McGlonagkic Day and everyone has to wear homemade Rottweiler hats. And in workplaces, it's a competition and the person with the coolest hat gets a lock of your hair as a prize!
Me: Yeah right! Do they read from the sacred Ashliegh McGlonagkic text?
Nigel: Absolutely! Every Sunday, there is a big meeting in the place where your statue is and they prey for you to come back.
Me: My ass they do? I never heard of this so called celebration.
Nigel: That's because it are in Toronto. When was the last time you were in Toronto?
Me: I was 11 the last time I was in Toronto. Also Toronto is in the province of Ontario a completely different province to Quebec.
Nigel: I See? It uh... was only started a few years ago.
Me: Oh really...
Nigel: Yes…

Recently before applying to Bamboozle Times my good friend and me Philis Philmore a.k.a. the Fat Complainer used to work at a sanatorium in which we cared for frail pregnant old lady men. After we were fired for a indiscretion, no doubt caused by Philis, we each applied for numerous jobs as waitresses, astrophysicists, marine biologists, ice cream makers and coffee specialists.

This brings me to my next point. I am tired of is Philis constantly calling me a nerd NERDY retarded weird girl. She says it so much I keep looking in the mirror before I go to bed and reiterate the phrase over and over again.

I would also like to write some random fascinating fact for you all to read but I’m afraid that the computer might explode and the readers mind will implode causing them to collapse into a heap.

Thanks for you short span of attention,

Ashleigh

My new look! Its classy and sassy

My new haircut!

It makes me feel beautiful

Sophisticated!

I give it a 10 out of 10

That pretty much sums up the last couple of days.

That pretty much sums up the last couple of days. Oh yes the random photo shoot by Joan. These are just some of many. My original pictures I tried to take….lets just say I’m better at talking pictures of other people. As for Joan, she too has photogenic skills. Snaps for Joan!

Joan says it looks like a 1920s girl type of cut. I realised strangely enough that my hair contributes to a fraction of my identity. A small fraction.

A couple of nights ago I had this bizarre dream staring Mrs. Lachlan’s Mum and Officer Octogenarian. I thought perhaps I could add it to superheroes, but I think it stands out all on its own. You can read it here.

Don’t worry, Chapter 43 is being written and it is NOT up yet. So if you start e-mailing it saying you can’t find it…that’s probably because I haven’t posted it yet.

Apples vs. Oranges

A random question has been in my mind all day, is there away to ask someone to turn the music down with out sounding like an irate pregnant old lady man?

Want to know what a pregnant old lady man is? Read my story.
Today I had the most hilarious conversation with my flatmate Tarryn at the pool.

Tarryn: Have you ever been to America?
Me: I’ve been to Alaska.
Tarryn: So Canada is on top of America right?
Me: Ummm…yes? Both are on the same continent. North America.
Me thinking: Hello? Of course it is.
Tarryn: So its part of the same county?
Me thinking: Huh?
Me: (somewhat confused) Ummm… no they’re separate countries. They share the continent North America.
Tarryn: So they’re separate countries?
Me: Yes…
Tarryn: Oh OK.
Me thinking: (somewhat judgementally) IDIOT!

And its time for me to have a good laugh to myself thinking back to this hilarious anecdotal situation.

PHEW!

I’m done.

So what else happened today? I spent a good deal of time in the pool because Tarryn invited me to swim so I thought why not. I was dealing with writers block at the time so I thought perhaps a good swim would clear my mind. I ended up talking to this really smart guy from New Zealand. I can't remember his name it begins with a K and his half Maori. We had the most interesting conversation. Now for some reason I badly want to go to New Zealand.

We mainly talked about the environment. I believe in human rights, but I think environmental protection should come first or at least be at par with the importance of it. Because if there is no environment to sustain us then we die and there is no human rights to fight for or protect. I believe humanity and the environment go hand in hand.

