Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Today was pretty much the same...endless boredom.

Whoo! I finally finished another Wild Will story. You can read it here if you are inclined to do so. If not you suck! No I’m just kidding.

Anyways….

If you ever want to read any other stories I have written you can read them here

I remembered this anecdote from my trip to Sydney.

Chris and I were talking to Mike the guy from Greenpeace. At this moment Mike and I were discussing the ice hockey strike in Canada.

Mike: The hockey strike back home hurt Canadians they cancelled the whole season.
Me: I know it sucked. I was just starting to like hockey too. I mean Movie Night in Canada as opposed to Hockey Night in Canada….grrr…
Chris: (says nothing gives kind of a confused look)
Mike: Imagine if they cancelled Rugby here
Chris: I don’t watch rugby
Mike: OK well imagine all the typical Aussie blokes who thrive on rugby.
Chris: (Gives a Chris like look) they would probably beat me up instead.

Yesterday I told my mom I joined Greenpeace she said it was cool. It’s true I am obsessed with the fact that I joined Greenpeace.

Dinner on Tuesday night was alright. Kristine started off cooking it but Kate took over and I helped. Kate couldn’t eat it when it was done because she had hockey but, she came back afterward the game. It was fun cooking. Kristine said she would do the dishes but, I was so bored today I ended up doing them. And that was Tuesday…writing a story and doing dishes.

Today was pretty much the same.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

SYDNEY! The Awesomest City on Earth!

Yesterday was a good day. I went to work and it was busy. During the rush I was trying to cook hot meals. I tried to take the cap off the spray oil but instead the cap went flying off and hit the manager Suzie in the face. I was so embarrassed.

Today on the other hand was a completely lazy day. I spent it watching some sappy made for TV movie about a 16 year old girl who became a mother, writing my story and just sitting in complete silence doing nothing at all thinking about stuff. Later on I am having dinner with my new flatmate Kristine and her girlfriend Sandra. I invited Kate for good measure I hope she can come too. I will be awesome.

And here is proof that I am still obsessed with Carol stories.

Amy and I were walking past the Queen Victoria Building in Sydney when I saw a statue of Queen Victoria. In which the following conversation took place.

Me: I took a picture of the statue of Queen Victoria
Amy: I see sounds like something you would do.
Me: Yes I want to superimpose Carols face on that statue of Queen Victoria
Amy: Really?
Me: Yes and I will call it Carol Queen of the fat!
Amy: MELISSA! That’s mean.

Yes, yes it is and the real Carol will probably read that and never speak to me again. But then again I was referring to what Chris and call Story Carol. The real Carol is a lot different.

Here be the Carol version

Amy, Melissa and Carol are walking by the Queen Victoria Building in Sydney. Melissa snaps a picture of the Queen Victoria statue in the front.

Carol: Stop taking Pictures you NERD!
Melissa: But it’s Queen Victoria!
Amy: Relax Carol it’s just something Melissa does.
Carol: What! Act like a nerdy retarded weird NERD girl.
Amy: No no Carol taking pictures
Melissa: There for my family because they can’t be here I am acting as there eyes and ears.
Carol: Your family of NERDS?
Melissa: (Gives and exasperated sigh) No Carol. Actually I am taking this picture for you. I want to superimpose your face on that statue of Queen Victoria
Amy: Really? Awe Melissa that is nice of you.
Carol: Why Melissa? You’re not that way are you?
Melissa: Well no but…
Amy: Well I guess Carol isn’t going to like Oxford Street
Carol: Why would we want to go to street named after Oxen that’s BESTIALITY!
Melissa: Err…. right anyways about that picture… I will call it Carol Queen of the fat!
Amy: MELISSA! That’s mean.
Carol: Melissa I am already Queen of the FAT! We should superimpose your head on there too so you can be Melissa Queen of the NERDS!

As for Sydney it was awesome, although a little expensive, the night life is spiffy and you can pretty much walk anywhere. I reminded me of the big cosmopolitan cities back home in Canada like Vancouver, Toronto or Montreal. However, Sydney was something that was completely Sydney like. It was better than I imagined it too be.

The plane ride to and from Sydney was like any other plane ride except both flights had medical emergencies. On the flight from Brisbane they had paramedics coming on board once we landed. However, on the way home it wasn’t as serious. It was just someone who was badly airsick.

Here are some highlights of my trip:

First off seeing my friends Chris and Amy that was the best part, we hung out and had fun, such as getting caught in a rainstorm, eating at a 24 hour McDonalds and riding the monorail twice. At the monorail I got stuck in the entry way and I forget which stop but a bunch of Asians came into are car. Needless to say I got claustrophobic.

Meeting Jeremy was pretty cool. He is awesome. He is probably the smartest person I have ever met.

