Go away I hate you because your a dinklehead!

It has come to my attention that I have never included Kate in any stories I have written, the two main stories being Wild Will and Carol. I really wasn’t meaning it as an insult or anything. Hmmmm…..I have a story it is as follows:

Carol meets Melissa’s Aussie friend Kate for the first time.

Melissa: Hey Carol this is Kate
Kate: Hi Carol!
Carol: Hello!
Melissa: She is one of my one of my many Aussie friends.
Carol: Friend? Melissa I am your ONLY friend. I am fat so you’re not allowed to have anymore friends because you’re friendship circle would be filled up by me…and Chris…
Melissa: Carol! What about Amy? Chris?
Carol: Melissa! You know those stories offend me…
Melissa: What Stories?
Carol: You know Amy and Chris vs. Boobies, Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack and Jill, Fergus the Big Brown Dog and The Attack of the 150 Foot Boy.
Melissa: I am pretty sure those weren’t stories.
Awkward silence
Carol: I don’t like you Kate
Kate: Why?
Carol: You know
Kate: Yeah well you’re stupid, a big stinky poo poo face…. in the pants.
Carol: Noooo Peoples faces can’t be made of poo.
Kate: Go away I hate you!
Carol: Why? Is it because I’m FAT?
Kate: Yes you’re ugly go and umm die!
Carol: Fine! Carol stomps off
Melissa: Wait Carol come back! CAROL!
Melissa goes after Carol, but she trips over a big brown dog and is impaled by a beanstalk. Then a giant stomps on Carol. Kate laughs evilly.

Are you happy now Kate? I wrote you a story.

I have a new phrase: You’re a dinklehead! Compliments of my mom….she was getting mad at my brother. And she said Chris was immature.

I wonder what that looks like in French.

Vous êtes un dinklehead!

Or how about I am a dinklehead

Je suis un dinklehead!

Did you know? There is Fergus Ontario Canada and Fergus County in Montana in the U.S.?You would be surprised when you Google something…I guess that’s what you get when you bored.

Noooo that’s weird. Do you think that weird? Am I being weird? Nooo its just a tribute too....

First off I would like to dedicate my blog to....

Because the name makes Chris laugh :)

Amy brought up this important point. I am mean to Carol in my blog. Hmmmm…. Perhaps I should stop but then again there is no harm intended to the actual Carol. Read here and it explains the whole Carol conundrum.

THESE STORIES ARE A TRIBUTE NOT AN INSULT.

Today I had to go the doctors because I was sick. Chris made me! She was the meanest doctor I have ever met. Anyways while I was waiting in the doctor’s office….I wrote a Justin/Joan/Chris/Jack and Carol story….

Justin and Joan are at the movies. They sit silently in the theatre waiting for it to start. Melissa, Carol and Chris walk in. They have just gotten back from the planetarium.

