My Antarctic Penguin Adventure!

Dear readers who are not averse to read randomness,

I am still convinced certain friends have no sense of humour. A couple of weeks ago after a week of still “rescuing their laundry from the apparently evil Ev-Lady,” This time my flatmate was getting sick of looking at Joan’s bra. So I devised another scare tactic text.

“If you don’t come and get your stuff it will get eaten! And by that I mean dressing the naked lady statue outside and leaving it in the rain. THE ENTIRE RAIN! As she demands clothing and warmth. P.S. my flatmate is going to go Germaine Greer on your bra and I’m gong to try on your mini skirt.”

Unfortunately, I was rung moments later by Justin, who did not see the “joke in it.” Then to make it even more random, my flatmate Elise was chanting “Uguchaka” our worshiping naked lady statue chant in the background. This caused Justin to mention she was psycho. No she just has a sense of humour!

May I point out to last the entry? I wouldn’t let anything happen to Justin and Joan’s precious stuff. I like them, why would I do mean things like that? It was an entire joke. AN ENTIRE JOKE! My flatmate knew it was joke and I am pretty sure others would too. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out I wasn’t serious. Which I might add was successful message as Justin came to collect the stuff. So where both of them just oblivious to the fact it was humour or do they have none? Besides the naked lady statue wasn’t particularly interested in Justin and Joan’s clothing, she’d prefer some nice silks from the props at certain photography studio. THE END!

I keep having strange dreams…This one tops all of them!

It started off with my brother in my room and sadly just like old times he was making a mess in my room, by throwing stuff and breaking things. This of course really pissed me off. I was about to kick him out, when a scientist arrived at my door and informed me that my brother and I had been selected for an experiment and we were turning into penguins. It was time for us to leave and be taken to Antarctica. I remember my mom waving goodbye.

As we came to the door, I suddenly felt very short and felt like I was wobbling. We were at one point meandering down the city street and a big brown dog came up to me and tried to eat me! The scientist offered no or little help. Then after I fought the big brown dog off I saw a vulture and I knew I would have the same problem with him. Luckily the scientist came to rescue my brother and me in a black limo, running over the vulture. This was lucky because there was an alligator not far behind as well.

Once my brother and I were safe inside, I suddenly had the urge to eat raw fish. We drove all over I think it was North America until we came to the ocean and the limo turned into a deep sea submarine. Soon we arrived in Antarctica I saw others like me. Apparently they too were turned into penguins but they could still only see their human self as that is what they had been conditioned to believe. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t see my penguin body, but my normal human self.

To test my readiness for penguin-hood they placed me in the cold ocean water. I panicked and nearly froze from the cold. They said it wouldn’t take long so they placed my brother and me on a fancy ice sculpture. I followed the other human to penguin experiments to the top. I suddenly realised this was my new life and I have to take care of my brother. I realised I had to feed him by eating fish and vomiting it back into his mouth as he was just a little baby penguin. He however rejected it because he did not understand what was going on. I then tried again by vomiting into my hand and offering it too him. I told him it was eggs and mushrooms, his favourite foods. He didn’t believe me.

P.S. The humour or lack there of thing wasn’t meant to be an insult. It was just my rant for the day.

Thank's Tickle Face!

Dear hopefully respondent readers,

Here is my attempt at being more attentive to my blog. I will start off by making an entire correction. In my previous entry, I stated I got a message regarding my blog which said

“UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE NOW NOW NOW!”

But really is said.

DATE UP DATE UP DATE UP NOW NOW NOW!

Sorry for misleading any dear readers and causing harm to the message sender himself.

It’s hard to believe in nine days I’ll have been in Australia for two years which is two entire babies and then some, but according to Chris,

“When a woman has a baby she gets pregnant for seven months to dog face lady man.”

So if this theory were correct it would be three babies and a bit?

Anyways, I would have written a longer entry last time but lately the computer lab is constantly taken over by entire Brazilians. ENTIRE BRAZILIANS! By about 7 p.m. they smarm in to look at pornography. At around 8:00 Friday night six of them filled the room instantaneously. By 8:15 there were at least eight. I had to make a quick escape before they attempted hitting on me and asking me repeatedly if I am married or speak Portuguese. As I left the room I being polite said see you later bye! To which all six of them in unison said bye! Then one, who is 36 and likes 23 said “I love you!” and smiled at me. I was seriously freaked out and made a hasty exit. Mr. Thirty Six is the creepiest he keeps telling me that I am very beautiful and that he dreams about me, but enough about Brazilians.

I guess I could start with writing about a dream I had that was very confounding or interesting to say the least.

I dreamt a cold snap came to Australia, just like the kind back home in Canada. It was snowy, cold, freezing, but I didn’t feel a thing. I felt quite normal. I was walking down the street enjoying it for some reason. I remember all my friends complaining and I kept saying, “You think this is cold? It’s much worse back home!” The only thing I remember from the cold that was out of place was my feet were really cold because of my boots.

I remember some friends saw me and they offered me a lift. Officer Old was in the car but I didn’t see who was driving as he was sitting in the passenger’s seat. He seemed really happy, but just like real life I couldn’t seem to speak to him. The car was like the cars back home, which is the opposite of Australia. I quickly got in the back seat stopping two other girls from trying to get in because I thought they were evil. I wasn’t successful as one of the girls made it in magically. Suddenly on the way the girl who made it in kept whining how she needed to go to Big W so she could buy underwear and I said I might as well go because I need to check the roster. I think it was my way of keeping the peace.

I then remember walking down a set dodgy stairs to check the rosters. But the railings kept breaking when I held on to it for support and I was for some reason walking around in my bare feet and I kept thinking I really need shoes. I then checked the roster diligently searching for my name, but I couldn’t find it. Feeling distressed I asked a manager what the go was, to which he replied they had to make some cut backs and they’d call me if they needed me. I felt that I was in actual fact fired and felt really anxious and I wanted to cry. I suddenly thought now I am screwed because I’ve lost both my jobs, first Pixi Foto and now Big W. Funnily I felt as though I cause Pixi Foto to be angry with me.

So I not willing to give up went straight to the head manager (who is a very scary lady boss I might add) bare feet and all decided to tell her the situation. I pleaded with her to give me another chance. I said:

“Please can I have my job back because my I am uni and my grandma said she won’t help me if I don’t have a job and I’ll have to go home.”

I was on the brink of tears. The assistant manager who was in the office too, (he is pretty scary too) and he told the head lady boss not to listen to me, but luckily she sighed reluctantly and said “OK.” I felt an overwhelming peace and I replied, very enthusiastically.

“Thanks Tickle Face!”

I suddenly realised I shouldn’t have said that because the manger looked very silent and shocked because I was in fact pointing out a giant fuzzy ticklish looking spider on her shoulder, named Tickle Face who was the real manager of Big W and was helping me all along. I wasn’t supposed to bring attention to this. I suddenly felt panicked and that is where this dream ends.

It’s after that bizarre ending to my dream I thought what the hell? In retrospect I figured out some of the meanings. I am homesick, my grandma who is helping me is Tickle Face as I am not supposed to tell anyone she is helping and reflects some real life fears, mainly the one about getting fired, which is strange because I am willingly going to be fired from Pixi Foto. In fact I keep lying to them and scarily it’s getting easier. It makes me feel unsettled. I am being completely dishonest and yet surprised that I am getting away with it at the same time

I also know how to get ones attention. On Wednesday I saved Jo’s belongings from peril in the laundry room. I wondering when she will come and collect it ask her when are you coming to get your stuff? To which there was no reply. So I resulting to drastic scare tactics text her this.

“My flatmate wants to have a bonfire and your stuff is it. She said she’s sick of looking at your bra!”

To which I was rung at 10 a.m. by a frantic Jo asking.

“What the hell is happening too my stuff!?”

I told her it was merely a joke and a device to get her attention, which let’s face it worked. She said it wasn’t very nice as she a couple of things are family treasures from 50 years ago. I know it wasn’t very nice. Joan, Joan, Joan like I’d let anything happen to your stuff!

This entry was random as my flatmate and I discussing what we should sacrifice to the naked lady statue outside. I’ve given her flowers twice, both symbols of guilt, (if you read last entry you’ll figure it out), an Australian flag, a bird feather and a necklace. Elise says the guy who mows our lawn will be seriously confused. We also discussed giving it bread and chanting to it when our new flatmate arrives to freak her out. Also something as mandatory and equally as random as updating my blog, Song of the Superheroes is now in it’s final stages of completion. I’m now done the third draft and will upload it for your reading pleasure. I think and hope this is the final one.

P.S. NEON MEATE DREAM OF OCTOFISH!

Fake Bookings + Catastrophe = Silly Melissa Giggles

Dear readers I know who read my blog....

What have I been up too since the 13 of January? Quite a bit actually, but for some reason I have neglected my blog for almost an entire month. I plan to write more even if it’s shorter and more pointless than this one. In fact I am updating now because I have been getting friendly reminders from certain people over the last two days.

Reminders that say:

“Update your entire blog!”

“UP DATE UP DATE UP DATE NOW NOW NOW!”

And

“When are you going to update your blog?”

So I am assuming that since there is a sufficient demand for an update I’d better write one. NOW, NOW, NOW!

Anyways I have some exciting news! Guess who made bookings at Pixi Foto recently?