On Saturday Amy, Chris, Jeremy and I went to Taronga Zoo. I got a little carried away with my camera and took way to many pictures. Sadly there were no elephants. Apparently they were in quarantine. I have six rolls to develop most of which are of animals, random photos of my friends and The Opera House. When I asked if there was a place to get film, Amy and Jeremy kept trying to convince me Sydney doesn’t sell film anymore. On the way back we took the air tram. Poor Chris was scared of heights and Jeremy kept on teasing him about an impending air tram accident. Luckily no such accident happened and we arrived safely on the ground.

After the zoo Chris, Amy and I went to the Opera House. It’s different seeing it in real life, especially when you’re standing right in front of it. In the professional photographs the Opera House looks so pristine, beautiful and white. In real life it looks giant and daunting, yet beautiful. Later on that night Chris, Amy and I went to a bar on Oxford Street. Chris and I kept laughing at stuff Amy didn't get it.

On Sunday Amy and I went on Sydney Tour bus. I was fun. The bus went by The Sydney Harbour Bridge, The Opera House, and a lot of museums, Kings Cross, The Rocks, The Chinese Garden and a whole lot more. At the end we were both wind blown and cold.

And finally I joined Greenpeace. I was walking through Hyde Park to towards Oxford Street to find Chris and then I was stopped by another Canadian named Mike. We talked about hockey and the environment. Obviously we talked about those two things because, A: Hockey is a Canadian symbol and B: He was a member of Greenpeace and they are all about the environment. My new flatmate Kristine says I am a sucker for joining. Well I believe it’s important to take care of the environment.

They only thing that wasn’t as great was the hostel I stayed at. No one talked to each other and just kept to themselves. Are people to afraid to talk to each other anymore?

But, I think the worst part of the trip was I had to leave.

However, Amy and I made unofficial plans to go to Melbourne or back to Sydney.

P.S. Amy your right in reference to staring it is supposed to be starring. I really ought to check the spelling before I finish a movie. I think I got the case of the insufferable know it all syndrome. Anyways I would like to apologize for that.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Its all happening in Melissaville

In three days I shall be going to Sydney! Yay! The only person I think is more excited about Sydney than me is Amy.

Today I had to work. I found another fly in the food. Ewwwww! Other than that not much has happened today. For some reason it doesn’t feel like October to me. Usually for me October means autumn there is either the possibility of snow, actual snow, a slight chill and leaves everywhere. It doesn’t make me homesick it just feels abnormal because it’s almost summer here in Australia. In fact I can’t even tell the differences between seasons it just seems like endless spring or summer.

I have four favourite TV shows:

Smallville
Futurama
Corner Gas
Royal Canadian Air Farce

Lately I have been obsessed with the first on my list, Smallville.

Kate doesn’t like the show. She said that the original Superman is better. I like both. Also I think Tom Welling is gorgeous. Ha so there! I remember Kayla saying that watching Smallville is better if you don’t know any Superman folklore. I disagree my opinion is, you don’t have to know the Superman tale, but it makes it more enjoyable if you do. She did not like me disagreeing and went all know it all to prove the point that she was right. But, she is gone now so I don’t care.

Smallville also reminds me of home. I remember watching it with my mom and feeling upset because she had (probably still does) nine favourite shows. I just wanted a show that I could watch by myself, that didn’t involve vampires, forensics, hospital dramas, or having to pick up a phone and vote for someone. But then again my mom also like Superman related stuff as does my brother. It must be genetic or I am just a NERD retarded weird girl.

Ah yes, I have put up a new story…you can read it here. It’s a prelude to an even bigger story that I have been working on. This one involves Melissa on a bike, John on trike, Wild Will and Carol.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

"And all I wanted was a flat to myself!"

Today had an interesting start. At 1:23 a.m. Jack woke me up with a text message…he was in a drunken state. Ummm…well I was sleeping and annoyed that I was awoken from my very good sleep! So I told him so. Its funny that he would text me so early, but even funnier that I texted him back. I do the strangest things. I apologized for snapping at him in the morning at a more decent hour. He said it was cool.

Also Corrine is gone now…she moved out in a hurry this morning….for an hour I thought I might actually have a flat to myself…I even announced my aloneness to Chris, but an hour later someone new moved in. Her name is Christine she is nice or as Chris would say she are nice. She is also happy because she isn’t stuck with the smallest room. I now have been through seven different flatmates. I am now up to eight. Louie was right when she said people come and go quickly around here. Maybe my flat is cursed.

I also thought it was cool how Christine has been to Asia. I want to go there someday. My mom says I shouldn’t but she is basing it on the fact that I might get kidnapped and sent into the sex trade. I kid you not. My mom worries too much. I think it’s genetic because I worry a lot too.

In other news I have made it up too 12 characters in the same scene. I have figured out how to do it. I would tell you but that’s a secret. Amy wants me to write her a story for when I see her in Sydney. I had an idea for a Wild Will one. But I already wrote her one. I am thinking of writing a completely different story all together. I am not sure what yet. There is also a Kate story in the works…I have so many writing projects at hand. I think I might go insane, but then again I am happiest when I am writing.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The third person perspective

According to Chris and Kate I am Mexican because I haven’t earned the write to be Canadian…Right well anyways, the highlights of my day at work are as follows: scrubbing the fridge floor on my hands and knees, and finding a dead fly on a piece of ham in the sub bar… Ewwwwww! What an interesting life I have.

