Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Bread and Water? Ah nevermind

Me: Hey did you know Xerophargy is a diet of bread and water?
Carol: No its not that’s just a clever way of saying someone is fat.
Me: No its not
Carol: I hate bread and I hate water…they make you fat.
Me: Well if used in the right way carbohydrates aren’t so bad for you. Also water is an essential element to life its self.
Carol: What are you suggesting I go on a diet?
Me: No I was just sharing a fact with you
Carol: Yeah well waitresses don’t eat bread or drink water because it makes them fat
Me: sighs Never mind
Carol: Noooo how can you never your mind. If your mind didn’t exist, neither would you.
Me: What are you talking about Carol?
Carol: My fat, bread, water, your never mind

Today I had a surprising revelation. I am unnecessarily mean. This was pointed out by Chris. I was being mean to Joan. To him it was unnerving. I didn’t even realize it. I think it’s because I am not a group kind of person. I start acting a little introverted and regress to a seven year old state. That’s my theory. I don’t know I guess I wasn’t into Joan fondling my hair and admiring her crap hair dye job. Did she totally forget that Kayla helped her? I kept saying really cryptic mean things; it was only until Chris pointed it out that I realized it. Its true I like Joan, but as Chris said. “I like her on my own terms.”

I saw Multimedia Guy today, I mean Josh, I mean Multimedia Guy. I saw him twice today. I wish I could talk to him. I also got bit ravenously by ants while sitting at the bus stop, but that’s another story for another time.

A short interlude….my commentary on the world, I wrote this over two months ago and I can actually remember when I wrote it. It was just before my Communication Law class at college at about 12 in the afternoon.

The World According to Chickens

The world is a mess. Like a garbage dump. The rainforest is disappearing. The Great Barrier Reef is in danger. Pluto the dog finally lands on Mars. Dogs are underestimated for their intelligence. They lead simple lives.
If only humans could see themselves through a giant magnifying glass. They see what they have done wrong only to realize it is too bloody late. Poor Pluto the dog is trapped on Mars.
A big black hole arrives out of nowhere.
“Times up humans mwhahahahahah!” It says evilly.
Luckily the big mean black hole decides that Venus the second planet from the sun is a much tastier snack.
“Venus tastes like microwave chicken.”
So the humans realizing they have another go about to make the world a better place, ignore it as usual and go back to their self consuming lives.
Or so they thought, 5 ½ giant chickens decide to take over the world. The chickens destroy the evil detestable polluting environmentally bad factories. And Pluto the dog is still on Mars. (In case you’re wondering.)
The chickens go to each continent. One chicken in Europe names Peter. One in Asia named Ben. One in Africa named Paul. One in Australia named Georgina. One in South Africa named Sally. A half a chicken in North America because they decided North America has been a super power long enough, that sadistic ½ chicken named Discombobulated is all they should get.
Now you are wondering why is there 5 ½ chickens and how can they take over the world? Why is Pluto the dog a demented Disney character, doing on Mars.
The writer is thinking that her hand is cramping up. The dog, who cares? The 5 ½ chickens? It sounds interesting. Taking over the world? Why not chickens are smart enough!
Who will save the world?
A psycho talking dog, who threatens to eat people but doesn’t because he is a vegetarian. (No thanks to his owner) He is not rabid because he isn’t, but he is a psycho because he drinks to much root beer and eats too much melted cheese. As for the talking? It is one of the world’s unexplainable wonders.
Did I mention he is a Rottweiler? Of course it also important to note his name is Wild Will. Not just Will, Wild Will. Why so particular? Just because he says so.
First off Wild Will rescues Pluto and sends him, appropriately to Pluto. Hey why not?
A few days later the big black hole comes back.
“Times up chickens,” it says. “bwhahahahahah!”
Oh no!
Wild Will being smart makes an alliance with the black hole not to eat Earth, but eat Mercury instead. It’s a useless planet. So now that would make Earth the first planet from the Sun. How lucky are we?

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Eccentricity at its finest

Me: Did you know slugs have four noses.
Carol: Noooo, they’re slugs. Slugs don’t have noses. You’re stupid.

Questions of the day:

1. Where is Amy? She has mysteriously disappeared and no longer posts in her blog, but surprisingly enough she responds to my blog. Hmm…

2. Now that I completed my goal to come to Australia, what is next? I thought about going to China to teach English or staying in Australia and find a job as a journalist. I haven’t decided yet.

Today I have nothing really important to write about other than a staff meeting at work, in which Sophie (Amy’s friend) said she met Joan. When I asked what she thought of her she replied. “I almost threw up.” Ahahahahaah! Just kidding. I also decided to look up an old friend in Canada and printed off the Futurama alien alphabet.

Because of my lack of interesting things to share: I thought I would post a review of Napoleon Dynamite, my favourite movie of all time.

Napoleone Dynamite

Napoleon Dynamite is a movie that shows eccentricity at its finest, celebrating nerds and every other social outcast. It shows that being different is actually a good thing.

Napoleon, played by Jon Heder, is a complex high school student, who lives in the small town of Preston Idaho. His family consists of his grandmother, and his 32-year-old brother Kip, who cruises the Internet chat rooms for ladies.

Napoleon defies normality. He has strange mannerisms, saves potato taters from his lunch in his pockets to snack on later, is part of club that performs with hands and draws ligers, a combination of tigers and lions.

Although he is highly eccentric, the movie doesn’t poke fun at him for his bizarre behaviours. It highlights them.

The plot is simple. Napoleon befriends Pedro, (Efren Ramirez) who is from Mexico. Together they scheme to steal the class presidency from the snobby Summer Wheatley (Haylie Duff). Along the way they form an alliance with the soft spoken Deb (Tina Majorino), who helps their campaign by making beaded key chains and taking pictures.

When Napoleon’s bizarre Uncle Rico (Jon Gries) comes to visit, in the absence of Napoleon’s grandmother, he makes a mess of things with his with crazy antics and get-rich schemes, which consist of selling plastic containers masquerading as Tupperware, herbal breast enhancements for women and time travel.

However, in this movie the characters are far more complex. All the characters has their own eccentricities, none of the characters really change or become different in anyway. The only character that comes close to changing is Kip, due to his oddball Internet sweetheart LaFawnda.

It is their quirks that highlight the odd mini story lines and draw the viewer into the movie.

Its simple story and dry humour is what makes Napoleon Dynamite unique. It is a fresh story that stands out among the numerous sequels and flaky romantic comedies

This movie takes place in a world all of its own. A place where the insensitive conformists are the ones being made fun. Due to the movies complexities, one must watch this movie a second time to truly understand it.

Friday, July 28, 2006

There is nothing happy about this.

My day started off with a text message from Chris saying, “Melissa wants to make sweet sweet love to you!” What the?

Yesterday was an OK day. I had my hair dyed its red and purple, but it is only temporary. It didn’t look like I wanted it too. I am glad I will be rid of it in 8 washes, but I think I am interested in getting it done permanently at the hair dressers.

I went to Joan’s house for her “girl’s night.” It was alright, but I was the gamma and being the gamma is being the passive aggressive follow everyone around type. We watched Suddenly 30, (called 13 going on 30 in Canada.) and Memoirs of Geisha. I also listened to Kayla’s know it all ramblings, because for some reason she thinks that Canadians were educated in American history and we only know the American side of historical events. That would be true if I were American, which I am not. We learn the Canadian perspective because it’s Canada. Unless she is grouping the entire continent of North America together as she commonly does.

Then during the party we had facials and one of the girls had an allergic reaction all because she didn’t read the label. Hmm… that is what they are there for.

I know his name now…it’s Multimedia Guy…actually its Josh. Funny he doesn’t look like a Josh. I pointed him out to Chris and he knew who he was. Chris said he was surprised. That’s how I found out his name. So now the mystery of Multimedia Guy is solved. And it’s proven that I didn’t make him up. I changed my mind recently, I don’t like Multimedia Guy anymore. I like an international student from Germany named Felix. Felix isn’t drop dead gorgeous. He is nerdy looking. I like Nerdy looking guys. I feel like asking him if he ever heard of Felix the Cat. He seems really quiet. I think he is taking microbiology at the uni. I want to marry a European. Ha ha just kidding. It would be romantic; two international students meet together in a foreign country such as Australia…one from Canada the other from some place in Europe. Who am I kidding I still like Multimedia Guy. Felix is made up....or is he? No he is real.

