The I almost missed the dog on bus!

OK so I finally got my new Dell computer delivered courtesy of Purolator. Yay! It is beautiful all shiny and red. It will take some getting used too as it is a new computer. It runs so much better then my old one circa 2002 which I have been reminded constantly that it is ancient in computer years. By the time the financing for this computer is done it will be past it expiry date too! I promise to take good care of it. I really do. My writing seems so foreign on the new one though. Not to mention it won’t let me modify any old Microsoft Word documents because it says they are locked so I am forced to use Microsoft Works which I think is the same thing.

So I almost missed the bus this morning. I was on my way to meet Erica for coffee, but the stupid dogs would not go outside for me. They just stared at me blankly with a look of pure guilt. It took at least 10 minutes...
Me: Come on boys, outside. (Meanwhile it s 20 past 10 and the bus comes in four minutes.)
Dogs: (Stare blankly at me) You want us to what?
Me: Come on boys outside.
Dogs: No understand human language
Me: Come on boys outside. I will give you treats. (I am starting to get into a panic about missing the bus.)
Dogs: Don't you dare try to bribe us! (Sydney hides under the chair in the living room and Weiser decides to wait paitently by the front door thinking perhaps I will take them for a walk instead.)
Weiser: I'm ready!
Sydney: If I hide well enough perhaps you won't leave me! DON'T LEAVE ME MELISSA!
Me: (Runs back to room and grabs a gourmet dog treat and then nearly breaks tooth trying to break it in half and attempts to give one to dogs.)
Dogs: (Both Feign interest)
Sydney: Oh sure give me the smaller half. I am not moving!
Weiser: (Sniffs) Whats this?
Me: Gets fed up grabs Sydney and places him under my arm like a football then proceeds to grab Weiser by his collar and force them outside. I shove Weiser and lightly toss Sydney. He makes a light plunk on the wooden deck.
Dogs: (Run back in! Sydney runs and hides under the chair. Weiser stops and looks at me waging his little stubby tale.)
Me: (Ready to pull hair out.)
Dogs: We are not going outside therefore you're staying.
Me: (Panics) I am going to miss the entire bus! (Now for round two! I successfully get them outside.)
Dogs: Give me a despondent look of pure abandonment.
Me: (Runs and just barely makes the bus.)

This just proves dogs are smarter then they let on...

I should be in bed but I really wanted to write something before I went to bed. I'll have a more thought provoking entry soon I promise!

P.S. I really hope I get to see Carol in September!

Internal Awkwardness

I was pondering on something my friend told me the other day. How I am not making anyone feel awkward only myself. It's true perhaps thats why people don't know how to respond to me because I give off I am awkward and standoffish vibe and I really don't intend too.

I am slowly making new friends but the Christian youth I have met up with on several occasions are nice to me, they don't seem to hate talking to me, but they don't get me and I wonder if its because I make really strange jokes or say little Melissaisms they don't quite understand yet. It's like I am standing in front of a thick glass wall. I can see them and they can see me but no matter how hard I try to break it down it either vibrates or merely cracks and splinters. It never shatters I am not able to cross over and show them the real me and I am not sure if its because I think they don't want me to show them yet so therefore I wont because I am making myself feel this way and because of it they haven't gotten to know me. Matthew gets me I've found a large enough crack in the glass wall to connect to him, and then there is the odd friend at work but thats about it. My close friends worth holding on too are far away. I still pine for all of them.

Some who really know me know that I tend to make rather sarcastic or strange whimsical comments. I think I make it pretty obvious that I am not serious. My church friends Elizabeth and Heather (Not Hev-Lady) take me seriously and when I say I was only joking they still don't believe me! It's entirely frustrating. For instance we were out fishing with Matthew well keeping him company whilst he attempted to catch fish but sadly failed. He said we'd be back at my house by 8:30 a.m. There was a 5 am wake up call and Hev-Lady was deeply concerned that I was invited out to come fishing when I was suppose to be helping with moving. In fact she was pretty irate about it because I didn't ask her if I could go I TOLD her I was going and I made the effort to give her a time frame so she knew that I would uphold my responsibilities to help. However, it was at least 9 am and I wasn't concerned as I was enjoying myself.