I have decided to take a crack at the horribly confusing story I mentioned trying to write yesterday. I think I figured out how to do it. I consider it a challenge as a writer. In fact I think I have changed as a writer. I have spent like last couple of weeks looking at old stories I have written. I can see how my style of writing has changed.

When I was 17, I used to write about my two dogs Shelby and Heidi and sometimes my cat Mullygin. They were my muses. Unfortunately Heidi died because she was run over by a car. Shelby was given away because she was attacking Heidi as well as other dogs. I thought she might have to be put down. Mullygin went missing in the forests of northern Canada. My mom speculates that she was eaten by a cougar or a lynx, which are carnivorous cats. After Shelby was given away it would never be the same. I haven’t ` written a story about them since February 2003. After Heidi died I stopped reading them. I don’t think I will ever write a story about them again.

I can feel another character that may soon join the ranks of lost characters, Wild Will and his associates. He represents my anger. I usually write about him when I am mad or in some sort of strange mood. I just haven’t been able to keep him in character. It really annoys me because I think he has potential to be a real cult figure, besides Amy’s of course.

What about putting me as a character in a story and referring to myself in the third person? Perhaps if I put it from my perspective it would feel strange writing it. I prefer the third person I am able to express what all the characters are thinking and doing its got nothing to do with me mentally, as some people may have mentioned this to me recently. However, I will admit I do confront my aggression and frustration through writing.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Sorry if I keep writing Fergus…

Today was an OK day. You know you’re an adult when you have to work instead of going to the beach with your friends. I don’t like the way I look in a swimsuit anyways.

But because I didn’t go to the beach I ended up learning where I was really from. Canadia…A customer was commenting on my accent and asked where I was from. I said Canadia by accident of course. Chris and Kate is affecting me. Damn them anyways…no I’m just kidding! You know I love you guys and not in that way either.

Its also general consensus that I have not been myself lately, I have acted completely out of character, showing a mean streak that I didn’t even know I had. However, Joan and I discussed what I had said in a calm and civil discussion and it appears that we are friends whether I like it or not. Don’t worry I like being her friend. I explained what I meant and we each decided to be honest with one another. Justin on the other hand…I shall be avoiding him for awhile.

My desk is a mess. I was told that that is a writer thing. Why? I do not know. But it’s interesting because I find stuff I thought I had lost months ago. For instance a postcard I was supposed to send to Carol, some blue tack old stuff I had written for assignments and an assortment of other things. And now it’s my mission to clean it up….eventually.

Current annoyance other than my desk is my laptop…the keys on it are falling off the down key is held on by a piece of blue tack and the bloody spacebar keeps sticking or coming off completely. I think its time I invest in a new computer.

Ah yes I have been trying to write a Wild Will story with Fergus in it on suggestion from Chris since August. Its starting to confuse me because there is at least twelve additional characters...There is an alternate problem solving team. Fergus is supposed to the opposite of Wild Will. Then there is a beaver named Captain Winky, who is the opposite to Adventure Joe and Carol who is supposed to be the opposite of John. Then there are opposite characters to Chris, Amy, Antonia, Kinwai and I…and then there is the opposites of Justin and Joan…who under the circumstances will probably not be appearing in any more stories. Maybe Joan might, but in nicer circumstances. I also was planning to include Kate. It’s just getting to confusing to write because I keep forgetting who is where and why they are there... It was already hard before when I had 10 characters in the same room…any writer who has the ability to write about over 20 characters in one situation…is a genius. The main reason it annoys me because I keep forgetting to put Wild Will in it and when I do he is too nice. I mean he is the MAIN character…so instead I shall write a Wild Will story with Kate in it and Fergus… Or I could just write a whole new series about Fergus. Also Captain Winky is the stupidest character I ever invented therefore he no longer will exist. As I say this he disappears into a puff of smoke and evaporates….mwahahahhahahaa! Sorry if I keep writing Fergus…I know it makes Chris laugh himself stupid. Also I am probably aware that most people reading this will have no idea what I am rambling about.

And now I shall share my ultimate dream. I want to see my books on a book store self!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

This entry is open for interpretation.

Kate, Amy, Chris that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. But, it’s too late I already sent them a text message telling them how I feel. It was quite mean too. There is no need to worry about me.

Today back home in Canada its Thanksgiving, I miss the turkey dinner and all the trimmings, but that doesn’t mean I have nothing to be thankful for.

It’s traditional in my family to make a list of things you are thankful for.

1. My friends
2. Coming to Australia…yes I thankful for coming here.
3. Finishing university for the year.
4. That I have a job

Today I was working on an assignment for class when I found this. He he is says the funny word about you know who.

Oh I know I said I would never write a Carol story again…but I just couldn’t resist. This was written yesterday when I was still in a really weird mood. Oh wells its open for your interpretation.

