Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Monday, July 24, 2006

A Carol Puzzle?

Today I shall introduce to you a character I like to call Mock Carol. A character that is not based on Carol but merely an aspect of her personality, she is not the real Carol, but a piece of the Carol puzzle or perhaps an enigma of the person I know as Carol. This character is in no way related to Carol or is in fact Carol. I wrote these stories in honour of Chris. We came up with these funny story lines today.

Carol: If she misinterprets this post

Me: Hey Clairol! (referring to the cosmetics brand)
Carol: Its Carol not Clairol there is no such thing as Clairol.
Me: Yes there is and it rhymes with your name.
Carol: No it doesn’t
Me: Yes it does.
Carol: No it doesn’t Clairol isn’t anything like Carol
Me: Clairol is a cosmetics brand
Carol: No it isn’t it’s a make up company
Me: Then how do you explain Herbal Essence
Carol: You don’t, because they’re different, its shampoo.
Me: Don’t you use Herbal Essence.
Carol: Yeah
Me: They use real herbal and fruit extracts.
Carol: No they don’t there is no such thing as herbal extracts its herbal traps
Me: What?
Carol: Shut up! I know what I am talking about.
Me: Why Carol?
Carol: Because I am fat!
Me: As opposed to being thin?
Carol: F**k off or I’ll go quamacozi on your ass

This is a new story…Carol is a server at a fast food joint one that serves Mexican food such as, tacos, soft tacos, bean tacos, and taco salad…as well as other things. One day a Greek customer comes to the humble abode in search of Greek salad.

Customer: I’d like a Greek Salad thanks.
Carol: OK, hey did you know the Greeks invented fire.
Customer: No they didn’t God created fire.
Carol: No he didn’t Greeks were around before God.
Customer: What God created the whole world and the Greeks?
Carol: Enough about Greek already.
Customer: Don’t you mean Greece?
Carol: There is no such place as Greece.
Customer: Yes there is people from Greece are called Greek.
Carol: No there not grease. It’s that stuff over there. She points to a deep fryer.
Customer: What about the movie Grease?
Carol: There was no movie called Grease.
Customer: Yes there was…John Travolta…Oliva Newton John and it was a musical.
Carol: It’s Elton John, he wasn’t an actor in some made up movie and musicals don’t exist.
Customer: Look I just want a Greek Salad.
Carol: Why would they make a movie about that there stuff in the deep fryer? She points.
Customer: They wouldn’t do that.
Carol: Yes they would how do you know?
Customer: sounds impatient…I just want a freaking Greek salad.
Carol: Fine you’re so undemocratically dictator like.
Customer: What? Are you saying I am totalitarian?
Carol: No, totalitarian isn’t a word.
Customer: Yes it is.
Carol: No it isn’t.
Customer: Right so I suppose historians say something else when describing Stalin and Lenin?
Carol: Oceanians…
Customer: They’re Russian
Carol: No there not.
Customer: Never mind…Can I please have a salad?
Carol: In a minute…by the way did you know the Romans invented democracy.
Customer: That was the Greeks.
Carol: No it wasn’t
A few minutes have passed, awkward silence two eyes on two, customer vs. Carol. The salad has been prepared. Carol brings it to the customer.
Customer: What! That’s an Italian salad. I asked for Greek.
Carol: Same thing.
Customer: No it isn’t!
Carol: Yes it is!
Customer: And I suppose your going to say that Italy is not shaped like a boot?
Carol: Yeah Italy is not shaped like boot. That’s Greek.
Customer: Greece! You geographically challenge doodoohead
Carol: You’re a doodoohead…I hope your salad tastes like rotten ice cream.
Customer: Oh yeah well South America is shaped like an ice cream cone.
Carol: No it isn’t countries are not made of ice cream and for your information it’s South Africa.
Customer: Gives a defeated sigh and walks away.
Carol: Have a nice day!
Customer: Oh piss off!

They say at university you will learn something. Today I learnt women also played a role in the early days of journalism. Some inherited papers after there husbands died. Some went under pseudo names or used their brothers’ names. It’s quite fascinating.

Today I started off liking someone but started to dislike them with in a few hours... Then I had new respect for someone I thought I never had that I started off not liking. It’s a conundrum.

1 comment:

Chris The Beatnik said...

Heheh, this post are funny... who are the people you mention in that cryptic, alluding last paragraph?
You're a doodoohead!

Signed, Amy Melorra.