So apparently being a quarter of a century is important... For my 25th I volunteered at the local food bank. I got some books and some cake. It was pretty low key. I could have gone to Alberta to hang out with Carol but I had very little money for a ticket because procrastination and indecision had caused me to possibly pay for a dastardly bus ticket worth $400. Being poor sucks just as much! I was consumed by indecision on whether I was going to see Carol for my birthday. I lost out in the end, but then again I didn’t.
I am feeling very uncomfortable as of late.
Firstly I am not too sure about being 25! What happened to being 24?
Secondly, a family friend who is special needs is suddenly semi-moving in our house. It’s not my fault she ignored the no pets rule and will be evicted if she doesn’t get rid of her cat. So now our already animal zoo filled house has an extra cat. I wasn’t even consulted I am living in a roommate situation and I would have appreciated it if I was at least asked. This person smells bad on top of that so now, not only does it smell like dog and cat, it also smells like BO. I feel out of control of the situation and it’s irritating. I feel mean for whinging about it on my blog.
Then this person, who is 50, has a BIG crush on the pastor of my church who is 27. She reminds me of myself and my silly girly crushes. (Ugh I apologise to anyone I put through that.) It makes me uncomfortable on so many levels. She has this hopefully joy that something could happen, but the chance of which is slim and she seems to think I like him too. I do but not that way. And even if I did I would hopefully be intelligent and rational enough to figure out that it’s not meant to be. I wish I had this insight for my recent infatuation with Pretty Blue Eyes. I must of and perhaps still do drive my mom and friends to the point of obscurity. I’m not sure how to explain to her that it is kind of inappropriate to say how she has to be friends and not his playmate, etc. It just irks me out and irritates me and I can’t figure out why. Maybe it’s because she is 50? Maybe it’s because she is not very attractive? But that sounds kind of mean. Perhaps it’s a learning experience on some level. So I know how annoying and awkward my behaviours towards others and perhaps inappropriate.
Despite the Bible study groups members assuring me that I am fitting in and they do like me. I still feel like I don’t. It shocked me when one of them said they were my friends. Friends to me especially lately is a pretty heavy concept. I’ve felt alone for so long since I’ve been back to Canada that to think that I found friends is kind of mind boggling. They are not like best friends that I can tell all my secrets too, I don’t trust them quite yet, but I guess they are still the same. I think they accept me as the shy quiet one so they don’t know if I am unhappy with the situation at hand. I am so quiet they don’t notice I am there and I mistakenly took that as they don’t care because they do.
Anyways the point of this entry is to announce that Chapter 5 after 6 – 7 month delay is finally up and ready to read. I am working on Chapter 6...
P.S. I am a ninja!
A Life of Choice
7 years ago