I found my future Aussie husband!

No its not Multimedia Guy.

Today I worked…and the manager was COW! I’ll leave it at that.

I received my birthday present from my mom. She sent me some pretty strange things such as underwear, qtips and a portable coffeemaker type device.

Last night I had a dream that truly confounded me. I upset me because I dreamt my friends Carol and Amy died. I can’t remember how Carol died, only that I was very upset as for Amy, she died in a car crash. I was inconsuluable, distraught, very, very upset in the dream I wouldn’t stop crying. It confused me because at one point I turned into Chris. Then I was in a room with Joan and friends in which she was discusing her boyfriend Justin. In which I then decided I wanted to get married to Chris’s friend Jack. It was weird. I woke up with a combination of the butterflies and feeling really sad.

Ah yes Chris’s friend Jack he is cool. Chris says we are simular. Both times we met we got along really well. Plus he says vanilla funny.

Last night Chris and I had a lengthy discusion about the 1960s. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in the wrong time period. When I learn about journalism in the 60s and 70s it makes me sad, because I think journalism was more real than it is now. Also the music back then was art and wasn’t all commercialized and manufactured like it is now.

I’m just kidding about the Aussie husband.

Mathematical discoveries of Futurama

Melissa: Hey Carol did you know that many of the writers on Futurama on the Simpsons have advanced math and science degrees?

Carol: That’s just stupid only funny non NERDY people write for Futurama!

Today I want to write about Futurama.

Why?

Because I do!

Did you know Futurama and the Simpsons have many mathematical references?

These animated shows contain hundreds of references to mathematics such as addition, subtraction, long division, and calculus. The Simpsons writers are former mathematicians, scientist and computer scientists. Several of the writers hold advance math degrees from some of the America’s top universities. They have written hundreds of math jokes ranging from fake equations, to jokes about mathematical literacy and mathematical cultural stereotypes. Sometimes math is theme of an episode. Many of these former mathematicians and scientists who wrote for the Simpsons also wrote for Futurama.

In the episode The Lesser of Two Evils, when the two robots Bender and Flexo meet, they make what is to them an amazing coincidence. Their serial numbers were 3370318 and 2716057. The robots then high five each other happily, only having to explain to their confused human acquaintances that both numbers are the sum of 2 cubes.

Another mathematical reference would be the number 1729, which is historically an inside joke for mathematicians. 1729 is sometimes called the Ramanujan-Hardy number. When Mathematician G.H Hardy, mathematical prodigy Srinivasa Ramanujan, in a London Hospital in 1917 he commented to Ramanujan that the taxi he was in had a boring number. However, Ramanujan responded, by saying the number is interesting because it’s the smallest number expressible as the sum of two cubes in two different ways.

This number 1729 appears in the episode X-mas Story in which Bender receives a card from the machine that built him wishing ‘Son #1729’ a Merry X-mas. It is also used on the hull of the spaceship Nimbus, which Captain Brannigan commands and the bobble head characters in the episode The Farnsworth Paradox, which is used as reference number to the number of alternate universes created.

And now for some reason I no longer hate math.
I found a story I wrote: Read here!

Reminiscing

Ryan Malcolm

Is it me or does Buddy Holly look very simular to Ryan Malcolm? Ryan was the first winner of Canadian Idol...

Buddy Holly











Yeah yeah I copied Amy. But during Canadian Idol everyone kept saying how much they looked alike. I kind of agree.

Reminiscing by Buddy Holly

I'm just sittin' here reminiscing
wondering who you've been kissin'
baby - wo oh baby

I've been wondering all around
there must be a new guy in town
you don't love me anymore
I'll get over you baby
although my heart's still sore
well, you know my heart's still sore

When I think of all the lies you told
to that young man my heart you sold
you're a cheater and a mean mistreater
when I think of all the fun we had
kinda makes me feel so sad
I'm lonely - for your love
and the longest day I live
it's only you that I'll be thinking of
you know I'm thinkin' of
well, it's you I'm thinking of

Why have I chosen this song today….it kind of goes with the theme I suppose.

The last view days, Kayla and I have seen the emergence of a flatmate more elusive than Louie. I’ll call her the invisible ghost flatmate. There is nothing to suggest she even lives here, she has no food in the cupboards, and we rarely ever see her. The only reason why we know she lives here is because she locks her bedroom door, but leaves the main doors unlocked for hours at a time, without our knowledge. This irritates me for some reason.

Yesterday I saw Multimedia Guy: I almost walked into him at the library. I was in the section where all the books are held. I was looking up books for an assignment (obviously). I was reading while I walked a sure sign for disaster. Its weird all of sudden I looked up and there he was. Then I became dumb and continued on my search for books. Then as I was about to leave the upstairs I forgot one of the books I wanted and I almost ran into him again. I wish I could talk to him, but I get really shy for some reason.

Today I got re acquainted with an old friend Derek from high school. However reminiscing about reminds me of a time that I would rather just put behind me. It wasn’t bad memories or anything. In fact high school was an OK time for me. It’s because I want to move on ahead instead of dwelling on the past for some reason or perhaps it’s in the mood I am in.

And thats my speil for the day....

'Fat Words' Newton and Relevant the two laws of oversized friendship!

Quote of the day:

‘Melissa isn’t being a bitch she is just being sarcastic.’ -Kayla
-from the Melissa Anthology of the Fergus book of Silliness and Annoying People

Ah yes the above quote…. We were playing Monopoly with my new flatmate, who has never played Monopoly before, her friend and Kayla. I was being my usual sarcastic self.
Apparently Kayla has previously interpreted my kind of humour as being a bitch. Why yes I am a female dog NOT! Only my friends seem to understand my humour.

Today revolved around two things the thing I was supposed to do today for example assignments and the stuff I ended up doing which included making another movie.

Chris and Kate came by to visit. In the words of Chris: “It are was fun.”

Later Chris and I filmed a documentary about the first two Flat To Myself movies. It’s about two documenters named Maverick and Angela, although, they often refer to each other as Chris and Melissa. Of course this was before we established the names of the documenters. Anyways, they attempt to find out what really happened as well as visit the dog Fergus who they may have unintentionally misinterpreted to be a witness and there is a return of the thing that taunted them at the Multicultural Fair, a Buddy a finger puppet moose with a Canadian flag.

However, I was smart and did end up working on assignments like I was supposed too.

Carol and I :)

Anyways I was researching for an assignment and I came across a section on of my old text book The Canadian Reporter. It was about ‘fat’ words. Fat words in journalism are words that editors and reporters consider bloated, pretentious or overdone.

For example:

‘The committee is working on an open-ended time frame but hopes to finalize its input in the foreseeable future.’

Hmmm… what the heck did that even mean? What is my point?

It has inspired me to write a Carol story. Here it is as follows

Melissa has a flash back to the time when She was packing up for her trip to Australia. Carol is helping her she sees the book The Canadian Reporter lying on top of her suitcase. She picks it up and flips to the section on language. She finds a section called ‘Fat Words’

Carol: MELISSA!
Melissa: What’s the matter Carol?
Carol: How come journalists discriminate FAT people?
Melissa: Carol journalists don’t do that. It’s against are code of ethics were are supposed to treat everyone fairly regardless of religion, ethnicity or size.
Carol: But your book has a section on fat words.
Melissa: Ummm…Carol it’s just a term to define words or sentences that journalists shouldn’t use because they are too bloated pretentious or over the top.
Carol: Bloated? That’s just a polite word for fat! I hate you
Melissa: Ummm….OK that section is there because it’s against journalism rules to write about fat people unless it is relevant.
Carol: Really? Relevant? Melissa I thought we were talking about your profession discriminating fat people not that Newton Law of Fatness.
Melissa: What?
Carol: You know Newtons law or relevant. He was named Newton because he ate figs.
Melissa: No Carol, its Sir Issac Newton and he developed Newtons Law of Motion. For example for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.
Carol: Yes but the relevant law, the one that says all facts the make fun of fat people result in even fatter people.
Melissa: That would be the relativity Carol. Albert Einstein came up with that one. It has nothing to do with fat people.
Carol: Stop being such a NERD. I hate this reporter journalist NERD book I’m going to throw it in the garbage where it belongs.
Melissa: No Carol DON’T
Melissa grabs the book from Carol and crosses out fat words and replaces it with big words you should using when writing stories.
Melissa: Sooo Carol is that better. She shows it to Carol
Carol: Big words…that’s the same thing.
Melissa: OK how about ‘oversized’
Carol: Oversized? That’s STILL the same thing.
Melissa: Oversized can mean an oversized proportion of something…not necessarily fat or big or large.
Carol: You’re an oversized proportion of something, fat big or large and you’re a NERD with a fat NERDY brain.
Melissa: Sighs You’re not throwing out, burning it or tearing apart my journalism book. You’re just jealous because your name doesn’t translate to anything in Greek. Plus I’m Irish and your not.
Carol: NERD! You’re just mad because I am too fat to fit into your suitcase…so I can’t come with you. So you show me your discriminating book. Carol storms off out of Melissa’s room.

