Twilight series sucks!

It’s 12:30 a.m. and I suddenly realise (or maybe I am just reminding myself) that I really don’t like the Twilight series even though I was a douche and bought the whole set because I heard such rave reviews on how amazingly awesome it is. I decided to give it a read because I think vampires are cool or mysterious. I’ve not quite wrapped my head around the whole undead thing mind you.

Actually it was this is a conversation between me and another cashier I will name Wilma and another associate I’ll name Bill to protect there anonymity because I like them. J Bill is funny and Wilma has interesting opinions on stuff. Anyways it kind of pointed out the irony of reading something I don’t particularly enjoy.

Wilma: (sits down at table with me. Looks to big fat black book of all boringness sitting beside me.) You still reading the first Twilight book Melissa?
Me: No it’s the third one.
Wilma: Do you like it? I quite liked the series I really enjoyed it. (Note she says this every time.)
Me: Uhhhh it’s alright. I don’t really like it.
Bill: (Obviously eavesdropping) OK so your reading it and you don’t like. Hmmm that makes sense.
Me: I like it. I just don’t really like it that much. I’ve read way better.
Bill: Yet you’re still reading it…
Wilma: I quite liked it. I really enjoyed the series….

Yeah well this conversation isn’t really funny…but it was funny earlier when Bill discussed his hatred for stupid people. :P I just can’t remember what he said…

Note this blog entry may see scatterbrained and garbled because it is almost 1 am and Ummmm….yeah!

However, I will note that the general idea is pretty creative, especially the good vegetarian vampire thing and the whole idea of them having special powers. Stephenie Meyer’s writing style is easy to read too. It’s flowery and pretty, but it really isn’t all roses either.

I can also see why girls may like it. Beautiful vampire often compared to a Greek Adonis loves average girl who leads and ordinary boring life. Girl meets vampire beautiful man and her life seems better. It’s true love and its everlasting undying love because even if Bella dies (I haven’t gotten to the fourth book yet) Edward will still love her. He will die for her by going to those Italian jerks the Volturi and ask him to take his very life because he would rather end his immortality than be with out his precious Bella Swan. What teenage girl wouldn’t want that kind of love for them? Not to mention its forbidden love because Edward could cave in and entirely kill her being highly attracted to her scent and all. I mean vampire human, predator prey it all comes down to binary opposition. One’s bad one’s good. Vampires being inherently strong with supernatural abilites and abomination against nature being undead and all and then there is humans who are weak, normal abilities and living beings. It would be a very interesting series to write a cultural type essay about, but I digress.

Anyways…So what are my issues with the books?

The author tells the story rather than shows it. She tells you how sad Bella is and uses like a paragraph to describe one item. It’s dumb. To me showing the reader what is happening captivates them.

Let me see 2 dimensional characters if your entirely lucky to come across one! A lot of them are just cardboard cut outs relegated to he said she said roles. They did this and they did that…Who cares? I know nothing about the characters except that the guys at Bella’s high school are all instantly in love with her, which makes sense because she is so entirely plain. And her girl friends are all about gossiping and other stereotypical girl stuff. Rah! I just hope none of my characters are like that, because that would be entirely demeaning to them. I love my characters and my stories.

Also, I’m sorry but I think Edward is a steaming pile of Gary Stu. AN ENTIRE GARY STU! He can do know wrong and is entirely beautiful and good and everyone hates him for it. Pretty much every chapter Bella is like oh “he is so beautiful” or “there he is a male supermodel with his golden topaz liquid eyes,” and blabedy blah! Urgh! I understood the fact that he is beautiful the entire time, stop friggen reminding me of it! I also find it contradictory that Bella insists she isn’t with him because of the way he looks or his money but she constantly describes how beautiful he is and how he is rich. Also Edward and Bella are so co-dependent on each other one of them leaves and they descend into entire gloominess. Especially Bella….

In fact from the three books that I have read…Bella mopes a lot, she’s clumsy and her whole entire world is about Edward and one day being an entire vampire….oooooh.

Currently I am reading the third book and I don’t know why. I just want to read all the books so I can say that I read them and I think they entirely suck. ENTIRELY SUCK! Then yesterday I misplaced one of the books, thinking that I lost it and I panicked, not because I wanted to finish reading it, but because I spent money on it and I couldn’t finish it to tell people how much I think it sucks. Yeah I am weird. I reading a series I entirely don’t like just because I have nothing better to do.

P.S. You Suck: A Love Story is a good vampire story…so there!

They take up way to much valuable space on my bookshelf. In fact let me be entirely callous and add the library as well. There are so many good books they could have at the library in town but they instead make space for the waste of words and trees that The Twilight series is. For instance more Robert Rankin books and Jasper Fforde books. Or maybe the entire series of the Acorna the Unicorn Girl books, I mean they have all of them except one and, and, and it just doesn’t make sense to me. My brain might implode from the insanity of obsessions.

I’m done with my scatterbrained rant for tonight.


P.S. Die hard Twilight fans will probably come after me with flame throwers and pitchforks now.