‘Melissa isn’t being a bitch she is just being sarcastic.’ -Kayla
-from the Melissa Anthology of the Fergus book of Silliness and Annoying People
Ah yes the above quote…. We were playing Monopoly with my new flatmate, who has never played Monopoly before, her friend and Kayla. I was being my usual sarcastic self.
Apparently Kayla has previously interpreted my kind of humour as being a bitch. Why yes I am a female dog NOT! Only my friends seem to understand my humour.
Today revolved around two things the thing I was supposed to do today for example assignments and the stuff I ended up doing which included making another movie.
Chris and Kate came by to visit. In the words of Chris: “It are was fun.”
Later Chris and I filmed a documentary about the first two Flat To Myself movies. It’s about two documenters named Maverick and Angela, although, they often refer to each other as Chris and Melissa. Of course this was before we established the names of the documenters. Anyways, they attempt to find out what really happened as well as visit the dog Fergus who they may have unintentionally misinterpreted to be a witness and there is a return of the thing that taunted them at the Multicultural Fair, a Buddy a finger puppet moose with a Canadian flag.
However, I was smart and did end up working on assignments like I was supposed too.
Carol and I :)
Anyways I was researching for an assignment and I came across a section on of my old text book The Canadian Reporter. It was about ‘fat’ words. Fat words in journalism are words that editors and reporters consider bloated, pretentious or overdone.
‘The committee is working on an open-ended time frame but hopes to finalize its input in the foreseeable future.’
Hmmm… what the heck did that even mean? What is my point?
It has inspired me to write a Carol story. Here it is as follows
Melissa has a flash back to the time when She was packing up for her trip to Australia. Carol is helping her she sees the book The Canadian Reporter lying on top of her suitcase. She picks it up and flips to the section on language. She finds a section called ‘Fat Words’
Melissa: What’s the matter Carol?
Carol: How come journalists discriminate FAT people?
Melissa: Carol journalists don’t do that. It’s against are code of ethics were are supposed to treat everyone fairly regardless of religion, ethnicity or size.
Carol: But your book has a section on fat words.
Melissa: Ummm…Carol it’s just a term to define words or sentences that journalists shouldn’t use because they are too bloated pretentious or over the top.
Carol: Bloated? That’s just a polite word for fat! I hate you
Melissa: Ummm….OK that section is there because it’s against journalism rules to write about fat people unless it is relevant.
Carol: Really? Relevant? Melissa I thought we were talking about your profession discriminating fat people not that Newton Law of Fatness.
Carol: You know Newtons law or relevant. He was named Newton because he ate figs.
Melissa: No Carol, its Sir Issac Newton and he developed Newtons Law of Motion. For example for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.
Carol: Yes but the relevant law, the one that says all facts the make fun of fat people result in even fatter people.
Melissa: That would be the relativity Carol. Albert Einstein came up with that one. It has nothing to do with fat people.
Carol: Stop being such a NERD. I hate this reporter journalist NERD book I’m going to throw it in the garbage where it belongs.
Melissa: No Carol DON’T
Melissa grabs the book from Carol and crosses out fat words and replaces it with big words you should using when writing stories.
Melissa: Sooo Carol is that better. She shows it to Carol
Carol: Big words…that’s the same thing.
Melissa: OK how about ‘oversized’
Carol: Oversized? That’s STILL the same thing.
Melissa: Oversized can mean an oversized proportion of something…not necessarily fat or big or large.
Carol: You’re an oversized proportion of something, fat big or large and you’re a NERD with a fat NERDY brain.
Melissa: Sighs You’re not throwing out, burning it or tearing apart my journalism book. You’re just jealous because your name doesn’t translate to anything in Greek. Plus I’m Irish and your not.
Carol: NERD! You’re just mad because I am too fat to fit into your suitcase…so I can’t come with you. So you show me your discriminating book. Carol storms off out of Melissa’s room.