Life and times of an astrophysist who is actually a former journalism student who is really a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl pretending to be an astrophysisist...mispelling INTENDED!

NERD nerdy retarded weird girl central...well mostly my mussings and random interludes whilst I am working towards getting a car and licence so my random adventures and time spent in Australia was worth while. It should be intersting Enjoy! While in Australia...I was sunburnt,went to Sydney and wrote my first novel. So far back in Canadia I have been couch hoping and meandering from city to city. More adventures to come. Hopefully they are as interesting as my Australia ones.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

My Spiritual Conundrums

Procrastination is a common thing in my life. While attending uni and college I used to wait till the last minute to finish assignments. And now that I am moving I am procrastinating at packing. Moving really isn’t so bad once it’s over, its just the hard work beforehand. I am also procrastinating spiritually.

Anyways, this may come as a shock to everyone, but I’ve decided to get baptised. I am going to become a Baptist. Never thought that would happen! It’s scary because I always was dead set on rejecting it and now I am OK with it. I mean I still have my issues with religion and all but I feel like I am working them out.
Although technically I am supposedly a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints (Mormons). I am what they would call an inactive member. When I went to Alberta for that brief time Sue-Woman and my aunty who I will call Mel-Lady made me go to church. When I said I wasn’t interested or not ready for the whole church scene my aunty replied with the “oh that’s just the adversary.” (Adversary means Satan) It sounded so weird and deluded to me, like it does some times when my mom says “the devil is testing her.” Sometimes my families God talk irked me out, not because I don’t believe because I have said repeatedly I do. I think it’s just the idea of committing to faith? Or maybe I am still to sceptical to believe that its all up to one super being, I am still struggling with unbelief to a point.

I think of when I was 13 and the first time I was baptised by the Mormon Church, prior to this a few years earlier I wanted to be a Seventh Day Adventist and was starting baptismal classes. I was 8! I never truly believed in Mormonism. It left me with more questions then answers. I remember when the missionaries who talked to me shocked because I joked that I didn’t care which kingdom I wanted to go too, as all good Mormons want to go to the Celestial Kingdom. They never even asked me if I wanted to get baptised they figured because I was taking part in there talks and lessons that I wanted to be. This moment is significant but not significant to remember the date all I remember is it was April. I liked going to church to interact with people outside of home other than my mom and I was going through a really rough time. They took advantage of that to convert me! Not to mention I was pressured by Sue-Woman and my Aunt Mel-Lady to join. I knew the moment I stood outside that baptismal tank that it was wrong! My aunty was with me during my sudden hesitation and she did what any good Christian Mormon would do she said a prayer to try and calm me and told me it was just the adversary, (which seems to be her answer to a lot of things wrong.) I thought back to the baptism I went too earlier to see what they were like and the eight year old girl was in tears. Eight is the age children with in the church are baptised. It kind of scared me. I felt so uncomfortable before and after. I knew all the facts about the religion but I knew I didn’t care especially, when the missionaries asked me which Kingdom I wanted to go too and I said jokingly “doesn’t matter.

Then before the baptism I was interviewed by a different missionary as it is customary before being baptised. In which I was asked several inappropriate questions that a 13 year old would have no idea about.
Such as:
Have you ever had sex?

Have you had sex with a woman?

Have you ever murdered anyone?


And those are just the ones I remember. The question regarding sex scared the crap out of me. I felt so uncomfortable the entire time and apparently if I said yes to any of those questions if I repented of them then they would be washed away after the baptism, etc…I thought I was going to go to outer darkness because my mom thought I was a lesbian. I wrote an entry on this ages ago

I told my moms friend about this, who coincidentally thought Mormonism is a cult. She told Hev-Lady and she was pissed! She almost decided not to give her consent. I wish she had said no to them and stood up for me when I was too scared to do it myself. Unfortunately Sue-Woman’s influence was still as strong back then and well Mel-Lady is just her plus one who does everything she tells her.

Months later I stopped going I wonder why? Yet I never stopped believing in God. I think I was always searching spiritually. I hope I have made the right decision now.

P.S. From now on anything that goes wrong is Pretty Blue Eyes fault. :P It makes me feel better.

1 comment:

Mormons Are Christian said...

Read this and decide for yourself if a First Century Christianity church should be called a "cult":

http://MormonsAreChristian.blogspot.com