I finally see what Louie means when she says its hell living with three girls. Two is fine, but with three there is bound to be a clash. I see it as a power struggle, one of the girls is fighting for the position of Alpha, leaving the other two to defend for their position as Beta and Gamma. If you have a guy flatmate, he serves as the balance. It makes perfect sense.

Chris and I made up some more story lines about the imaginary Carol. I think she could be some pseudo character.

A customer drives up the pathway to a drive thru speaker box on a bright sunny day. He looks at the menu board intently.

You then you see Carol sitting at the drive thru window looking rather impatient.

Carol: Hello how can I help you today?
Customer: I’ll have a large Big Mac meal thanks.
Carol: You know Big Mac meals aren’t really that big. Its false advertising.
Customer: OK I’ll have a Quarter Pounder meal then.
Carol: Pounds is British money. Why would you use a quarter of a pound? That’s just stupid.
Customer: Umm…I’ll have a Happy Meal then.
Carol: Why would you want that there is nothing happy about them.
Customer: I’ll have one just the same thanks.
Carol: They should call them Crappy Meals.
Customer: They’re not crappy meals. They come with a toy.
Carol: Then go to Toys R Us. You get more money for your value and you don’t get fat.
Customer: Umm…isn’t it more value for your money? Anyways I’ll a cheeseburger with that meal. They’re my favourite.
Carol: Fine! have your crappy cheese burger meal.
Customer: drives up to the window.
Carol: Here’s your Crappy Meal.
Customer: Grabs the bag angrily. He drives off.
Another customer arrives at the drive thru.
Carol: Hello what can I get for you today? I mean go away.
The customer backs up her car. She backs into another car…then that car backs into another. All of a sudden there is a ten car pile up. The end.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

To those who care and those who don't, more rambling as usual

Today I saw a miniature version of Carol…her name Claire. She is Express Subs and Sushi’s mascot… well she is the boss’s daughter and she is three years old and part South Korean. I think I scared poor Claire, she must have sensed my thoughts, which explained why she kept running away from me. I could see it now, telling ‘Carol’ about this.

Me: Hey Carol I saw a little girl she looked like a miniature version of you
Carol: No you didn’t there are no such things as miniature versions of me.
Me: I think she reads minds…because when I thought about you she ran away.
Carol: People can’t read minds. That’s just stupid. She ran away because she sensed your weirdness.
Me: Fair enough!
Carol: No it isn’t, nothing is fare, which is why I’m fat.
Me: Awwhhhh come on Carol, you’re not fat.
Carol: Yes I am…which is why I will never see my dream to become a waitress.

The obsession with weight, it irritates the hell out of me…My family members are obsessed and every girl I have talked too says at one point or another “I’m fat” I have met ” I have come to the conclusion that there are six types of responses I have encountered.

1. Those who are generally concerned:

Mom: scornfully warning me in a motherly way: Melissa you have to be careful of what you eat. diabetes runs in the family. You don’t want a bunch of health problems when you grow up. You drink too much pop. Hopefully you get enough calcium or your bones will break into a billion pieces and you will be crippled by the time your 30.

2. There are those who state it yet, really have no intention of doing anything about it or are perfectly happy with it to an extent.

Joan: I’m getting fat…giggles. I have to start eating healthier. But its sooo hard!

3. There are those who actually do care and are doing so for specific reasons.

Kayla: I want to eat healthier so I can loose weight and get a boyfriend.

4. Then there are those who don’t care at all.

Louie: I don’t care what I eat, I see all these people who eat healthy, go for there daily walks and they get cancer and still die. I’m going out with a bang.

5. Then those who say they don’t care, but secretly do, but accept it as a fact of life

Me: I should eat healthier and watch what I eat, because diabetes runs in my family. Although sometimes I think, why bother? I am a bit chubby, but then I look in the mirror and think “Meh, I’ve seen fatter” And in the end, just as Louie has said those who take care of themselves either die of some disease or get hit by a bus while there on their daily run.

6. Then there are those who accept it as fact and complain about it.

Carol: I’m fat and I can’t work at the restaurant because of it. They don’t hire fat waitresses. I can’t wear that because I am fat.

Ah yes my very cryptic remark: OK I'll be truthful, I started off the day liking Kayla, but she got on my nerves again when she mentioning my eating habits and acted like miss know it all. Now I have more respect for Joan because we made peace over the whole flat moving episode. Joan says it turned out for the best and I agree. Its a conundrum because I can never figure out if I like or hate someone.

I finally finished another Wild Will story, this story has some crude language as I strayed away from basing the story on an A.E.S.M member. I am also proud to say Wild Will is meaner than ever. Its called: The Horror of Love… Here it is…

It was a dark Friday night. Chris and Melissa, two mismatched star crossed friends, walk down the dark path. Chris and Melissa were looking for Antonia. They were supposed to meet her and Kinwai at 7:30 at the Birdcage Bar, but she was mysteriously absent. Melissa feels like this is a beginning of a horror movie.
“You know Chris this reminds me of a horror movie because its dark and all,” she said.
“Yeah well, what would we kind of stuff would we talk about if we were in a horror movie and about to be mercifully dilapidated,” said Chris.
“Oh no its Freddy Kruger,” said Chris.
A Freddy Kruger look-alike jumps from behind a tree.
“Oh no, I won’t be sleeping tonight, better get my crucifix,” Melissa replied.
The friends keep walking unaware famous horror movie psychos were not around because the writer does not steal other characters.
“Whoo its Chucky and hey look its Jason,” said Melissa.
“And there is Michael Myers,” said Chris.
“Ahhh,” said Melissa.
“What? What is it?” said Chris. “Oh wait its only Joan and she is holding a knife.”
“Ahhh,” Melissa screamed. She runs away.
Joan is suspended in mid air after jumping from a near by bush.”Hi Mel!” said Joan in an annoying high pitched voice. “I mean sorry Mel…issa.”
“You want brownies?” she asks holding a pan of brownies.

© Melissa Canadian 2006 All rights reserved.

Ha! I interrupted the story at a crucial point, but you can read the rest of it here if you feel the inclination to do so.

And thats about it for today....

Monday, July 24, 2006

A Carol Puzzle?

Today I shall introduce to you a character I like to call Mock Carol. A character that is not based on Carol but merely an aspect of her personality, she is not the real Carol, but a piece of the Carol puzzle or perhaps an enigma of the person I know as Carol. This character is in no way related to Carol or is in fact Carol. I wrote these stories in honour of Chris. We came up with these funny story lines today.

Carol: If she misinterprets this post

Me: Hey Clairol! (referring to the cosmetics brand)
Carol: Its Carol not Clairol there is no such thing as Clairol.
Me: Yes there is and it rhymes with your name.
Carol: No it doesn’t
Me: Yes it does.
Carol: No it doesn’t Clairol isn’t anything like Carol
Me: Clairol is a cosmetics brand
Carol: No it isn’t it’s a make up company
Me: Then how do you explain Herbal Essence
Carol: You don’t, because they’re different, its shampoo.
Me: Don’t you use Herbal Essence.
Carol: Yeah
Me: They use real herbal and fruit extracts.
Carol: No they don’t there is no such thing as herbal extracts its herbal traps
Me: What?
Carol: Shut up! I know what I am talking about.
Me: Why Carol?
Carol: Because I am fat!
Me: As opposed to being thin?
Carol: F**k off or I’ll go quamacozi on your ass

This is a new story…Carol is a server at a fast food joint one that serves Mexican food such as, tacos, soft tacos, bean tacos, and taco salad…as well as other things. One day a Greek customer comes to the humble abode in search of Greek salad.

