I just realized something I like all my friends that I have made because they inspire me in many different ways.
Last night was fun, Chris, Kate and I went clubbing. It was fun.
For some reason I had this thought, everyone likes Joan better than me? But, then I realized they like her for different reasons not necessarily better or worse than anyone in particular. However, today I decided I no longer want to be friends with Justin and Joan. I like Joan but I am not a good friend…I tried to like them or give them a chance but it’s just not worth lying to them or myself anymore. I don’t hate them, I just don’t think it’s proper for me to be their friends, especially if I talk badly behind their backs and conspire in mean gossip sessions between people who despised them. For some reason I had nothing but negative feelings towards them…if I considered them friends I wouldn’t.
Just take a good look at this particular paragraph in my Kiwibox journal to see what I mean.
“I do not like Justin. I kind of did but not in the romantic way. In the friendship kind of way, Amy asked me that once. She read the story. I saw him with out his shirt on at the pool one day. He has man boobs ewww! Amy agrees (Sorry Amy ).Also he got on my nerves a lot telling me the Aussie way, more like the red neck Aussie way. Oh yeah discussing how I should change my fashion sense, when he dresses like a total dag. If I did like him what the fuck was I thinking?. Sorry I have to diss someone else besides Joan all the time. Justin is just as easy of a target. Mwhahahahahahaha!!!!”
What kind of friend writes that?
Now I want to go home. I made a big mistake coming. I wish I never came to Australia!
A Life of Choice
12 years ago
3 comments:
Please be careful.
We enjoy having you here.
Don't forget that.
Mel-issa,
You are a beautiful girl. You are kind hearted, caring, funny, wonderufl, loving, gorgeous (inside and out)... you are one special person. You've got to know that you are important to alot of people.
One thing I want to say is that... (well, I will regret saying this). You do need to get a backbone... NOT IN THE WAY JUSTIN MEANS. In the way that you need to learn how to stand up to YOURSELF. You are too hard on you. You think that you have to like and be friends with everyone, and that's one of the things I and Kris love about you. How you are so warm and open.
You are allowed to dislike people - it's not a crime. You don't have to be friends with everyone. You have a clash of personality with Joan and Justin and you just don't feel comfortable with them, like how you feel at home and free around Kris and I. We have this profound connection. Not everyone has a connection like this. If you have tried at something and it didn't work, don't worry - atleast you gave it a shot. You musn't blame yourself for having personal differences with other people. Do not feel guilty for feeling what you do.
And in the way that you are criticizing Justin for what he has said to you, it's ok to feel and think what you are. He has said things that are thoughtless and obviously have no consideration for how you would feel. I can tell that you are comfortable with certain parts of yourself.
Gossiping is just something that happens. It is mean and nasty yes, but I'm quite sure people have gossiped about me and I know I have maliciously gossiped about some other people. You can't get along with people 100% of the time. You occasionally get angry with friends and acquaintances, and of course, enemies. You need to have a way of venting such feelings. I don't really advise that gossiping and bitching is a good thing, but it's something that happens. You can't keep bottling things up inside. When you gossip with people about who you dislike or whatever, you are validating your feelings and acknowleding that they exist. Ignoring them is incredibly unhealthy. It helps you to, in the end, move on from any negative feelings.
If you feel that you can, maybe have a bit of a talk with Joan and tell her how you are feeling. She has to know at some point and ignoring them will not make the situation any better (if that's what you plan to do). Just have a calm, civil conversation (that would be best done WITHOUT Justin, as we all know what happens when he gets angry).
... Again Melissa, you are a beautiful girl and it pains me so to know that you feel this way. I want you to know that I consider you a best friend and I know that we will get even closer in the time that you spend in Australia. Please, don't leave. It would never be the same here without you.
Love you Melissa.
"It's a crime to hide such a beautiful smile from the world."
"Don't frown - you never know who is falling in love with your smile."
"Make new friends, but keep the old, for one is silver and the other is gold."
Awwww....Kate, that was so gorgeous!! You said it so well!!
Melissa, i am SO SO SO SO SO glad you came to Australia - Spending time with you and AESM was pretty much the best time of my life!! We have had so many adventures..for example...sitting down in the middle of the shopping centre and getting in trouble with the security guard....going to Great Kepple with all the international kids...spending hours laughing at mcdonalds....going to the gardens at Easter......going to the show with Chris, Kinwai and beautiful Antonia......I know it may not seem like much but believe me, it ws the best time of my life and i still miss it!! Again, I am soooooooo gld you came to australia cause university just wouldn't have been the same without you!!!
Luv Amy
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