She's Lying I'm Irish!

I thought perhaps I would be doomed to have a flat to myself…but apparently I won’t. Today I got a new flatmate, who I have yet to meet and as soon Kayla leaves another, will move right in. Other than that nothing else has happened worth mentioning…On to other things.
I have a surprise for all of you….

A Carol story: A story inspired by my floundering marks in Intro to Communication and Culture and Chris of course.

Carol has a flash back to Canada Carol studied Ancient History in college.

Carol sits in the class. The class is about to end. The instructor Mr. McGlonagkic reads over her work.

McGlonagkic:Umm Carol I would like to talk to you about your essay on Greece at the end of class.

Carol: That’s stupid. Why do you want to talk about something I have already done?

McGlonagkic: Because I am concerned about your essay entitled ‘Gospel of Grease’ Its only three paragraphs long and your references are quite odd.

Carols essay:

Gospel of Grease by Carol

Ancient Grease was actually called Greek. Grease is the oily stuff in deep fryers and car like machinery and is not about the movie Grease staring Elton John. The Greek are best known for inventing fire and making pyramids out of rock like sandy wet stuff know to them as mud.

Melissa is Greek she told me so. Her name in Greek means stupid retarded weird girl and mine name in Greek means song of the fat girl. Greek invented Rome and Egypt and xenophobia which are fear of fat people.

Ελληνική Ρώμη και Αίγυπτος και ξενοφοβία που είναι φόβος των παχιών ανθρώπων. Melissa είναι ελληνικά αυτή με είπε έτσι. Το όνομά της στο ελληνικό όνομα κοριτσιών και ορυχείων μέσων ηλίθιο καθυστερημένο παράξενο στο ελληνικό τραγούδι μέσων του παχιού κοριτσιού.

McGlonagkic: Carol can you explain to me why the last paragraph is in Greek?
Carol: Because it makes the essay more professional like
McGlonagkic: I see, well what does it say in Greek?
Carol: It says Carol is smart and Melissa is a Greek.
McGlonagkic: I was under the impression that it meant, Greek Rome and Egypt and fear of thick persons Melissa they are Greek this me it said thus, her name in the Greek name of girls and mines medium idiotic delayed strange in the Greek song of means of thick girl.
Carol: Looks perplexed I have babelfisheria…I caught it from Melissa.
McGlonagkic: I was hoping you could explain your references. I see you looked at many sources.

Carols References:

Carol, C 2005, Ancient History, Carol publishing, Caroland Alberta Canada
Carol, C 2005, The Anthology of Carol is All Knowing, I Am Always Right Inc. Melissaville, Alberta Canada
McKenna, M, The Encyclopaedia of useless trivial facts, Anthem of Praise publishing, NERDY Melissatown, Queensland Australia
Woo, C 2006, That Stupid Musical Encyclopedia That Proved Me Wrong, FERGUS publishing, Queensland Australia.

McGlonagkic: Carol is these references even real?
Carol: Yes. They are
McGlonagkic: Well can you show them in hard copy to me?
Carol: Fine! She shoves a book that says ‘By Carol: Carol is ALWAYS right!’
McGlonagkic: Carol this is a copy of Woman’s Day
Carol: You’re a copy of Woman’s Day
McGlonagkic: No I’m not.
Carol: Unless I failed this assignment miserably I see in point in my presence here because I am fat and I take up space.
McGlonagkic: Carol you ARE failing miserably.

Melissa walks in the room after just finishing French class.

Melissa: Bonjour Monsieur Mcglonagkic De Hymne de louange Bonjour
McGlonagkic: Bonjour Mélisse comment allez vous aujourd'hui ?
Carol: Why are you two speaking in French?
Melissa: Because its fun to speak in French.
Carol: Nooo we don’t live in Quebec Melissa.
Melissa: Carol I am learning French, so if people in Australia ask me if I speak French can say Pourquoi naturellement je
Carol: You just said I am fat…didn’t you. I hate you.
Melissa: No Carol I said “Why of course I do!” or ‘why naturally I’
McGlonagkic: Interrupting Sorry Melissa I was just in meeting with Carol about her essay.
Melissa: The one about Greece? Umm yeah she’s lying I am Irish.
Carol: If your Irish how come you don’t have red hair and you speak in a funny accent type way.
Melissa: They’re just stereotypes Carol
Carol: What type of stereo? I thought only the Japanese made those.
McGlonagkic: I’m Irish too. How did you know about her essay Melissa?
Melissa: I proof read it.
McGlonagkic: That explains the grammar and what not.
Melissa: Oh yeah and Melissa means honey bee in Greek. And there is no meaning for the name Carol in Greek.
Carol: Nooo it means Song
Melissa: Yeah in German
Carol: Were not talking about Germania we are talking about Greek.
McGlonagkic: Look Carol you failed the assignment because it’s inaccurate and poorly written. Greeks didn’t invent fire and it was the Egyptians who built the pyramids. Also xenophobia is fear of strangers or of the unknown.
Carol: You’re inaccurate and poorly written
McGlonagkic: Look! read this book and rewrite the essay by Friday or I WILL fail you. He hands Carol a textbook, Ancient History and Civilizations.
Carol: Who is this history book and why does he keep proving me wrong? She storms out of the room Melissa runs after her

Even the dream dictionary neglects about Canadians!

Today has been boring enough said. Also take note this entry shall be rather sporadic and random.

Interesting thing I found while interpreting my dreams.

Travelling: To dream that you are travelling, signifies the journey toward your life goals and a journey through life in general, that you enjoy what you do and find much pleasure in it. To dream that you are travelling through an unknown area denotes the lurking of your rivals. To dream that you are travelling in a car filled with people signifies that you will make new and fun friends and exciting adventures. To dream that you are travelling in a car by yourself, signifies troubling matters ahead for you.

Australia: To dream about or that you are in Australia, suggests that you feel that you are being pulled toward opposite directions. The dream may also indicate self-exploration into your natural and uninhibited self. Often referred to as the land down under, the dream may be a metaphor to represent your unconscious and your underlying thoughts.
However, the dream bank turned out to be biased when I searched Canada, there be no dream reference. However I did find one for America

America: If you are from America and dream of America, then the dream symbolizes independence and freedom to do what you want. If you are from outside of America, the dream may represent commercialism, riches, or abundance. Your own political views will also strongly influence this imagery.

Here is my definition for Canada:

Canada: To dream of Canada means you have a strong connection to the north. You feel alienated by the growing American influence, which is common for most Canadians. I could also symbolize freedom or being on top of the world.

My reason for looking up Australia and Canada is because I keep having damned dreams about you guessed it Canada and Australia.
The scenarios are as follows.
1. I am in Canada preparing to come to Australia (this dream went on for about three months)
2. I have left Australia, but I am in Canada preparing to come back.
3. I am in Australia preparing to go back to Canada, but come back to Australia afterwards.

So far I have no idea why I keep dreaming this. It’s really starting to annoy me.

My second pet annoyance lately is….
People mistaking me for a bloody American…

Words of advice from my British Grandma: “We are captains of our own ships and it’s up to us to sail where we want too.”

Amy: asked me to write about Felix that Cat, no no its Felix the person, the German guy. He is the epitome of nerd. He wears daggy jeans and rolls up the cuffs of them. His shoes are ugly. He looks like one of the characters from Revenge of the Nerds...except not as nerdy. I hope that makes sense Amy.

FERGUS!!!! I hate house flies

FERGUS! Ha ha sorry I know that name Makes Chris laugh so... Fergus..Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus......

Today may be a long entry….

But first,

Which is better a thoughtful homemade gift or something bought from a store?

I have smartened up this term. I have started 3 out of four essays earlier instead of waiting till the last minute. At least I think I have.

Why do my friends back home keep bugging me to send them post cards…I don’t see them sending me any.

And now to other things….