NIGEL BOTTINGTON! At 9 am on Saturday the 23!

And

*Drum roll!*

MRS. LACHLAN’S MUM!!! 40 minutes after Nigel. (Under the pseudo name of Cathy Somerfield…They’ve banned people with the name Such And Such and if I put Mrs. Lachlan’s Mum I think they’d find it rather obvious)

Daniel Hillard from Mrs. Doubtfire made a booking at 10:20 too!

Then 3 people are being rung up at a later day by them…

ASHLEIGH MCGLONAGICK!! She want’s pictures to send to Scotland (Again if I put Neptune…)

PHILIS PHILMORE (Has a request that close up shots are made because she is worried she won’t fit in the camera shots)

NORMA NORMINGTON! She are wants nice pictures too!!!

This prospect of booking my superheroes characters gives me entire silly Melissa giggles.

They will also be calling

Janet Weis and Brad Majors from Rocky Horror Picture Show

And Robin Hobb the famous author

As well as a clever play on words…

PAT SMEARS! (Think Pap Smear) Because they love to talk about them so much! In fact one time I heard them talking about their ovaries while a lady in a pram meandered by.

And just for Chris Laura Honeysome…

Along with other random people who don’t exist. Who knew that fake people were more keen to book than real ones. Case in point I intend to leave my dastardly job with an entire bang.

I’ve had a tyrannical obsession with sticking it to Pixi Foto for the last two days now. I feel kind of bad, but then again Mrs. Amazing James Dean Lady is only giving me three hours next week so to that I say...see you later! They are proud of my sudden amazing rise in my rates, that will be until they call the adult shop, Later Day Saints (Mormons), Jehovah’s Witnesses, another REAL photo studio, escorts, septic tank treatments, pregnancy termination services, Jenny Craig and others I can’t remember.

I am going to be in so much trouble. However, I must give 50 -70 % credit to my flatmate Elise who told me I should do it!

This all started when I had my first talking to by my manager at Pixi Foto by Miss Amazing James Dean Lady. Apparently when she wanted me to get some dastardly unrealistic amount of bookings in a half hour I rolled my eyes. But not only did I roll my entire eyes I did so in the presence of a potential recruit into her anti nerd nerdy retarded army of photographers. I say anti because they are on a different level than me. Don’t get me wrong I like Miss Amazing James Dean Lady and her sidekicks Fig-Lady and Jam-Woman, but they have amazingly high expectations and demands on my promoting ability. Apparently I should be bringing in more for the $18 an hour they pay me and if I don’t get my rate up there is no point in keeping me around. It’s not my fault if they have gotten them done before, have their own cameras, don’t have the money to pay or have many other legitimate excuses. Case in point I am looking for another job…AN ENTIRE NEW JOB! So now it’s evident I will leave this job with catastrophic outcomes for both parties.

Not to mention they make me feel like an outcast because I feel more smart then them. For instance Fig-Lady assumed where I live will be affected by the flood coming to Rocky. I felt like saying I live on higher ground you twat! Yes the water is going to roll up the hill…But I didn’t because it wouldn’t have been nice.

This is also the first time in my life I rejected someone. I’ve never been in this situation before. I am usually the rejected not the rejecter! I won’t go into much details nor, will I mention who it is because my friends know the entire story and that’s pretty much all the counts. I feel pretty horrible about potentially breaking someone’s heart, but I was told this is normal. It’s not my fault if I am not attracted to him in that way. I think if I did like him I would want him in that way, which I don’t. I think there has to be passion, butterflies, can’t eat, can’t sleep, dwelling in my dreams like some sort of reoccurring character. Even if they happen to say NO NEVER! To you while in dream land. Apparently, love of this kind is dangerous and unhealthy according to someone. Sadly I don’t see this person’s point! I’ll like who I like even if it’s unrequited because one day you never know if someone special will come along. Hev-Lady always said that these kinds of feelings are natural. It’s what makes us loving and caring beings. I agree. I just hope I made the right decision.

P.S. I have more I could write, but I’ll save that for another entry! Sorry I've been gone so long

MY ENTIRE LIFE!

Dear readers of the universe,

A few minutes before writing this I saw an episode of Royal Canadian Air Farce in which there were politically incorrect pregnant old lady men. To which they said the best thing about being old is being able to say whatever you want.

The 26 of December last year was the last time I updated which would mean I haven’t written in my blog in at least a few weeks? So what have I been up to since I neglected my electronic space of endless thoughts and musings? Work, sleep, occasional partying (more than usual I might add) and an ear infection. Sounds exciting doesn’t it?

On New Years Eve last year I was forced into hugging a drunk girl who was crying for some reason, smelled bad and kept babbling about snorkels. This year was way different. I’ll just leave it at that.

I could write an entire entry about 2007 in retrospective but it seems kind of redundant if you want to know what happened last year you can read previous entries. The only major thing I think happened was deciding to stay in Australia for now by finding some amazingly clever loophole and finishing Song of the Superheroes.

As for Song of the Superheroes I know I said I finished it in October but, I am still technically working on it. I am writing the third draft in which I am going over some plot errors and fixing it up a bit. I could have it finished sooner, but I’ve been too tired to write. In fact one of my New Years Resolutions is to get back to my writing I feel like I’ve neglected my craft. I am also attempting write the sequel which is rather garbled. I think its coming together differently than Song of the Superheroes. However it is likely to be just as dastardly weird and random. I even have a new main character and other characters as well.

My job at Pixi Foto has turned out to be the most amazingly challenging job I have ever had in my entire life. My friend Phillip keeps paying me out saying who would honestly want photos taken? Oddly he showed up at work on Wednesday to which I proved to him that people do want them. I got an entire lead, which is basically a call them back later. Ha so there! He still keeps paying me out though. I believe people for some insane reason do want portraits done you just have to find them. Its like finding an entire needle in a very aggressive go away I hate you type haystack. It’s challenging which is one of the reasons I like it and hate it equally. Everyone tells me to quit and I think about quitting at least once ever other shift, but I am going to stick with it and prove that I can do it. Besides I can’t go now I finally got my Pixi Foto name badge which makes it official.

I also meet some interest people at Pixi Foto. Yesterday I met two Canadians, which strangely made me seriously excited. I now actually agree when some say there is a difference between the Canadian and American accent. Also they were from Calgary which is three hours from Lethbridge where I used to live.

So I not wanting to pass up the opportunity asked the Canadian guy the one question I’ve always wanted to ask another Canadian if in fact I ever ran into one. Do you often get mistaken for American? And once corrected on the true nationality do they apologise profusely? In fact he was mistaken for American earlier that morning. We all kind of agreed that it’s kind of annoying and somewhat insulting to me mistaken for our neighbours south of the border but it’s not enough to get cranky because it is an honest mistake. These two Canadians were an obviously not interested in getting portraits taken, but were randomly looking for camping gear. I then helped my fellow countryman and woman by giving them directions to Big W or Kmart which would most definitely have what they were looking for. Before this I met one Danish and two Austrians. Yesterday was a very international day.

Not to mention I keep meeting random people who have seen me at both jobs and ask me why I have two jobs. It’s none of there friggen business that’s what! It keeps me busy, sane, sheltered and fed and that’s what matters. I don’t have to explain nothing.

P.S. I apparently have an entire boyfriend.

NO NEVER!

I can’t believe I haven’t written in this dear old blog in 18 days. EIGHTEEN DAYS! I’ve neglected it to the point that it is collecting cyber dust. For that I apologise.

My life you could say has been eventfully uneventful. Let’s see what has happened since I saw the sea captain? Not much really. Perhaps some random words and phrases will explain it better.

Rainy weather

Work

A flatmate left and another one moved in, same old same old.

Angry Christmas shoppers

Tiredness

I saw a cowboy pregnant old lady man.

“Free” is a subjective and confusing word.

Homesickness

Christmas parties

And that’s about all I can think of.

So as you can see or should I say read…the last couple of weeks leading up to Christmas have made me tired and unable to think properly. If I was not working I was busy with my friends, other social pursuits and forced into taking care of Joan’s birds. YES FORCED! Contrary to popular belief I was not asked to take care of them. I was told I was taking care of them, then reminded a week later I was supposed to be taking care of them. I could have done with out the 7 a.m. wake up call. I have something called work. WORK! Sorry that’s my last rant for the end of the entire year I promise.

Christmas Eve I had to work and Christmas Day once again didn’t feel like the Christmases I knew long ago. I spent it with my friends Serena and Jason and Serena’s family. It was fun. It beat spending it alone. Sadly I think the prawns I ate made me sick. We also went for a quick walk to the beach. I love the beach. I think it was because I was born on an entire island. I like the way the wet sand feels on my feet.

Anyways, the much anticipated Plan 10 from Outer space went off with an entire bang. At the end of it I wore my entire dress, had a bad stomach ache, an angry photographer from work telling me to take a fucking Panadol and a Mr. Potential Love Interest (Sounds like a superheroes character :P) The later confounds me. Not much romantical (I made up this word) happened if you count the endless dancing and trips to the pinball machine. Officer Octogenarian never turned up :(

Speaking of Officer Octogenarian, strangely enough I have nearly forgotten all about my him although he still seems to dwell in my dreams a lot. That reminds me a few weeks before the big night out I had a dream that Officer Octogenarian rejected me. In the dream, I being brave asked him to come out with Amy, Chris and I and he said sorry I have to work. Then I being even braver asked how about some other time to which he reacted by saying.