Which now brings me to the point of this entry…Today, the silly conversation, the deep thoughts about environmental issues has made me realise how different I am from my current flatmates.

My flatmates are the complete opposite of me. They are oranges and I am apples. They like a good glass of wine…I like a good glass of water. They like to party. I like to study. They spend their time worrying about boys and hair. I spend my time thinking about intellectually stimulating ideas and writing.

I am sure if I tried and intellectual conversation with them their brain might implode from because the unused electrons wouldn’t be able to cope with it. They wouldn’t understand any of my witty jokes if one came as presented itself right in front of their pretty face. And yes I’ve stereotyped them, filed them in a box called oranges, placed myself in a box called apples and judged them. They are so different to me I find it hard to bond with or understand them. It’s a sad fact but I feel like an outsider.

P.S. The sunflowers know all!

The most beautiful boy in the world?

So how was my day today? Despite the constant noise from my flatmates limited pop culture musical stereo. She plays the same five songs over and over again. I was awoken at 8:45 a.m. this morning by it. I felt annoyed and I was tired. I was so mad I wanted to tell her to turn it down or I’ll punch her in the face, but I’m no violent type.

Today has been creative. Chapter 42 is now available for reading.

Once I had a strange dream…

Chris, Kate, Amy and I were making my book Song of the Superheroes into a movie. Of course this was during the time Chris suggested it.

We each were going to play the main characters of course, but we need Officer Octogenarian, the most beautiful boy in the entire world. Many actors came to mind during this dream. In this dream because I was Ashleigh otherwise known as Ultra Nerd I could fly so while my friends drove down a city road in a white convertible listening to killer tunes. I flew above them in serenity.

Guy Sebastian the future Officer Octogenarian? I'm not so sure about this one.

It was decide that Officer Octogenarian would be played by Guy Sebastian. This I have no idea why. So my friends and I sent out to find Guy to personally ask him to be in our film version. Chris and Kate went else where why Amy and I went opposite directions as well.

Near the end of the dream I found Guy at a friendly house somewhere in the suburbs. For some reason in the dream a legion of girls were at his house, furthering our reasoning he should be the beautiful officer. I knocked on his door and when I asked if he would like to be in our film. He glared at me and slammed the door in my face.

This dream has brought me to this very question what does Officer Oliver Octogenarian look like? Its clear to me the Officer Octogenarian has become a complex character and is more than just a beautiful man and here is why.

He is first introduced in Chapter 5. According to Officer Octogenarian himself he is a young robust but “a young robust 23-year-old rugby-playing male.” He believes he is the most beautiful man to grace the entire planet.

Inspector Cathy Such And Such (Mrs. Lachlan’s Mum) his police partner often accuses him of being Carly Simon like. (Think the song “You’re So Vain.) Fergus, Inspector Such And Such’s husband believes Cathy would be keen on making sweet, sweet love to the beautiful officer, but as Cathy puts it. “He is not attracted to her femininity.” – Nigel Bottington is, as well as many others…

This quote pretty much sums up what he looks like and the love interest the main character Sarah Evans develops.

"Then she (Sarah) sees him. The most beautiful boy she has ever seen in her entire life He has brown eyes, which were dark and mysterious, coffee coloured skin, berry coloured lips and a head of stunning black curly hair. Oooh his smile she thinks. She almost faints from eating her hair."

Her love at first is based looks. A love at first sight type deal, but clearly this develops to more of a personal level near the end. She becomes a love sick puppy. He is the man she wants to marry and have babies with and she often imagines stuff about him some of it X-rated some of it not. But even though she really likes him his certain characteristics annoy her. Not to mentions she stays true to herself.

He is sought after romantically or sadly probably just physically by many female and male characters, due to his beauty.

One of which is Norma Normington, Sports Editor of Bamboozle Times upon their first meeting she says “he are GORGEOUS!” and often propositions him to make sweet, sweet love to her through out the story. He repeatedly declines in a not so thoughtful manner. It should be noted now that he can only make sweet love as sweet, sweet love is too much work for him.