In less than a month I will be 22, but I figured that my birthday wouldn’t technically be on October 5, because of the time difference. You see I was born at 9:25 p.m. Pacific Time, back in Canada, but here in Australia, (I am not sure of the time zone here) It would have been October 6 at 4:25 a.m. But legally it’s the 5th of October it says so on birth certificate.

I have officially moved into the big room, by some luck and just being nice the managers let me have it. Apparently “Big Desk” never came. My first night in my new room was sleepless, two house flies managed to get into my room and the constant buzzing kept me awake. I tried opening my door in hopes the stupid bastards would fly out but, they were stubborn little buggers. So I turned on the ceiling fan. This helped drown out the flies buzzing, but the fan was loud and kept me awake. Not to mentions I kept thinking about one of the stories I am writing, and stressing about an assignment that is due Friday, that I haven’t even started, but enough about my new room.

Yesterday was Chris’s birthday. Unfortunately he was sick. I made his present. I made a collection of movies that we have filmed together, such as A Flat To Myself, the remake of A Flat To Myself, the sequel A Flat To Myself Part 2, out takes from A Flat To Myself Part 2, a documentary on the Multicultural Fair and a montage about Chris and the ‘Mocha Frappe.’ He said he like my present. I always thought that it’s better to make something for someone because it shows that you care.

On Sunday night I had a dingmare.

A dingmare? What is that?

A dingmare is a term to define, when I have a dream, which results in a story or helps add too a story I am either formulating or writing about. I first heard the term dingmare in the movie Harriet the Spy, when Harriet’s friend Sport describes his father’s dreams, saying all writers have them. Why was this dream a dingmare? I am not saying why.

Now not all of my stories have come from dreams. Wild Will came to me during on of those days that I was in an imagineering mood.

My favourite made up word ‘adorkable’ came up during college, when I was trying to think of a way to describe someone in a more positive way. Is the combination of the words adorable and dork. Dork, can mean a whales penis, an undesirable person, nerd, or someone who is odd. Adorable means someone desirable of worthy of admiration. Adorkable means an odd person, who is worthy of admiration. Adorkable tales was the name of column in college, when I wrote for the college newspaper.

Another word I use is muchly…which is not a word at all. In fact spell check wants to change my non-word to mushily, mushy, musky, much or mutely. In fact I am not sure how I started using it or came up with it.

Welsh? Never heard of that? Where the heck is Welsh anyways?

Today I shall present an actual conversation Kayla and I had. Simply because she says the funniest things with out even realizing it.

Conversation 1:

We were watching the TV show House Wednesday night when this question was brought up.

Kayla: Does Hugh Laurie sound British to you?
Me: Actually he is Welsh
Kayla: Welsh? Never heard of that? Where the heck is Welsh anyways?
Me: Its Wales
Kayla: Umm What? Whales? Where’s that?
Me: Umm… near England, people from Wales are called Welsh.
Kayla: There is no such place
Me: Right that’s why Princess Diana was referred to as the Princess of Wales.
Kayla: Oooohhhhh!

Conversation 2:

On Thursday morning, we were discussing why I haven’t celebrated a birthday since I was 19 with my family. Yeah it’s sad. Suffice to say the last two birthdays have sucked. Anyways enough about that….

Kayla: So why haven’t you been with your family for all those birthdays?
Me: My mom and I lived in different provinces B.C. and Alberta, while I went to college
Kayla: What? How is that possible?
Me: What do you mean?
Kayla: How can your mom live in B.C?
Me: Umm… it’s a province
Kayla: Yeah but B.C stands for Before Christ
Me: I was referring to British Columbia most Canadians refer to it as B.C.
Kayla: That’s kind of stupid
Me: No it isn’t.
Kayla: What are provinces again?
Me: There like states basically
Kayla: Oh OK.

And now for some reason I want to go to Wales.

Speaking of Kayla, she seemed kind of pissed that I told her that I didn’t want to go to her party because I have an assignment worth 60% in week 12. She told me I was strange and made the point that she has 50% assignment in week 9 and she won’t have any weekends. What? Does she prefer the real answer I was going to give her:

Real Answer: Oh Kayla, I would rather eat my non existent carpet, then spend five minutes in the fiery pits of hell, throw up all the carpet and run around the street naked then go to your stupid party.

Proper polite Answer: I’m sorry I pay a lot of money to be here and I could be deported or put under academic surveillance if I fail because I worry too much and I really don’t want to do four essays at once in one week.

End Result: I went to Kayla’s party with disastrous results that I really don’t want to write about.

I wonder if Kayla knows that I just ‘payed’ her out in this blog for being unintentionally dumb. I will now put the first conversation into Carol story format, over exaggerated of course.

Melissa’s Flat: Melissa, Kayla and Carol are watching the TV show House, when the question of the actors who plays House is brought up.

Kayla: Does Hugh Laurie sound British to you?
Melissa: Actually he is Welsh
Carol: Noooo he sounds American can’t you hear the American accent Melissa or have the Aussie accents rotted your brain?
Kayla: Welsh? Never heard of that? Where the heck is the Welsh anyways?
Melissa: Its Wales and my brain hasn’t rotted Carol.
Carol: Noooo Melissa they don’t name countries after mammals or aquatic life that’s just stupid and you are a NERD NERDY RETARDED GIRL.
Kayla: Umm What? Whales? Where’s that? By the way I am always right.
Melissa: Umm… near England people from Wales are called Welsh.
Carol: How do you know this Melissa? Stop being such a fat brain NERD.
Melissa hands Carol a travel guide about Great Britain and shows her the section about Wales.
Carol: Ohhhh Wales, who wrote this book and why do they insist that I am wrong.
Kayla: There is no such place, I have never heard of it therefore it does not exist.
Carol: Yes there it does. It’s written in this book. (She shoves the book into Kayla’s lap). See Kayla!
Me: Right that’s why Princess Diana was referred to as the Princess of Wales.
Kayla: Oooohhhhh!
Carol: Oh yeah now I remember this Wales, geeze Melissa you didn’t have to go all NERDY and shove a NERD travelling book in my face.

And now to the subject about nerds, is it me or do they typically have a bad stigma attached to being one?

Seeing as I am talking about nerds, my tutor for Introduction to Communication and Culture is going to think I am a science fiction nerd because I managed to bring it up in half of my weekly exercises. My final essay is about Futurama which is science fiction and my weekly exercise I brought up Back To The Future movie. She may also see me as Canadian centric as the other half of my assignments brought up Canada and I seem to relate the whole stupid class back to Canada. So there you have it I am a Canadian centric science fiction NERD. I found this interesting book in the library about how women were portrayed in science fiction films from the 1950s which I will include in my essay. Blame the science fiction nerdom on my mom, I grew up watching the stuff. Curse you Hev! And only Chris will know what I mean about that.

The name Fergus, do you find it funny? Chris does. Every time I say it Chris laughs. Perhaps it’s the funny looking dog that lives at the flat manager’s residence, whose name is Fergus. Fergus is such a hit with Chris he suggested that I bring him in to my Wild Will stories through an intricate plot about eight parallel characters, such as a beaver named Captain Winky and Carol. I am thinking I could bring the character Frostbite and Kate in to the story, by having them be angry because they don’t alternate characters. I also have an alternate character named Alyssa who claims to be the illustrator and likes the same guy as me. It’s not written yet, but I am sure it will be as bizarre as the other ones.

My Living Video Store Has Gone Away….

Well Louie is gone now. She left last night in a hurry. As Amy put it my living Video Ezy is gone. Chris said we (Kayla and I) will always remember Louies DVD collection, then we will remember Louie. On a high note Kayla and I scored heaps of free stuff.

This is kind of ironic but I took out some books about terrorism for my tutorial topic presentation for Mass Media and Journalism class and the books are due back at the library on September 11. I don’t know if this is a odd coincidence but, it’s kind of creepy.

Inspiration for my stories come at odd times. Such as the one you will read below about Carol. It’s about the demotion of Pluto as a planet.