Melissa is telling Carol about her new really good friends in Australia. They are sitting outside Melissa’s flat.
Melissa: I have some really cool friends here in Australia, Chris, Jack, Kate and Amy.
Carol: Nooooo you and are best friends. You and I are only really good friends. Because Amy is too Amy like, Chris has Kate and Jack has Jill
Melissa: Carol, there is no Jill
Carol: Yes there is Melissa, they met on a hill.
Joan walks up to Melissa
SMACK!
Melissa punches Joan in the face.

Melissa: Stay out of my business! My life!
Carol: Melissa that’s awesome! I’ve been telling you to that for months.
Joan: Owe why did you do that Mel?
Carol: Because she is an ANGRY retarded NERD weird girl now! (Shakes fist in anger) Wait this isn’t like Melissa?
The real Melissa shows up, who will now be known temporarily as Good Melissa and the one who punched Joan shall be Evil Melissa.
Good Melissa: Oh dear God what happened here?
Carol: You punched Joan in the face.
Evil Melissa: Noooo I punched Joan in the face.
Carol: (Looks at both Melissas) I’m so confused. (She falls over from dizziness)
Good Melissa: Carol Are you OK? CAROL?
Joan: (Crying) Melissa what did I do? Why don’t you like me?
Carol: (Wakes up) You Joan were born, which is a crime against humanity and FAT people. (Falls back over from dizziness)
Good Melissa: Carol that was a little mean. Its just that Joan gets on my nerves and stuff.
Evil Melissa: YOU STOLE ALL MY FRIENDS AND I HATE YOU! Its because your nosey and stuff everything up for me.
Good Melissa: Isn’t that a little far fetched? The reason is because you call me Mel all the time when I have asked you to call me Melissa. You pressure me into stuff that isn’t me and your personality is overwhelming.
Carol: (Wakes up again) Melissa what happened?
Good Melissa: Ummm….it appears that I have split into. I think I’m having a battle with my inner demons.
Carol: Noooo that’s just stupid science fiction like NERD stuff.
Good Melissa: (Ponders for a minute) Hmmm… I think Evil Melissa may represent my hidden feelings but, oh dear God she has regressed to a seven-year-old state and she’s a MONSTER!
Carol: Noooo she’s a NERD retarded weird girl MONSTER!
Joan: Oh well that would explain why a midget hit me.
Good Melissa: Oh I know what Evil Melissa needs, a hug
Evil Melissa: Oh no anything but that!
Good Melissa hugs Evil Melissa, then Evil Melissa disappears. A few moments later…Melissa wakes up.
Melissa: What the? (She picks up the phone and calls Carol)
Carol: Hey why did you wake me up you NERD!
Melissa: Ummm…I had a bad dream. I dreamt I punched Joan in the face then I split into and the evil version of me turned out to be a seven-year-old monster.
Carol: That’s just a NERD dream. Don’t worry about it. You’re a nerd and I am fat. You see I have FAT dreams.
Melissa: (sighs) Whatever Carol!

Also I my brain is 80% female and 20% male...

Monday, October 09, 2006

I am not a friend....

I just realized something I like all my friends that I have made because they inspire me in many different ways.

Last night was fun, Chris, Kate and I went clubbing. It was fun.

For some reason I had this thought, everyone likes Joan better than me? But, then I realized they like her for different reasons not necessarily better or worse than anyone in particular. However, today I decided I no longer want to be friends with Justin and Joan. I like Joan but I am not a good friend…I tried to like them or give them a chance but it’s just not worth lying to them or myself anymore. I don’t hate them, I just don’t think it’s proper for me to be their friends, especially if I talk badly behind their backs and conspire in mean gossip sessions between people who despised them. For some reason I had nothing but negative feelings towards them…if I considered them friends I wouldn’t.

Just take a good look at this particular paragraph in my Kiwibox journal to see what I mean.

“I do not like Justin. I kind of did but not in the romantic way. In the friendship kind of way, Amy asked me that once. She read the story. I saw him with out his shirt on at the pool one day. He has man boobs ewww! Amy agrees (Sorry Amy ).Also he got on my nerves a lot telling me the Aussie way, more like the red neck Aussie way. Oh yeah discussing how I should change my fashion sense, when he dresses like a total dag. If I did like him what the fuck was I thinking?. Sorry I have to diss someone else besides Joan all the time. Justin is just as easy of a target. Mwhahahahahahaha!!!!”

What kind of friend writes that?

Now I want to go home. I made a big mistake coming. I wish I never came to Australia!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I am never writing a Carol story again!

Ahhhhhh!!! I am never writing a Carol story again. Carol found out I am writing about her and if she misinterprets and thinks they are mean….But then again….in my stories I accused Jack of eating babies, Amy of being a cheerful weird girl, my self about being a NERD retarded weird girl, Kate of being evil, Joan of being overly annoying, Justin of smelling really bad and Chris of just being weird.

