Jack, Jill, the Beanstalk and Carol

Jack and Jill
Went up a hill
Jack fell down
And Jill
Came tumbling after…

Today I was thinking about Jack, Jack and Jill and Jack and the Beanstalk, which inspired a Carol story…

Melissa is talking to Carol when she mentions meeting Chris’s friend Jack.

Melissa: My friend Chris has a friend named Jack. I like him a lot he is cool.
Carol: Noooo you don’t have any friends but me.
Melissa: Yes I do
Carol: Well what about Jill?
Melissa: Jill?
Carol: Yes Jack and Jill
Melissa: I’m not talking about Jack and Jill I am talking about Chris’s friend Jack.
Carol: Is Chris the giant?
Melissa: The what? No Carol that’s Jack and the Beanstalk. Chris is my friend.
Carol: I don’t like that story because it discriminates FAT people and it offends me because I am fat.
Melissa: How does it discriminate fat people?
Carol: Because they use the word giant
Melissa: Maybe because there is a giant in the story
Carol: You’re a giant story
Melissa: No you are!
Carol: You’re taller than me. If you were my height you would be FAT too!
Melissa: What! Carol Jack is a real person and he is not related to Jack and Jill or Jack and the Beanstalk
Carol: Soooo is Jack single then if he has no Jill or a beanstalk
Melissa: That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. Anyways I asked Chris and he said Jack eats babies
Carol: WHAT! That’s terrible.
Melissa: Carol it’s a Chris like response.
Carol: There is no such thing as Chris like response it sounds like a NERDY retarded weird girl terminology. You have a FAT brain, I wish you would stop flaunting it.
Melissa: No no it’s a way to describe how he would react to certain questions or remarks. Chris reacts with a strange sentence or phrase. Your over reaction to everything I say would be a Carol like response.
Carol: I hate you!

My Grandma sent me this...in the words of Chris I are thought it was funny.

How many FERGUS'S I mean dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently a lot! Read on my friends.

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.


3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!


4. Rottweiler: Make me. - My favourite :)


5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.


6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!


7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.


8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.?

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!


10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.


11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?


13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...


14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?


Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: "How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!