Melissa, Chris and Carol are on the bus, travelling on their next adventure, to the planetarium.
Melissa: Hey Carol I just read in the newspaper today that Pluto is no longer a planet is was demoted to a dwarf planet or something
Carol: Noooo Pluto is a dog not planet. He can’t be a dwarf it’s physically impossible. There are seven dwarfs not eight.
Melissa: I wasn’t talking about Disney. I was talking about astronomy, the solar system, the celestial bodies that are out of reach from planet earth.
Carol: There is no such thing as astronomy its called astrology. I am sick of talking about Star Trek. Can’t you talk about some that is un NERDY for once?
Melissa: Actually Carol astronomy is the scientific study of matter in outer space, especially the positions, dimensions, distribution, motion, composition, energy, and evolution of celestial bodies and phenomena and astrology is the study that assumes and attempts to interpret the influence of the heavenly bodies on human affairs.
Chris: I don’t remember talking about Star Trek. I though we were talking about Pluto. Hey did you know they name woman’s products Libra does that count as astrology?
Carol: Your not supposed to talk ‘girl stuff’ in public ?
Melissa: Carol Chris is a guy.
Chris: Nooninooninooninoo!
Melissa: I’m a Libra.
Carol: You’re not a tampon Melissa. You are a NERD NERDY retarded girl.
Melissa: I was speaking astrologically.
Chris: I’m a Virgo
Carol: Is that Aussie slang for virgin?
Melissa: It’s a zodiac sign.
Chris: You’re a zodiac sign
Melissa: You are!
Carol: Nooo you’re humans…stop believing in all of this Egyptian stuff. Also zodiac is the name of a bear in Canada or Alaska.
Melissa: Carol that’s the Kodiak
Carol: Nooooo I wasn’t talking about Camera stuff you NERD!
Chris: Speaking of cameras did you bring yours Melissa?
Melissa: Of course my camera is part of my soul it comes on all of my adventures.
Carol: Well you won’t be taking any pictures of me. My fat might break the camera.
Chris: Well if you sat on the camera it would break, but other than that I think the camera will be OK!
Melissa: Carol that’s just dumb. Also the type of film I use is called Kodak or Fuji
Carol: Why would a mountain make film?
Melissa: Mountains don’t make film Carol.
Carol: You said Fuji as in Mount Fuji
Melissa: No Carol you I said Fuji as in film.
Chris: Oh come on you guys. No more arguing! Lets talk about Amy!
Melissa: What for?
Carol: Who is this Amy and why do you keep talking about her?
Chris: Never mind
Carol: Nooo you NEVER YOUR MIND!
The bus stops, arriving at the planetarium, Melissa, Chris and Carol get off the bus. Unfortunately the planetarium was closed.
The sign says: We are closed, due to the fact that Pluto is no longer a planet, we regret to inform you the planetarium is now closed for renovations.
Carol looks at the sign with delight.
Carol: I was right Pluto isn’t a planet. Stupid planetarium people I could have told them not to put some cartoon dog in their Star Trek exhibit.

Noooo YOU’RE FAT! And I crush you with my fat NERD nerdy brain.

My Grandma sent me the funniest joke about Baked Beans, so I thought I would share it. Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supremesacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.


All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she feltreasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!

Thoughts of the day:

I finished the movie Chris, Kate and I made. The only problem is Windows Movie Maker won’t let me save it.

Kayla is still a know it all, but I figured out why.

Louie is moving and I don’t get the bigger room. I have a new flatmate as soon as Louie leaves. He wants her room because he has a big desk and big bed, sounds like he is bringing his whole entire family here, which he can’t.

Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. Seriously who has the right to strip planetary status from a poor distant Pluto? And I wanted to be an astronomer. Actually I still do.

I miss Louie’s movie collection

Is Smallville really a complex drama or is it just some teenage boy with I have to save the world complex, whose is in love with a girl who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings?

What would happen hypothetically if Carol were to come to Australia tomorrow and meet my current flatmates? Here is my estimation:

Melissa Flat: Carol and Melissa have just arrived at Melissa’s flat, returning from the airport. They run into Melissa’s flatmate Louie.

Melissa: Oh hello Louie this is Carol from Canada, Carol this is Louie
Carol: Hey
Louie: Hey Carol what bring you to Australia?
Carol: I want to be a waitress
Louie: Cool but couldn’t you do that in Canada?
Carol: Noooo Canadians don’t hire fat waitresses.
Louie: (Gives a puzzled look) Yes they do.
Carol: Have you ever been to Canada?
Louie: No but,
Carol: But what…how do you know?
Louie: Well I have a friend whose been to Canada and America
Carol: Yes America not Canada, they are different. Canada only hires skinny girls,
America only hires American skinny girls. Here in Australia all the skinny girls are at the beach so I figured I had a chance to be a waitress.
Louie: That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. You’re really weird like Melissa. You
know that don’t you?
Carol: You’re the stupidest person I have ever heard.
Louie: Rightio it was nice meeting you Carol I’ve got to go to bed now I have night shift.
Carol: Why are you going to bed at 2 in the afternoon that’s just stupid. I’m the one with
jetlag not you.
Melissa: She is a nurse. They work odd hours. So Carol want me to show you around or did you want to relax and watch some TV
Carol: Noooo I should walk around a bit I think the plane ride made me fatter.
Melissa’s other flatmate Kayla shows up from the kitchen.
Melissa: Oh hi Kayla this is my friend Carol from Canada.
Carol: Hi
Kayla: Hi
Awkward silence…
Kayla: I just thought I should point out that it is impossible to get fatter on a plane ride.
Carol: You’re impossible
Kayla: What?
Carol wanders around the living room.
Carol: (Shouting) well of course Melissa I figured that out.
Kayla: Figured what out?
Carol: Shut up! We’re not talking to you.
Melissa: I was just telling Carol how they don’t have Canadian commercials here. So Carol what do you think of these Australian commercials.?
Kayla: What?
Melissa: Ummm…right, well Carol and I will be on our way I think we will go see the horse of Stack Street.
Kayla: OK I’m going to put these rubber bands in the fridge because I was told they would last longer
Carol: That’s just stupid, that’s like saying that there is such a thing as a pickle machine.
Melissa: Well there are canners so you can make pickles…does that count?
Carol: I guess.
Kayla: Canned food is bad for you because all of the nutrients are sucked out of it. It actually makes you fat.
Carol: I hate you
Melissa: Ummm…. Kayla remember what I said to you about talking about eating habits and food and what not when my friend from Canada is around?
Kayla: You never said anything about that
Melissa: Yes I did.
Kayla: No you didn’t you said not to talk about that with your friend from Canada. This is Amy from Canberra right?
Melissa: Noooo I said “this is my friend Carol from Canada.” Like two minutes ago.
Carol: I hate you! I can’t believe you would mistake me for someone else. Canada and Canberra sound completely different the only things that’s the same is that they both start with the letter K.
Kayla: Umm Canada and Canberra start with a C.
Carol: Nooo it has a “K” sound therefore it starts with K.
Kayla: Yes it has a “K” sound but it doesn’t starts with K.
Melissa: Hey come one I don’t want you arguing with in the first two minutes of meeting.
Carol: Shut up! Melissa I am right and you know it.
Kayla: No I am right.
Melissa: You’re both right. In the Greek alphabet Canada starts with a K. in the English language it starts with a C.
Carol: Melissa Greek doesn’t have an alphabet; they’re an ancient race that died when they joined the Romans.
Kayla: That never happened and it’s called Greece not Greek.
Carol: Yes it did.
Melissa: Kayla what did I tell you about arguing with my friend from Canada.
Kayla: Some friend from Canada she makes your other friends look smart.
Carol: Noooo you’re dumb.
Melissa: No she doesn’t
Carol: Yeah I am Melissa’s only friend.
Kayla: And for your information Ontario is the capital of Canada I checked
Melissa: With what? You’re all knowing knowledge of nothing.
Carol: Ontario is a province and the capital is Ottawa! Provinces can’t be capitals, because they already have cities and stuff in them.
Melissa: Carol is right Ottawa is the capital of Canada.
Carol: Why are you agreeing with me?
Melissa: Because you’re right for once.
Kayla: No I just know. I talked to my friend Melinda.
Melissa: Kayla you fucktard, Carol and I are from CANADA! I think CANADIANS would know the capital of their country. Melinda is from AUSTRALIA not CANADA. End of story.
Carol: Obviously Melissa stop being such a nerd, a fat brain NERD know it all that is nerdy fat!
Kayla: You can’t be nerdy fat? Also I don’t appreciated being called names. Honestly Melissa why do you have to get so defensive all the time.
Carol: Obviously you can’t because some people doooo know what they are talking about, they just like to rub in your face because they can. Melissa learnt all she knows from me Carol, because I am the smartest in the whole entire world.
Melissa: No I didn’t Carol.
Kayla: I do know what I AM TALKING ABOUT!
Carol: Noooo Melissa and I do because she reads encyclopaedias and I am ALL KNOWING and you’re not plus I am fat.
Kayla: No you’re just retarded.
Carol: Noooo Kayla YOU’RE FAT!
Melissa: Hey Carol! How about we watch The Simpsons (Trying to change the subject)
Carol: Melissa she just insulted me and all your going to do is talk about the Simpsons I hate you.
Melissa: Carol I would try to stick up for you but I think your doing a good job of it yourself.
Kayla: I’m your flatmate aren’t you going to stick up for me?
Melissa: Keyword: flatmate, I thought you said flatmates are not friends; Carol is my friend and you’re my flatmate. Oh yeah DON’T YOU EVER CALL MY FRIEND FAT AGAIN or I’ll crush you with my fat nerdy brain.
Carol: YEAH! GO MELISSA! So go stuff yourself full of none fat canned food. Kayla. Melissa and I have catching up to do so if you bug us I will crush with my intellect too.
Kayla: What intellect? Its obvious Melissa was right when she said you were stupid.
Melissa: No I did not say that. I said she was stubborn. How can that be misinterpreted as stupid?
Carol: I am not stubborn. I never stubbed anything, although I was born. What do you mean by stubborn Melissa?
Melissa: Ummm…it means your smart?
Carol: Ohhhh so I am a fat brain now too eh?
Kayla: Urgh never mind. I am going upstairs you two can argue over pointless stuff.
Kayla storms up the stairs in a huff.
Carol: No you never your mind…I have a mind you don’t.
Melissa: Wow Carol you pissed Kayla off and now she has gone upstairs and she has stopped being all know it all like. You should stay her more often.
Carol: How can I stay here more often if I just got here?
Melissa: Right I forgot Carol obviously you have only been here once. How silly of me.
Melissa and Carol sit down and watch TV.