But it turns out that it wasn’t as bad as I though at the time of writing this Carol wasn’t upset. I told her they were a tribute not an insult.

Here is a conversation about it as follows.

Me: Did I offend you or anything?
Carol: No it sounds like stuff I would say anyways
Me: The stories are kind of mean. I was really worried
Carol: Meh whatever but anyways I'm going to bed. I'll talk to u tomorrow

Hmmm….. It appears that I have learnt my lesson for now.

My question for the day other than inadvertently scaring myself that I would lose my best friend in Canada….She said she needs me right now and I can’t even be there. I have three best friends here. I don’t believe in having on best friend but many best friends instead because the term best friend seems so subjective.

Oh wells, according to Justin and Joan I am shy? Perhaps I am or perhaps I am not.

And I don’t take back what I said about Justin yesterday because I meant it at the time. It would be contradictory if I said otherwise. My opinion of people change from day to day some days I like them, some days I don’t. It’s really a strange thing. I refuse to believe anyone is worth hating because it’s such a powerful emotion and I believe it’s the worst thing to feel.

It just makes me mad that Justin and Joan treat me like I am a little kid and I can’t do anything because I am some naïve Canadian chick who needs to ‘grow a back bone’ It wasn’t there place to get involved in the current situation at hand even if they had the best intentions. Also they have only known me for 8 months.

Also if someone says to you that they consider you a sister do you have to feel the same way? I already have a little brother and people I consider sisters and brothers unfortunately she isn’t one of them. I know it’s a horrible thing to say, but I just don’t.

I also made up my mind about something very important today and I plan to stick to it.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Bonne feta et toi! Bonne feta et toi! Happy Birthday to me!

Thursday was my 22nd birthday. I almost forgot about it for some odd reason until Chris wished me a happy birthday. I think I am weird. And time zones dictate that I have two days to celebrate my birthday woo hoo!

Yesterday was the birthday celebrations. Let’s just say they didn’t go quite as planned. I was supposed to go to dinner, then I was supposed to hang out with friends, then I was supposed to go out to dinner, then hang out with friends…I didn’t want to do either because I couldn’t make up my mind. Although, the hanging out with friends wasn’t that bad and YES I was pressured into having a get together…certain people can dispute it as much as they want, but I still stand by what I say.

I have come to these conclusions today:

Jack likes me as friend, which is still cool. I am used to rejection by now.

Justin is a DICKHEAD! And hypocrite! For various reasons I don’t want to discuss. I seriously don’t care what anyone thinks about that! If you think I am being mean. You can bite me!

Joan hugs me too much and gets on my nerves, but I still like her.

Chris is Chris he always will be. Don’t ever change Chris!

Kate is cool! Enough said!

I miss Carol a lot!

I miss Amy a lot too!

I use the ‘I’m homesick excuse’ way too much! I don’t think it works anymore.

My mood has changed many times today. I went from really depressed…to feeling OK too feeling pissed off.

This is a story about my party had it happened the way I wanted…with people I actually wanted to come.