“NO NEVER! “

And that was the end of my entire dream. It made me sad like, but I found it amusing at the same time. For some reason I feel I won’t be talking about Officer Octogenarian much anymore unless it’s the character in my story, which is quite possible.

P.S. I am suffering from brain drain. I promise I will have a better entry soon.

I can sea things clearly now!

Another entry of randomness!

I don’t know how many of you watch the TV show Heroes, but I wish I had the power Matt Parkman has. He is telepathic, but he can make people do stuff just by putting a thought into their head. I could use this to my advantage at work mwhahahahahahhaha!!!! Just kidding.

Today was an interesting day, you see last night I my glasses broke, then I remembered my spares broke too! So because I obsess I was completely worried that I wouldn’t be able to fix them the next day. Luckily was able to fix my glasses while I was supposed to work or else I would either walk into stuff (I nearly ran into a poll outside the shopping centre) or be squinting while talking to customers. Luckily the manager Mrs. Amazing Marlon Brando Woman, 9she is seriously cool as) was understanding of my predicament and luckily the eye glass shop was open on a Saturday. Phew! So I guess this last paragraph was entirely boring, who wants to read about my stupid glasses? I apologise for the boringness.

I probably already told Chris this but I was meandering around Coles on Wednesday while working at Pixi Foto and I saw a pregnant old lady man who looked like an entire sea captain. AN ENTIRE SEA CAPTAIN! He was also wearing a Hawaiian style shirt, a kilt and he had a Santa Clause beard. He seriously looked like an entire character had meandered from the story universe of superheroes. And because my entire job is to annoy people...I was able to talk to him. He was pretty cool. Sadly he wasn't interested in portraits. You had to have been there to see him. He inspired a character in the sequel too! I am not sure if he’d be a main character or a random pregnant old lady man Philis has a row with, but I know for some reason his name is Patrick and he is somehow connected to Mrs. Lachlan’s Mum.

Also on Wednesday I had an entire idea! A couple of people asked me if where I work takes pictures of pets. Sadly they don’t. So I thought to myself it would be really cool to start my own business one day taking portraits or photos of people’s animals, whether they are playing in a park or want to pose with them. I wouldn’t completely do the whole photo studio thing as I am not really in to that. I have always thought that a lot of people feel their dog, cat, bird, the goldfish or whatever is a part of their family. In fact the people I talked too said that their entire family was their dogs. It would be cool if one could have the entire family portraits, not just the human members, but animal as well. I met another lady today who had similar interests.

Take for instance my grandma Val-Lady treats her dogs like their part of the family. She cooks rice and liver every night for their dinner and she loves them like they were one of her kids. She reckons that dogs are like small children and deserve all the best love and care in the entire world even if it is expensive. She even gives them human names, Hev-Lady carried on the tradition somewhat. (We had one dog named Sparky.) My mom kind of said that it was demeaning to give them stupid pet names. It was fun to visit my grandma and her dogs when I was little. My favourite dog of hers was Jerry, but he got old and died sadly. I think my grandma still misses him. I have heaps of photos of my dog Heidi, who was my best dog friend in the entire world. My mom paid me out for taking so many photos, but now that Heidi has passed away I am glad I have a treasure trove of memories. So if people have strong feelings for their animals I think they should also be included in memories such as photos.

P.S. I am incredibly tired!

I don't wear a red shirt!

I spent the weekend working, firstly, at Pixi Foto, where I for four hours endured the same response from 90 percent of people. “No thank you love I am not interested in photos.” To which I responded “I understand you’re all photoed out eh?” Then they’d laugh and say. “Yes darl all photoed out.” It was lame. The trick is to remain positive. I find that tough some days I am ready to say stuff it and just walk out, but I know I need this job so I can’t.

I also got mistaken for a target employee four time and the customer has the gall to get cranky at me when I refuse to help them and say I am from Pixi Foto. Pixi Foto Manager Mrs. Amazing Marlon Brando Woman, I call her this because she has red hair (You’ll understand if you’ve read Superheroes.) says it comes with the job and says I should help them, because I would know seeing as I meander around the entire shop for three hours four days a week. I say not to her face mind you that it’s not my entire job and Target employees may not like me doing the job they get paid to do. It’s like asking them to hand out a million vouchers and get rejected repeatedly, which I’d never ask anyone to do, not even a Target employee. Customers are retarded they even come to the studio and ask the photographers in there for directions to things. Hello not affiliated with Target. I want to tell them that Target employees wear red shirts! I do NOT wear a red shirt. I also want to tell all the pregnant old lady woman to stop wearing pink shirts because they all blend in together, but that’s a different story. And that dear reader is my new pet peeve.

Friday at Pixi Foto was pretty cool I saw a real pregnant old lady woman, just like the ones I write about in my stories. All I remember is she wasn’t interested in photos, was wearing pink, had no eyelashes and babbled on for about 15 minutes about ironing and how she hates it. She was quite a nice lady, she even said dolphins and whales used to have legs! No I made that up, but it would have been cool if she did it.

The rest of Saturday it I spent helping my friends Serena and Jason move. Day 1 which was yesterday was the moving bit and day 2, today was the cleaning up type bit. They better not tell Ev-Lady I helped them clean or she’ll be like. “Oh my gosh, Miss Mel-issa the unclean tenant who chases away flatmates because of her unclean like behaviours actually cleaned?! To bad it’s the wrong flat. WRONG FLAT! Now you will not get your entire bond back because it’s Melissa’s fault for cleaning your flat instead of hers.”

So as you can tell I am still a bit sour about the being blamed for my flatmate moving out because of my so calked lack of washing up. I clean up after myself God damn it! How the hell does Ev-Lady know I am unclean unless she comes to my flat for more than five minutes to show the entire flat to a new prospective flatmate, whom might possibly be offended by my apparent lack of cleaning. If she is so paranoid why show anyone, not my renew my lease and kick me out?

Anyways for helping I got three meals, lunch, dinner and lunch, a naked lady, a genuine Australian tennis ball, sore feet and dishpan hands. It was worth it however, because it made me feel good to help someone out. Someone said to me (I can’t remember who), when I was going through a rough patch said that people are helping me now, but the opportunity to help someone else will come along. I guess it did just in a different way.

Now you are probably wondering about the naked lady? She is actually a small garden statue that has floated around the complex where I live. Serena and Jason would have taken it but they were worried her head would fall off because there is a crack in her neck. So I was told to take it and put it in my yard instead, perhaps as a tradition. As for the tennis ball, everything was entirely cleaned at the flat and they were about to venture off and the ball was bounced my way. I caught it and I was told I could keep it. It’s kind of a memento.

Hmmm….I also found an entire dress at Rockmans on Thursday. AN ENTIRE DRESS! It’s on lay-by as of now, but I am excited because I’ve never had a nice going out dress before. Ah yes my dilemma about trying to save money has gone down hill because of my obsession with things I like. I bought a $20 book the other day called The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde the same author of The Big Over Easy the other day. Case in point I found a new favourite author and I shouldn’t of bought the book or currently be buying the dress. I then thought about the little child and the mum. Little Melissa begging Big Melissa too buy these things for her. She would have a temper tantrum every time Big Melissa said no. I imagined her like the little brats of today, pinching a fit and screaming because she didn’t get her own way. I felt like I became the parent who finally gives in to make it all go away. I convinced myself it was good because I reasoned I had worked hard for it so I should. I also realise referring to myself as two separate Melissa’s is kind of creepy.

P.S. I wish I had an entire car. AN ENTIRE CAR!

Rice and life!

So what have I done since Saturday when I updated this dastardly blog? Not much and the only reason I am updating my blog is because Jo demanded it. Just Kidding.

Re: Rice! Sounds like a product placement of some kind. :P Rice, rice, rice…rice is life! How about that? Yes I completely understand what Jo and Chris have said. First off it wasn’t my entire rice it was Dave’s (the non-talking antisocial flatmate.) Second it’s OK if there is a prior agreement of some kind to take anything you need if one is not around, but its common courtesy to ask. If you ask before you take something that isn’t yours then I believe that it’s technically stealing. That is all that I am saying. Also I understand what Chris means by the whole flatmates are looking out for #1. Living in a share house is quite annoying at times, but at others it’s rewarding. It has its benefits as well as downfalls. I miss having a flat to myself, but I won’t go as far as Chris did in the movies Flat To Myself 1 &2.

Actually I have Flat To Myself type of dreams. I’ve had two that really stick out, and they are a bit graphic to share. So I won’t go into much detail. It always involves an evil midget with blonde hair who wants to kill me. It starts with me at my back door and I know she is outside and I and my flatmates are in danger. So lock it just in time but she still manages to get in. Anyways she always comes at me with a knife and just when I am pretty badly wounded the police and paramedics arrive and save the entire day. After which I am distraught or course, but then safety leaves and the evil midget comes back and a door appears out of nowhere. The recent dream I had this time had Sue-Woman on the other end wanting to hurt me and I managed to lock her out of my flat but the evil midget let her in. In which both attacked me. There is other disturbing things too in these confounding dreams, which if you really want to know in detail you can ask me.

