I honestly have no idea what to write about…..
Well it appears that my weird dreams have resurfaced, from stress no doubt.
Let see it involves Wal-Mart, Philis Philmore, making cakes, the Anti- Christ, speaking in tongues, God yelling at me about something, Carol, pretty flowers and Dolly Parton escaping bad guys on an inflatable raft. Told you it was weird.
Perhaps the weirdest part was waiting in a big line up to speak with Jesus in the flesh and then watch him and Carol have an entire conversation in tongues. I honestly had no idea what they were saying, but Carol was very happy. Then He talked to me in which we both spoke in tongues and he said I had to much darkness inside of me and that’s all I remember. Then as Carol and I finish our visit I run into Jesus again, except he looks different and he laments how I have forsaken him because it turns out that the Jesus we were talking to was the Anti-Christ. Then of course I wake up in the dream and God comes to me and talks to me again and so on and so forth. Not supposed to go into details because apparently the conversation is private, but I am allowed to tell my friend Matthew about it for some reason. Hmmmm…I mean I better do what God tells me even if it was a dream because he has this thing for inflicting wrath, especially if you read the Old Testament. But then again the God in the New Testament seems nicer…
The whole Dolly Parton and cake thing were completely separate dreams. Dolly falls onto raft and says “oh boy lucky there was a raft there to save me.” The bad guy fell into the water, turns out it was sewage and Ms Parton was on a search for flowers for her pretty little home which was built on the water. And then the cake dream I got mad at my stepmother for helping me finish a cake without asking. Meanwhile attending church and thinking the pastor was a joke. To which my older sister was in love with him she asked my brother (not my real life one) “what’s with guys and there mixed messages?” because the pastor had rejected her and broke her entire heart. To which he replied he was responsible to answer that because he wasn’t a guy but really was. Then I had a younger sister who apparently had a thing for hiding under the kitchen table. She was destroying with the aforementioned cake to despite stepmother who was actually quite nice and didn‘t deserve the animosity. Note: I don’t actually have a sister or a stepmother but I do know a pastor. Oh yes and I had red hair and was really tall that part was cool.
I have also decided its maybe it is more then time to let Pretty Blue Eyes go! I got a little obsessed and jumped the gun and put his pretty picture in my Amy locket. I thought maybe it would bring good luck. It did the opposite I was always worried the locket would pop open and he’d see that I had put his picture there. Today I finally removed the picture and what do you know the anxiety went a way. I will save the empty space for someone who feels the same way. THE END! One problem I still entirely like him! Grrrr….
Why is the heart so irrational? When it all started I had notice or detection of time. It all came to a standstill. It was just me, him and the constant beating of my heart and the subsequent ache that was impressed upon my heart from the pain of unrequited love. Why would anyone want to put themselves through that? It feels so beautiful at first then once the slap in the face and sudden appearance of reality unfolds it hurts like hell. Why should I desire someone or something that I cannot have? Why lust over a moment that I may never share. To love someone who does not love you back is hard. Your brain knows its illogical and nothing may ever come of it. Yet the heart is indifferent. It doesn’t seem to care. To have emotions is part of being human. I see his cute crooked grin and it all unwinds from there. Once again I am picking at the scab. It’s almost healed but not quite. I know everyone says there is other fish in the sea, but he seems to be the only one I see. I think someone needs to hand me a fishing rod.
P.S. It is ummmm raining!