Melissa, Carol, Chris, Jack, Kate and Amy are celebrating Melissa’s birthday at Melissa’s flat.
Chris: Happy Birthday!
Carol: Bonne feta et toi! Bonne feta et toi!
Jack: Is that French?
Carol: Nooo its Germanium
Melissa: Actually it is French. It means happy birthday to you
Kate: Oh it’s your birthday is it? I thought we were here for free cake.
Jack: True! Me too!
Carol: Well there is not cake because I can’t eat cake it just adds more fat to my FAT!
Kate: Caaaarrroooool that doesn’t make any sense!
Carol: You don’t make any sense.
Chris: More sense than you Ca-rol!
Amy walks in the flat.
Amy: Hey guys! Happy birthday Melissa! (She winks)
Melissa: What’s with the wink Amy?
Amy: Oh you know!
Chris: Obviously she doesn’t or she are would not have asked you.
Amy: You know (nods towards Jack)
Jack: (Looks perplexed) What? Am I being weird? Am I?
Melissa: Noooo you’re not. Amy I thought you said you didn’t approve.
Amy: Oh right….why?
Carol: Because he eats babies.
Jack: Who eats babies?
Kate: I do!
Chris: Me too! No I’m just kidding I really do.
Amy: Oh yeah because he’s the ugliest person on the face of the EARTH
Carol: Yes and he eats BABIES!
Jack: Who are you talking about?
Chris: Oh you know they is talking about you and how WEIRD you is.
Carol: And how he eats BABIES!
Jack: I don’t EAT BABIES! (He storms out of the room)
Melissa: Ummm….why don’t we talk about something different.
Amy: Oh Melissa you know I’m joking. You are basing it on personality not looks which is sweet. (winks again)
Carol: Yes that’s something fat people say all the time. Also DON’T IGNORE THE PART ABOUT EATING BABIES. Also if we change the subject well will end up talking about useless trivial stuff.
Chris: You know I are never seen him eat one.
Kate: Where’s weird boy? I mean Jack.
Melissa: (sighs) He stormed off after Carol accused him several times of eating babies, Amy said he was the ugliest person on the face of the EARTH and Chris said he was weird.
Carol: Hey I know where is Jill?
Melissa: Carol I thought we established there is no Jill.
Kate: Who’s Jill?
Chris: You’re Mum.
Jack walks back in the flat with a baby
Jack: My Mum? Oh yeah I brought this baby to prove I won’t eat it because I don’t eat babies because that is weird. Am I weird?
Carol: Oh my God put the baby down! (Covers her eyes)
Melissa: Jack, that’s a plastic doll.
Chris: So Jack are eats plastic babies?
Carol: Phew I though he ate real ones.
Jack: What? I don’t eat babies, plastic or real!
Amy: OH MY GOSH! Where did you get that plastic baby?
Jack: Ummm….some loud blonde girl…she said she was practising.
Amy: OH MY GOSH! That one?
Kate: Which one? Practising for what?
Chris: That what? You mean Joan?
Jack: Yeah that’s the one.
Carol: Soooo does Joan eat babies?
Melissa: No Carol! So why did she give you the doll?
Jack: You know I don’t know. But she asked why she wasn’t invited.
Kate: That’s because Mel-issa HATES her!
Jack: True! I never knew that!
Carol: It’s because she eats babies. We must of mistaken you to be the baby eater instead. Sorry Jack she must be trying to frame you because I’m FAT and I reminded her of a baby and she is worried you’ll eat me first.
Amy: Joan doesn’t eat babies Carol. You’re a rat!
Carol: Now I remember Jack climbs beanstalks and has a friend named Jill.
Jack: Really! I’ve never done that!
Carol: Wait Melissa’s friend AMY….did you just call me a fat?
Amy: Oh Carol you silly girl I called you a rat.
Chris: Yes rat as in R-A-T.
Carol: Noooo I’m fat and rats they are FAT!
There’s a knock on the door. It was Joan.
Joan: Mel is anybody home?
Melissa: Mel-ISSA! No there isn’t go away!
Joan: Are you having a party?
Melissa: Ummm…yes I mean no. Yes that’s right NO!
Jack: I thought this was a party.
Kate: Mel-issa this is a PARTY!
Melissa: Did I give you a formal invite?
Kate: Well then it’s a get together same thing!
Chris: I seem to remember Melissa inviting me
Amy: Yeah me too!
Carol: Noooo this is a Melissa and Carol party you guys just showed up. Only one NERDY WEIRD retard weird girl is allow and me because I’m fat! Melissa I’m your only friend….ONLY friend!
Melissa: (sighs) I give up! Carol you’re beyond help.
Joan continues banging on the door.
Joan: Come on. I KNOW you’re having a party!
Melissa: I wasn’t allowed to invite you because uh….I don’t have enough chairs.
Kate: Yeah Carol takes up two of them!
Carol: (Glares at Kate.) Yeah well you….are just discriminating me because I am FAT and you think people who are fat take up lots of space and lots of fat….I hate you.
Kate: Yes, yes you are…and don’t forget about the chairs.
Joan: (Calling from outside) Can I at least have the baby doll back. I’m practising for my 16 year plan.
Jack: (Looks at doll) Ummm…this is weird. Oh no I’m being WEIRD! Am I being Weird?
Melissa: Jack shut up! (Grabs the doll from him angrily. She walks to the back door and hands the plastic baby to Joan) Here you go Joan!
Joan: (Tries to see inside) Hi Melissa! Amy! Chris! Kate! Jack! Carol!
Melissa: Oh sorry A.E.S.M meeting no Joan’s allowed! I have to go! (Slams door in Joan’s face)
Chris: Melissa you is really mean!
Amy: A.E.S.M meeting! Yay!
Melissa: Like I said I don’t have anywhere for her to sit…
Kate: That’s the dumbest excuse ever!
Carol: You’re the dumbest excuse ever!
Chris: You are!
Melissa: So what should we do now?
Carol: Talk about non NERD stuff
Chris: Eat cake!
Jack: Something that isn’t weird or involves me possibly being weird.
Amy: Plan your wedding!
Kate: Kill Carol!
Carol: What! That’s terrible!
Jack: Who’s wedding?
Amy: Oh you know!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

NO PRESENTS FOR YOU!

Today was an awesome day. I went to a movie Barnyard with Jack. It was actually pretty funny, except there were heaps of little kids at the theatre today. One burst into tears after she spilt her popcorn. After the movie we just hung out and talked. It was cool. Jack likes to ask me questions about Canada a lot. He told me all about the time he was in the New Zealand Army and how he wants to go to Britain. It was pretty cool.

Amy for some reason Chris told me to say that you’re a sell out.

Yesterday instead of writing essays for class. I wrote another Carol story inspired by a conversation between Chris and me. It be a long story my friends.