Work at Pixi Foto is alright it you can handle the entire c-word thrown at you just for doing your job. Well it hasn’t happened yet but I met and old promoter who did the same job I did and she said that it happened to her a couple of times. I get more no’s then yes’s. I guess not many people are keen to have professional portraits taken? The irony is I get paid to be rejected. Another thing is it’s the ones that aren’t interested in the first place are the ones that want to stop and have a chat with me. I keep thinking this is an entire time waster, but I guess if I am nice the no’s now they will be future yes’s?

So far I’ve met some pretty interesting people. I had a pregnant old lady man widow tell me I should get married. Perhaps she was conspiring with Sue-Woman? Come to think of it pretty much all the pregnant old lady man wives or spinsters all wear pink so I can never remember who I asked last. A majority of them have also died their hair an unnatural purple colour, which makes it even harder to distinguish them from one or the other. The pregnant old lady men they wear a lot of blue and it’s pretty much the same idea as the female polms.

I have also noticed there are a lot of families and babies around too and 90% have already had photos taken for their little bundles of joy. And the other 10% aren’t interested because they either have a digital camera or they have had “professional” portraits taken…this is where I want ask them what do you think Pixi Foto is then?

Big W is boring enough said. I pretty much tidy up shelves and make everything nice for the next day. It’s is a nice change from the other job. My first night on the job at Big W. I spent fixing and rearranging the men’s underwear. The second night I spent tidying the shoes. The shoes were by far the worst, customers are so lazy they don’t even bother to put the bloody shoes back on the shelf but instead toss them across the aisle. I also didn’t have an name tag so customers thought I was weird and old staff had no idea I was asking the questions I was.

So there you have it an entire updated type entry of all boringness!

P.S. Sue-Woman doesn’t know I am staying!

An entire lake of grudges? Just add rice!

OK so I am quite tired after busy week as I have officially started both jobs and now the fun part comes where I try to juggle the both of them. I might even be tired from the allergy medication I tried today. Who cares as long as it works!

Anyways I thought I should at least write something on this blog.

What happens when you put three Asians, two Koreans and on Japanese (and a missing shower curtain. You get an entire lake. AN ENTIRE LAKE! You see the shower curtain in the bathroom was mouldy and smelly so I decided to soak it over night in the tub. I told both flatmates, one of which still hasn’t said boo to me that I had done this. My Korean flatmate invited two of her friends over to stay the night, both of which both had showers, with out the curtain, then this morning Jenifer had a shower. So the entire bathroom was a hazard zone. A HAZARD ZONE! She wondered why I was mopping the floor this morning and kept asking where the shower curtain was. I then told her for the fifth billionth time that it was down stairs soaking in the entire laundry sink. THE ENTIRE SINK! No offence, but you’d have to be pretty stupid to have a shower with out the curtain! Needless to say I was a bit cranky about it, but I am not now because I think it was partly my fault for soaking it, but how was I too know she’d invite all her friends over, who would end up staying the night and taking shower after show till there was no hot water left. I felt bad for felling cranky so I mopped it up.

In fact I am cranky altogether from lack of sleep no thanks to my Korean Flatmates late night talking.

I also nearly missed having my rice in my cupboard eaten on me too. Jenifer and her friends took my other flatmates Dave’s by mistake thinking it was mine and that I wouldn’t mind. Actually to be honest I would have been quite angry because I can’t afford to feed four people. Not that it matters she said she was going to fill it up on Monday, but still. Once I told her that it was not my rice they had eaten she got quite scared. I told her if he gets angry which I doubt he will. I will stick up for her. I think she reckons Dave is a gang member with all his tattoos. So the lesson from this is to ask before you take, (she could of txt me) not take then ask to avoid situations like this. It irritates me something fierce when people don’t ask before they take and assume they can just let me know and pay me back later. I’ve had flatmates in the past do this as well and they wonder why I get kind of cranky with them. I know they say oh I didn’t think you would mind and I’ll pay you back, but I was brought up that if you take it before you ask that’s stealing. Maybe it’s just an Australian thing? Perhaps I am still cranky about people taking stuff with out asking because my bad experience with a previous flatmate who actually did steal.

Don’t get me wrong I like Jenifer a lot. She is really cool and her friends are lovely too. They just do things that make no sense to me.

I suddenly realise I get cranky about random things and I stay cranky about them for years. I am still upset about certain things that have happened years ago. I am still annoyed about the flatmate who would drink my milk and assume I had to share because that’s what flatmates do but when I drank his milk got pissed off at me. I think I hold grudges but there over really stupid trivial things that I shouldn’t really be dwelling on.

Hmmm….what else?

I’m not to sure about hugs from random people I’d rather just hug myself….

I am obsessed with Super Mario Bros game.

I am still hung up on my Officer Octogenarian. I told him about Plan 10 From Outer Space via txt, I should have rang him up or ran into him, but I thought I better let him know soon. So he doesn’t make any plans. He’ll probably never reply. So there goes part of the plan.

I am making some new friends….

I like Korean food :) I am so going to the Asian food shop and buying some!

The middle shelf in my entire fridge broke in half!

My flatmate still isn’t talking too me.

I started the third draft of superheroes a little while back. It has changed a bit since the first and second, but it is actually better in the long run. I won’t run the surprises I added. :P

I am homesick because of Christmas and stupid potential customers and staff keep reminding me of my Canadianess and asking me a million billion questions about home.

I’ve become interested in politics

P.S. I miss Carol :( I miss our friendship…its falling away at the entire seams. THE ENTIRE SEAMS!

My wondeful list of things I miss.

Hmmmm lets see I think I just heard the most confounding statement of all time recently. You see was talking to my flatmate Dave and the Unilodge Manager about homosexuality. I found the remark Dave made very strange

“It’s not right! I don’t believe in God, but the Bible says it’s not right so that’s what I think.”

Well I think that’s a steaming pile of contradictory bullshit. BULLSHIT! Sorry it just bothered me. How can you say you don’t believe in God, but quote the book that’s supposedly his word in your homophobic justifications? It seriously made me mad for some reason. So I told him I thought it contradictory and now he hasn’t spoken to me in two weeks. It’s really quite awkward. It’s not like I had a go at him about it or tried to push my beliefs on him. I just I told him his statement didn’t make any entire sense. ENTIRE SENSE!

Ah yes so now after a hiccup or two things work wise are working out entirely. I can feel things starting to get better. I think it’s because I changed my mind set.

Then I have somehow developed annoying allergies. ALLERGIES! All the more excuse to go to the pharmacy and get something for them…Its not stalking if I have terribly itchy dry eyes and sneezing every ten bloody minutes.

Hmmm what else ah yes my mom Hev-Lady said to make a list of things I miss from home and she might send it too me if budget allows and customs as well.

So here it goes:

Kraft Dinner: They have something like it here but it just isn’t the same. There is a joke that Canadians can eat their own weight in Kraft Dinner and some people even reckon it’s an entire food group when mixed with hotdogs and ketchup.

Honey Nut Cheerio’s and Apple Cinnamon Cheerio’s: They are like the best breakfast/ snack ever in the entire world. They only have multigrain ones here and it makes me sad, so very sad. No I am not talking about sausages either. Its cereal baby! Good old cereal!

Kellogg’s Corn Pops: Same as the cheerio’s. It’s another breakfast cereal that has yet to grace the presence of the supermarkets here.

Dads Oatmeal Cookies: Chocked full of preservatives. These have to be the best cookies in the entire world. THE ENTIRE WORLD! They have just the right sweet taste and they are crunchie in just the right way.

Tim Hortons Coffee and Tim Hortons hot chocolate: It’s kind of like the Kraft Dinner thing except Tim Horton’s is an iconic restaurant chain in back home, that serves hot drinks, deli style sandwiches, soups, muffins, donuts and other deserts. My favourite desert is the Iced Cap, which is basically an iced cappuccino. However, you can by their drinks separately to take home and make…I want a bit of Canadiana to share with my friends here!

Timmy’s is the best! It makes sense they are so popular seeing as Canadians eat more donuts per capita than any other country and the atmosphere is much different than most places. In fact it seems like there is a Tim Hortons in every town on almost every block. They seriously outnumber McDonalds Actually come to think of it some towns are cranky if they don’t have one. It would be the best place to take some one on a get to know each other type date or a place to see friend and just chat or read the paper and catch up with strangers about the weather and current affairs. What I wouldn’t give now for a large double, double and a 24 pack of Tim Bits. A double, double is coffee with two creams, two sugars except I always grab extra sugar because the coffee is so strong and Tim Bits are the donut holes left over.

Tim Hortons Mug: To drink my coffee and/hot chocolate. Mine lost the logo on it because one of my previous flatmates decided it would be funny to scrub it off.

Ketchup flavoured potato chips: Oh gosh what I wouldn’t love them. They smell kind of bad but taste so good and there red, my favourite colour too.

Souvenirs for my friends: I don’t really think this needs explanation. You can get this at the local dollar store where I used to live, but I didn’t get enough sadly. It be nice to have a stock pile to give to some new friends and stuff. She might not even have to go there. She could send Canadian Tire money or random packaging with the French and English on them. On the other hand my mom might want that to use the money I don’t know Canadian Tire and she might think I am weird for wanting random boxes and packaging. In case you’re wondering Canadian Tire is kind of like Mitre 10 and those types of place here in Australia.