Customer: I’d like a Greek Salad thanks.
Carol: OK, hey did you know the Greeks invented fire.
Customer: No they didn’t God created fire.
Carol: No he didn’t Greeks were around before God.
Customer: What God created the whole world and the Greeks?
Carol: Enough about Greek already.
Customer: Don’t you mean Greece?
Carol: There is no such place as Greece.
Customer: Yes there is people from Greece are called Greek.
Carol: No there not grease. It’s that stuff over there. She points to a deep fryer.
Customer: What about the movie Grease?
Carol: There was no movie called Grease.
Customer: Yes there was…John Travolta…Oliva Newton John and it was a musical.
Carol: It’s Elton John, he wasn’t an actor in some made up movie and musicals don’t exist.
Customer: Look I just want a Greek Salad.
Carol: Why would they make a movie about that there stuff in the deep fryer? She points.
Customer: They wouldn’t do that.
Carol: Yes they would how do you know?
Customer: sounds impatient…I just want a freaking Greek salad.
Carol: Fine you’re so undemocratically dictator like.
Customer: What? Are you saying I am totalitarian?
Carol: No, totalitarian isn’t a word.
Customer: Yes it is.
Carol: No it isn’t.
Customer: Right so I suppose historians say something else when describing Stalin and Lenin?
Carol: Oceanians…
Customer: They’re Russian
Carol: No there not.
Customer: Never mind…Can I please have a salad?
Carol: In a minute…by the way did you know the Romans invented democracy.
Customer: That was the Greeks.
Carol: No it wasn’t
A few minutes have passed, awkward silence two eyes on two, customer vs. Carol. The salad has been prepared. Carol brings it to the customer.
Customer: What! That’s an Italian salad. I asked for Greek.
Carol: Same thing.
Customer: No it isn’t!
Carol: Yes it is!
Customer: And I suppose your going to say that Italy is not shaped like a boot?
Carol: Yeah Italy is not shaped like boot. That’s Greek.
Customer: Greece! You geographically challenge doodoohead
Carol: You’re a doodoohead…I hope your salad tastes like rotten ice cream.
Customer: Oh yeah well South America is shaped like an ice cream cone.
Carol: No it isn’t countries are not made of ice cream and for your information it’s South Africa.
Customer: Gives a defeated sigh and walks away.
Carol: Have a nice day!
Customer: Oh piss off!

They say at university you will learn something. Today I learnt women also played a role in the early days of journalism. Some inherited papers after there husbands died. Some went under pseudo names or used their brothers’ names. It’s quite fascinating.

Today I started off liking someone but started to dislike them with in a few hours... Then I had new respect for someone I thought I never had that I started off not liking. It’s a conundrum.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Weirdness, eccentricity, tis an untamed art....the unintentional mistake

Aussie: What part of America are you from?
Me: Ummm…I’m Canadian
Aussie: Oh I’m sorry (looks like their embarrassed.)
Me: No its alright!

Ah yes a common, yet unintentional mistake made by Aussies, mistaking Canadians for Americans, all because of a stupid accent. Some Canadians get offended when you ask them if they are American. As for me, I imagined myself getting really angry because of it, while I was preparing for my journey, but I actually wasn’t. I felt offended, but I didn’t act like it. This conversation went on at work today. It was between me and a customer. She looked kind of embarrassed. I hope I didn’t sound too offended or anything. This reminds me of…

My first conversation with an Aussie named Chris:

Chris: You’re Canadian! Alanis Morissette is my idol!
Me: Oh cool
Chris: Do you like her?
Me: Yeah she’s alright…I prefer the Barenaked Ladies myself…(they’re a band not actually naked ladies)
Chris: I love her
Me: OK

Thursday was an OK day. I saw Multimedia Guy and for once I had a normal conversation. I really got to remember to ask his name. I had this thought I wonder if my friends think I made him up? Which I didn’t, why would I do that? Oh wells I know where to find him…every Thursday just before 10 a.m. because I am a stalker, no actually I think its coincidence. It reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite where he makes up his girlfriend. I figured out why I act weird around guys I like…because I think I am worried that they will like me back.

Or conversation is as follows:

Multimedia Guy:
Hi (smiles)
Me: Hi (smiles and waves a little too eagerly.)
Me thinking: It’s him it’s him he he.
Multimedia Guy: How’s it going?
Me: Going good and you?
Multimedia Guy: Good. You’re not doing website design and analysis?
Me: No I hate Multimedia
Me thinking: Idiot! He’s a computer guy…why would I say something like that. I hope he knew I meant the class.
Multimedia Guy: Really? I thought you did well in it?
Me: I got a credit
Multimedia Guy: shakes his head disapprovingly as if to say “you hated it?” Oh you got sick of it and didn’t want to do it anymore?
Me: Yeah
Multimedia Guy: OK well see you later
Me: See you

I have three questions for him next week.

1. What is your name?
2. What classes are you talking besides…? (This is out of curiosity not for stalking purposes. I am actually curious if he is taking anymore Multimedia subjects)
3. And can I take your picture? (It could be quite possible I need one. I’ll tell him its for an assignment for class…when really its an assignment for the A.E.S.M. mwhahahahhahaa!)

I could see this imaginary conversation somewhere down the road…if I actually become friends with him at least. Hey I am thinking positive. I guess we are sitting in the computer lab at the uni.

Multimedia Guy: After reading this blog. Who is Multimedia Guy?
Me: Umm….he is you he he *coughs*
Multimedia Guy: STALKER! I mean why did you call me Multimedia Guy why didn’t you just ask my name?
Me: Ummm… it’s a name my friends came up with because I was too shy to ask you for your real one. Hey look its Chris!
Chris: Walks over to us Hi!
Multimedia Guy: Hi
Chris: Melissa wants to make sweet sweet love to you
Me: No I don’t

Multimedia Guy calls the police and files a restraining order, yeppers that’s my prediction for the future, but then I remind Multimedia Guy that I am an international student and in a few months he will never see me again. So all is well and I am on my way to being a journalist nun.

The previous night before I baked a cake and that’s about it, it was a good cake I shared it with my flatmates.

Yesterday was a good day. I went to shopping fare with Chris. Louie was cool and gave me a ride as she wanted to she wanted to buy movies.

I finally saw Ghost World. It’s a good movie, but it’s kind of sad in a way, but I can see why Chris likes it so much. Chris and I also played a writers game in which we eat wrote a paragraph of a story and then put it all together, but we couldn’t see what each other was writing. It turned out quite funny. We also talked as usual about all sorts of stuff. We talked about Carol. I want Amy and Chris to meet her.

Yep in case I haven’t mentioned this…Kayla is getting on my nerves. She is an insufferable know it all…trying to tell me about Canada. She came to my work to eat. When I got home she told me how the store should be run. She asks me questions about every little thing I do. I come home last night. Where were you and with who? And why are you doing this? She is like a vulture. As soon as Louie or I come out of our rooms, back in the flat from being out somewhere, she is there talking and talking, always about total crap. She and Joan would get along. And her laugh is annoying. I know these are stupid and retarded reasons not to like someone. It must be another love hate relationship.

This very conversation below proves how weird I am…of course I had some influence from Chris. Louie as I have previously mentioned has a movie collection of astronomical proportions. It all started with a text explaining the addition to her collection….this conversation continued for about three hours.

Louie: Now make it 327 DVDs!
Me: Cool! You movie loving fiend! Ha ha Chris says he wants to make sweet sweet love to you.
Louie: Hahaha! Sorry but he is a bit to young for me
Me: Chris says: What are you scared you might like it?
Louie: Tell him that size does count.
A little while later….
Louie: Found another seven movies! :)
Me: Put up your feet and eat some fried babies while you watch your movies. (Chris suggested this one)
Louie: OK, but I’ll pass on the fried babies, how about chocolate cake?
Me: Chocolate is fine. What about Chris? How about watching a slasher flick in which Joan and Kayla are the stars?
Louie: Ewww! That’s just wrong!
Me: No I meant a horror movie in which they die, in which its revealed that an evil rottweiler ate them.
Louie: Now that could be a good movie! When does it come out?
Me: When Joan doesn’t need a bullet and Kayla does, which will be next week.
Louie: Hahha! We can bury them both in the backyard.
Me: Ahahahaha! I’ll buy a shovel and a rottweiler and a gun.
Louie: Done deal
Me: Yep and we don’t even need dog food.
Louie: You two are sick! You’d make a wonderful couple.
Me: Chris says you and him would make a wonderful couple.
Louie: Hahaha! I got my come back. Tell him that size doesn’t matter, tell him experience does
Me: Chris says he is experienced or so he says.
Louie: Ha! I’ll believe it when I see it
Me: Maybe you have seen it. You just don’t know it and by that I mean CD collection
Louie: You’re a pair of twits.
Me: You’re a pregnant goldfish says Chris.
Louie: Do I look like a fish to you? At least I didn’t call him a dag
Me: To Chris you do, to me you look like a nurse
Louie: Oi you’re a very sad pair. You both need hobbies.
Me: Maybe perhaps I should stop texting you then.
Louie: Might be a good idea.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I haven’t quite lost it yet....and by that I mean the sudden homesickness

As of now I am working on an essay for my Reporting the Asia Pacific class, which is due on Friday. It sucks because I am supposed to have 500-600 words I only have 213. I think there is a multitude of reasons for this. . For one, it doesn’t help my friend Becky is talking to me online and secondly I am feeling very homesick.

