Me: Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp.
Carol: Noooo…they’re pink because of pollution and drinking pink water.
If I could describe the day in one word it would be boring. Lately I am obsessed with decoding words of the Alien alphabet on Futurama. Also my mom sent me the exact same post card twice. I also made amends with a long time enemy, my inner demons.
This joke you are about to read reminds me of a conversation with Louie…You know the one where it doesn’t matter if you eat healthy your going to die anyway one.
This Is Heaven
An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercising.
When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi.As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost."It's free," St. Peter replied. "This is Heaven."
Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home bordered. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"
St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free."Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine’s of the world laid out.
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part--you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is, after all, Heaven."
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly.St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
Another Carol story: The reason for these stories Chris and I come up with them everyday. This is one we came up with today.
Carol and I are walking through a nature reserve, we walk past dozens of trees.
Me: Hey Carol did you know that trees are the oldest living thing on the planet.
Carol: Noooo trees aren’t living.
Me: Yes they are they breathe in Carbon dioxide and convert it into oxygen.
Carol: Don’t be silly things don’t breathe in Carbon dioxide.
Me: With out trees we would not be able to survive, we would have no air to breathe.
Carol: I don’t see trees saving my life and to prove it I will stand out in the middle of this highway.
Me: No Carol! You’ll get your self killed. I close my eyes in fear.
A logging truck comes by on the highway it swerves to get out of Carols way. A log rolls off, stopping all the cars, causing a 20 car pile up, smokes billows up from the wreckage.
Carol: Wow! Melissa you’re right.
A Life of Choice
7 years ago