Oxford Canadian Dictionary: Yes I know they have dictionaries here but not the one I want! It’s got Canadian words in it, like shit disturber and toque. Ummm….I am really homesick right now.

My Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures: because I am an entire nerd. There not the new ones out either but the old retro ones...They also remind me of my brother in a very nostalgic way.

And that’s all I can think of. For now…as I think I’ve gone over board. Going over this list makes me feel selfish.

P.S. Plan 10 from outer space! Yay! I can’t wait. It’s seriously going to be awesome fun.

Sarcasm is rude?

Melissa’s Obsession Day 7: Melissa will soon be put in looney bin. LOONEY BIN! A bin full of Loonies and by that I mean the nice golden coins from Canada with the picture of the loon on them. This whole paragraph made no sense whatsoever

I was thinking to day that if I had to pick a song right now that best described what I was thinking and feeling it would have to be Easier Said Than Done, by the Essex.

My friends all tell me,

Go to him, run to him,

Say sweet, lovely things to him,

And tell him he's the one

Deep in my heart, I know it

But it's so hard to show it

'Cause it's easier, easier said than done

My buddies tell me,

Fly to him, sigh to him,

Tell him I would die for him,

And tell him he's the one

Although he gives me a feeling

That sets my heart a-reeling,

Yet it's easier, easier said than done

Well, I know (I know) that I love him so

But I'm afraid that he'll never know

Because I (I-I), I get so timid and shy

Each time that I look him in the eye

They all tell me,

Sing to him, swing with him,

And just do anything for him,

And tell him he's the one

I got a love so true

And yet I'm sad and blue

'Cause it's easier, easier said than done

Well, I know (I know) that I love him so

But I'm afraid that he'll never know

Because I (I-I), I get so timid and shy

Each time that I look him in the eye

They all tell me,

Sing to him, swing with him,

And just do anything for him,

And tell him he's the one

I got a love so true

And yet I'm sad and blue

'Cause it's easier, easier said than done

Easier

Said than done

Now I am not sure yet if it’s a love so true deal not to mention because the song was released in 1963 I think the lyrics reflect the era it came from. I reckon this part of the song sums up what I am feeling the best besides the easier said than done bit.

But I'm afraid that he'll never know

Because I (I-I), I get so timid and shy

Each time that I look him in the eye

So what else has been happening? Actually things are going quite well. I have two jobs now. TWO! I now have an entire job at Big W. Everyone kept saying to quit Pixi Foto but I really like it there too. I came into a major conundrum when the induction for Big W was scheduled in at the same time I had a shift at Pixi Foto. Everyone said call in sick and such, but it felt dishonest and mean. So I told the truth and said I had just been offered another job and you know what the manager at Pixi Foto understood and said that we can work around the hours just as long as I give her enough notice and let her know when I am available. For once I finally listened to myself. I knew the manager would understand and I know I can do both jobs. So there people telling me what to do all the time! :P Hah I made up my entire mind by myself. MY ENTIRE MIND!

Strange things have been happening lately. I got good marks with uni, but I noticed I had an RO or Result Outstanding for Desktop Publishing. Turns out the lecturer lost my entire assignment. MY ENTIRE ASSIGNMENT! I swear that class is cured. He didn’t even admit he lost it he just said “oh I don’t seem to have your assignment and I assumed you did hand it in on time, but can use please resubmit it?” Urgh what a retard how do you lose someone’s assignment? The lecturer is a nice guy don’t get me wrong, but it still made me mad.

That reminds me I made Grandma Sue-Woman mad. You see I sent her an e-mail that sounds very much like the sarcastic writing in this very blog and I had a bit of a go at her about the whole liking a guy thing. She asked me if I read over my e-mails before I sent them too her. She reckoned I was being rude because sarcasm is rudeness. I was merely being honest and telling her I was frustrated. Hev-Lady even agreed with me. I finally let her see the real me, but she rejected it. She still thinks I am this classy goody, goody granddaughter who is so smart, nice and innocent and perhaps sometimes sarcastic with a bit of a chip on her should, as she often says. No Sue-Woman your granddaughter, doesn’t drink alcohol and go out partying occasionally, she doesn’t say the f word when angry, she hasn’t thought about not waiting for marriage to participate in adult like activities and she isn’t sarcastic oh goodness me no she definitely is not.

Then she was upset because I never comment on certain tid bits about her life. Well sorry Grandma, your life isn’t that interesting. I mean what am I supposed to say to her when she goes on and on about how its morning and how her big expensive motor home is not working proper, the stupid dog they have called Sir Mutley and his bowel movements or some problem with a restaurant not cooking their food properly. Big deal I could stand NOT to get an e-mail from her like that. What happened to short but sweet? I’m still her thinking of you I am not dead, the end.

My life isn’t that important that I have to tell her what I have for breakfast or how I am living my life. From now on I send her a friendly greeting and let her know I am not dead. So I guess you could say I am mad at Sue-Woman too.

P.S. The dress is gone now :(

Grandmotherly expectations

Under the direction and request from Amy I am again updating my blog. Goodness me I don’t why seeing as I can’t really think of what to write about. I wasted my weekend feeling really anxious for some reason and playing Donkey Kong Country 3 till I can feel that tired feeling in my eyes. The only reason I played was to keep myself focused on something else.

My grandma (Sue-Woman not Val-Lady) is hilarious. I wrote her a mandatory e-mail yesterday. I say mandatory because she is my grandmother among other things….. ask me sometime1

Anyways I barely even mention my crush and it’s the first thing she picked up on. She sent me an entire e-mail on how she wants to know more about him. Then she writes a sentence on what I consider the other more important information, like my new job and how things are going really awesome lately. I swear she wants me to get married and contribute to the world’s overpopulation epidemic. This isn’t saying I don’t want kids and to get married, just not right now.

Soooo what do I tell her about my Officer Octogenarian…for starters I could say I gave him a code name based on a characters name for anonymities sake, seeing as I am discussing him on my blog. What is it now 4 entries in a row now that mentions him in some form? Hint alphabetical plans, the Ashleigh story, something about a pink shirt and now some random musing about my grandma’s curiosity. My grandma has this really strange way of believing everything anyone writes to her. I could tell her he is an astrophysicist/ monkey trainer/ movie star and she’d probably believe me. She’d probably be disappointed to here that he’s most likely not a returned Mormon missionary, but an average everyday uni student/pharmacist. Not that I care. In fact I am so going to tell her all that just see what she says. This is for boredoms sake mind you.

To prove how gullible she is one time my mom as an April Fools joke casually wrote in the end of an e-mail that I was expecting. My grandma believed her. She rang my mom about three times that day and apparently my grandpa was in tears, because their classy goody-goody granddaughter had apparently got knocked up by dreaded premarital sex and was no longer a classy goody-goody granddaughter. I was kind of annoyed about my mom’s joke at first, not because she pulled on my grandparents, heck I give her full props for that. It just felt like my reputation as was put on the line just for a mere joke.

P.S. I know this is really bad but my other grandma Val-Lady is my top grandma…She’s like my mom but with a British twist. She’s like fish and chips!

An alphabetical plan of obsession!

Today is my brother’s birthday.

So I shall wish a very Happy Birthday to Tony because he is awesome.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONY!!!

By the way the last entry was not attacking anyone….I was making fun of the situation and myself.

Remember how I said yesterday that there would be no more silly crushing going on in terms of Officer Octogenarian? I haven’t changed my mind, but the thought of it is giving me serious anxiety.

I am…

A: afraid he has a girl friend and will reject me, therefore leaving me embarrassed
B: plain old reject me
C: biggest of all he will do none of the above and say yes.

Weird isn’t it I am more scared of the acceptance than rejection for some reason. I can see it now I will probably be obsessing over it and wondering why he said yes. Or wondering oh crap what next?

I know I have too though or I will go insane from wondering whether it was a yes or a no in the first place. Then all my feelings will yet again be in vain.

So my mom (Hev- Lady) gave me some ideas of what I could ask him.

Plan A: I could ask him for a movie…but the problem is I have no money for a movie right now. And seeing as I asked him I’d want to shout him to be nice.

Plan B: I could ask him over to my house for coffee. A distinct possibility except if you ever watch those romantic movies it’s usually after a date you ask a guy to your house for coffee and its usually not coffee drinking type activities that is implied. Plus my milk is kind of going off and I want all my coffee to myself.

Plan C: Ask him to go for a walk… where in the heck is there to walk around here?…oh yes lets have a tour of where I live seeing as he used to have a friend around here he probably knows his way around.

Plan D: I could ask him over for dinner, but tell him my Korean flatmate will be there and I wanted to introduce her to one of my friends and to show my flatmate that not all Aussie males have tattoos. Ha ha that’s my joke. Then if he says I have a girlfriend I’ll be like cool bring her along too! I could also mention I wanted to prove that I can cook like I said last time. The problem is I am not sure if I can say friends as we really are merely acquaintance/sort of friends. It could be a way of catching up so to speak as well.

Plan E: A variation of the previous plan…Mom suggests a dinner party. Ah yes dinner parties are kind of Joan’s thing. I wouldn’t want to invade on her parade so to speak. Get everyone he doesn’t know over will be awkward as, not to mention I hate groups of people. Having dinner with one flatmate for perhaps a mediator and him would be much easier I reckon. So no Plan E! Sorry Hev-Lady.