Me: I am going to make Matthew apologize to my mom for bringing me home late.
Elizabeth: What! That is so mean. That's so terrible!
Heather: (Scowls at me)
Me: I was joking...:P

I digress this has happened on more then one occasion. Then there is the voice in my head that says Hev-Lady doesn't want me to have friends and some of her behaviours would confirm it. When Carol was visiting in February she was mean as and she gets all cranky or asks to come along when my new friends when they go to the lake and so on and so forth. I think some of the youth don't know how to deal with me because my mom tends to stick to me like glue and I do enjoy her company. She can be a pretty fun lady to spend time with but I want to have a social life separate from her and I don't think she understands that.
So anyways I think all of this awkwardness and thinking that I am not being able to have friends or that I am not worthy of them is entirely internal yet I try to find an external source when none exists. Perhaps it comes down to self confidence.

P.S. I hate working the express lane!

My study of the Bible

Again my computer time may not come around again. I am borrowing moms new computer whilst she sleeps. Don't worry I asked permission. :P

I don't want to mock the Bible, but I have been thinking about it a lot recently having going back to church and slowly getting in touch with my faith and such.

So I went to Bible study and we've been learning about the Old Testament prophet Ezekiel. It's weird I am finding theology interesting in the context that it was written in a different culture with a completely different understanding of the world and now the culture I am part of now is entirely different. Its fascinating how some of the moral's back then have transcended to my generation, yet they are fragmented and are being questioned. So if it was written thousands of years ago would it could it not be up for interpretation and maybe with all the different translations of the Bible seeing as part was written in Hebrew and Greek human error could come into play, language barriers could arise. If one has tried to translate on Babel Fish on the Internet you'd find that the words don't match up and it doesn't make any sense. So if one has to translate a book a holy book for that matter one has to rearrange it in a way that does and hopes that it stays true to God and the authors intent.

To think if I was alive hundreds of years go I'd be a heretic. Now its just frowned upon because I guess I am not supposed to be questioning this kind of stuff....but I still find it fascinating. I believe it happened. There is archaeological proof! I have issues with the patriarchal stuff and perhaps the suppression of human desires which I think is entirely natural. Like I said previously I am way to open minded to be a full on Christian. I believe, yet I am an unbeliever I have faith but I lack faith at the same time. My constant desire to find the absolute truth or proof hinders my spiritual growth. To me to have blind faith is scary. Sometimes you have to see to believe or at least feel it. I don't understand why God would want mindless idiots wouldn't he want his people to think outside the box. Mind you I had a dream where I questioned God and he got pretty pissed off! So maybe not. Why can't I believe in God and still question the world he apparently made? In six days no less! I really find that hard to believe. I am not a creationist nor an evolutionist, but I tend to understand it better if I combine the two together. Perhaps one day for use is thousands of years for God or perhaps the days were metaphorical for geological ages? To me its like writing the story. What is mere moments for a character is forever for the author because sometimes it takes days just to write one scene or at least think of one. Perhaps life is just one big story? But back to my original ramblings...

I'll be even more sacrilegious and say that I find the book of Genesis amusing. It gave me the silly Melissa giggles. Hence it gave me a story idea, but you'll have to read Fizzy Lemonade or its sequel to see what it is. :P For instance it says God created such and such and he saw that it was good and this concludes such and such a day of creation. God saw that this was good, etc. Then the chapters concerning heritage prior to the flood it starts with at 100 plus years this man bore a son and he then lived 800 – 900 hundred years and he dies. Then it keeps repeating for about 10 or more verses of this. Basically they have a son, they have a life span that exceeds our own and then they die. Ah but then prior to the flood again God feels that humans are so wicked (which broke his heart) that having such a long life span would reek havoc on his earth therefore he decided that there life spans would not exceed 120. If you think about it who now has lived that long? I feel bad because I thought I was entertained by the way it is written or maybe just the translation I am reading. (I have the New Living Word. It feels strange seeing as I have only previously known King James version) It was funny or maybe because I thought of a way to use my amusement for creativity, because in a way authors are like gods because they omnipresent and omniscient throughout the entire story. An author is everywhere at once and knows every thought and habit concerning the characters and the environment they live in more then the reader will ever know because a lot of the background could and would not fit in the story itself. And it seems like the characters have wills of there own and even though the author created them they really have no control, yet they do at the same time. They are like your children and you love them and you want them to love you too. I seriously think about stuff way too much.

