Long time no write. Chris made that point to me extra clear when he said to Amy and I on Monday morning in Shopping Fair that her and I are becoming a bit slack with blog entries.
“I keep checking your blogs and I keep seeing ‘Creature of Habit’ and ‘Goodbye Democrats’.
Joan remarked how she is updating more regularly.
Then Chris demanded once more.
“DATE UP! DATE UP! DATE UP! NOW! NOW! NOW!”
I don’t know why I have become slacker with the blog writing business. I could have blamed it on uni, but I did make a point in previous entries that I was writing purely for procrastination. Then it could have been work, but I only work six hours a week usually so I should have heaps of time to write something. I think I am just slack. I always seem to start my blog entries with ‘I haven’t written in a long time.’ Gosh gee wiz maybe I should stop stating the fricken obvious.
I have decided to share with you a story. I haven’t written one in ages. It’s a Philis story. Somewhat inspired by my literature courses I took. I might even put it into Fizzy Lemonade. :P Because Ashleigh has finally discovered her area of expertise in her nerd nerdy retardedness! I already showed Chris but I made more changes...
Ashleigh and Philis are sitting in the lounge room in a small rose coloured apartment, house sitting for Mrs. Lachlan’s Mum.
Philis: (Frantically) Ashleigh, Ashleigh!!!
Ashleigh: (Somewhat annoyed) Yes Philis?
Philis: I was reading..
Ashleigh: Did you just say you were reading?
Philis: Yes, surprised? You think I can read because my eyes our covered in fat?
Ashleigh: Yes actually.
Philis: What’s That’s terrible!!
Ashleigh: No I mean I am surprised you are reading! So what was your general complaint about the book?
Philis: Who said I was complaining?
Ashleigh: You always complain Philis.
Philis: Noooooooo I don’t the only thing I complain about is being fat, which I am. Is it not justifiable to complain about being fat? I wanted to tell you about this book which is ironically fat.
Philis: You see this book by D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, but it’s boring it keeps going on about ‘the bitch goddess’ and how machines will take over the world and our turning away from nature.
Ashleigh: Well I guess you could say the book was a bit prophetic machines our common place. Wait your reading D.H. Lawrence?
Philis: Yes. By the way who is the bitch goddess? Is she fat complainer so people think she is fat, but she is beautiful like a goddess?
Ashleigh: I’m pretty sure that Officer Olds reference was in no ways literary related. Philis: Sooooo who is the bitch goddess Lawrence was always on about?
Ashleigh: Success, wealth! A common theme in modernist writing is the desire to return to nature.
Philis: Nooooo that’s stupid why did he just go live in a forest if loved nature so much?
Ashleigh: Philis you are talking about one of the more prolific authors of the modern era. These concerns were present in his time.
Philis: Modern era? It’s modern now.
Ashleigh: No many would say were in the area of postmodernism.
Philis: Nooooo that’s not what I want to argue about.
Ashleigh: I don’t even want to argue.
Philis: Well before you interrupted me with your nerd nerdy retarded weird girl words because you think I can’t read because I am fat.
Ashleigh: I didn’t say that. Although I am genuinely surprised and shocked that you are reading a book.
Philis: Stop interrupting me! As I was saying Lady Chatterley’s Lover was supposed to be about sexy times, but it hasn’t gotten to that bit yet. She and Mellor’s haven’t maked sexy and it goes on for ages. I got the chickens but it maded me hungry and I figured I must be angry because I am hungry because I am fat because fat people eat when they are angry or sad, mostly sad.
Ashleigh: You know Philis maybe you should stop eating your feelings. Anyways if you had finished reading the bit about the chickens you would have got to the sex scene. Oh yeah and there was sexy times with Michaelis that Irish playwright.
Philis: That doesn’t count because he can’t get it up. Like King Gorilla Man Boobs friend Captain Crazy Balding Monkey Man. Anyways if that counted as sexy times it would be Lady Chatterley’s Lovers…
Ashleigh: (Sighs) I see your point.
Philis: Shut up. You see nothing
Ashleigh: I read the book.
Ashleigh: OK I will clarify that again. I read the whole book. Not half way through to the part about the chickens.
Philis: Sooooooo what you think I can’t read a whole book! I can express my opinions about a book just because I am fat. I don’t just watch TV because I am fat. You think I can’t read because I am fat.
Ashleigh: I never said that!
Philis: Yes you indiscriminately did!
Ashleigh: No I didn’t fat ass!
Philis: Oh look it’s the chemist you are secretly in love with!
Ashleigh: (Runs to lounge window) WHERE!