Melissa, Carol and Chris are sitting at the uni refectory. Today by some odd coincidence they are discussing the North Pole.
Chris: Is the North Pole a country?
Melissa: I’m not sure I think its part of Canada or Denmark.
Carol: Noooo the North Pole is a country. Where do you think Santa Claus lives?
Awkward silence….
Melissa: Ummm Carol you do know that Santa isn’t real?
Carol: (bursts into tears.) How come you didn’t tell me?
Chris: Melissa you’re really mean.
Melissa: I’m sorry Carol I thought you knew?
Carol: What else haven’t you told me?
Melissa: Well umm… there’s no Easter Bunny.
Carol: (cries) Mel-issa you’re the meanest NERD Fat brain EVER!
Melissa: Well there’s no Tooth Fairy either
Carol: But she leaves me money for me? When I loose my teeth? (Continues to sob)
Chris: Melissa STOP IT! You know her fat incrusted brain can’t handle vaginas I mean the truth.
Melissa: Carol…I’m just joking of course there is a Santa (Winks at Chris) Right Chris.
Chris: Oh right of course…you’re a doo doo head.
Amy shows up at the refectory. She sits down with her friends.
Amy: (cheerfully)Hey guys! My fellow A.E.S.M. members….MELISSA I can’t believe you’re getting married.
Chris: Hey Amy…your looking…
Melissa: (Slaps Chris) don’t say it.
Amy: Yes and I am her maid of honour.
Melissa: (Looks uncomfortable) Ummm…What! I’m not getting married. I just said I liked a guy that’s all.
Carol: I’m maid of honours or this friendship is over!
Melissa: Carol Amy just blew what I said out of proportion
Amy: Noooo I didn’t. He hasn’t asked yet. I just KNOW he likes you.
Carol: I hate you….You know nothing NERD.
Melissa: Carol if I was getting married don’t you think I would have a ring?
Carol: (inspects Melissa’s left hand) Perhaps it’s an invisible ring.
Amy: Just like Wonder Woman. Oh I wish I could see you’re invisible ring.
Melissa: Wonder Woman had an invisible jet not an invisible ring.
Chris: Well you can’t see it if it’s invisible
Uncomfortable silence ensues.
Carol: Is your finance invisible too?
Melissa: What? Oh you mean my fiancé? There isn’t one.
Amy: Well obviously if he is invisible…Wait what did I blow out of proportion?
Melissa: YOU KNOW! The guy I like.
Chris: You mean Jack?
Melissa: Shut up!
Amy: I reckon he likes you.
Carol: Hey look its Santa. Yay!
The big jolly red elf appears. He has big bag of toys and a belly that jiggles like a bowl full of jelly.
Santa: Ho ho ho! Hello Carol you’ve been a good FAT girl this year.
Carol: I know I have! Unlike my friend…You know the Fat brain NERDY retarded weird girl.
Chris: Hi Santa. What are you doing in Australia in July?
Santa: NO PRESENTS FOR YOU!
Amy: That’s OK I have the bestest friends in the world…I don’t need prezzies
Santa: Good because… NO PRESENTS FOR YOU! (He hands Amy a wooden duck a.k.a. a dead bird)
Amy: (Looks at gift) Doesn’t this qualify as a present? Ewww… it smells.
Santa: No it’s a dead bird.
Melissa: So that’s where it went.
Santa: Melissa you made Carol cry so NO PRESENTS FOR YOU! (He hands Melissa and Chris lumps of coal)
Chris: Goodo this will end the fuel shortage at home.
Melissa: Thanks for the fossil fuel dickhead!
Carol: Yay! I get presents.
Santa: (hands Carol some diet shake mix) Ho ho ho! There you go Carol.
Carol: (Looks at present) Oh gee Santa I can’t take your supply…you’re fatter than me?
Santa: (glares at Carol) YOU’RE FAT! I’m just full of jelly.
Carol: Jelly fat?
Santa: Nooo Carol. My tummy is like a bowl full of jelly.
Carol: Yes that’s a nice way of saying your FAT!
Santa: (takes Carols present away) NO PRESENTS FOR YOU!
Santa disappears in a puff of smoke. Carol, Melissa, Amy and Chris sit in silence. The oddity confounding them.
Melissa: Ummm OK so I was wrong about Santa
Carol: Yes, yes you were. You NERD NERDY retarded weird girl.
Melissa: Shut up FAT ASS!
Amy: Melissa! Since when do you talk to your friends like that?
Melissa: Ummm…I only talk to Carol like that. I mean she calls me a NERD all the time.
Carol: Yes Melissa and I are friends. JUST US! NOT YOU! Chris made it in by default because I’m fat!
Amy: (cries) But I WAS Melissa’s FIRST AUSSIE FRIEND and I invited Chris in Curse you Chris!
Chris: (Looks uncomfortable) Ummm…Carol Amy’s skinny enough to fit into our group.
Carol: Nooo you’re not even a friend. Just a weird AUSSIE acquaintance.
Chris: Fine then! Maybe you should have accepted Santa’s slim mix.
Melissa: I believe Carol had reason for it. Also CHRIS and AMY are allowed in our friendship circle because I said so.
Amy: Awwwh you’re such a Canadian, always a peace keeper, never a warrior, always a wallflower, and always being nice.
Melissa: What? Amy you’re not making any sense?
Amy: Well I read about Canadian national identity in an encyclopaedia. Also I have a dead bird!
Carol: You’re not Canadian your just the Aussie NERD version of Melissa. One nerd is enough. I found enough fat already.
Melissa: Besides your own?
Carol: Shut up! Melissa, at least I’m not obsessed with a guy who eats babies.
Chris: Carol! Jack doesn’t eat babies. Mel-issa just put me on the spot.
Melissa: Uh yeah sorry about that Chris. Uh Amy you might want to get rid of that dead bird.
Amy: No no its MINE!
Melissa: Sure if you say so!
Chris: Yes Melissa we all no about the dead bird!
Carol: I don’t is it fat?
Melissa: Uh well not really…
Chris: (whispers into Carol’s ear) its actually….
Carol: Ewww…MELISSA! That’s disgusting! You NERD!
Amy: Wait am I missing something here?
Chris: (whispers into Amy’s ear) its actually….
Amy: OH MY GOSH! Melissa! (She throws the dead bird away!)
Melissa: (Looks embarrassed) Thanks for telling everyone Chris.
Chris: Don’t mention…we couldn’t have any more suspense about the dead bird.
Kate shows up and decides to sit with the group.
Kate: How’s it going guys!
Carol: What are you doing here?
Kate: I was just about to say the same thing!
Carol: I asked you first!
Kate: Maybe I DON’T want to answer you!
Melissa: Oh come on can you not fight with in the first two seconds of meeting each other?
Carol: Melissa you remember what happened last time. She told me I should die and that I was FAT!
Kate: Well that’s true Carol. You ARE FAT!
Chris: Kate! Didn’t Melissa tell you that Carol was sensitive about weight issues?
Amy: Carol isn’t fat. She is beautiful just the way she is. Just like Mr. Darcy and Bridget Jones. He likes her just the way she is…
Melissa: You watch too many movies.
Carol: Are you that way?
Chris: I am!
Amy: Noooo of course not. I was just trying to build up your self esteem.
Carol: What so I can get fatter?
Melissa: No Carol you fucktard! So you feel better about yourself. Self acceptance and love is key!
Carol: Ewwww…. Melissa I’m not mesexual!
Kate: Ewwww…You’re a big fat VAGINA!
Carol: What! I think you are!
Kate: I was talking to Chris.
Melissa: Ummm… Carol what’s mesexual?
Carol: You know!
Amy: I don’t want to know!
Chris: I think it’s to do with self exploration.
Amy: Chris! You’re disgusting.
Melissa: Chris! Shut up you perv!
The group disperses…Carol and Melissa wander on to their next argument…I mean adventure. Chris and Kate go off to participate in Chris and Kate activities and Amy goes back to Canberra. THE END!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Highlights of the year: FERGUS! A.E.S.M and more....