Luke Skywalker is not notorious, that would be Darth Vader

Hmmm let’s see what has happened today? A whole lot of nothing. I worked today and that’s about it. I have been feeling really homesick. They say the sixth month of being overseas is the hardest. That’s right I have been in Australia for six months and one week. It feels like years. I haven’t decided if I want to go home after my degree is done either. I also found out today that my grandparents won’t be coming to visit in September as my grandpa has blood clots and they cannot get medical coverage.

Things I that I have thought about today.

1. Smallville
2. Carol
3. Know it alls
4. Essays
5. This new camera I saw at Target. I want it I want it
6. The movie I am making
7. Royal Canadian Air Farce
8. Homesickness for CANADA
9. Chris and Kate
10. The Beach
11. Multimedia Guy

Thursday:
On Thursday I spen the day working on essays for class. I have gotten a whole lot of nowhere with them. I also talked to my mom. I told her that I want to come home early and all she seemed to do was encourage me to stay in Australia until my degree is done. I find that really weird because wouldn’t my mom try to encourage me to come home instead.

Wednesday:

On Wednesday I went to the beach with Chris and Kate. It was the perfect day for it too. The sky was the most beautiful blue and there was not a cloud in sight. It was fun enough said. I would tell you about Desmond but that’s another story for another time.

Tuesday:

Here are a few cryptic sentences and phrases that sum up Tuesday night… scaterogically speaking.

Notorious means being known for doing something bad

Luke Skywalker is not notorious, that would be Darth Vader

Disease and disorder, there is a difference between them

Pickles and ball…are symbols and are guaranteed to be made fun off if a certain someone is in the room.

What is a pickle machine?

It’s now a fact Kayla is a big stinking insufferable know it all…see August 9 entry. I have come to this conclusion. It’s a tone of voice she uses. It’s in her face. It’s impossible for her to be wrong in her own mind. Although she did contradict herself and say that she could admit she was wrong. To that I say bullshit! I try to like her but I feel myself clashing with her, but then again sometimes I don’t mind her at all. I have learnt that I should just let her think she is right. Key word: Think! I don’t think she is aware of it consciously either. I think I have changed because I used to be like that. I felt strange superiority and significance in being right. I used to argue with a friend (Not Carol) about stupid trivial facts. She said I made her feel stupid. Maybe this is just Karma at work, my self esteem has improved or I see an aspect of myself and its ugly.

Tuesday night Chris, Kate, Kayla and I were victims of a prank. Kayla called Pizza Hut, but it was a store that had closed previously. It was then turned into a house number. Someone decided to pretend they were Pizza Hut and we ended up waiting for pizza that never came. We then decided to go to pick up our selves. This is when we found out that we were the objects of some mean joke.

Five things I have learnt lately

1. Authors are people who have had work published, for some reason I thought that it only included books. There just given different names, like poets, playwrights, screenwriter, and novelist. I wonder can it cross over to the internet seeing as its self publishing. What can you say I am shallow minded.
2. Chinese is a language. It just has many dialect groups. This one is just dumb on my part.
3. Beaches are fun
4. Board games + Melissa and Kayla = Bad
5. Sarcasm can be misinterpreted

There's not alot going on.

Quote of the day:

Brent LeRoy is in the library.

Brent LeRoy: [whispering] Okay, I was just wondering if you had a book on child psychology.
Alice the librarian: [still whispering] On what?
Brent LeRoy: [still whispering] Child psychology.
Alice: [still whispering] "Jives on top of me"?
Brent LeRoy: [sarcastically] That's right Alice, I want a book about jives on top of you.

From Corner Gas…my favourite TV show

Today I will write my blog in the form of questions and answers:

1. How was yesterday?
It was awesome fun. I spent the day with Chris. I showed him the show Corner Gas. Then later I went to the movie The Lake House with Chris, Kate and Kayla. Then we played Monopoly in which I lost.

2. Have you learnt anything lately?
Why yes many things:
a) Procrastination is bad and causes unneeded stress…
b) I can put skill I learnt in college to good use because of my procrastination. I had to write a 500-600 word essay question. I was able to finish it in two hours, thanks to learning how to write a story in less than 20 minutes I had no problem finishing the my assignment. Now all I have too do is work on my essays due in week 12, but….I don’t want to do them.
c) Never hand an assignment I think is substandard. I could have handed my Introduction to Communication and Culture assignment in early, but there were grammar errors. Now it wasn’t worth much, but it just shows to the tutor that I don’t really care. I know ‘p’s make degrees’ but I won’t except anything but my best.
d) When something bad happens you have 30 minutes to dwell, this is advice from Chris, as I have a bad habit of brewing over things that can’t be changed or fixed.
e) That I get defensive to easily

3. Any dreams you have had lately that puzzle and confound you?
Last night I dreamt I was in a two plane crashes. The first one took place at night in the year 1964, which is my mom’s year of birth. The plane was shaking all over the place and I was thinking how this plane crash brought everyone together and we had to keep from hitting our heads or we would die. In this one some people survived because part of the plane crashed on rocks. In the second plane crash the plane was plummeting very quickly I felt like I was swallowing my stomach. I wasn’t scared though because I was with my dream man, the one I love, although I couldn’t see what he looked like. The plane was crashing because someone brought a cooking spray on board. It was the same kind used where I work. It was originally indicated that the plane was crashing into the ocean, in which all the passengers would be liquefied, but I was aware that I was dreaming and decided that the plane would crash on land. We ended up crashing into a shopping mall, everyone survived.
I also dreamt that I was traveling all over the world. I was on plane to Hong Kong where I met Kinwai, he was killing rats to eat and I was visiting Kayla’s aunt. Also a huge mansion was lifted off the earth and transplanted to another planet, because someone put part of Harry Potters broomstick in the wood, I only knew this because Robin Williams showed me.

4. Most fun thing you did last week?
On Thursday night, Chris, Kate and I decided to film a sequel to the movie, Amy, Antonia, Chris and I filmed in June. Kate and I were the new flatmates of Chris. Its actually quite funny. Chris has gone mad, Kate plays a girl with attitude and I play a girl who has three voices, Melora, Carol and Wild Will and to that I say roo roo roo roo! Who dies in this film? I am still confused by it. It’s left rather open ended.

5. Thing you're most obsessed with lately?
Lately I have been obsessed with many things…
a) The Canadian show Corner Gas
b) The Futurama alien alphabet.
c) Wild Will (as usual)
d) Carol
e) Chris
f) Movie making
g) My camera breaking.
h) The story I am writing.

