Decisions Decisions What am I to do?

Have you ever come to tumultuous decision in your life? One that will decide things for a very long time? YOU’RE INTIRE LIFE! Oh sorry entire is spelt with an E.

Anyways, this is happening to me at this very moment.

Two questions are haunting me.

1. Do I go back to Canada?
2. Do I find a way to stay in Australia?

So far both questions are plaguing me to the point of insanity. Its haunting to the point that I even dream about it, even more so than my obsession with the story I’m writing. Sometimes in these dreams I am going home and feeling miserable and sometimes I am staying hanging out with my new friends.

If I go back to Canada I will feel like I have failed in some way, even though I really haven’t according to wise spectators, scientists and sexual therapists. Think Chris, Jo, Kate and Amy.

Yesterday for some reason I was all set to go home. I had this idea to go to University of Calgary and finish my degree there. To me it would be just like Chris changing to Macquarie University in Sydney. So it wouldn’t be quitting. And it isn’t!

Then this part of me says NO! I should finish my degree here and find away to pay for it. Today I was all depressed about it and even more depressed when my grandparents offered to help me go home. But what is home? And where is it? In fact I don’t think I have ever found a place I can truly call home yet. For some reason that really disturbs me.

Then another part altogether says I should go back to Canada to:
1. Face my demons
2. Find my father (long story)
3. Escape Chris sexualized advice.
4. Save Lachlan’s Mum

Then today I find out that Carol thinks we’ve drifted apart, a very clear example of the affects my decision to come to Australia in the first place. Apparently friendship isn’t the same in front of ‘computer screen.’

It’s as Carol said:

“It was better being able to talk to you on the phone and you being physically here to do stuff with me. We hardly talk anymore because we are to busy for each other and it hate e-mailing people and it's not the same talking to someone on a computer screen, then it is face to face. So I feel we've drifted apart and are going are separate ways”

Ah and of course the story Carol would have said:

“You abandoned me you NERD nerdy retarded weird girl! Now I am all alone with my fat self!”

PUNT!

She then destroys her computer screen by way of SUMO! Because she hates talking to computers and anything that looks like it talking to her. Or perhaps she accidentally knocks it over on her way to the fridge.

My response to both:

You’re absolutely right. Have I lost a once prosperous friendship? And if I leave Australia will this doom my now new friendships I’ve made? Will they be relegated to computer screen? I certainly hope not.

So much for this pact we made!

And a surprise positive comment from my friend Becky in Canada, when I asked her if she thought we were drifting appart as well:

“I mean we can't help it that your in Aussie Land and I am busy with my new boyfriend, and trying to find myself a new job and plus you have your new hobby”

My response:

I suppose my new hobby would be my novel? Oh and blame the Aussie Land reference on my mom. Anyways, she seems to have a more positive outlook which is promising. Her only request is when I come back to bring her souvenir. I would bring her a koala but it might suffocate and die in my suitcase. And I am not one for animal cruelty.

All and all Australia hasn’t been a waste of time or money. I’ve made some really good friends and learnt new things about people, journalism and even myself.

And now I rely on faith that everything will work out for the best no matter what happens.

P.S. Captain Bottle Pop are the greatest! Oh and Read my story!