Well I successfully have a nice shinny new mobile Internet Rocket Stick from Rogers it even matches my pretty red computer. To bad it only works if I am downtown or perhaps half way down the street! There be no reception out here. I tried meandering aimlessly around my house trying to pick up a least a bar of service but NOTHING! I even tried threatening said Rogers Mobile Rocket Stick by pretending to eat it. I had a bar for two seconds and when I tried to connect it failed miserably. What a waste of money and I am potentially stuck with it for two years! Gah! So obviously this entry strangely enough is being published by way of my shinny new computer as well as painstakingly typed on it. I hate it too the keyboard is all different and I can’t seem to type on it properly. I miss femputer she new how to work properly for me. She is now six feet under dead. What a stupid idea leasing a brand new computer! The fellow dedicated readers (who never respond anymore I might add) can thank Hev-Lady for it is the use of her computer that you are able to read about my ranting and ravings about the inability to use my new fancy wireless internet stick. I am sounding like a pregnant old lady woman whinging about new technology and how terribly horrible it is.
So seeing that my mobile Internet stick hates Copper Mountain, I have decided to go with the plan of bringing my computer downtown where I can use it at my leisure. If you can’t beat them, join them. I am currently at the community garden with Hev-Lady where she is currently picking beans. Monster beans! Then there are her gigantic zucchinis and numerous onions, tomatoes and marigolds. Her garden plot is like a mosaic amongst the perfectly ordered and designed gardens neighbouring it.
Surrounded by plants and the wind is relaxing. It’s when I am in places like this that I become very reflective. For starters why do I even bother trying to be friends with some people. They are either too stuck up, cliquey or too plain serious to even understand me. If they think feigning interest in me is going to get them brownie points with God, they forget that I am smart enough to know they are just being nice because they think they have too or want to appear to be nice moral do-gooders. I don’t want sympathy friends. I want real friends. I am just fed up! I go through all this trouble at work to change my availability at work and then they decided that Wednesdays don’t work for them it has to be Thursdays now. And then they are like it oh the only person it doesn’t work for is Melissa. It shouldn’t be a problem to change it at work. Uh yes it will be. I really don’t think my front end manager is going to appreciate me constantly changing my availability when perhaps a month or two down the road they decide that perhaps Tuesday or Friday is better for them. I understand it had to be changed because one new member who only started coming three times now has choir and another one has other responsibilities, but I’ve come to nearly every study since the beginning. Not to mention if another member can’t make it, its call cancelled just for them, but if I can’t make it too bad so sad. It’s not fair. Some members can even bring their little kids along to disrupt everything. But its oh so cute to have a little kid banging on the windows and whacking you with beaded necklaces and other random objects. Thank you very much. Great now I sound like I am entirely selfish. I should just speak up and tell them how annoyed I am with them. Instead of being passive aggressive and ignoring everyone after the study is finished and either withdrawal completely or read a book. I should study the Bible on my own from now on. Or maybe make my own Bible study with Erica who wants to learn too. I’m sick of being in the background. I don’t want to be a beta female anymore. I really should just tell people how frustrated I am instead of whinging on my blog for the whole world to see.
I wish I would stop worrying what people think. In between writing this I frequently bitched to poor Hev-Lady who is often the victim of my ramblings. I’m pretty sure she figuratively wishes to slap me to snap me back to reality instead of spiralling into darkness of irritability, self doubt and frustration.
I am also sick of Pretty Blue Eyes and his mixed messages. Enough said. I am also sick of the moronic girls going all googly eyed and gooey over him, but that’s just he jealousy speaking. Sam-Lady says I should just tell Pretty Blue Eyes to his face that I like him instead of some letter. I think its entirely redundant seeing as he already made it clear friendship is all he can offer at this time. “At this time.” I wish I could forget those three words and stop analysing and wondering what they meant. It would have been so much easier if it was a rejection to slam the entire door in my face instead of just a gentle let down. Breaking my heart was already inevitable, would have made more sense to me if he was just clear about it instead of softening the blow.
P.S. Where oh where has Joan gone?
A Life of Choice
7 years ago