It’s Official: Me and Mormonism Part 5

Yes finally, you wouldn’t believe the sudden curiosity and trepidation I felt when I saw yet again another envelope from The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints sitting quietly on the kitchen table (can stuff sit quietly?). Let’s just say. It is finally official. I am no longer a member of the Mormon faith. A burden has been lifted. Not only that but I have physical proof!

Here is what it says:

September 21 2010

Dear Sister McKenna

This letter is to notify you that in accordance with your request your name has been removed from the membership records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints.

Should you desire to become a member of the Church in the future, the local bishop or branch president in your area will be happy to help you.

Sincerely,

Gregory W. Doge

Manager, Member and Statistical Records

I feel like I should frame it or something. I am just thankful my name removal wasn’t as involved as some ex-Mormons stories I have read about. Alas, a new chapter in my spiritual life. I can start over and follow God how I was meant too. Now if I could figure out how I am suppose to do that, followed by somehow breaking this news nicely to my family members who are LDS and may be non too please to hear this. Besides faith isn’t something set in stone, its something that can change from time to time as you begin to understand what it means exactly. I don’t think there is a definitive answer as I have learnt through from past.

P.S. In other news, I think I like someone again…I’ll just leave it at that.

Identity

I wish I could say I haven’t had time to write because I’ve been so busy, but the truth is I do have time, but ever since the nonsense that has happened in my blog the past few months. As you can tell I went back on my decision to make my blog private.

I just can’t seem to write in it anymore. It was so much easier when my thoughts weren’t under attack. I’ve had stuff worth sharing, but it just seems no name is safe, no event how amazingly awesome is ok to transpose, no thoughts of any kind are allowed because it might piss one person off I know in minute amount of people out of the gazillions in this world. I wish I could say that I have learnt from my transgressions. It appears no conversation is safe or maybe the problem is there is no one safe enough to discuss anything with. I can write and say how sorry I am a thousand times and I still don’t feel right about it. Why should I be sorry for feelings? I am allowed to have feelings towards people whether they are positive or slightly skewed or not, if they don’t conform to others, it is their problem. And if I am wrong in my assumptions I will say so.

So maybe I will write about one thing that is bothering me….

Baptism. I’ve been asking the pastor at my church since June 2009 and in January of this year to be baptised and I feel like get nowhere. He keeps saying I have to read this or tells me I tell him I’ m not ready or I should do that, but other people come forward and announce they want too and lickity split there being dunked in water, something beautiful, something paramount to announcing their Christian faith. It’s the beginning of a new life. Rah! However, I am happy for them but I neglected to attended, but not for these reasons. I just know this journey may never happen for me.

Is it because I had an entire crush on the pastor? (Because that is indeed who Pretty Blue Eyes is and it was an entire waste of my time. AN ENTIRE WASTE!) Am I too open minded? Is it because I once belonged to the Mormon faith? It’s not like I didn’t have my name removed or denounced it a billion times. Is it because I don’t fit in with the crowd at the church?

Well now I don’t want too get baptised anymore and I am not even sure I want to be Christian. The more I try the more depressed I feel. I feel no connection to these people, cut off. I guess I don’t wear the right clothes. (The red sweater is a faux pas? )When I lived with my mom that meant no identity? I can’t even write on this blog without any back lash. This is not to say some haven’t been positive influences and kind to me and I appreciate it. I just know its not who I am. I’m still figuring this out!

Perhaps I should erase a few paragraphs of my spiritual journey and start over again! If my friends or my mom want to blame the devil for this decision then they are more then welcome. I am sure he (if he is indeed real) is used to being used as a scapegoat by now. I just hope I am strong enough to handle the onslaught of religious guilt that will be thrown at me.

And those who do not like my blog or what I write can choose not to read it. If they have a problem they can come talk to me instead of telling others behind my back. It’s as simple as that.

P.S. I am not an atheist!