Plan F: Do nothing and continue to go insane.

Plan G: Make a plan for every letter in the alphabet!

Plan H: Have Lunch then think of more plans

Plan I: Make enough money so I can go with plan A

Plan J: Do plan A repeatedly until I can invite him in for Plan B. By Plan B I mean ummm….yes…

Plan K: Invite him out when my friends and I go out to the clubs!! I think its kind of his domain.

Plan L: Stop thinking of so many plans

Plan M: Plan Melissa! And by that I mean spell my name in acrostics so I can follow Plan L. For example…

Miraculous
Excited
Lovely
Incidentally
Silly
Sappy
And possibly insane

Plan N: Not to go insane

Plan O: Officer Octogenarian!! Tell the person all about the character if I am stuck for something to say next time I see him?

Plan P: Postpone all plans until a later date….

Plan Q: Quiz everyone on my ideas and ask for feedback on what they think…advice if you will NOT tell me what to do.

Plan R: Ring Officer Octogenarian, the person not the character and just go with the flow….

Plan S: Stop thinking of plans that begin with the letter of the plan….see Plans M – R!

Plan T: I am so running out of ideas of what could be possible plans!

Plan U: Not to be come an entire stalker!

Plan V: Nothing Honestly!

Plan W: Honestly Nothing!

Plan X: Nothing Really

Plan Y: Really Nothing!

Plan Z: Plain old nothing!

P.S. Can’t you tell that I am bored? Yes and obsessed!

Oh I am think I am entirely in love!!

Today was my second day of work at my new job. It was fun but nerve racking because I am still shy around others I don’t know. I reckon the shy monster likes to creep up on me every now and then, much to my annoyance. She preys off my fear and my perceived lack of confidence. I like my job it’s really relaxed and more professional than all the other jobs I have had.

Oh the strange things this so called “love” will do to people. For the last two days I have looked for my Officer Octogenarian in order to take the plunge and ask him out.

Yesterday I instead of going with a previously sought out plan in which I asked some sort of medical like question or get something of some sort. I wandered into the make up aisle. Big mistake…the make up lady made me feel like an entire criminal. AN ENTIRE CRIMINAL! I made the mistake of telling her that I had no money for makeup and I was just browsing. A few seconds later I heard her talking to two staff members that girl is she is just browsing for makeup, but just to make sure I think you should keep an eye on her. So I tried to get enough courage to get to the counter where I saw a woman who looked like Officer Octogenarian but that was before I got a closer look, yeah it was kind of weird. Then I saw Officer Octogenarians friend. He’s pretty cool but I he wasn’t the one I wanted to talk too.

So I went again today and I decided it was not really stalking as I really honestly did need something from the pharmacy. This was the previously aforementioned plan I was trying to put into action the day before. I am sure many a friends would reply by saying “sure Melissa….” But I don’t care what anyone thinks. I think you know you like someone when you’ll wear a metal chain that you know will cause a some what uncomfortable allergic reaction just so you can go in and by some cream for it. And when asked if you want to join the pharmacy’s rewards club you say sure why not when really you would not be interested. I saw my Officer Octogenarian today and I even have the receipts to prove it. I was really nervous and I think he picked up on it and I got really shy like and I couldn’t say much too him, which really sucks because I planned to ask him to coffee or whatever, nothing serious, but considering other embarrassing blunders that have involved him previously there was no awkwardness and he was nice and quiet like when I’ve met him before. So I guess it’s OK then?

In my current obsessiveness I would write out the entire conversation but it was boring and pointless so I will write an Ashleigh and Philis story inspired by it. It is partly based on my insane imagination and part based on actual events. If you can pick out the actual events, I might just not give you candy…sorry lollies because I am entirely poor and have no money. LOLLIES! CANDY!! I’M POOR!

Ashleigh walks into the local pharmacy with a hideous rash. She is surprised to see her Officer Octogenarian…Philip Tayte. She gets along very well with “Ph” names. Coincidentally she likes pharmacies because of the “ph” as well.

Ashleigh: (Spots Philip and is quite happy to see him)
Philip: (She’s Ashleigh and seems quite happy to see her)
Ashleigh: Hi (Smiles really happy like)
Philip: Hey How’s it going?
Ashleigh: Going Good….
Philip: (Pauses for a moment) Did you want to get something here?
Ashleigh: (Awkwardly) Yes…I am having a allergic reaction on my neck. (Shows neck and slightly hideous rash of hives. HIVES!)
Philip: Oh do you know what it is from?
Ashleigh: (Shifty eyed) I think its from my necklace…(Shows golden necklace)
Philip: Well did you want tablets or cream
Ashleigh: Ummm I’m not sure which would be best?
Philip: Oh well I’ll go and check for you. (Meanders up to another pharmacist and asks him question)
Ashleigh admires the view and may or may not be looking at him longingly with romantical intentions. Philis noticing Ashleigh waddles over….
Philis: Hi Ashleigh…is this the guy you like?
Ashleigh: Shut up Philis….not so loud
Philis: I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll keep a look out for you with my fat eyes while you take him to the back room. (winks very obviously)
Ashleigh: (Blushes) No that won’t be necessary really.
Philip: (Walks over to creams and brings it back to Ashleigh) I think your best off using cream because you may be allergic to the nickel.
Ashleigh: Oh OK….(She is relieved that he didn’t hear anything Philis said and follows Philip over to counter…)
Princess Jo spots Ashleigh and bounces over happily.
Princess Jo: (Shouts) STAY AWAY FROM HIM HE’LL CHEAT ON YOU AND IS A HORRIBLE WOMANISER!
Ashleigh: And you know this because?
Princess Jo: I saw his entire photograph!
Philip: (Looks perplexed) stay away from who?
Philis: What? You can’t tell a guy is a womaniser just by his photography unless its one of those nude like ones in which he is caught in the act of womanising. I can’t be caught in any of this because I’m fat!
Ashleigh: Philis I highly doubt Philip is into pornography.
Philip: (Stares at Ashleigh and her friends awkwardly) Are you interested in getting a Sunflower Groups Pharmacy Members Card? It’s free!
Philis: That’s proof he is right there. You can’t be members of those companies they’ll sell your informations to people to them people. I think PJ is right.
Ashleigh: What people?
Princess Jo: Of course I am always right. STAY AWAY FROM HIM!
Ashleigh: Get lost both of you. (Hastily grabs purchase from Philip, she pushes past Princess Jo and Philis.)
Ashleigh is about to leave the pharmacy when two men wearing a purple uniforms accost her two Fergaria-Finbarton Bureau of Investigations agents Lauren Such And Such and Mike Queensburry.
Lauren: FFBI Hold it are right there!
Ashleigh: Huh?
Mike: Ashleigh McGlongakic you’re under arrest for stalking!
Ashleigh: What?
Lauren: Yeah!
Mike: Hev-Lady made an anonymous tip you’d be here stalking…
Lauren: Yes she are said to be on the look out for a NERD nerdy retarded weird looking girl in a pink shirt.
Ashleigh: First off it’s Hevlynn! Secondly if it’s anonymous then why did you just say who told you? And thirdly I am not wearing a pink shirt.
Lauren: We are forgot?
Mike: You’re face is pink?
Lauren: I’ll pink your face!
Mike: I’ll face your pink?
Lauren: Yay you is learning well….
Mike: Oh thank you….
Lauren: Hey don’t try and sneak away!
Ashleigh: I haven’t even moved!
The FFBI agents arrest Ashleigh for obsessive stalking…and being too nerdy…..THE END?

Now I know one or so of my friends doesn’t somewhat approve of my affections for him, but to be honest I don’t care. I’ve decided to go for it. I am past the whole crushing and admiring from afar. It’s fun and exciting, but it’s entirely sad and painful like too. Life is too short to hang out admiring from the sidelines. Yes it’s true I admit it. I am hung up on and entire guy. AN ENTIRE GUY! I’ll like who I like and if he turns out to be no good I’ll learn from my mistakes. I don’t need to be sheltered. My Mom contrary to popular belief never did she always was upfront and honest with me and she told me to go with what I feel is best. I respect my friends concern for my feelings and I am thankful they have my best interests at heart but, I just ask that they are still there for me “if” I come down in flames.

P.S. The dress didn’t fit!

I updated my blog!!

Somebody told me on Friday “to update my blog missy!” I’m not saying names….

AMY!

So here I am updating my entire blog because my boring life is so interesting to a mere few.

Lets start off by saying that one of my biggest pet peeves is people who can’t read signs because A. They’re lazy or B. They’re stupid. It says in the computer lab. “No food, drink or mobile Phones….” plastered on the computer screen its self at eye level, but people bring in the lab still bring in food, drink and mobile phones. In fact a fellow resident meanders in with an open can of creaming soda and sits down quite innocently. I could here him sipping at the forbidden drink while I sat here and typed. You those who break the rules wreck it for those who do…enough said.

It reminds me of a time I worked at Burger King and there was a power outage. We had to close down the restaurant because sadly everything was electronically run and we put up signs on the drive in and the front door. Idiotic people still tried to come into the restaurant and came through drive in attempting to here a voice in the box. I am not sure if it was because it was force of habit to walk in straight way to induce their cholesterol levels continually or they just couldn’t read because they are retarded.