Tomorrow is the beginning of week 12, which means there is only a week left of university. A lot has happened in July but a lot more has happened since February when I got here and since on the 19 I will have been in Australia for 8 months. I thought I shall compile a list of the things that has happened so far.

Highlights of the year:

University: I did really well on my assignments and the agents I went through when I applied to university here in Australia said not to expect High Distinctions. In your face! I got two HDs last term.

The A.E.S.M.: This is the first one on my list, my first group of international friends. I think we shall be friends for life.

Flat to Myself: A movie type deal that Chris, Amy, Antonia and I started in June. Kate was included in the sequel. Chris and I started a documentary of the first to stories. Now according to him it is a franchise.

Wild Will: My favourite rottweiler character. He has gone from making odd appearance in unfinished stories to being part of a full fledged series of bizarre events. It all started with Amy and Chris’s inspiration.

Carol: Writing mean stories about Carol. Some friend I am. I take it if she were to read this blog she would disown me for life. But then again I have explained that it’s not meant to be taken seriously over and over again

Fergus: This name makes Chris laugh. I still don’t know why. But when he laughs I want to laugh too. It’s all Fergus’s fault.

Multimedia Guy: who I think I don’t really like that much anymore. It’s hard to explain, I think it was just a harmless girly crush nothing serious really. It was fun to see him, but it’s a thing interesting that we never talk to each other. It’s like the 'Where's Waldo of the romantic world' I think I hyped it up to be more than it was.

Jack: We have a lot in common. I have also included him into Carol stories because I can’t resist the cheesy Jack and the Beanstalk or Jack and Jill joke.

The different flatmates: LOUIE! Was my top flatmate…I actually don’t miss her movie collection. KAYLA was pretty cool too although we did clash occasionally. Shane was a silly weird and Corrine she fell down the stairs….no I’m just kidding. The worst flatmate was one that only stayed for 1 ½ days. Let’s just say he turned really creepy.