P.S. Pretty Blue Eyes and poker are an interesting combination.

The ten minute entry concerning canned potatoes

I only am allowed 14 minutes on this computer because I was unable to locate or make anyone vacate the 60 minute computers at the library. Rah. Therefore I shall make a quick entry.

Lalalalallalalalalala

I wrote an entry.

The end.

Just kidding lets see if we can spout a small story in less than 12 minutes. How about the dilemma of the canned potatoes.

Matthew a.k.a. The pastinator. (He is a pastor with super strength :P Perhaps it was because he lifed 3 -4 heavy boxes at once.) helped Hev-Lady and I move in other words he did the bulk of the work with his friend Jesse who only came to visit Matthew and therefore spent quality fishing time moving my mom and I. Apparently the one thing he was amazed and fascinated to no ends is my moms cornucopia of canned goods particularly the potatoes. He kept paying my mom and I out for it. So I told my mom and she gave him a jar. He still hasn't eaten it. I've been texting him constantly reminding him of his duty to try them, yet he says he hasn't gotten the courage to do so or he is waiting for the right moment.....Hmmmmmmm......Perhaps he should stick to the sweet pickles mom gave him instead?

And something that is still troubling me is my moms sudden interest in writing she is now using my excuse how she was tired because she stayed up writing. Gah! She started journaling every night because she notices how I write every night and I say how important it is too me. It's bad enough to copy my hobby but to start using my writing practices...Grrrrr.....

P.S. I wrote an entry. AND I get to see Pretty Blue Eyes in an hour. :P I have four minutes left on this computer....

The mixed message birthday party full of dog flakes

I don't know when I will get the use of the computer again so....I shall write an entry.
So Pretty Blue Eyes is still sending the mixed messages....

Whilst at my special needs friends Erica's birthday party, (which I had to ride my moms monsterly out of shape rusted piece of shit bike to church to invite people that don't even know her and are assumed to want to come by Hev-Lady. ) He randomly asks my mom if she has a picture of when she was young and when asked he responded by saying he was only curious. What the?

So I asked him later by way of texting...
Me: Why did you want to see a picture of my mom when she was younger?
Pretty Blue Eyes: Just curious.
Me: Yes but why?
Pretty Blue Eyes: Dang it can't a guy be curious?
Me: No never!

Ulterior motives perhaps! A friend said it was a good thing because he wants to see what I look like when I am older like my mom to see if its worth it. Ummm it doesn't make sense but it is weird none the less, either that or Pretty Blue Eyes has the hots for my mom which would be entirely disturbing on so many levels. It seemed like everyone at the party had the hots for him! Especially Erica she candidly told me how she wants him to be her sweetie but apparently he is taken by me. Not quite yet! I am just content for now to be his friend because now I am getting to see how annoying and arrogant he is too! A pretty blue blessing in disguise. I wish I could stop focusing all my attention on him, but I am knew to this whole thing.

Then previously my friend Matthew was making fun of my moms poor handsome dog Weiser. (Had to say he was handsome) Just because he has a skin condition and really bad dandruff. It doesn't help that Weiser is very old and very black so the dandruff is noticeable.

Matthew: Urgh the dog has dandruff a hahahahahahha! Look at him scratch...something something something....blahbedy blah (Something along those lines)
Me: Stop making fun of my mom's dog. (I go to sit on chair Weiser had previously stolen something of a theme with him that night)
Matthew: Ha look there is his flakes all over the chair.
Me: (Brush them off)Its not his fault.
Matthew: (continues laughing) Fish food.
Me: You're fish food
Matthew: I am sure its highly nutritious.
Me: His flakes? Yes I can see it now lifting him up and shaking my moms dog over a fish tank to feed them.
Matthew: (Laughs) That could work.
Me: Hmph LEAVE MY MOM'S DOG ALONE!