6. What is a good movie you have seen lately?
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: this movie screams weird, Tim Curry in drag and Susan Sarandon as a goody goody gumshoes girl. (That’s my own description by the way.) I didn’t recognize half the actors, probably because it was filmed in 1975. It’s about transsexuals and evil gender bending scientist named Dr. Franken Furter.

7. Anything annoying happen recently?
My camera screen broke. It can still take pictures but the view screen is cracked. I took it to the computer area of Harvey Norman. One of the computer guys said it would cost $200 and up to fix it. He suggested I just invest in a new camera. So that’s what I am doing. I am going to set my money aside of a digital 35mm SLR, my ultimate dream camera. It what I always wanted, it’s pretty sweet because I can use my lenses from my film SLR.

8.Song you have heard in the last three days that is still stuck in your head?
You might have thought that it was a Buddy Holly song, but it’s actually Maneater by Nelly Furtado.

9. Any exciting discoveries or news?
a) Why yes, this one I found out by accident,. I figured out how to put sound into the movies I make. I am currently redoing the movie ‘A Flat To Myself’ as well as working on the sequel. Lets hope I have enough space on my computer.
b) Louie is moving away!

10. What I am currently working on
a) As it is uni break this week I shall be working full stop on essays. I have four due in week 12.
b) The movie that was filmed on Thursday.

Oh Music I am but a fool, I am so in love with you

I bought the new Nelly Furtado album. Is it me or does it sound completely different the usual stuff she usually sings? Oh wells its still good. I also bought Johnny Cash and Neil Sedaka. Louie had a lot to say about my musical tastes…saying ‘I was beyond help.’ So what if I like music that was made way before I was born. To me music made then was a lot more real and it wasn’t like the commercial crap now. No offence to those who like that kind of music. I also bought the Guy Sebastian album Beautiful Life. It was one of my goals when I got here to Australia. It is a pretty weird goal.

1. Buy an Aussie artists album (Yeah I know its Guy Sebastian.)
2. Watch Australian Idol, (mainly because my mom keeps bugging me about it.)
3. Show Royal Canadian Air Farce to an Aussie.
4. Make new friends…(that’s an obvious one.)
5. Try Vegemite (I see what they mean by acquired taste.)
6. Photograph a koala
7. Meet an Australian journalist…(Why that would be my good old journalism tutor Bruce Honeywill)
8. Go to a beach. (Does Great Keppel Island count?)
9. Watch a TV show that is strictly Australian. (I’ve seen Rove Live, Blue Heelers, Neighbours and All Saints)

There are still many things to do on my list…. Some on which include seeing famous landmarks and meeting my relatives which I have never met before.

Oh yeah the song by Neil Sedaka song about Carol is actually called ‘Oh Carol.’ But it is a real song just the same. Carol never believed me when I told her. True Story!

Here are the lyrics to the song:

Oh! Carol
I am but a fool
Darling I love you
Though you treat me cruelYou hurt me
And you make me cry
But if you leave me
I will surely dieDarling, there will never be another
'Cause I love you so
Don't ever leave me
Say you'll never goI will always want you for my sweet heart
No matter what you doOh! Carol
I'm so in love with you

Oh! Carol
I am but a fool
Darling I love you
Though you treat me cruel
You hurt meAnd you make me cry
But if you leave meI will surely die
Darling, there will never be another
'Cause I love you soDon't ever leave me
Say you'll never go
I will always want you for my sweet heartNo matter what you do
Oh! Carol
I'm so in love with you...

Je suis un chef de doo de doo

Well it appears that I haven’t written in a while…not much has happened. Yesterday I went to the Multicultural fair at the uni. It was fun. Chris and I filmed random stuff with my camera. I also got a surprise phone call from Amy. I also taught Romey, how to say I am a doodoo head in French, but he didn’t get it…he though I was speaking to him in some Canadian slang.

Chris and I also graduated early. He graduated with a Bachelors of Maternal Care and I graduated with Nimbus 2006 Aviation Studies….ha ha ha, now it was just a mock degree much like funineering….not that’s a degree I want. Ask me later what fungineering is.

Today I showed Chris Royal Canadian Air Farce. It is a sketch comedy show back home. I had to skip over the bits that were “To Canadian” because of the context in which it was made and the audience in which it was made for. There were also a lot of intertextual references made specifically for Canadians. Wow I really am learning something at uni. I didn’t waste my money after all.

And now for something completely different…Verbal Babelfisheria a story of many languages.

Melissa: Hey Carol did you hear about this new disease its called Babelfisheria.
Carol: No you made this up!
Melissa: No its true…apparently it causes people to speak in a foreign language randomly with out warning.
Carol: Vous êtes sourd-muet là n'est pas une telle chose.
Melissa: Carol why are you speaking French?
Carol: Ce qui?
Melissa: Yes you said “you’re dumb there is not such thing.” Then you said “What?”
Carol: Noooo I never said anything in German and you can read it because Germans don’t have a written language.
Melissa: Dije que usted hablaba en fatsobastso no alemán francés
Carol: Che cosa non parlo Russo?
Melissa: Ich sagte, daß Sie im französischen nicht deutschen fatsobastso sprachen
Carol: Eu não ainda undertand você! Fale English..English! Inglês!
Melissa: I said you were speaking in French not German fatsobastso…
Carol: Noooo you were speaking in some foreign language only to prove how smart you were. I said I still don't undertand you! Speak English..English! English! I don’t speak Russian.
Melissa: Hoeveel keer één moet herhalen zelf... stop hebben sprekende Portugees en Duitsers een geschreven taal.
Carol: Was!
Melissa: Was what? All I said was how many times must one repeat themselves….stop speaking Portuguese and Germans do have a written language.
Carol: Je n'ai pas dit étais I dit ce qui ?
Melissa: Now you are speaking in French again!
Carol: I never said was I said what! You are such a fatbrain I’m tired of your know it all antics.
Melissa: Looks like we are suffering from this strange disease.
Carol: Enfer Sanglant !
Melissa: Now now Carol no swearing.
Carol: All I said was “bloody hell!”

The K.I.A. what is it and who knows it?

Monday at uni, Joan showed up and sat with Chris and I uninvited for the second Monday in a row. If I did not like her I would have told her so. I hopefully behaved myself this time. The events that transpired from this have inspired this entry.

Somewhere along the conversation…Joan says.

Joan: Justin has influenza.
Me thinking: What are you trying to sound smart now?
Me: Umm isn’t that the same thing as the flu?
Joan: No its true influenza the flu is different.
Me thinking: No its isn’t.
Me: Umm…no it’s the same. Flu is short for influenza.
Joan: Gives me the ‘I can’t believe your going to argue with me look because I am obviously right.’ Note: That is the sign of a fight to the death argument.
Me: I’ll ask Louie because she is a nurse.
Me thinking: I give up, this is a case of the K.I.A.F.T.D.S

I think I have changed because my old self would have fought her to the death over this stupid fact. Well not actual death. I did ask Louie about this as well as my Mom, who studied the influenza virus in college and got top marks. I was proven right, Joan was not, therefore, Louie said she is dumb, that she has two ears and no brains in between. I did not say that, nor did I seek that response. I only wanted to find out if I was right, which I was. When I mentioned this to Chris he said my actions were a little over the top, that I went through a great deal of trouble to prove how right I was. That they were…I am not ashamed to admit it.

What exactly am I writing about? I am writing about the Know It All. When I talk about the Know It All, I mean those who know trivial facts or those with opinions. What is K.I.A.F.T.D.S? It’s an acronym I came up with which means, the Know it all fight to the death scenario. Sometimes is a look or a tone of voice, in which they state the fact or opinion.

A K.I.A.F.T.D.S can be over the stupidest thing. Here is an example: Kayla, Louie and I were watching House, when it shows a scene about how a woman contracted worms from eating pork. This is when Kayla said.

Kayla: That’s why I don’t eat red meat.
Me: Pork is white meat.
Kayla: No its red meat, because it makes me sick.
Me: No! Pork is a white meat!
Kayla: No it’s red, because I know it makes me sick.
Me: No it’s white!
Me thinking: Urgh God damn it I give up this argument is pointless.

Through out this whole stupid argument, Louie was wise enough to stay inconspicuously silent. The humble know it all.

It was once said that those who know it all annoy those who actually do. So very true. Some would say there are two types of know it alls, the ones that do and the ones that don’t but, I have narrowed it down to eight types. These are people I have met through out my life; they can also cross over into each other. I am not going to say who they are either.

