Long time no write…So I guess this entry will be about something I have randomly thought about.
So I am in a whinging ranting type mood again all because a flatmate unknowingly interrupted my balance. You see I am a creature of habit, very particular and once something I do has been upset or displaced I get agitated. I don’t know if anyone has noticed this but I like things done a certain way and things in a certain place and I have a certain routine. It’s as if one of these things is changed without my consent I am really upset and agitated, scary agitated and causes a lot of anxiety. I like having my things in a certain place and not moved and I hate sharing. I have no idea why. Maybe I am OCD or something.
Usually the anxiety is caused by something bigger, but little things trigger it that are completely unrelated. For starters I am sick of my new flatmate calling me Mel. My name isn’t Mel I wish people would realise this. It’s Melissa. M-E-L-I-S-S-A. I can’t stand little noise when people eat or the sound of the keyboard. I also have a particular obsession with objects. I like them because I can control them probably and because I think I am a bit selfish.
I like my stuff in a certain way and it really annoys me when Justine or past flatmates stacks the bowls wrongly (although it’s not technically wrong). By wrongly I mean mixing the bowls by size and type. Like stacking the plastic bowls in between the ceramic bowls or putting the plastic ones underneath the ceramic bowls. This sounds really weird but I like the ceramic bowls to be on the bottom, then the plastic bowls, then the bowls in the next smallest size and so on. I am seriously afraid if it isn’t in this particular order that A. it looks tacky and B. it will fall over and smack someone or myself in the entire head seeing as for some reason they are n the highest shelf, but I don’t want them on any other self because they have always been on that shelf. Death by kitchenware doesn’t appeal to me. This stacking applies to plates as well. Glasses are never stacked. I NEVER stack glasses.
Then in my cupboard shelf I like it organised too. First with cereal, then pasta, then long life milk, the sauces, etc. I used to alphabetise my CD’s. Now that I think about it I have impulse to go and do this. The files on my computer are meticulously organised by file and type. I organise my books by size from largest to smallest. I organise my DVD’s by genre and if it is a TV series by volume, so you wouldn’t find season four by season two of Futurama.
I am also non confrontational. I always tell a third party about my annoyances rather than tell the actual annoyance. I think I am afraid they will lash out at me or something. Another thing I noticed is I am constantly worrying to the point that it annoys people, to which I am worried that I have annoyed them, constantly looking for self reassurance from others, asking others the same question I already know the answer too as some sort or confirmation of some sort and worrying about failing assignments and tasks that I know I shouldn’t be.
P.S. If any of this doesn’t sound completely obsessive I don’t know what is. This is all slightly embarrassing to share too.
A Life of Choice
8 years ago