Then before that...seems like this entry goes further and further back in time. :P
Matthew: (Wandering around my backyard.) Looks at raspberry bush and takes berry off and eats it.
Me: Don't let my mom see you do that! (
Me thinking: Ever heard of asking?!
Matthew: It's not like there is a plentiful supply of them.
Me: That's because my mom picked most of them the day before to make her diabetic raspberry jam.
Matthew: (reacts with mild uncaring) So!
Me: Your lucky I won't tell on you. (P.S. I did just to be a dink)
Me thinking: Gosh I sounded so childish!

So I guess its safe to say Matthew is a source of interesting hilarity, odd moments and memorable conversations. He reminds me of a surrogate version of Amy and Chris combined. Breathtakingly beautiful, yet even more beautiful and joyous in the inside and really cute with eyes full of intellect and knowledge combined with very strange sense of humour and child like nature like Chris. He is my Canadian replacement of the A.E.S.M.

Then even more before that...

Sydney was a dink and told pretty much every guest off! Then Hev-Lady took it upon herself to discipline him for it and when I said it was my job I was apparently embarrassing her in front of the customers. Yes thats right customers.

Sydney: Grrrrr!!! Barkety bark bark bark...(Perhaps translated to something like I don't know you therefore go away I hate you?)
Mom: Sydney you bad boy. (Gives him a smack)
Me thinking: GRRRRRR!!!!!
Me: Mom Sydney is my dog I would like to be the one to discipline him!
Mom: How dare you embarrass me in front of the customers!
Me: Uhhhh??? I was going to take him for a time out.
Mom: I meant to say customers...I mean guests. I have no idea why I want to call them customers.
Me: OK. (sulks and takes Sydney to my room for time out)
Mom: You're mad at me aren't you?
Me: No! (OK I obviously am.)He just needs to suss them out to see if there OK. I was going to calm my dog down and so on and so forth.
Mom: I am sorry that I disciplined Sydney in front of the customers. I know that your mad at me for it.
Me: I am not mad at you!
Then of course pretty much for the next 2 hours.
Mom: You're mad at me!
Or....
Mom: I wish Melissa wasn't mad at me.
Mom: You're still mad at me aren't you?
Mom: It's not nice to be mad at me in front of the customers.
How about...
Mom: Melissa is mad at me about disciplining Sydney
Then of course...
Mom: Melissa are you mad at me?

Hence to say I was more mad at Hev-Lady bringing up how mad I am every five minutes. I may have momentarily embarrassed her in front of everyone concerning my dog, but seriously she lied on the guilt all night! The only amusing thing was her constant reference to our odd assortment of guests as customers. Not to mention I was mad at myself for the obsessing over Pretty Blue Eyes. It's like every little thing he does I overtly analyze to the point of insanity. I was also mad at Hev-Lady for pretty much acting like she was some matronly saint for hosting a party for Erica and I couldn't even go and talk to people in a separate room from her she clings to me like fly paper. So I guess I was mad at her. I was just to stubborn to admit it.

Anyways, Erica's birthday was successful considering our location, people showed up enough said. We had some eats there was burgers minus the barbeque. (Good thing my mom had a George Forman Grill.) t also is especially nice I went through massive amounts of trouble to get Matthew precious mayonnaise from the back of the entire fridge. THE ENTIRE FRIDGE! I got beaned in the head by a can of no name brand cola. The chips were good too, but most importantly Erica was glowing and to me that was priceless. This paragraph was a entirely random and scatterbrained. The beauty of stream of consciousness.

Then of course the whole writing thing is still bothering me....