Here are some other random things that have happened or I have thought about.

I start my new job on Tuesday. I am super excited.

I saw a dress that I really, really want but it is way too expensive. I am not paying $150 for a dress! Then I’d have to buy new shoes to go with it too! Although it is a very nice dress…

I bought two new books from the slush pile of cheap $5 paper backs at Angus and Robertson….which I couldn’t afford, boredom brought me too it.

I have already finished one called Love Her To Death, by Linda Palmer. The story follows sexually repressed soap opera writer Morgan Tyler uncovering a mystery about one of her stars on the daytime drama Love of My Life. Cybelle Carter. Cybelle is scared her ex-husband Philippe Abacas is going to come and kill her. Oddly to escape him she died her hair blonde black and wears green contacts on screen. What a way to hide from some one? The author is good in that she establishes what people would think and is wittily sarcastic. Morgan is part sleuth and part sexually repressed. Every male character she encounters is examined from the female gaze, but does she jump these handsome males she meets, only one and the rest she doesn’t because she is still tormenting herself over the death of her husband Ian Miller, who was twenty years her senior. I was pleasantly shocked to find that she has one of many Officer Octogenarians. Matt Phoenix a police detective, Chet Thomas as novelist who writes crime stories and Philippe Abacas. This story is random as it is funny, but it has its boring bits too. I didn’t care about what stupid clothes Morgan was wearing although I guess it made sense because it takes place in upscale New York, where image is everything…Oh wells it was still a good read.

The second I have yet finish. Its called The Big Over Easy by Jasper Fforde Another mystery novel with a twist its about a detective investigating the death of Humpty Dumpty. It’s supposedly a clever parody on old nursery rhymes and literary works. I can’t wait to read it.

I’ve been playing Donkey Kong Country 2 Diddy’s Kong Quest a lot, but who cares about that. I found away to cheat and not die off. But I’ll never disclose my secret. NEVER! Mwhahahahahahaha!!!!

I revamped Song of the Superheros. It is 32 chapters now instead of 60 and 120,000 words in stead of 130,000. How did I manage to knock of almost 10,000 words? Easy I was reading it and I noticed that some of the events would be much better suited for the next book I am writing with the same characters, plus some new characters too, but I don’t want to spoil it for anyone.

I am starting to become obsessed with Myspace.

I spent yesterday afternoon helping my Korean flatmate Jeniffer and her friend Nicky learn English. I wrote down different ways to express certain things in English that Nicky was finding it difficult to say to others. Apparently reading English is easier than speaking it. For instance I thought I was being rude or impolite for some reason but he said I wasn’t. But he wasn’t sure how to say so. It was fun helping them. They let me try Korean food too. They gave me some noodles that looked like black spaghetti, but it tasted good. It wasn’t spicy either. They kept on telling me how kind I was for helping them and they were worried that they were taking my time, but I told them not to worry. I’d do it again too. They kind of remind me of the Korean version of Antonia and Kinwai. Except I don’t think there is anything romantic between them.

Something that annoys me is lately is people when upon first meeting them and after finding out I am studying university in Australia always ask. “Why didn’t you just stay in Canada they have universities there?” I feel a bubbling frustration every time some one asks me. I usually tell them that I wanted to be different or looking for independence and adventure. In fact sometimes I get in this mood where I hate people asking me questions altogether.

I am obsessed with random things and people, but those who read this blog know that already.

I keep dreaming about Officer Octogenarian, the person and the character…I think I think about him too much. I think…and it’s probably not healthy, so starting Monday I am going to be brave and ummm….talk to him? The person not the character! I could see it now

Me: Oh hello….
Officer Octogenarian: Hello! How’s it going?
Me: I’m wearing a pink shirt.
Officer Octogenarian: Huh?
Chris pops up out of nowhere for some random reason…
Chris: I am Melissa’s friend Chris. I am the one that dresses up as a woman.
Officer Octogenarian: (makes a manly sort of grunt and expression) OK?
Me: Yes…
Chris: Melissa wants to make sweet, sweet love to you…
Me thinking: Oh not again!!!
Officer Octogenarian: Oh really?
Me: Oh no…
Chris: Don’t forget making kissy!!
Me: Uh…what Chris said is correct….oh yeah did I mention that I am wearing a pink shirt?
Chris: Yes and I want it back too!
Officer Octogenarian: Huh?
Awkward silence….
Me: (runs away)
Me thinking: Now that I have successfully been identified as a freak. I can move on!

P.S. THE END!!

Cats are not microwaveable

Alrighty so I should be out looking for a job, but the fact of the matter is I am lazy. That’s right I am lazy. I am so lazy I want the job to come looking for me instead of me looking for the job. I am also obsessed with Donkey Kong Country. However, I beat the entire game. THE ENTIRE GAME! I was stuck on this stupid winter level for three days or more, but finally I just gave it a lot of concentration and I finished it.


I am still trying to write but I think because of my lack of productivity I am unable to think of anything to write or write down. This is just another reason to find a job. They always say full house empty mind.

I recently found out from my mom, that my brother Tony tried to microwave an entire cat. AN ENTIRE CAT!? Apparently yesterday Tony put his pet kitten Picaso in the microwave and turned it on. Luckily my mom stopped him. The cat was scared and heated up (quite literally) but she is OK now. My said after she gave him a talking too and explained what he did was wrong, to which he responded with a heartfelt cry. So hopefully he understood. I reckon they should have warning labels on small animals just like other non microwavable containers.

This inspires a Philis story.

Ashleigh: My brother Zach put his pet cat in the microwave!
Philis: What! That’s terrible!
Ashleigh: Clearly….
Philis: Why would your brother microwave a cat he’s not from that Chinese restaurant is he?
Ashleigh: Philis you know that using cats in place of chickens is just an unverifiable rumour.
Philis: Where does Antonia get all her chicken and stuff Chinese food then?
Ashleigh: Antonia runs a French restaurant.
Philis: I heard she uses mermaids….and the Bamboozle Chronicle Herald staff knooooow about it but they won’t say anything because Antonia let them use her basement as a newsroom while their other newsroom was getting fixed.
Ashleigh: Yeah sadly that is true.
Philis: What! That’s terrible! First your brother murders cats and then Antonia uses mermaids for fish type foods. It’s an insult to my fat when I pay for chicken I want chicken, damn it. When I pay for fish and chips I want the flipping fish!
Ashleigh: If you had let me finish the story about my brother. I would have told you my mom caught him in time and the cat is OK.
Philis: Hev-Lady?
Ashleigh: It’s HEVLYNN!
Philis: It’s all the same to me…case in point dolphins and whales didn’t have legs.
Ashleigh: What ever fat ass!

In breaking news my mom found out my true intentions for staying here in Australia and she was kind of none too pleased due to the financial side of my decision and confused on why I chose to do so, but after careful discussion I explained it too her and she understood. I hope. She said other sad things besides the cat too but I don’t want to discuss it here because it is very sad.

P.S. I am wearing my pink shirt!!

Promoting procastination, examination and boredom

Oh no: I wasn't saying it was bad being obsessive, I was just saying I am not sure about Mr Oct. and the type of man he might be. I would love to be proven wrong, but at the same time, not at the expense of my best friend, if I am proven right. At the same time: nothing tried is nothing gained. So do what you think is best Melissa!

Joan has a good point! Now I can finally quench my morbid curiosity. I wasn’t angry with her either just curious. Sometimes I feel like Joan is the wise older sister and I am the younger naive one but it’s weird because I am 23 and she is 19. Oh wells its good to know there is always someone out there looking out for you.

Anyways….

Now that university is over for about 4 months because I finally did my exam for Events, Leisure and Entertainment. It actually seemed easier than I though it would be. I noticed another classmate in tears because of the exam and I thought I had anxiety.

So do to relentless boredom I made a Fergus Poster! I dedicate it to the most beautiful woman in the world Mrs. Lachlan’s Mum.



So what else have I been up too lately?

I also find myself playing Donkey Kong Country continually on my computer or pondering about my next novel. That reminds me I dreamt that I’d be playing Donkey Kong and being super excited about it. Then next thing I know about a couple of weeks later I somehow came across the ability to do so. How strange is that? So now I am obsessed with Donkey Kong Country. It has to be my favourite of all time.

I really want to write the second story about the superheroes characters but I keep having dreams about my other story that I am sort of writing. I have had no inspiration for the others, perhaps the characters of my science fiction story are getting sick of being put on the back burner and want there story to be told? However, it’s lame as, two of the stupid main characters won’t stop pining for each other and there’s an entire telepathic super-intelligent cat, who I suspect has PMS. AN ENTIRE CAT! Where do I come up with this stuff?

I bought a pink shirt. PINK! I must be changing because a year ago I would never consider buying something pink much less wearing it and liking it. I love my new pink shirt. It looked like a Melissa shirt the very moment I tried it on.

I also have a job interview for Pixi Foto to do promotions on Wednesday. If I get the job I’ll be one of those annoying people who bug shoppers in Target about getting profession portraits done. I feel sad for those customers already. I do hope I get the job though.

P.S. I am obsessed with this blog!

Pinball and obsession

I have this real desire to play pinball lately. I want to play the real pin ball machine at Strutters Night Club for some reason. I am obsessed in that I am using the names of my characters on the high score list. Hmmmm….I guess its my form of procrastination.