1. The Basic Know It All: They genuinely do know what they are talking about or at least they believe they do.
2. The shallow minded know it all: They have little knowledge, but think they have more, and it scared them if someone knows more than them. When challenged they will go into attack mode, their whole self esteem relies on them being right even if they’re wrong, they will stop at nothing to prove their correctness.
3. The Actual Know It All: People who actually do know what they are talking about enough said. They are usually pretty humble about this, unless they are challenged.
4. The superiority know it all: This is a combination of the first two, they feel superior and take pride in the fact. When challenged they too will go into attack mode, their whole self esteem relies on them being proven right, which 90 % of the time they are. They will stop at nothing to prove their correctness. They will sometimes even go to outside sources to prove how completely right they are. The first and third one is a scary combination.
5. The argumentative know it all: They could be either of the above, they will never stop arguing the point with you. They won’t give up ever, whether they are right or wrong. They will usually start the argument in the first place. Make sure you bring your boxing gloves. The point of this is to not argue with them in the first place.
6. Insufferable know it all: Like the second and the third one except they go on quoting all they know all the time and try to make others feel stupid and hope that you are number one know it all and not number two or number four.
7. The Unaware Insufferable Know It All: Same as six except they don’t know they are doing it.
8. The opinionated know it all: They believe so strongly in their opinion they will fight you over it until they prove to you that they are right or think like they do. For instance it could be environmental issues or politically motivated debates such as Canada’s stance on same sex marriage. They key to dealing with this know it all is to not necessarily side with them but accept that there opinion is different then yours.

The Know It All gathers their knowledge and believes they know they’re true because:

A: A friend told them
B: TV program or some sort of media told them.
C: Other influences
D: There are gullible little fuckwits.

All the aforementioned The Know It All has four particular traits:

1. They like to be right.
2. Do not like to be proven wrong,
3. Do not like it to be insinuated that they are wrong
4. Will sometimes fight you to the death over it. (Metaphorically of course)
5. Will occasionally give up if they have too, but this is very rare.

The best defence when in a fight to the death with a know it all.

1. Agree to disagree: This one is hard, especially if you are fired up about the argument.
2. Go to outside sources if you have too.
3. Stop arguing with them as soon as possible, before the argument gets heated
4. Question why they believe what they do. For example: I asked Kayla why she though pork was white meat. It’s because she believes before the meat is cooked it is red.
5. Understand that it’s OK to be wrong sometimes or have a different opinion. Keep in mind know one can know it all.

Sadly one person must always be wrong. And know one can really know it all. I sadly am on that list I am a three. I also think people can shift from each type depending on their mood or the argument at hand. Perhaps all in all some people have troubles admitting they are wrong. I learnt its good to question. If you question why they believe this then you understand why in the first place even if you think it is dumb.

So do you agree with my analysis or shall I have to fight with you to prove my correctness?

That'll be the day

Last night I had a dream about Buddy Holly. He was on a TV show featuring his songs. I kept on thinking, wow I know why people like him now. He was also on a TV add for Chicken Salsa and Tuna Soup. It was a strange dream. I told Kayla about it this morning. Here is her reaction in script format.

Me: I had a dream about Buddy Holly last night.’
Kayla: Who is Buddy Holly.
Me: Ouch my heart that hurts….how can you not know who he is?
Kayla: I’ve never heard of him.
Me: He was a singer in the 1950s, a Rock ‘n’ Roll icon.
Kayla: That’s probably why I haven’t heard of him. Maybe if I heard one of his songs I might recognize it.
Me: Ever heard of Peggy Sue?
Kayla: Who is she?
Me: No no, the song Peggy Sue it was the famous on by Buddy Holly.

Honestly it never occurred to me that anyone wouldn’t know who he was. It was almost shocking. Oddly enough it angers me a little. And yet I only came to enjoy his music 4 years ago. Weezer has heard of him, they sing a song named after him. Even John Lennon knew about him, who said, "He made it easy to wear glasses. I was Buddy Holly." The Hollies also knew him they named their band in honour of him. The first time I heard of “Buddy Holly” is when I heard the song by “Weezer”. For some reason it made me wonder who he was. When I first heard his music, I was amazed on how unique it sounded. Not just for that time period, but now. Buddy Holly songs are brilliant and timeless. He had such an amazing beginning as an artist, yet a tragic end as well.

Buddy Holly is mostly recognized for his thick horn rimmed glasses and is considered by many to be one of the founding fathers of “rock 'n roll”. He was born Charles Hardin Holley on September 7th 1936 in Lubbock, Texas. From an early age Buddy Holly like many musicians expressed a love for music. Family singing was frequent. When Buddy was young he learned to play the violin and the piano, although he discovered a preference for the guitar.

In 1957 with the help of some friends he formed “The Crickets” Which consisted of Niki Sullivan, Jerry Allison, Joe B. Maudlin and of course Buddy Holly. Buddy was the guitarist and vocalist. Among the songs they recorded was a lively version of "That'll Be the Day," which ended up being one of his most famous songs.

In 1958 Buddy Holly met Maria Elena Santiago a receptionist for a New York City, music publisher. He proposed to her on there first dinner date. On August 15 1958 two weeks after they met they were married.

Buddy Holly went on to have a solo career, in which he sang the hit “Peggy Sue” in 1958 It was originally called Cindy Lou after his 2 year old cousin. At the time his drummer Jerry Allison was dating “Peggy Sue Gerron” they had just had an argument. Figuring a song named after her would impress her; Allison asked if the title could be changed. Buddy bet that if he could drum the whole song doing “paradiddles” (the fast beat) that he would change the song. Buddy didn’t expect he could, but Allison did, the song and “rock & roll” was changed forever.

In 1959Buddy Holly toured with “Ritchie Valens”, “Dion and the Belmont’s” and “The Big Bopper” as part of the “Winter Dance Party”. The Bus they were traveling on kept breaking down. Buddy charted a four seat plane to take two members of his band, so they could get some rest and a good night sleep. However each of them got separate requests by “Ritchie Valens” and “The Big Bopper” to give up there seat instead. On February 3rd 1959, Everyone on board died, Buddy Holly was only 22 years old at the time.

I am a doodoo head

You know you’re bored and do not want to do an assignment when: You use Yahoo Babel Fish to translate “I am doodoo head” in five different languages.

French: Je suis un chef de doo de doo

German: Ich bin ein doo doo Kopf

Portuguese: Eu sou uma cabeça do doo do doo

Dutch: Ik ben een hoofd van doodoo

Italian: Sono una testa di doo di doo

Spanish: Soy una cabeza del doo del doo

It also interesting to note that when I translated Chris, Amy and Antonia’s names into Spanish the translation stayed the same but my name Melissa is Toronjil. Its quite fun to check out, see for yourself.

I’ve decided to do a Carol story completely in French…

Mélisse: Flamingos sont rose parce qu'ils mangent de la crevette.
Hymne de louange: Aucun ils sont roses en raison de la pollution et de l'eau rose potable.
Hymne de louange: Pourquoi parlons-nous en français ?
Mélisse: Puisque c'est amusement à parler en français
Hymne de louange: Aucun ce n'est pas nous sont non français anglais... vous nous voient habiter au Québec ?
Mélisse: Aucun mais le Canada est bilingue et il est utile de parler cette langue propice
Hymne de louange: Seulement Jean Luc Picard parle français, parce que sa langue morte
Mélisse: J'ai pensé que vous avez détesté tenez le premier rôle le voyage ?
Hymne de louange: Oui mais moi ne peut pas l'observer parce que je suis gros
Mélisse: Ceci n'a rien à vous faire avec votre poids tête de doodoo
Hymne de louange: Je ne suis pas un chef de doodoo Secoue le poing dans la colère
Essais de mélisse pour changer le sujet.
Mélisse: Votre nom signifie le Hymne de l'éloge en français
Hymne de louange: Mon nom n'est pas français... votre nom est de fille étrange retardée en français tellement là !

And now for the translated version:

Carol: Why are we speaking in French?
Melissa: Because it is fun to speak in French.
Carol: Nooo we’re English not French do you see us living in Quebec?
Melissa: No but Canada is bilingual and it is useful to speak this auspicious language
Carol: Only Jean Luc Picard speaks French, because it’s a dead language
Melissa: I thought that you hated Star Trek?
Carol: Yes but I cannot watch it because I am fat
Melissa: This has nothing to do with your weight you’re a doodoo head
Carol: I’m not a doodoo head. Shakes fist in anger
Melissa tries to change the subject.
Melissa: You’re name means Anthem of Praise in French
Carol: My name is not French... your name is retarded weird girl in French so there!