P.S. My mom's dog Weiser is currently trapped on the table. It gives me the silly Melissa giggles. Ah yes and sadly there be no banana bread at Erica's party. :(

Copying my passion

Well its a beautiful Saturday. I don't have to work mwhahahahhahaa and I have a big bag of pickles Hev-Lady has bestowed upon me for safe keeping. I am currently in the library as my femputer has died AND Hev-Lady has a new computer of all beautifulness which she'll only let me use when she is in bed or out gardening, so basically never. Besides it has stinky dial up. Blah!
I went to my first every farmers market which was rather interesting. I bought homemade dog treats and a special present for a friend. Tomorrow is Erica's birthday and I am super excited. We're having a Hawaiian theme, and cake, hopefully banana bread...I'll write about that one in a minute. :P

There has been some rather interesting conversations since the big move in July. So I shall share.

Matthew: I was slaying all these fish in and they were hogs blahbedy blah etc, etc
Mary Beth: You didn't really catch all those fish did you.
Matthew: No....I just thought it would be fun to tell everyone.
Me: Proverbs 12:22! God detests lying lips but rejoices in those who tell the truth.
Mary Beth: Oooooh you've been told.
Matthew: (Gives me a look.) Is there a Proverbs for sarcasm?
Me: Hmmmm....I'll have to look.

Note to self using the Bible to to show up a pastor isn't exactly a good idea.

Then a few days later.... After noticing a rather voluptuous scrumptious looking zucchini mom rescued from the garden whilst waiting for the bus. Which for some reason reminding me of zucchini bread and therefore the pile of frozen bananas in the freezer, which caused me to consider the tasty implications of banana bread. I went on a rather strange tangent.

Me: Can you make banana bread. I heart banana bread.
Mom: Yes of course.
Me: I want banana bread for my birthday.
Erica: I want bread for my birthday too.
Mom: (smirks)
Me: I bet Matthew wants banana bread for his birthday too, which coincidentally is also my birthday. He hasn't really asked by I said he did because I want banana bread.
Mom: Uh huh is that so?
Me: I want banana bread.
Erica: BANANA BREAD?!
Mom: ....
Me: Did I mention I am going to tell Matthew to tell you he wants banana bread for his birthday because I want banana bread for mine? BANANA BREAD!

I recently went to a four day writers camp here in it was awesome fun but I was pretty much one of the only young people and I was surrounded by the older generations and coincidentally well seasoned writers of all awesomeness and my mom too. I was really annoyed that she was coming because I always figured writing was my passion and it seems when ever I have an idea to do something I like she copies me. I always take a good book with me: Mom starts taking a book with her. I like photography: Mom likes it too (to be fair she started digital photography before I started liking it or so she says) Those are just some of the examples. Anyways writers camp interesting and it got me to explore other avenues of writing and ways of thinking about words. Mom said she felt out of place because everyone was so imaginative and she felt like a fraud because everyone had pens and notebooks with them and they all had stories about there journey in writing. Maybe its because your NOT a writer Hev-Lady. She is not bad at the writing itself but she tells rather then shows and if she took it seriously she'd be carrying around a tattered old notebook and writing down ideas, eat sleep and breath writing. Her writing is elegant yet childish amateur yet well polished grammar wise. She doesn't convey emotions or have that passion or the command over words like my friends that make you say. Wow! I can feel your voice and your soul through these very words. So I guess because I got jealous of her for intruding into my passion I made the mistake of saying “I'm the writer!” quite angrily. (She reckons I was listening to McLies.) Then of course I mentioned how she copies my hobbies. I was angry. She said I was selfish and mean and if I was going to be like that she'd kick me out. Of course she relented 5 minutes later as always.

So now I have to put up with her new found writing phase and wait till she drops it like everything else. She said she only came to the writers camp so she could write about Tony and get over her writing being invaded by Sue-Woman. (Sue-Woman apparently read her journal and it scared her writing journey.) She makes everything about Tony and her. So to make it about them, something that I truly cherish sickens me. It was the one thing I had that wasn't about either of them and now I feel like its been taken from me, but she doesn't understand. She never will. She'll really kick me out now if she ever reads what I have written in this blog. I just wish she'd get her own identity and stop trying to copy mine and live vicariously through my achievements. I know this sounds selfish because it is enough said.

P.S. They had banana bread at the writers camp.