I thought this article was really smart. I give it ten nerds out of ten. Basically some scientists have figured out a way to use human waste as in faecal waste to use as fuel and fertiliser, which will help with the problem of global warming.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/071017/health/india_environment_health_toilet_waste_warming

So I was having one of those good dreams that you don’t want to wake up from. I can’t remember what it was about but I know that it was pleasant because I was very disappointed when I was woken up by my new flatmate Jenny from South Korea banging cupboard doors for some weird reason. Jenny is nice but she is quite noisy in the morning, she has this thing for closing the bathroom door when she is finished, has went through 3 rolls of my toilet paper in two days and she runs the tap while she is doing her business. It’s probably because she is afraid I’ll hear her which I wouldn’t anyways. Joan says I should mention Australia is going through something called a drought. And my other friend Serena says I should tell her that it’s not really necessary to close the door because Aussies are more relaxed about bathroom type activities Hmmm….. Now how to tell her so that I don’t sound like a grouch and she will understand?

She has also got to be the most reclusive flatmate I have ever had. My theory is she has culture shock because she doesn’t know much English. I know what culture shock is all about my first two weeks in Australia. I hibernated in my room because I was afraid to come out. Jenny came around yesterday and we had a bit of chat but it was really interesting how she’d repeat the words I say and kind of shake her head to show she didn’t quite understand. So I would think of a simpler word to say what it mean and she got it. For instance I was trying to say what Joan was like. I said she was loud and bubbly. She didn’t get bubbly so I had to use the word happy instead. She doesn’t seem to like my other new flatmate Dave. He reckons it’s because of his tattoos. He isn’t a scary bloke either, but I think it’s because I am less threatening because I am a female. Good old social conditioning!! You never fail do you?

I am starting the sequel to Song of the Superheroes or more appropriately the next in the series I see five books for some reason. I have three titles choose from the original title Fizzy Lemonade or Kate’s suggestion No Dogs Allowed or my new one No Ogs Low from Chapter 32 where the toddler chewed up the no dogs allowed sign. You see I was discussing it with Kate and Chris and well the dogs get tired of discrimination and form the dog army. I also have a whole bunch of new characters to introduce too. I can't wait to finish this one.

This is really bugging me and I don't know why. I don't think a friend of mine likes Officer Octogenarian too much. I said something about him last night and she was none to nice in what she thought. I think my liking him boarder lines on an obsessive infatuation. You know when you can see no wrong in them. Matters of the heart must truly be blind I supposed. She seems to think he is a bad guy. No else sees a problem with me liking him. Why does she? It’s just morbid curiosity really. So I implore you Joan. Why don’t you like my Officer Octogenarian?

P.S. I have obsession issues. OBSESSION ISSUES! Its entirely annoying me.

I love Australia this much!

Well it appears I am black to Plan C. In order to stay longer in Australia I had credit rearranged. I had three random credits for unspecified courses given to me at the beginning of last year, but I took two of those back and now I will be studying next year Term 1 2008. So I will qualify for the two year study rule to be able to apply for permanent residency because I have to be in Australia over 2 years and have taken at least 16 subjects. Before this I only had 14 courses and immigration said I didn’t qualify. I guess most uni friends I know would say you could have finished this year and been done with uni forever, why on earth would you make is so you could stay another term!? I’ve lost my entire mind that’s why! Or as I demonstrated to friends I with out reached hands proclaimed “I love Australia this much.”

It’s true I get homesick when I am down and it might be tough again another Christmas away from Canada, but I am sure yesteryear was a just a testing run to see how I could do it. I made it and it wasn’t that bad. In fact I wrote Chapter 25 of superheroes on December 25, that was the highlight of my entire Christmas Day. Poor Hev-Lady (Mom) and General Question Mark (Brother) are going to be sad I’m not home for Christmas.

On Thursday I made an entire appointment with Student Services in which I figured out how to stay longer. Anyways the conversation with the International Support Officer and the Admissions Officer kind of went like this…

Me: Well I really want to stay in Australia because I have a lot of good friends here.
ISO: (oh so coyly) Would one of these friends happen to be a boy?
Me: (Accidentally blushes…) Noooooooo of course not.
AO: Oh sure looks she’s blushing, she’s blushing.
Me thinking: Perhaps a boy is on my mind? Nah that’s stupid it can’t be that boy.
ISO: Sure….
Me: Well maybe a fraction of it? But mostly because of friends.
AO: Sure your turning red.
Me: I turn red easily. (Awkward silence)
ISO: You look nice in brown.
I just happened to be wearing a lot of brown on Thursday.
Me: Oh thank you my friend Amy says brown is my colour.
ISO: Oh look were all wearing brown today. It’s a brown day.
Me: Yes….
ISO: I have brown sandals and she (points to Admissions Officer) is wearing a brown too.
Me: Well I like red…?
ISO: Don’t wear red or that boy you like will run away from you.
Me: Oh well I don’t wear red I just like it. I am no scarlet woman.
ISO & AO: Laughs.

Right so I guess my grandparents are not the only ones to assume my wanting to stay in Australia is because of romance. Officer Octogenarian most likely doesn’t even know I exist. EXIST! Why would I go through all this trouble just to stay for him? Would I stay for a friends engagement party? Yes, yes and yes! To hang out with long lost friends from Sydney and Canberra in December? Heck Yes! Staying because of some boy I like? Most likely not?

A lot of my friends back in Canada are sad that I am not coming back. I don’t have the heart to tell some of them that I am planning on staying forever. FOREVER! Although, I do plan to come back and visit.

P.S. My grandma wants to know how I missed out on two courses….

Plans A to D Which plan will work for me!....SUPERHEROES IS FINISHED!!!

I’ve had an amazingly spectacular week….Just when I thought things were kind of going down hill, things seemed to get better. For starters I got invited to join The International Golden Key Honour Society, because I am in the top 15 per cent, I was able to finish assignments and my computer is now fixed! Yay! Snaps for my friend who fixed it for me.

GOOD NEWS!

Song of the Superheroes is finished. FINISHED!

I wrote the last chapter today Chapter 59! It ends weird but again it started out weird too. There is even an epilogue. The finished product is now 131,591 words. I had sudden creative energy one uni was finished on Saturday and Sunday I wrote both Chapter 57 and Chapter 58. Since then I have written 8, 470 words. I can’t believe it’s finished. It feels so weird. Now all I have to do is go over it again and begin draft two. I’ll let you know of any particular changes.

My next project is the second in my series called Fizzy Lemonade with the same characters but a different story altogether. It will still touch on the same themes that Song of the Superheroes did. The power of the media and such…It will have a new hero though.

It seems like all good things are coming to an end. Uni, my Australian adventure, and now my entire novel, but I don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing, but merely a transition to my next adventure, which hopefully sees me staying in Australia, but if I go home that’s OK too.

You see I’ve been thinking about visas. Yes I have considered it very seriously like and I have four options to think about.

Plan A: Go back home, my grandparents did offer to help.
Plan B: Go back home visit my family and save up and come back on a Working Holiday Visa or for a Permanent Residency visa, most likely that later.
Plan C: Figure out a way to stay longer by applying for another bachelors degree or applying for a new student visa so I can study post graduate studies, yes I need a new visa to study post grad.
Plan D: Find an employer to sponsor me on a working visa so I can stay.

So far I like Plan B: and Plan D: the best. Plan C is tempting but it’s expensive to study in Australia and I do like uni, but I think I should take a few years break from it. Plan A just makes me sad, so if I can’t figure out how to go with Plan D I’ll go with Plan B: I hope this makes sense. So far I asked the local meatworks if they sponsored workers from overseas. They got mad at me and said no. I am going to try the Morning Bulletin next. I just hope I am back her in December so when Amy comes back from Canberra we can stalk Officer Octogenarian. Ha ha just kidding.

That reminds me. I told my grandma in a round about way that I wanted to stay in Australia because I met a guy and I don’t want it to be a what if situation. My grandparents accepted that answer out of all the other reasoning’s I gave them. Staying for a friends engagement party or just because I am happier here isn’t good enough. They must really want me to find an entire boyfriend, get married and contribute to the worlds overpopulation by having lots of babies. I seem to have this weird fixation with rejecting the other two ideas that come after boyfriend. I DON’T wanted to get married yet and DON’T want to have kids yet either.

I was also thinking about things recently regarding further travels to other countries. Another country I’d like to visit is Brazil, but I’d want to go as with an aid organisation that helps the people there, rather than see the actually tourist type stuff. I want to see what is actually happening behind all the glitz and glamour. So ladies and gentlemen in a few years time Brazil is my next adventure. This is Plan E.

Recently it was my birthday and I am now 23. Joan threw a dinner party masquerading as my birthday party, which was actually Joan’s dinner party. Joan even blew out half of my birthday candles on the cake. How strange is that? It was a fun party and it was awful nice of Joan to host such an occasion and the pictures taken were also quite amusing. Afterwards, Joan, Ana, Amy and I went out to the clubs. Joan and Ana left early, but Amy and I ended up staying till 4 a.m. It was awesome fun. I never saw Officer Octogenarian though…he is usually around the clubbing scene…hmmmm….maybe I should get a new crush.

P.S. Next year I’ll be 24