Its official, today I have been in Australia for five months…consequently I am homesick today. I was in Cultural and Media Identity class and I had the inability to concentrate, first I thought about another assignment in a different class, my favourite show Futurama, then about my favourite drink back home, Frutopia…(tis the best juice ever) and how I wanted to go home and drink some. Then I thought about my Aunty, she an artist. I thought about her because they were bringing up art today in class. Well, government policy and its relation to culture and art. Curse them… This stupid class did it to me last week too. It also annoyed me because there was a French word in one of the readings and the tutor says, “can you read this…oh I forgot you don’t speak French.” Actually I can read French I just can’t speak it very well. And due to dual language packaging back home I could actually pronounce it, but she just assumed.

After class I met up with Chris…in which we went to McDonalds before his class. We discussed Carol. He says he wants to meet her. I could actually see them getting along. I told him about the msn conversation. He thought it was rather funny. I agree, as Carol has a bad habit of misinterpreting things.

Ah yes the msn conversation: Last night around 12 a.m. Carol came online…it was 8 a.m. her time yesterday. Anyways I was talking to Chris and we invited her into the conversation. Chris was being Chris, so it didn’t bother me that he was saying stuff like, “Carol, we want to make sweet sweet love to you.” Which I don’t, not to mention saying Carol was his closest childhood friend, amongst other things, but then he made a joke about Multimedia Guy, and Carol misinterpreted it. She thought I lost something. Which I didn’t to the best of my knowledge it’s still intact obviously; I am the only one who would know. That’s all I am going to say. Read between the lines people. Oh yeah I am not mad at Chris either, as it wasn’t intentional.

Yesterday was a good day. It was slow at work. It was so nice today. The sky was blue and I was trapped in a subs/sushi joint. I am slowly getting better at making the subs and sushi, but I noticed that the customers are still the same as back home. Stupid! Rude!

A new sushi place opened at the shopping fare. The owner Joe, seemed kind of worried about it, so he sent the other manager Susan over to spy on them I mean buy from them. So they could see the competition. She brought some sushi back and we all tried it. It tasted pretty darn gross. The seaweed (nori) was all chewy and tough and the rice was too dry. Mind you considering what I ate yesterday…it didn’t seem so bad. Joe didn’t seem worried though, apparently because the other sushi place is a restaurant chain. They can’t copy us, but we can copy them because they have strict regulations. Why would you want to copy them anyway? Is it not important when owning your own business to have something particularly unique different than others? I honestly don’t think they have anything to worry about…subs and sushi is an odd combination and well they have customer loyalty.

Oh yeah I figured out how to repay Louie for being nice to me. I bought her a chocolate bar. I remembered how she liked chocolate. Our conversation kind of went like this after she found the bar of Dairy Milk sitting by her door to her room.

Louie: Thanks for the chocolate Melissa
Me: You’re welcome Louie.
Louie: This won’t last the night he he…
Me: I got it for you because you have been so nice to me.
Louie: What do I get if I am not nice to you?’
Me: Bad tasting chocolate that you can’t eat.
Louie: Fair enough…I stick to being nice thanks…

Monday, July 17, 2006

I don’t know which is worse being haunted by a dead dog or eating pigeon eggs.

Currently as of now I am sitting in the computer lab listening to the languages of the world. A French girl, two Norwegians and an Indian, where I live it is multicultural. The French girl is loud and annoying.

Today I ate pigeon eggs. I didn’t know what the little round white gooey ball was until Chris told me. I thought it was a mushroom of some sort. I decided to be brave and try it. Blench, it was disgusting, the aftertaste, the rubbery texture. Urgh, I still think about it now and shudder. It was nastiest thing I have ever eaten. The reason for this: I went to the Chinese restaurant Suzy’s at the uni. It was in the dish I ordered.

I went with good old Chris and Mahiro. It was fun Chris and I just kept talking and Mahiro did nothing but listen. Chris said his usual banter of weird things. It’s still funny though. He attempted to make me laugh till I cry again. Curse you Chris.

Is it completely odd to believe that your dead dog is haunting you? Yes! Ah my dog Heidi. I swear to God I she was with me last night. I think I woke up around 3 a.m. by a dog panting. I put my hand out and could feel dog breath. I couldn’t see her but I knew she was there. I could feel weight were she used to sleep on my bed back home. It felt too real to be a dream. I was scared at first because I wasn’t sure if it was Heidi for sure. I think she may have come back because when ever I had nightmares when I was younger. I would call Heidi into my dreams. This has happened before back at my old place in Canada. I woke up one night and I saw her running off of my bed, leaving my bedroom. Yep, this entry should prove that I am strange. I believe in the spirits, either humanoid or canine.

Yesterday was a good day. I woke up on time. I never slept in and work was well work. But, I am getting along really well with my new flatmate Kayla. We have a lot in common. We’re so similar it’s kind of scary. Today we talked about anything and everything. Then we decided to play beach volley ball in the rain, after which we played basketball as well. It was awesome fun. I told Carol about my new flatmate, how I thought we might not be best friends, although I think that may change. Carol asked me if I said that because I thought she might be jealous, which I am not.

Ah yes I found some videos I took from last month with Chris and a frappe. I think I might make another movie. It will be really cool. I am currently working on another Wild Will story it’s a prequel to the others. This one involves is weird.

Random Questions that don’t have an answer

Is it possible to keep changing your mind about someone to the point you don’t know if you like them or hate them?

Another question, Why am I never the alpha? I am always the beta or the gamma, maybe even the delta. Why am I always the follower, am I unable to be a leader?

Saturday, July 15, 2006

“Comets, the icebergs of the skies.”

Guess what I watched today? Futurama he he my favourite show. The current episode I watched A flight to Remember, which parodies Titanic. This episode was in 1999 so it is fairly recent to the Titanic movie being out. It was done in a time when Titanic could still be parodied and get away with it. The basic idea of it is. Bender the robot falls in love with a robot Countess De La Roca. Fry dates both Amy and Leela, Amy to fool her meddling parents and Leela to fool the dastardly Captain Brannigan, who has a thing for Leela due to a previous encounter. (She slept with the captain out of pity.) Captain Brannigan decides to set a course for adventure and if you have seen Titanic you know what that means. The ship is set on a course with a swarm of comets which Captain Brannigan refers to as the “icebergs of the sky.”

I wrote about Futurama for my Cultural Industries class last term. I am hoping I can write about it again for my Introduction to Communication and Culture class for my final essay because I think it’s a very clever social commentary. I am thinking of doing it on my favourite episode the only problem is I don’t know which one.

And another thing my new flatmate Kayla already wants to borrow my episodes. When she said I think I will have to borrow them from you one time. I am thought the hell you will. The stupid thing is I won’t be able too. I am selfish when it comes to my things, yet I readily borrow from others. It’s a terrible trait and very hypocritical. My goal: to let her borrow them, although, I may enforce strict rules about borrowing. I have to learn to share.

It stupid, I was selfish over root beer when I was 17 and that’s a drink. I only let three person have my root beer, (I always paid for it my self.) My mom, when she was out of Pepsi and had a bad head ache, my high school crush because umm… I have no idea why and my third cousin Wayne because my Grandma made me. Wait make that four people, my friend Carol. There is no root beer in Australia. I think I am being punished for my selfishness. It took almost three months for my Futurama DVDs to arrive coincidence?

Anyways now that I have gone off in a tangent about my favourite pop, here is my essay on Futurama. I edited it to make it more current and better because of the stupid word restrictions.

Futurama is my favourite cartoon show. I love it so much I am had my mom send my DVD collection of all four seasons all the way from Canada. I don’t own much merchandise related to the show other than the fore mentioned DVDs but I can draw the characters in my sketch book and quote a few lines from my favourite episodes. However, I haven’t gone as far decrypting the alien language hidden through out the show or sign a petition to bring it back, as the show was cancelled in 2003.

When Futurama first came out, I was 15. It became a regular routine on Sunday nights. I thought it was cool because it took place in the future, it had an eccentric story line, and it was funny, but as I got older I enjoyed it more as I noticed its social commentary, hidden references to Star Trek and strangely I could relate to one of the characters.