Philis: (Throws book at Ashleigh)
Ashleigh: Owe that hurt you cow! What was that for?
Philis: That’s how much the book made my hurt! I was expressing a point.
Ashleigh: Some expression! Then why did you bother to read it then.
Philis: I thought it was about sex. And seeing as I can’t have sex I want to read about it.
Ashleigh: It is about sex. It takes a while for the good parts to come.
Philis: Ewwwww Ashleigh don’t make disgusting puns.
Ashleigh: I wasn’t….
Philis: Hmmmph!!! (Folds arms) I am going to read a different book Orlando. It’s about sex.
Ashleigh: A change in biological sex. Not actual sex.
Philis: Sooooo I find miraculous changes in biology to be interesting.
Ashleigh: Yeah well miraculous changes in biology determined you to be an idiot. If you don’t like D.H. Lawrence, you won’t like Virginia Woolf either.
Philis: Why not?
Ashleigh: Well for starters Orlando was written for her close friend Vita Sackville-West who was her lover. She was a saphist
Philis: A sapphire! Ashleigh, don’t be ridiculous!
Ashleigh: No you twat. She was that way! They were close friends, lovers.
Philis: What! I’m not that way!
Ashleigh: I know, I know, but if Nigel knew you were reading this particular book he’d say you were. He would use it as proof to say you are that way! You don’t want another editorial by him!
Philis: Noooooo I guess not!
Ashleigh: If you want to read about sex, try erotica. I am assuming was your intentions in the first place. Anais Nin. Just be warned that it’s a bit out there!
A short while later.
Philis: Ashleigh, Ashleigh! I just read The Delta of Venus by Anais Nin! It was the most digustingess book ever.
Ashleigh: I tried to warn you.
Philis: Shut up no you didn’t.
It seems like a couple of weeks ago that I arrived here in Australia. I doesn’t feel like two and a half years at all. I don’t think it has sunk in yet. Even when I hugged my friends goodbye. I feel like I will still be in Rockhampton waiting till they come in the summer.
It seems like yesterday when I got a going away card from my mom wishing me luck in “Aussie Land!” I kept it with me the whole time. I used to look at it when I was homesick sometimes or when I was feeling down for encouragement and inspiration. My mom always knows what to say to make me feel better, whether she realises it or not. All I know is I made her really proud, she emphasises that a lot with a lot of her cards and messages. Sue-Woman seemed a bit critical about her pride in me a bit, I felt like she accused her of living through me vicariously or that I was some sort of victory that my mom could claim because she is a single mom. I used to think that too, but now I realise that my mom has every right to feel the way she does whatever the reason. If it wasn’t for her encouragement and support I wouldn’t be here. Not to mention she gave birth to me.
I’ve done a lot of new and different things. Too many to list or to remember all at once. I’d have to do a whole entry in retrospective and that would take ages.
For starters the most recent would be eating kangaroo. I still remember my Canadian friend Becky’s shock when I told her that Aussies eat kangaroos. She was genuinely upset, but then I reminded her that Canadians eat deer, moose, caribou, etc.
I will have lots of stories to tell.
Like on of my favourite memories of when I went to Great Keppel Island with Amy. She and I were swimming in the ocean and then all of a sudden we saw our Indian friend Raj out on the beach. He looked as if he were naked. Amy and I began to freak out and plan our escape which appeared to be futile anyways because he was getting closer and closer. Luckily moments later it was discovered he was wearing flesh toned underwear. I still remember Amy’s exact words on Raj’s apparent nakedness. “The only man I want to see naked is my future husband!” I think I had the exact same sentiments. The rest of the day turned out to be awesome fun. In which I went camera happy, got sunburnt badly, (Amy apparently still feels bad about that one) and developed lasting memories and friendship.
I guess some highlights were Multimedia Guy, mainly the mythological status of him, writing Song of the Superheroes, New Years 2007, Jo’s random dinner parties, and my all time favourite memory Sydney with Chris and Amy.
Anyways I was in the do not approach mood earlier. (Actually still kind of am.) It seems like when I am in this frame of mind everyone approaches or talks to me God damn it. Then every little question or thing they say makes me even more mad. I tell them I am not in a good mood or frame of mind to communicate, but they just don’t get it. Some people are just thick as bricks or maybe I am just a bitch. I am bettering on the later.
Peach out! I meant to write peace out. But I think peach out should be my signoff on entries from not on followed by…the usual P.S. something, something, something....
P.S. I am stressed to the max and excited to go home.
A Life of Choice
8 years ago