Melissa: Hey Carol this is Justin and Joan.
Joan: Hi Carol so lovely to meet you. Do you think this dress makes me look fat?
Carol: Yes
Justin: Well you’re fat Carol!
Melissa: Do not talk to my friends that way or I will hurt you.
Carol: Yeah you don’t want to see an ANGRY NERDY retarded weird girl and if you’re mean to Melissa I’ll lay a sumo smack down on you!
Justin: Some friend Melissa. By the way Carol you’re FAT!
Carol: You smell. She passes out.
Melissa: Carol, Carol wake up! Geeze Justin ever hear of deodorant?
Chris: Carol you right?
Carol wakes up in a daze.
Carol: Oh my goodness the stench it was just too much!
Joan: Excuse me? Justin’s smell is lovely.
Melissa: No his smell is feral.
Chris: Melissa, be nice.
Carol: Noooo Melissa, be mean. Tell the big stinky fat Aussie man what you think!
Jack shows up at the theatre.
Jack: Hey guys sorry I’m late. I got lost behind this weird looking plant.
Chris: Hey Jack!
Carol: Was it a beanstalk?
Jack: Ummm…noooo that’s weird. Do you think that weird? Am I being weird?
Chris: No you’re not
Melissa: Ummm… Jack you worry too much
Carol: OK where is Jill?
Jack: Jill?
Melissa: Uh never mind the movie is coming on.
Carol: Noooo you never your mind. Melissa is coming on to Jack.
Melissa: Shut up Carol! No I’m not.
Joan: Hi Jack. Waves a big happy Joan like wave.
Justin: I’m jealous He folds his arms angrily and pouts.
Chris: Justin she just said hi!
Justin: Don’t talk to me! You wig me out!
Chris: Why is it because I’m gay?
Justin: No it’s because you’re Chris
Chris: Stop using words!
Melissa: Guys the movie is coming on!
Jack tickles Melissa. She bursts out laughing.
Carol: How come you’re not tickling me? Am I too FAT to tickle? Are you afraid you’re fingers will get sucked into my fat?
Jack: Noooo that’s weird. Am I being weird? Is this weird? Melissa is it? I’m sorry….
Melissa: God damn it no! You’re not being weird. You just worry too much. Oh yes don’t tickle me again. (Whispers) Carol gets jealous.
Carol: Yeah because NERDY retarded weird girls are ticklish. (She leans over to Jack and whispers.) She likes you.
Melissa: Noooo I mean yes. No no I mean no.
Chris: Jack, Melissa wants to make sweet sweet love to you.
Carol: Yes Melissa, but your forgetting about Jill. Think how she might feel about Melissa chasing after you Jack.
Jack: Whose Jill? Am I going to be chased down a hill? That’s weird. Am I being weird?
Carol: OH you’re a WEIRD NERDY retarded weird boy. Sounds like a match to me.
Joan: Are you talking about me? Who is this Jill?
Melissa: There is no Jill. Carol was just being a fat ass I mean smart ass and referring to the nursery rhyme.
Carol: Melissa! Isn’t it a little soon to think about babies, specifically if Jack eats them?
Jack: What! I don’t eat babies!
Carol: But Chris told Melissa you did….Melissa NEVER lies to me because I am her only and bestest friend.
Chris: Ummm yeah I was just ummm Well Melissa asked me if you were single and I was kind of put on the spot and uh Yeah! THAT’S TOPS! Gives a thumbs up.
Melissa runs away.
Carol: Melissa? MELISSA?
A silhouette dust cloud of Melissa remains. Carol walks out the theatre to look for Melissa. Chris follows.

Guys don’t like me because I am FAT. I don’t just crush on them I CRUSH them.

I saw you know who today! FERGUS!

There is something plaguing my mind for the last couple of days. It’s is making me mad because I want it to go away. I am left with the butterflies and lingering chest pains. I am so confused. I have talked to my friends about it but it just doesn’t make any sense…I keep getting conflicting answers about everything….I want it all to end. I just want to be my old self rather than this unusually happy giggly bumbling fool I keep seeing in the mirror lately. However, I can contribute some of the happiness to the fact that I have done two full terms of uni and I was ready to go home a couple of months ago. I made it yay! Oh yes and I got my Royal Canadian Air Farce DVDs today!

Remember that dream I wrote about that truly confounded me? Apparently to see your friends in your dream signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to integrate this rejected part of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy tidings from them and the arrival of good news.

Also to see your friends, saddened and troubled, in your dream, signifies sickness and distress upon them. I hope not!

Oh wells I shall sweeten the mood with a CAROL

Melissa and Carol are discussing their crushes…

Melissa: I kind of sort of like this guy but I don’t know what to do?
Carol: You should hit on him and ask him out.
Melissa: Isn’t that a bit forward? Why don’t you hit on and ask your crush out?
Carol: Girls don’t do that!
Melissa: Carol I am a GIRL
Carol: Nooooooo you’re a NERDY retarded weird girl.
Melissa: OK what would a GIRL do? What would You do?
Carol: Guys don’t like me because I am FAT. I don’t just crush on them I CRUSH them.
Melissa: I doubt it some guys like big girls
Carol: WHAT! That’s bestiality
Melissa: No it isn’t!
Carol: Yes it is….also if you you’re to CHICKEN to hit on him you should go undercover as a pregnant old lady man!
Melissa: You’re pregnant!
Carol: Nooooo it’s just my fat!