The show, created by Matt Groening and David X. Coen, the creators of the Simpsons, has a bizarre plot, which is one of the main reasons I watch it. It’s about a 25-year -old pizza delivery boy Philp. J. Fry, a slacker from New York, who is accidentally cryogenically, freezes himself on New Years Eve 1999. He is then awakened 1000 years later in New New York on New Years Eve 2999. He first meets Turanga Leela a beautiful one eyed alien, with purple hair, who is eventually found to be a mutant human. Then Bender an alcoholic powered bending robot addicted to cigars, stealing and a many other immoral human behaviours.

Fry determined to have a fresh start, eventually meets his distantly related, doddering 160 year-old Great, Great, Great…(you get the idea) nephew Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth, who is brilliant scientist, yet slowly going senile. Ironically, he ends up working with as a delivery boy for Professor Farnsworth’s Planet Express Delivery Service along with Leela and Bender. Fry then meets his co-workers Hermes Conrad, a bureaucrat Jamaican who manages the delivery service; Amy Wong, a university intern from Mars, who was hired by Farnsworth because she has the same blood type as him and; Dr. Zoidberg, a lobster like alien, who is the crew’s doctor, but knows nothing about human anatomy.

Being somewhat of a science fiction nerd, I find the references to Star Trek hilarious. For example Zapp Brannigan's disgraceful, self-centred personality is a parody of Star Treks Captain Kirk. Zapp makes many references to Brannigan's Law, The Democratic Order of Planets rules in which interfering with undeveloped worlds is prohibited. This is a parody of the Prime Directive in Star Trek. There is also made an episode called “Where No Fan Has Gone Before” a parody of the series and Trek fandom, in which all the characters from the original Star Trek appeared, except for Scottie, who was replaced by a character named Welshie.

My favourite character is Dr. Zoidberg, because he is weird. He isn’t well liked, which is a shame because he is the nicest character in the show. He says and does odd things. Unfortunately he is ignored by the other characters and when he speaks no one listens to him. I used to feel this way when I was growing up, not liked, out of place. The only thing that’s different, is unlike Zoidberg, I don’t rummage through rubbish bins and eat table scraps.

Another reason I like the show is because it makes fun of society today, yet it takes place in the future, which is far from utopian. They deal with issues similar to those society deals with now, for example, the Internet is still plagued with pornography, giant corporations are still powerful and environmental problems such as global warming still exist. Although, it was said in a later episode that it was cancelled out to nuclear winter, but came back again due to fuel emissions by robots.

Race issues exist in Futurama like today, except is mainly centred on relations between humans and aliens. In the year 3000 alien immigration is common on Earth. Humans find it hard to treat aliens respectfully because of their differences and the various invasions and obliterations of Earth in the past. For example the Omicronians from Omicron Persei VIII have launched various attacks on Earth over ridiculous events such as, the abrupt ending of the show "Single Female Lawyer,” and accidental consumption of their alien young. Because of these events, they launched a full scale war on Earth. I find this similar to race issues today because society does have troubles respecting people from different cultures due to terrorism and lack of understanding.

Although the show has an outlandish plot and characters who are highly eccentric, it my favourite show. Now that I own all the DVD seasons I notice things I never did while it was on air. Watching Futurama and analysing it the way I do, as well as enjoying it for its entertainment value, makes me feel like nerd, but in a good way. As for its cancellation something shows are not meant to go on forever.

Now for something completely different

I know with the essay this will be an extremely long entry…but I could resist telling you about the last couple of days.

On Thursday I finally saw Superman Returns. It was good, but it isn’t the same as the old movies. To me Superman will always be Christopher Reeves. I find Superman to be really sad, because he is so isolated and he can never be with the woman he loves or do anything for himself. Maybe that’s why I like him, because I always feel that way, different, except I am not in love with a woman and the unselfish part.

I went to the movie with Louie. She shouted me again. I never even asked. I tried to pay her back but she wouldn’t let me. That’s been the third movie. She said to get used to it. I felt really bad about…so I told her next time I would pay. We even played video games for awhile before. She is really cool.

Maybe I should leave the amount on her desk saying I insist she take it. Yes that’s what I will do. I will even put money for petrol. Because of all the times she took me shopping. I don’t want her to think I am mooching off of her. I don’t want to be known as the Canadian girl who mooched off of Louie. I mean I am already the lonely Canadian girl. That’s bad enough. I’ll ask my mom what she thinks.

Yesterday I saw Chris at work. I think I upset him because I couldn’t give him a discount on his Coke a Cola. I would have gotten in trouble or else I would have gladly discounted for him. The next one is on me Chris.

What else? Ah yes it was rainy. I think I am acclimatizing to the Australian weather because if I was back in Canada. I wouldn’t find it cold at all, but now I do. It’s really strange.

I wanted to take the bus to work yesterday because of the weather, but this lady waiting for a different bus went all Miss I Know It All, and told me I missed the bus. This other lady was waiting for route 11 just like me. She said she waiting it out for a while, but I listened to the stupid cow and went back for my bike. Just as I rode my bike I saw the bus. It was route 11. So I ended up riding my bike home in the rain. If only I had just waited it out.

Ah yes I sent an e-mail to Joan as well. Telling her I don’t like being called “Mel” Here is the e-mail and her response.

Hey Joan just a quick note for you.Its Melissa not Mel its M-E-L-I-S-S-A. Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa And in case you forgot its Melissa.And if that doesn't convince you that I don't like being called Mel, I don't know what will?


I’m sorry MELISSA, it wasn't intentional just more of a slip up on my end!! I’m SORRY....I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!!!! Get my message!! lol


Me thinking: Does she get my message?

Ah yes that reminds me. I have eight stories in the works about Wild Will. Yes eight, they all have different plots but they all come together eventually. Yep and that’s about it for Today.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

If you can't think of anything smart to say just smile and wave!

Pictures of Chris....I'll call him Captin Bottlepop soft drink Chris...Yes thats it

My day started off bad. I had a bad headache, but everything else worked out.

I finally got my parcel from Canada. Everything I asked for was there. It’s like Christmas in July and it is July. I finally have my Futurama DVDs Woooo! Its like awesome.


I saw Multimedia Guy today! I was sitting across from him at the uni refectory. I had my camera with me but I thought it would be weird if I took his picture. Our conversation went like this.

Multimedia Guy: Hello waves and smiles
Me: Hi waves.

Yep folks that’s exactly it. I left before I could say something stupid. Well I actually I had class or else I would have attempted to talk to him.

Thank you again for voluntarily being a victim of my ramblings…

Yesterday today was good. I am actually excited about my new classes this term. I was also told that I talk too much in a nice way though. Louie is officially back as of yesterday and work went well.

On Monday I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2. It was a good movie. Johnny Depp is my favourite actor. It made me kind of homesick because Orlando Bloom is my friend Carols favourite actor and well I thought about that then I thought about Carol and so on a so forth. Yesterday was a good day. I hung out with Chris all day. It was fun. He made me laugh till I cried again that makes three times now. He talked about the story he is writing I talked about the one I am writing.

Today was OK. I was so tired I would have rather stayed in bed. My Cultural and Media Identity class is interesting, but I got confused because the tutor and the class went on about Australian stuff so I had no idea what they were talking about. This is when I imagined Wild Will storming through the ugly green door and yelling at everyone. Telling them to “Talk about stuff that isn’t confusing or he will eat them.” This proves that I am weird. I am the first Canadian that the tutor had ever met. She said she thought I was American because she can’t tell the difference….grrr…..I can! Yes I can because of being away from home I can recognise the accent better. Its weird.

I met a Canadian at work yesterday. His name is John. (No Chris not the John from my stories.)He is a regular customer. It was cool. I could talk about home and someone knew what I was talking about. He said Toronto right :) Australians over pronounce the “t” at the end. When a Canadian says it is sounds like “Torono” it depends on which part of Canada you are from.

Oh yeah I finished my fourth Wild Will Story. I’m on a roll. Actually it just occurred to me the that Wild Will was invented when I was 18 not 17. Not that it matters read the new story here.

Conversations between Chris and me part two of three billion…. Oh Yes this includes Antonia as well.

These conversations make no sense… but I think they are funny and when I read them I think it is hilarious.

That was a bit much...

