An entire apology for nothing!

In the words of Sarah Evans “Oh my goodness!”

I swear to God I keep contradicting myself because someone doesn’t like what I do, makes me feel bad and therefore I go against myself and apologise for being honest (about a anonymous person by the way.)

I deleted the “Poisonous Secret” entry because it turns out…

Anonymous girl whom I wrote rather nasty things about hadn’t even read it. So to save future damage to this girls feelings whom I realise isn’t a bad person intelligence or not.

Pretty Blue Eyes caught me in my attempt to be brave and say I am sorry. So I was upfront and honest and told him what had happened and said I had to apologise to her. He said something quite the opposite.

Pretty Blue Eyes: Why the furrowed brow?

Me: Oh no reason. I just wrote some nasty comments about such and such on my blog! I am way to honest when I write sometimes and it backfires.

Pretty Blue Eyes: Oh really? (Something along those lines)

Me: Now I think I have to apologise and its way harder then it sounds.

Pretty Blue Eyes: No doubt about it…

Me: I feel really bad…such and such told me and it made me cry so I knew it was wrong… (I was careful not to mention it was about him and her, although I had the sneaky suspicion he does know on some level due to his acute intelligence in certain matters.)

Pretty Blue Eyes: Have you deleted it?

Me: No! I figured the damage has already been done!

Pretty Blue Eyes: (Laughs that weird silent laugh when he is highly amused with something I have said) Maybe you should delete it so no more damage can be done.

Me: I guess

Pretty Blue Eyes: Maybe don’t even tell her about your blog, because you could be causing unnecessary hurt.

Me: But such and such implied she had read it! (Turns out it was just my overactive imagination telling me she had!)

Pretty Blue Eyes: Well I guess you have to do what you have to do.

Put it this way, apology wasn’t accepted. I went to apologise and it was hell of an awkward situation because she didn’t even know what I was talking about just like Pretty Blue Eyes suggested.

Me: Hi I don’t know if you’ve read my blog, but I felt it was important to apologise to you about what I had written about you, which was rather hurtful.

Girl: (Awkwardly) Ah OK? I’ve never read it!

Me: (awkward moment arrives, my friend Chris would say this is the moment a gay baby is born…) Well I thought I would say sorry anyways just in case. I deleted it so no further damage can be done.

Girl: Well what did you write?

Me: (Oh fucking hell! You that you were a twat, blabedy blah nothing too horrible) Uh well I was having these nightmares where I was very mean to you and I wrote about it.

Girl: Well what is it about? (She asked me several times actually)

Me: It wasn’t very nice at all! I deleted to save you from further hurt or embarrassment.

Girl: So you’re not even comfortable to tell me? (She said that a lot too!)

Me: Nooooo…(Not a Philis Philmore type of no by the way.) (Oh my God this is painfully awkward!) You really don’t want to know.

Girl: I am going to wonder now? Why won’t you tell me?

Me: It was all about irrational jealousy…

Girl: (obviously even more confused) about what?

Me: Oh you know random stuff! (I should have just said it was about my presumptions about her and Pretty Blue Eyes.)

Girl: Well I wish I could say apology accepted but I don’t even know what you are talking about and you won’t tell me…

Me: Ask such and such…I can send it too you if you really want to read it! I mean I didn’t even use your name.

Girl: So why are you apologising?

Me: Oh this is so painfully awkward…because I wrote about you!

So it kind of ended there…after agonising minute after minute of perpetual confusion and gay babies being born….(50 or more had to have been brought into this world.) she was really nice about it and everything. And I don’t feel mean jealous feelings anymore. At least now I can say I am not two-faced. I also I learnt I wish I kept my feelings between Pretty Blue Eyes and I. Kept it private where it belonged now its just a big mess. I wish I hadn’t listened to my friend about this either, even though she meant well. At least I’ve attempted to make it right with the universe and God!

Pretty Blue Eyes summed it up when he said “It wasn’t like you are the best of friends anyways so at least you can get over it.” He also said I had balls for being forward and apologising as well as having an ego boost because he was all knowing and right about this in the first place. Why didn’t I just tell him what happened a week ago! His advice usually pans out even if I feel like a twat in the process.

Ah matters of the heart will they ever end?

P.S. I’m making banana blueberry muffins woot!