Another is Nigel Bottington Editor in Chief of Bamboozle Times said he is a, “very good looking 23-year-old robust rugby-playing male.” He later propositions him, admitting he is attracted to the beautiful officer. He has also said ‘Officer Octogenarian makes gay boys exceptionally happy, woman week in the knees and heterosexual males question their sexuality or become really, really jealous?”

Fellow Bamboozle police woman, Officer Rosie Cheeks attempts to steal a kiss from him when he had fallen due to a brain melting attack by Ultra Nerd.

Ashleigh McGlonagkic (Ultra Nerd) the most sensible character even considers the idea of making sweet, sweet love to him in the early chapters, but she becomes one of the characters to prejudice him because of his beauty in an almost jealous type of way. Maybe because she secretly knows she could never have someone so beautiful. Her best friend Philis Philmore faints from looking at his beautifulness. More about her later…

Sports reporter Mike Queensburry pointed out to fellow reporter Paul McNewberrys (who was found out to be bisexual) is attracted to the beautiful officer. Paul responded by saying everyone is attracted to him.

Although Officer Octogenarian is extremely gorgeous, he is discriminated for being the way he is. His colleagues often tell him to be a model or a movie star something he’d be good at because of his physical appearance, but he perseveres as a police officer something that hasn’t been said why as of yet. He wants to be smarter and use his brain and longs to be accepted for his insides, the person he really is. The only person who seems to know the real him is his sister Princess Jo and possibly Sarah.

He is also attracted to two women through out the story Sarah Evans and Philis Philmore. It’s known to the readers that Sarah loves him back, but its unknown if Philis does. She constantly rejects him saying it’s bestially and he wouldn’t like her because she is fat. Little does she know Officer Octogenarian has a fetish for heavyset girls and he has stuck up her several times when people have said she was fat. And upon first meeting her thought her to be the most beautiful fat girl he had ever seen. It hasn’t been decided which girl he will chose although unfortunately it seems to be in Sarah’s favour. I want him to choose Philis because she is the underdog.

And what is a girl’s idea of the most beautiful man? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Officer Octogenarian in my story represents this world’s constant longing for beauty.

Stay tuned for more character profiles and blog entries.

P.S. When vacationing on Mars near Mount Olympus always wear a helmet

Oh the Anticlimactic writing possibilites

So how do you like my new blog layout?

My head at the moment is filled with many questions. I suppose you could say that this is a rather random entry as I really have no theme in mind.

What is there to say about today? Not much…It was warm. I was still sick. I wrote Chapter 42 of my story today, but it has yet to be typed up. It is sitting safely written inside my notebook.

Ah my notebook, my main tool for the endless writing possibilities, random inquires and memories. I have 10 notebooks I have written in since I was 17. Six of them are packed away in Canada. Four of which I have filled up since being here in Australia.

Then of course there’s pens. I don’t use pencils because they smudge and I get greyness on the sides of my hands as it rests on the note book. And I don’t like pens because the same thing happens with the pen ink. I think my mom was worried at one point that I may unwittingly tattooed my hands with blue mess, sometimes black. So why don’t I just use a keyboard and type it all up. I have no idea.

So far I have come to the conclusion while writing my story that it is highly confusing and anticlimactic. But I digress it now officially novel length at over 80,000 words. I guestimate that is will be at least 100,000 to 120,000 words. As the infamous Lauren Such And Such would say “It are a long book.” And I often wonder while still writing it: will it be published one day?

I was surprised to find out how many of my friends formed an emotional connection to the story. So when I finish it how do I credit the ideas my friends gave me?

I am surprisingly excited and nervous about university next week. So far I am enrolled in

Communication in the Digital Age

Technology Communication and Culture

Television Journalism

Its hard to believe that there will only be two more terms left before I go back to Canada, but that is months away.

P.S. There are ways to tell the evil counterparts apart…stay tuned.