Me: Die Chris I mean Hi Chris
Chris: Why jell-o Mel... issa...
Me: Whats up?
Chris: Hopefully, your legs.
Me: Shut up!!!
Chris: Sorry, That was a bit much.
Me: Yes yes it was
Chris: Ok... will you accept my apology?
Me: Yes of course I will
Chris: Nooninooninooninooninooninooninooninooninooninooninoo!
Me: bum bum bum bubba bubba bum bum bum
Chris: Nooninooninooninooninooninooninooninooninooninooninooninoo...
Chris: So what's new since last I saw you, Mel-issa?
Me: Not much... I met my new flatmate today
Chris: Is she hot?
Me: No she is not sorry Chris

You’re a long story….

Me: Yeah it’s a long story.
Chris: Oh dear...
Chris: YOU'RE a long story.
Me: So are you
Chris: Why don't you READ me then?
Me: Because you DON’T read me
Chris: Well, I would, it's just that I need glasses.
Me: You can borrow mine
Chris: Shooa, shooa.
Chris: But then whose glasses will you use to read?
Me: My spare glasses that I brought with me
Chris: OK, so I suppose this means everything is wrapped up in a neat little PECKIGE!!
Me: Yessssss
Me: sdfoipuen weih msp uw naFO [PIF NSA
Chris: I understand you completely.
Chris: To that I say ajfkdlc.cmvlajd'fka'irpi9ori23-93===== djfkldjafkdla .
Me: I understand you too sdpow3ru naptiw2-34098 na0s98340 93n SLKF N-0
Chris: I'm glad we understand each other.
Chris: dddddddd.

Titbits of information…

Antonia: Hi sweeties
Me: Hi Antonia
Chris: Nooninooninooninooninooninooninoo.
Antonia: I’m sorry...I was having dinner
Chris: What was for dinner?
Me:Did you read the story I wrote about you?
Antonia: rice, fish balls, sausages, vegetables
Antonia: yes,,i did...thx Melissa
Chris: Rice and sausages is tasty.
Antonia: I like the beginning part with Kinwai in it!!!!
Antonia: yes..absolutely
Me: Your dinner sounds tasty
Chris: Kinwai eats babies.
Antonia: yes…he does
Chris: Har-dee-har-dee-har.
Antonia: dar hee dar hee dar
Me: Yeah I am writing my next story about Kinwai. It’s a prequel
Chris: I'm reading about habitability on other planets.
Antonia: sounds interesting!!!!
Me: Why are you doing that Chris?
Chris: I feel like it... space creeps me out though.
Chris: I just want to read all about where Amy came from, you know.
Me: Space creeps you out? No way
Chris: Yes way.
Antonia: are funny
Chris: Why???
Me: I want France to win the world up
Antonia: no way!!!!!!
Chris: Yes way!!!!!
Antonia: My beloved Italy will be the champion
Chris: Amy will be.
Chris: Bollywood will win the world cup.
Me: I was just kidding Antonia
Chris: No she wasn't.
Me: Wild Will, will win the world cup
Chris: She wants to kill you.
Me: No Chris you want to kill her.
Me: Curse you Chris
Chris: No you want to kill her and eat everyone she cares about.
Antonia: Curse you Chris
Antonia: I know Melissa never does
Me: Wild Will does
Me: Oh no I can feel him trying to talk through me
Chris: You'd better listen to him, Melissa...
Chris: Or he'll come through your brain and you'll die and your head will fall off and birds will come and peck out your inside bits.
Antonia: Curse you Chris
Antonia: it’s terrible
Me: Wild Will: I love Antonia and I hate Chris
Me: Oh no I hear Joe
Me: Adventure Joe: hahahah Chris is a poopy head
Chris: Melissa's a doodoohead.
Me: Nooooooo Chris is
Chris: Nooninooninoo.
Antonia: hahaha
Chris: Antonia eats babies.
Me: therefore you are a tree
Antonia: Chris…you eat babies
Chris: And from all of these titbits of information -- Antonia and Melissa's differing ambitions for the outcomes of the World Cup, Melissa's two sets of glasses, my being creeped out by space and Antonia eating fish balls for dinner, we can only come to one conclusion...
Chris: And that's that Amy has dark hair.
Me: lol Chris...
Me: Wild Will: Your dumb I mean smart no dumb I mean smart no wait dumb
Chris: Chris: You're a doodoohead.
Me: Melissa: I am being plauged by b voices and bad grammar and voices and Antonia and possibly Chris
Chris: Nooninooninooninooninoo.
Antonia: ..........

Sunday, July 09, 2006

The unprepared and the apparently lonely Canadian

Hmmm….lets see, tomorrow uni starts. I feel so unprepared. I have barely looked at the course profiles and I haven’t even bought the books yet. I plan to get them tomorrow. I realize this time that no one I know will be the same classes as me. It’s kind of daunting. But I am sure I will be fine. Well Amy has two of the same classes as me, but she is Canberra. I guess I could be her distance tutor?

Oh yes work is going good. I realized that I put myself down a lot. Today I kept saying “I am dumb.” I know I am not. Half the time I don’t realize I am even saying it. There is a reason for this someone close to me said I was dumb so many times that I started to believe them. I know I am smart but I also know that I am negative and cynical.

I have a new roommate. She is nice. I was really nervous about meeting her, turns out it was the same way for her. I forget her name. I know it starts with a K or C and that she has been to Japan. I am jealous. She gave me these really cool bookmarks from Japan as well. She is also obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and she kept mentioning how her room was small. Boo hoo! But I am obsessed with Futurama. I love Futurama. I miss watching Futurama with Carol. My room is just the right size and well Louie is still my top flatmate. I hope everyone gets along. It shall be interesting to see, but its all good she is only here for three months.

OK, this kind of made me mad. I don’t why either. The manager of the units where I live told my new flatmate and her parents that I am lonely, that I have no friend. I have heaps of friends and I don’t actually mind being by myself. So now the manager has pawned off some Japanese obsessed Australian, no offence and a lovely French girl name Sophie. So now I am the lonely Canadian girl named Melissa. I miss the days when I was Melissa, the cynical girl who had plenty of friends, didn’t mind being alone and wasn’t identified as Melissa Canadian. (No offence Chris or Amy. I mean that in a different way.) I miss being the Melissa I was in Canada. I know I have changed. I think I am suffering from some sort of identity crisis.

Ah yes I have started yet again another story. Hopefully I can keep writing them with uni and all. Anyways, this is a prelude to explain all the other stories. It explains why Amy changed her name, how Chris became crazy and the why and how Antonia’s passport was stolen. If you have no idea what I am talking about. I would read my stories blog…here. There all about Wild Will my infamous talking psycho rottweiler. Yesterday Chris dragged me to Big W because there was this book he said he should have bought me. The book was about Rottweilers…go figure. Yep I want a real rottweiler and I will seriously name it Wild Will. He he! Actually lately Chris and I discuss my Wild Will stories a lot. He says its cool how I am continuing the story and adding all these plots and it all started with writing Amy a story.

Shout Outs to my mates Chris and Amy!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

You just had to tag me didn't you Amy!

I have been tagged by Amy.... why me? Ha ha Just kidding.

Most Desired Celebrity

Rove McManus...I don't know why... maybe its because he is funny and short and not funny.

Want to Visit This Place

Its a tie I want to vist:

Ah I want to go to Brazil! It just seems so beautiful and interesting.

And Japan.... I want sushi now. I am hoping to go with my friend Carol.

Want to Do This Someday

Write a screenplay and not just any ordinary one. An Academy Award Winning screenplay. One that is inspiring and not like anything anyone has done before.

Random Favourite

My friends from Canada. The guys from Burger King. They are funny. I took this picture at a BBQ in which they acted like guys, Canadian guys.
So there you have it now are you happy now Amy
I don't have anyone to tag! So I ummm.... I tag Chris, uggg but you just had to tag him first... gosh ummm.... I tag my mom... once I make her join blogspot...then Carol ... then Wild Will.

Why is that Chris on the floor? It is! This must mean I am smart S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T!

I have pictures of Chris on the floor. He matches the carpet.

I am happy… I have good marks at uni. I have two HD’s a D and a C. Yes HD = High Distinction, which I think is the equivalent of an A+ and D= Distinction is either and A or a B+ and a C=Credit I think that is like a B- or an actual C…. I can’t remember the Australian Grading System.

Today was a good day. I finally realized I am back at work. I went to go to a movie with Chris. We were going to see Pirates of the Caribbean, but it was sold out. And we couldn’t go to any other movies because by the time they finished I would be late for work. So we ended up just walking around and talking.

