Why winking is bad?

I will turn the first part of this blog entry to letters to the editor. Warning it may be offensive to some readers….It is merely my interpretation of the dangers of winking and the subtle homoerotic nature of football, which I think might be offensive seeing as football is a very manly game. Let’s just say I making fun of it then? OK here it is….

Here is letter to the editor Nigel Bottington.

Dear Editor,

I have proof that winking is appalling, especially for young footy players. Last Saturday I was watching a rugby game between the Bamboozle Blasters and Holiday Hoodwinkers broadcasted live in Fergaria-Finbarton. Football player forward George Stevens commented on winger Apple Orange’s poor sportsmanship accusing him of winking at Stevens.

Apple was accused of diving again, and once he arose he winked at other players giving everyone a bad impression. He could have just been saying I am OK, but winking often implies he is a smart Alec, that he got away with something he shouldn’t have, which is bad on Apple’s part. Therefore winking is bad.

Thank you,

Zach McGlonagkic


Here is Nigel Bottingtons reply:

Dear Zachary,

You are most likely related to a NERD nerdy retarded weird girl due to the similarities in your surnames. Therefore should have no interest in sports because you are also a NERD. You shouldn’t mask your nerdyness with football or sport but accept it with science type endeavours. SCIENCE TYPE ENDEAVOURS! Do you hear me Zach, potentially related to Ashleigh McGlonagkic who defected from my newspaper to work at the planetarium with a fat complainer?

Now….football is a very homoerotic sport that is masked by hyper masculinity and hidden hostilities. Case in point most football players are repressed homosexuals and 2 of 10 players are secretly gay. Take into consideration the winger you speak of Apple. He name is Apple his parents met at a fruit stand of apples and oranges and apparently made sweet sweet love that very day, causing Apple to be gay. GAY! His wink was merely letting other secretly interested players that he was available. Stevens was only looking forward to seeing Apple at the end of the game if you know what I mean.

Now, not to sound all Philis “I’m that way” Philmore, how could he be accused of diving if there is no water on the football field? Case in point I know nothing about sports because I am gay I only muse as to whether they are that way. Unless you are going to comment on the football players supposed sexuality rather then the game, never right me again with such balderdash about how winking is bad.

Nigel Bottington

Editor in Chief Bamboozle Times.

Dear Nigel Bottington,

I am Apple Orange and I find it offensive that you implied that I was gay because my dear mom and pop met at a fruit stand in the Okanogan B.C. Canada, which I might add they were selling peaches, apricots and cherries, no apples or oranges. I am outraged!

Football is NOT homoerotic it’s a very manly (The adjective not the football team) game. I don’t know where you got your statistics from but football is a brutal sport of masculinity and awesomeness!! I’m also not hyper masculine and much like my good friend Officer Octogenarian said to you in an earlier letter my sexuality is none of your concern, nor should it be related to sport which I play which is very manly. I don’t sit around writing girly letters to the readers every day which are completely irrelevant.

Oh and ummm I have no recollection of the winking implied by the previous writer…Zach McGlonagkic

Cheers
Apple Orange

Dear Apples

Clearly some one is concerned about his masculinity or else you wouldn’t have attempted to defend it so miserably. Therefore you are gay. GAY! Give me an entire reason why football is not homoerotic? I am smarter than you because I wear head gear, as working at this fine newspaper is very dangerous. You should do the same or you will continue to lose entire brain cells. ENTIRE BRAIN CELLS!

That is all,

Nigel Bottington
Editor in Chief, Bamboozle Times

P.S. I have made 151 entries on this blog. 151!!!