It has suddenly occurred to me while sitting and playing video games on my computer in Edmonton bus terminal, with at least 4hours till I leave for Prince George B.C that I have neglected my blog for over an entire month. AN ENTIRE MONTH! Whoops sorry. I hope it’s not to late too
DATE UP! DATE UP! DATE UP! DATE UP! DATE UP! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!
Here is some of the reason for my absence the past month…
I am so depressed recently it’s only now that I feel like actually attempting a blog entry.
I am immensely frustrated!!!!
I was spending time with mom and brother.
And lets see painting doors and cleaning my grandfathers house he was renovating. I hope it burns to the ground.
My Aunty thinks I am condescending and rude.
My grandma, or should I say Sue-Woman has probably disowned me.
All because my mom got involved and sent some nasty e-mail about events previous and recently between my family and mom.
I guess to be frank, my life feels like it has turned to shit. My entire family has turned on me, except my mom of course. I have finally joined the ranks of pariah in my dysfunctional family. And the most of it has nothing to do with me. I am suffering for problems mostly between my mom and family. I know I am a part of it, but still why do I have to be?!
Scarily for a while there I thought of ending it all! I am not embarrassed to write that either. I am sure there are others who feel the same way at one time or another.
The only reason I am here is because of my three best friends 2 Amy and Chris who still e-mail me and let me know they care and Carol who helped me through the most trying time of my life to date, my mom despite some rough patches since I have been here and my little brother, who I immensely care about. These people and my all my friends are my family now. Fuck the rest of them!
Anyways, I digress, a lot has happened in this time period. This entry may get a little depressing. DEPRESSING! Because lets face it I am depressed and this is not about attention seeking of anything like that I am just stating a fact.
I went to B.C to live with my mom after Australia. 20 hour flight, 23 hour bus ride…
My mom gave me a puppy named Sydney. He is cute and I apparently he was used as emotional bate as if!!!
Saw my brother for the first time in 3 years and suddenly realised how much he has changed. Holy crap has he gotten tall.
Played Lego with my brother, my mom ended up destroying our creations accidentally I assume, well it was in the way.
Things were going OKish until almost almost a month later due to unforeseen circumstances, which I will not discuss on a public space…(most of my friends know what happened anyways). I went to Alberta partly because of the unforeseen event and partly because of pressure from Sue-Woman. Sue-Woman, who I can’t quite decide yet if I see as a grandma anymore…I could go on about her right now…but I won’t. Besides only three people believe me about what happened.
Now two weeks later I am going back to B.C. to live with my mom because of pressures and stress from Sue-Woman. I managed to get a job at the old McDonalds I worked at and Zellers a department store in which Carol works at. I turned down Zellers much to the (rightfully so) dissatisfaction of Carol I’ll write more about her in a minute. However, here is the big part. I had no accommodation because stupid students, came in August and took most of the places and the cheaper places where in the dodgy parts of town. And, AND this is a big one, Sue-Woman said she’d help me but then she turned around and didn’t because the place I found was too expensive and she didn’t think I should be living on the West Side. So it was either stay with Carol and her sister for a while and possibly get them evicted because I wasn’t suppose to be staying there for too long or stay in a woman shelter till I had enough money for damage deposit and rent in October.
For two wees let’s just say I was in the presense of a scarlety monster, being forced, FORCED to go to church and no where to live, which was constantly joked about as if it were some kind of joke. I was an emotional wreck. I also realised there error of my ways from the first incident…. The end…If I had a choice I’d would not go to either place I’d go home to Australia. Home, I’ve lost it. It’s as if I lost the love of my life. I want to go back so bad!
Then I got my old job at Burger King and McDonlads a week later. It felt so weird, like I was having an out of body experience. I felt like I shouldn’t be there for some reason.
Most of the friends agree with me in my decision and even if they didn’t it’s not there’s to make. Sue-Woman doesn’t agree, I think she might disown me too. She says I am making a big mistake…she doesn’t know I have left yet, at this point.What ever non-likingness between her and my mom is their problem, not mine, but I think I have ended up on the other side of Sue-Woman’s wrath, with my mom. I always wondered after Carol actually brought it up how can a person who isn’t even blood related have so much power and control over family affairs.
It’s the root of all evil.
The only good thing about coming back to Canada thus far has been seeing Mom, Tony and Carol. Carol is awesome. She seemed more positive at first, then some of the old habits I remembered so well surfaced…think Philis like behaviours. The only people I missed while away was Carol, Becky, Mom and Tony. I never missed Sue-Woman in fact I dreaded calling her and I felt even more depressed every time I had to add to the God Damn Fucking “Tally!!!” Lump sum payment my ass. She can disinherit me!
P.S. More positive entries will come soon!
A Life of Choice
7 years ago