My double life at the Morning Bully

Today a strange thing happened to me, while on my day of the job as features writer for the advertising department of the Morning Bulletin I suddenly hated writing. I just couldn’t do it I had to force it on the screen. I wonder if maybe it’s because I was suddenly being paid do something I consider a hobby and because of the pay element my perspective on writing changed to the point that I considered it work and no longer a pastime. Or maybe it’s because I am writing but it isn’t journalism like I originally intended?

Yes, yes in case I haven’t already told anyone I finally have a job as a features writer for the advertising department. So I should say I am writing advertorial. Writing for advertising is much different than journalism and it’s not as exciting. However, I am being paid to write so I should be happy.

Here are some common questions I’ve been asked since I started at the Morning Bulletin.

Is there a photocopier named Charles?

No, but I am sure it copies very well.

Now that you work for the advertising department why do they not like the journalists using their mail boxes?

Someone for the ad department said the following to me when I asked:

Because it’s the advertisers mail boxes you twat! You journalists think you own the entire paper. THE ENTIRE PAPER! But, what you don’t realises is that with out our skills in pursing clients to advertise and by that I mean tricking, the entire paper would be rubbish and there would be no money. So kindly stay away from our mail boxes thank you very much.

What’s the editor like? Is he like Nigel?

No the editor is friendly a pregnant old lady man, masquerading as John Howard. The reason I say this is because he sounds like him, therefore it must be him. IT HAS TO BE! I am never wrong. NEVER!

So what kind of stuff do you encounter in your double life as a Morning Bully? Is it different from the way Bamboozle Times operates?

Yes it is a lot different. The Morning Bulletin’s motto is “Local news means the world to us.” Where as Bamboozle Times is “We’re that way.” So the main difference is both papers cater to completely different audiences. Also The Bully has blue painted walls where as the Bamboozle Times has purple.

Another difference a BIG difference there is no Nigel. In fact a lot of the staff are woman so if Nigel did ever show up I am sure he wouldn’t remain in their good books for long.

Any rogue journalists from Bamboozle Times?

However there is a raven haired journalist, not named Sarah and there is a journo that looks suspiciously like Bill, which is odd because he supposedly died by a beanstalk impalement a couple of months ago. This leads me to believe that he is faking his entire death. HIS ENTIRE DEATH! There is a NERD nerdy retarded weird boy photographer rather than a girl. Oh yes and there is me. Nigel said that if I ever came back to Bamboozle Times Norma would throw me out the window.

Now that you’re in the journalism circle are there any cute journo’s to pick from?

Not really…90 per cent of the entire staff is female and to put like Philis…”I’m not that way.” I am still holding out for Officer Octogenarian, but he hasn’t arrived in the newsroom yet, as there have been no peculiar attacks, fires, attacks or disturbances yet….yet.

Is there a big brown dog running the elevator?

No and no. The Morning Bulletin doesn’t have an elevator and I am sure if there was they wouldn’t need a big brown dog to operate it. It has flight stairs to the newsroom. Also I don’t think dogs are allowed either.

Anything unusual about the Morning Bulletin?

I believe one reporter is on the look out for a Brown Fergus Finbrownstin Fergalarius a.k.a. Brown Fergarian Ridge Back a.k.a. a big brown furry dragon. She hopes to employ him as a heater during the winter months.

P.S. I got a HD on my Sexualities and Representation presentation yay!