I also saw Multimedia Guy today, but I was too chicken to talk to him so I decided I shall remain a silent observer. If I can’t talk to him he certainly isn’t worth my while. And that’s all that happened today besides my boring class at uni.

Flaming Pink Flamingos Favour Futurama

Me: Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp.
Carol: Noooo…they’re pink because of pollution and drinking pink water.

If I could describe the day in one word it would be boring. Lately I am obsessed with decoding words of the Alien alphabet on Futurama. Also my mom sent me the exact same post card twice. I also made amends with a long time enemy, my inner demons.

This joke you are about to read reminds me of a conversation with Louie…You know the one where it doesn’t matter if you eat healthy your going to die anyway one.

This Is Heaven
An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercising.
When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi.As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost."It's free," St. Peter replied. "This is Heaven."
Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home bordered. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"
St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free."Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine’s of the world laid out.
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part--you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is, after all, Heaven."
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly.St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Another Carol story: The reason for these stories Chris and I come up with them everyday. This is one we came up with today.

Carol and I are walking through a nature reserve, we walk past dozens of trees.
Me: Hey Carol did you know that trees are the oldest living thing on the planet.
Carol: Noooo trees aren’t living.
Me: Yes they are they breathe in Carbon dioxide and convert it into oxygen.
Carol: Don’t be silly things don’t breathe in Carbon dioxide.
Me: With out trees we would not be able to survive, we would have no air to breathe.
Carol: I don’t see trees saving my life and to prove it I will stand out in the middle of this highway.
Me: No Carol! You’ll get your self killed. I close my eyes in fear.
A logging truck comes by on the highway it swerves to get out of Carols way. A log rolls off, stopping all the cars, causing a 20 car pile up, smokes billows up from the wreckage.
Carol: Wow! Melissa you’re right.

A mere over exaggeration by the foot

Me: Hey Carol interesting fact your feet are bigger in the afternoon than at any other time of the day.
Carol: Nooooo feet are the same size all the time. You’re just jealous because I have small feet and your feet are bigger because you’re taller than me and I am fat.
Me: Carol this has nothing to do with being fat.
Carol: Then how do you explain this? Shows her ankles. See look I have kankles because I am fat.
Me: Why because I am 173 cm and you are 124 cm. Obviously you would have smaller feet then me. If I had your size feet I would fall over or be unable to walk. Your proportionate to your weight. There is nothing to worry about.
Carol: Frowns….explain height in English please.
Me: You mean metric.
Carol: Metric doesn’t exist the Greek made it up and now it’s extinct like the buffalo.
Me: OK Buffalo aren’t extinct. umm…should I explain it in Imperial then?
Carol: What does these have to do with royalty?
Me: It doesn’t. I was referring to a different measurement system, it’s the one Americans use.
Carol: Well how tall am I?
Me: sighs I suppose that would make me 5 foot 7 inches and you 4 foot 10 inches.
Carol: Are you saying your better than because you’re taller
Me: No it’s only a 49 cm difference
Carol: English please…I thought you were an English professional, why are you talking all un smart on me.
Me: Umm 1 foot six inches taller than you.
Carol: A whole foot long…that’s like a Subway sub…except they’re better for you than McDonalds and they don’t make you fat.
Me: Well Carol it bit more than a foot. It’s a foot and a half and bit
Carol: Noooo there is not such thing as a foot long sub an a half.
Me: So do you want Subway?
Carol: Noooo I’d rather have KFC Canadian Fried Chicken.
Me: Carol Canada starts with a “C”
Carol: Noooo not in Greek it doesn’t
Me: Its Greece.
Carol: What are you saying Canada is covered in Greece? You’re stupid.
Me: No you’re stupid.
Carol: That’s it I’m not talking to you anymore. She turns around, folds her arms and pouts.

Yes it is true. I am a foot and half and a bit taller than Carol and she does have kankles. (Sorry Carol) And unfortunately Carol has a preoccupation with her weight. (Again sorry Carol)I must mention this important fact: Carol isn’t really this stupid, although she can be that stubborn. This could be an exaggerated version of her. Chris pointed out yesterday that I might have the habit of over exaggerating people. It is true. I think I do. I romanticize their characteristics and blow them out of proportion. It is also true as Amy mentioned, that I must be homesick, but I don’t really miss any one in particular.

Today was an OK day. I went to work and that’s it I went to work…that pretty interesting. I also came home and slept for four hours so now its 11 pm at night and I am wide awake and I have uni tomorrow. The End.

Bread and Water? Ah nevermind

Me: Hey did you know Xerophargy is a diet of bread and water?
Carol: No its not that’s just a clever way of saying someone is fat.
Me: No its not
Carol: I hate bread and I hate water…they make you fat.
Me: Well if used in the right way carbohydrates aren’t so bad for you. Also water is an essential element to life its self.
Carol: What are you suggesting I go on a diet?
Me: No I was just sharing a fact with you
Carol: Yeah well waitresses don’t eat bread or drink water because it makes them fat
Me: sighs Never mind
Carol: Noooo how can you never your mind. If your mind didn’t exist, neither would you.
Me: What are you talking about Carol?
Carol: My fat, bread, water, your never mind

Today I had a surprising revelation. I am unnecessarily mean. This was pointed out by Chris. I was being mean to Joan. To him it was unnerving. I didn’t even realize it. I think it’s because I am not a group kind of person. I start acting a little introverted and regress to a seven year old state. That’s my theory. I don’t know I guess I wasn’t into Joan fondling my hair and admiring her crap hair dye job. Did she totally forget that Kayla helped her? I kept saying really cryptic mean things; it was only until Chris pointed it out that I realized it. Its true I like Joan, but as Chris said. “I like her on my own terms.”

I saw Multimedia Guy today, I mean Josh, I mean Multimedia Guy. I saw him twice today. I wish I could talk to him. I also got bit ravenously by ants while sitting at the bus stop, but that’s another story for another time.

A short interlude….my commentary on the world, I wrote this over two months ago and I can actually remember when I wrote it. It was just before my Communication Law class at college at about 12 in the afternoon.

The World According to Chickens

The world is a mess. Like a garbage dump. The rainforest is disappearing. The Great Barrier Reef is in danger. Pluto the dog finally lands on Mars. Dogs are underestimated for their intelligence. They lead simple lives.
If only humans could see themselves through a giant magnifying glass. They see what they have done wrong only to realize it is too bloody late. Poor Pluto the dog is trapped on Mars.
A big black hole arrives out of nowhere.
“Times up humans mwhahahahahah!” It says evilly.
Luckily the big mean black hole decides that Venus the second planet from the sun is a much tastier snack.
“Venus tastes like microwave chicken.”
So the humans realizing they have another go about to make the world a better place, ignore it as usual and go back to their self consuming lives.
Or so they thought, 5 ½ giant chickens decide to take over the world. The chickens destroy the evil detestable polluting environmentally bad factories. And Pluto the dog is still on Mars. (In case you’re wondering.)
The chickens go to each continent. One chicken in Europe names Peter. One in Asia named Ben. One in Africa named Paul. One in Australia named Georgina. One in South Africa named Sally. A half a chicken in North America because they decided North America has been a super power long enough, that sadistic ½ chicken named Discombobulated is all they should get.
Now you are wondering why is there 5 ½ chickens and how can they take over the world? Why is Pluto the dog a demented Disney character, doing on Mars.
The writer is thinking that her hand is cramping up. The dog, who cares? The 5 ½ chickens? It sounds interesting. Taking over the world? Why not chickens are smart enough!
Who will save the world?
A psycho talking dog, who threatens to eat people but doesn’t because he is a vegetarian. (No thanks to his owner) He is not rabid because he isn’t, but he is a psycho because he drinks to much root beer and eats too much melted cheese. As for the talking? It is one of the world’s unexplainable wonders.
Did I mention he is a Rottweiler? Of course it also important to note his name is Wild Will. Not just Will, Wild Will. Why so particular? Just because he says so.
First off Wild Will rescues Pluto and sends him, appropriately to Pluto. Hey why not?
A few days later the big black hole comes back.
“Times up chickens,” it says. “bwhahahahahah!”
Oh no!
Wild Will being smart makes an alliance with the black hole not to eat Earth, but eat Mercury instead. It’s a useless planet. So now that would make Earth the first planet from the Sun. How lucky are we?