Work is going well. I am starting to feel more comfortable there. I am also feeling more confident serving the customers but you didn’t care about that did you?

P.S. Read my stories Amy! Chris! Amy! Chris!

Friday, July 07, 2006

“Thank you for voluntarily being a victim of my ramblings.”

Let’s see what has happened since Wednesday… Not much really. I worked both today and yesterday. I still feel stupid about something’s but it is getting better in others.

Yesterday was my first time serving customers. I also hung out with my friend Chris afterwards. It was cool all we did was walk around and talk. He got back from Sydney a couple of days ago. He thanked me for voluntarily being a victim of his ramblings I said you’re welcome, anytime. I am sure I rambled on about a lot of stuff too. I told Chris about the stories I had written and am currently working on and he told me about his. I like how I can talk to him about “writer stuff.” He bought a chocolate frappe to split and I bought him a coke. I also had some film developed, half of them were pictures of Adventure Joe, I mean Koalas.

I met a girl from France named Sophie. She is really nice. She is only in Australia for a couple of months. Sophie told me she was homesick. I know how that feels. She told me that she finds the Australian accent hard to understand. Been there done that. She said at the end of the day she is tired because of all the English she has to try and understand. She invited me to go to the Botanic Gardens with her. I asked if I could bring Chris along. Hopefully he behaves himself. (ha ha just kidding Chris.)

Actually, I decided today that I want to teach English as a Second Language. They make good money and I would be able to pay off my student loan no problems as well as travel and save up for my trip to Brazil. I want to go to Korea, China or Japan. I want to see the world. I told my Grandma about my idea and she thought it was a good idea. First I have to marry an Australian…ha ha just kidding Amy.

Oh yes I finished my story about Antonia… you can read it here. The next one will be about me. Yes I am a self absorbed fiend. Actually it goes with the current theme I have going. I am writing a trilogy in four parts. One day I want to publish my stories about Wild Will. I believe Amy, when she says that he has the potential to be a real cult figure, but he is only allowed to be her cult figure because I said so. Mwhahahaahahahaha!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I wave at my money as flows down the drain….Goodbye Money Hello Debt.

Today has been a slow day. I finally have my student loan. Yay! So I will be able to study next term. Now the tuition is expensive for international students. I was telling this to my friend Becky in Canada about this. What she said made me really mad. Here it is in the script format.

Me: Guess how much my tuition is?
Becky: a lot?
Me thinking: Duh!
Me: Yessss!
Me: almost…$6500 Australian
Becky: ouch...
Me thinking: Obviously
Me: But it’s only… $5400 Canadian
Becky: true but still a lot of money…
Becky: down the drain…
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
Me thinking: Grrr… how dare she say that.
Becky: I mean your spending lots of money and all its doing is gone to a waste down the drain not saving much aren't yeah?

I told my Grandma in Canada the one I call “Gram” Not the British one about it this morning on the phone, what my friend has said really bothered me. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, I mean she can’t even spell Australia right… This is how Becky spells it “austerila”.. he he that’s hilarious or just plain annoying. She’s the one who needs to waste her money on education not me. I suggest spelling lessons. And I though Carols negativity was annoying.

My Grandmas advice was.

Guess what? My friend said that the cost of tuition was a waste of money and it’s going down the drain.
Me thinking: Could I whine anymore.
Grandma: She’s probably jealous. You don’t need friends like that. It’s only a waste if you don’t do anything with it. (Uni degree)
Me thinking: Ah Grandma you are smart.

I started writing another story about Wild Will… Except I am in it, I thought it could be the A.E.S.M Chronicles. I wrote one for Amy, Chris and Antonia. The story I wrote for Antonia is Called Antonia French and the 12 Dozen Singing Koalaroos. I suppose I am the only one left. It feels kind of self centred to write about myself. So it will be about Justin and Joan. I think I will call it Wild Will and Melissa The Writer vs. Justin and Joan. P.S. Ruthless Roy. Actually it’s a re-write from a previous story. Let’s just hope Justin and Joan never read this story or my blog for that matter. In fact this story is so mean I don’t think I will show anyone. As it was a way to vent out my frustration. Well I’ll think about it. Perhaps I will edit to sound nicer. When ever I write my stories it always starts one way but it ends in a way I didn’t expect it too. When I started the story in February about Justin and Joan… they were named Jack and Jill. I was named Maria. Wild Will and his brother Ruthless Roy were supposed to come over and threaten to eat them and perhaps suggest that I move out. Now I re wrote it so it’s completely different.

I actually surprised myself today. Yesterday I was bored to I decided to clear off a shelf for the new flatmate as she will need somewhere to put her groceries and what not. The bottom shelf was full of stuff that I think used to belong to my old flatmate Shane. Anyways I found some old recipe books and I remembered Joan and the pie she wanted me to try and how she was busy baking and cooking. I figured she would make good use of them. I almost didn’t talk to her today. I was doing laundry today and when I walked past her unit she looked so sad. I decided I should cheer her up. I also found a dollars worth of change, but that is trivial stuff.

And thats what been happening. *The reader suddenly feels tired from reading Melissas blog that he or she falls asleep... then sues writer for boringness.*

Monday, July 03, 2006

The most annoying people on the planet only they don't know it!

Ah today was a good day… I didn’t mess up anything and I my shift went by very nicely. I am glad to be at work again. Today I learnt to make prep for the hot meals and subs.

I am also getting a new flatmate on Sunday. She is an Aussie, who has come back from teaching in Japan. The managers never listen to suggestions. Louie wants a male flatmate, as she feels that its hell with three girls. I wanted an international student like me because I can relate to them. Figures! Currently I am writing a story for Antonia. It’s a Wild Will story but I toned it down a bit. As Always I’ll post it in my story blog for you too read. If you want you can read the plot here.

For my friend Amy. More anecdotes about Joan and I.

This morning I was on my way to work. I ran into Joan on my way out. She was playing basket ball with little kids. Luckily I had an excuse not to stay and talk. It was obvious she wanted to talk to me.

I am walking out with my bike. When all off a sudden…
Joan: Hi Mel
Me: Hi Joan.
Me thinking: It’s Melissa! Gosh darn it its only three syllables.
Joan: You look all nice today.
Me: I am off to work.
Joan: Oh OK. She looks like she wants me to stay and chat it up
I keep walking rolling my bike towards the gate.
Me: Sorry Joan I can’t talk I am off to work.
Me thinking: Mwhahahahahaha! Finally work comes in handy.
Joan: Looks kind of upset OK Mel… have a good day.
Me thinking: Its Melissa….he he I really do have to work.

Later on: I am done work. Yay! I arrive home. I am stupid and wheel my bike, walking by Justin and Joan’s place. I notice the screen door is open. I try to make it past. You think I would learn to take the freaking detour.

Joan: Hi Mel
Me: Hi Joan
Joan: How was work?
Me: Good thank you.
Me thinking: I think she wants me to come in.
Me: Do you want me to come in or something?
Joan: Gets all excited… sure come on in make yourself at home.
I walk the pathway to their house. I put up my kick stand for my bike. Joan is sitting at the table on the phone and Justin is sitting on the couch, trying to figure out math.
Joan: You should see our electricity bill its really bad. Shoves bill in my face.
Me: Wow that is bad…
Me thinking: You pansy I’ve seen worse. Oh no the electric bill should be here for me as well.
Joan: Make yourself at home.
I stand there….
Justin: Hello Mel
Me thinking: It’s MELISSA!
Joan: Go on, make yourself at home. I am on the phone, but you can talk to Justin.
Still standing in the same spot.
Me thinking: I don’t want to talk to Justin or sit near him. He smells bad and he man boobs. I am mean he he.
A few moments later.
Joan: Looks at my uniform “Express yourself”… that’s very clever isn’t it.
Me: Yes yes it
Joan: I like your black shoelaces.
Me: Thank you
Me thinking: What the?
Joan: You’re looking very black.
Me: Obviously I am wearing black. …hint of sarcasm
Me thinking: See above.^
Joan: Make yourself at home.
I continue to stand…
Me: No its all good I just thought I would drop by and say hi
Joan: Hi!
Me: Hi!
Joan: Hi!
Me: Hi!
Me thinking: Idiot! Why did I come in?
Justin and Joan start to argue about a power charger…for her mobile.
Justin: Babe where is the power charger?
Joan: Up stairs in the office.
Justin: I moved it from the office I moved it from the power supply.
Joan: It’s in the office.
Justin: I moved it.
Joan: Its on the floor in the office.
Minutes later after arguing about the stupid power charger, this went on for like two minutes.
Joan: Mel you haven’t seen what we have done to your old room.
(Justin and Joan used to be my flatmates…when I first arrived in Australia.)
Me: No I haven’t…hint of sarcasm
Me thinking: I don’t care about my stupid old room. Oh Yeah Mel...Is…Sa!
Me: I have the bigger room at my house now.
(The room at Justin and Joan’s unit is the same as mine at my place.)
Joan: Oh really. You should go and look at your old one.
Me: OK
Me thinking: Urgh fine I looking at the f’ing room.
I follow Justin up the stairs.
Joan: Go on.
Me: I’m going
I stop and look at my old room. They turned it into an office. Justin walks past me. He trips over my shoes.
Justin: Owe!… he is trying not to swear.
Joan: Shouts! Mind your language Justin
Justin: I AM! He’s huddled over in pain.
Me: I am sorry.
Me thinking: Wow he rammed my foot pretty hard and I didn’t feel a thing. Maybe he is just girly man? Justine! Ha ha Justine, Justine, Justine….I do feel bad though.
Justin: says nothing
Me: Ah you turned my old room into an office.
Justin: Still says nothing… he continues to walk down the stairs.
Me: I’m sorry.
Justin: You’re right. Aussie for its OK… same as No worries! I think?
I stop where I last stood. Justin sits back on the couch working on some math problem he and Joan are having.

Me: I stubbed Justin’s toe.
Joan: It’s alright.
Joan: I’ve been on the phone for 18 minutes
Me: Oh are you calling a company.
Me thinking: They are the only ones I can think of that make you wait that long.
Joan: Yes…she looks annoyed from waiting so long.
Me: Well I better go home to eat.
Joan: That would be beneficial
Me: Yes it would
Me thinking: Obviously I am hungry
Me: See you later.
Joan: See you later
I walk away from the house… free from this awkward conversation.

Now I haven’t explained this much in this blog about my association between Joan, Justine I mean Justin and I. When I first arrived in Australia back in February, I was moved in with Justin. He seemed nice, friendly, gentlemen like. Anyways all was well enough. He was gone my first week there because he was at his parents house. The Reason: His mom had to wake him up for work. I thought that was hilarious. But he did show up every now and then, making brief appearances. The next week Joan moved in. It was supposed to be a girl from Poland name Renata. I have never met anyone like her. I thought she was wired on Caffeine. I wanted to hide in my room.

Justin comes back home the same day, he sees Joan in her bikini. He thinks she is beautiful. For two days straight they flirted and tried to pretend that I was stupid and didn’t notice. With in those two days they were dating. Joan thought it was proper and nice for her to ask me. I said I didn’t care. I really did. The rest is history. I moved out because I felt awkward. I could hear them. They also brought me in to it by asking what each other has said about the other. Justin read Joan’s diary to me. A big no no, I didn’t even want him too. He was all paranoid. Loser! She went all Betsy Homemaker. I wrote in my journal that I hated them.

They got on my nerves with other things as well, for instance calling me Mel after I had told them over and over again please call me Melissa. They didn’t want me to go. They tried laying me on guilt trips, even staging sit in at my door. Justin kept throwing a girly fit because I would listen. He would walk off in a huff saying… “What can I say to make you stay?” Joan would whine about it… “Mel, please don’t go!” Justin accused me of being up tight and if “I were on a bridge and a screw came loose I would jump.” Stupid retard… I just came to a new country. Not to mention… telling me I should drink… that I should get a social life.

After I left they wouldn’t let it go. I still don’t think they have. It pissed me off because they said if I had said no about them dating, that this would never have happened, like I had a decision in the matter, so there you have it my first two weeks in Australia. Quite eventful I would say.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Questioning The Ideal of Beauty? Penguins! Cross Dressing Men and Sushi!

The last day I wrote was…Friday. Not much has happened since then. It’s good to be back at work again.

Work: I bagged marinated beef, called Beef Bulougi, which is Korean style BBQ. It looked like brains. But, I was allowed try some. It tasted good.

Work: I learnt nothing important. I made rice for sushi. The cool thing about closing shifts is: If there is left over sushi you get to take it home. Sushi isn’t all that bad, but when I used to think sushi, I immediately thought of raw fish. I also work with really cool people. So far I really like working with Steph, who is from Japan and Sophie, who is Amy’s friend. The managers Joe and Jayne are cool too. I want to make friends with Steph, because she is really cool. I think we have a lot of things in common, even though were from different countries. I think I shall recruit her to the A.E.S.M. Of course I will ask Chris. Sophie can join too, if she wants.

When I got home from work I watched the tale end of Grease. I wasn’t really worried about missing the first bit because Louie owns the movie. I am not a big fan of musicals. It just feels so unnatural when they start singing in the middle of a conversation or at some really odd time. Anyways I ended up watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which is a musical but, very clever. It was really weird; I wanted to keep watching it to see what would happen next. Some parts were hilarious so were darn right shocking. For instance men dressed in woman’s clothing, strange dancing, and high sexual references.

I was told not to come into work because they closed the shop today. But when I woke up at 10 a.m. I felt slightly panicked. Because I thought I had to be at work by 11 a.m.

I watched some TV, a nature show penguins and Miss America. Penguins I can understand, but Miss America. What the? What relevance does Miss America have to Australians? I could see a Miss Australia pageant. It doesn’t even have relevance in Canada and it’s the U.S.’s next door neighbour. Canada used to have a Miss Canada pageant but, ratings pulled it off the air in 1992. This is just proof of the ignorance of American Television and the stupid network that put it on the air.

Also why can’t they have an ugly average looking Miss America for once? It’s always these gorgeous 6 foot bombshells. Half of them look like angelic Barbie Dolls. I get it, they’re naturally beautiful, but this show just enforces the stereotypical beauty. Is beauty the eye of the beholder? I shall discuss my thoughts on this in script format, a discussion between a Barbie Doll and me.

­­­Barbie: I am beautiful
Me: Yes so
Barbie: I was born this way
Me: I was born this way too.
Barbie: Awwwhhh come on your beautiful too.
Me: I didn’t say I was ugly.
Barbie: You’re jealous
Me: Of what?
Barbie: Of me.
Me: No I am not. I have personality.
Barbie: So do I
Me: Yeah of a door knob.
Barbie: Frowns…you’re jealous only ugly people say that.
Me: No, I am merely point out there are differences between a beautiful girl and an average girl like me.
Barbie: Sure you are you jealous fiend.
Me: Wow that was such a good comeback. Rolls eyes.
Barbie: I am ugly
Me: I know… stop rubbing it in my face. Wait did you just say you were ugly?
Barbie: I’m fat.
Me: No you’re not. I’ve seen fatter.
Barbie: I am smarterer than you.
Me: Right, hence the reason you cannot spell.
Barbie: Yes I am I’ll prove it too you.
Me: What are you talking about? I have to think, you don’t?
Barbie: I think
Me: About what?
Barbie: Calories, boys, my beautiful hair.
Me: I think about Wild Will, my family, Canada, Australia, Penguins.
Barbie: Whose Wild Will?
Me: My imaginary rottweiler. He hates blonds you know.
Barbie: You’re dumb… just because doesn’t mean I am stupid.
Me: I never said you were stupid. Stereotypically speaking, you don’t need to use your brain because logic dictates that every thing is given to beautiful people.
Barbie: You’re a jealous loser who watches Star Trek and complains about beautiful people.
Hint: the reference made about Spock
Me: Yeah so what! You don’t seem to like ugly people do you
Gets mad at Barbie and throws it across the room. You’re next Skipper mwhahaahahahahahahah! Or perhaps its one of Barbies friends?

Did I make a point with this? No I did not. Do I hate blondes? Yes! I mean no.. actually Yes… no wait I have friends who have blonde hair. I used to play with Barbie dolls and they had blonde hair. I feel bad for blondes. And who said that Barbie was blonde she could have been the brunette Barbie. Ten bucks says you assumed she was blonde. Did I give off fact that I am slightly jealous? I think I might be to an extent, but I do see things that prove me wrong. I know people who are more jealous than me, but I am not saying anything on the basis I might incriminate myself.