Ah yes in 10 days I turn 22! Joan found out and she immediately decided I should have a party. She is going to help me plan it. I like Joan…

Neapolitan ice cream it has strawberry, chocolate and….

Today it shall be a short post. Which is weird because usually my posts are very long....

Remember how I said that Jack says vanilla funny. He is some short conversations to prove it.

Chris: Neapolitan ice cream it has strawberry, chocolate and….
Jack: Villinna (that’s how he actually says it)
Me: Vanilla!

Jack: Neapolitan ice cream it has strawberry, chocolate and…
Chris: You’re Mum!
Me: Vanilla!

OK Now Carol (if she were present during this conversation):

Chris: Neapolitan ice cream it has strawberry, chocolate and….
Jack: Villinna
Carol: We’re talking about ice cream not a country!
Melissa He means Vanilla!
Chris: No he means you’re mum

Kayla left today. :( Just when I was getting used to her…Sure she got on my nerves but I think that is normal with any flatmate I have. Oh wells she comes back in three months and I no longer have to worry about her complaining how I never do the dishes.

Last night Kayla, her friend Andrea, Chris, Jack and I went to see the movie John Tucker Must Die, it was surprisingly good for a high school teen flick. Chris was funny as usual and so was Jack. Its official I think I have a crush…but that’s all I am going to say.

Oh Chris I mean FERGUS! I fixed it in case you are wondering mister I want to marry you because you have nice boobies...I KNOW it was you! Your a doo doo head who is smart as a monkey in PJs in the pants!

Jack, Jill, the Beanstalk and Carol

Jack and Jill
Went up a hill
Jack fell down
And Jill
Came tumbling after…

Today I was thinking about Jack, Jack and Jill and Jack and the Beanstalk, which inspired a Carol story…

Melissa is talking to Carol when she mentions meeting Chris’s friend Jack.

Melissa: My friend Chris has a friend named Jack. I like him a lot he is cool.
Carol: Noooo you don’t have any friends but me.
Melissa: Yes I do
Carol: Well what about Jill?
Melissa: Jill?
Carol: Yes Jack and Jill
Melissa: I’m not talking about Jack and Jill I am talking about Chris’s friend Jack.
Carol: Is Chris the giant?
Melissa: The what? No Carol that’s Jack and the Beanstalk. Chris is my friend.
Carol: I don’t like that story because it discriminates FAT people and it offends me because I am fat.
Melissa: How does it discriminate fat people?
Carol: Because they use the word giant
Melissa: Maybe because there is a giant in the story
Carol: You’re a giant story
Melissa: No you are!
Carol: You’re taller than me. If you were my height you would be FAT too!
Melissa: What! Carol Jack is a real person and he is not related to Jack and Jill or Jack and the Beanstalk
Carol: Soooo is Jack single then if he has no Jill or a beanstalk
Melissa: That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. Anyways I asked Chris and he said Jack eats babies
Carol: WHAT! That’s terrible.
Melissa: Carol it’s a Chris like response.
Carol: There is no such thing as Chris like response it sounds like a NERDY retarded weird girl terminology. You have a FAT brain, I wish you would stop flaunting it.
Melissa: No no it’s a way to describe how he would react to certain questions or remarks. Chris reacts with a strange sentence or phrase. Your over reaction to everything I say would be a Carol like response.
Carol: I hate you!

My Grandma sent me this...in the words of Chris I are thought it was funny.

How many FERGUS'S I mean dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently a lot! Read on my friends.

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.


3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!


4. Rottweiler: Make me. - My favourite :)


5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.


6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!


7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.


8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.?

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!


10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.


11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?


13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...


14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?


Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: "How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

I found my future Aussie husband!

No its not Multimedia Guy.

Today I worked…and the manager was COW! I’ll leave it at that.

I received my birthday present from my mom. She sent me some pretty strange things such as underwear, qtips and a portable coffeemaker type device.

Last night I had a dream that truly confounded me. I upset me because I dreamt my friends Carol and Amy died. I can’t remember how Carol died, only that I was very upset as for Amy, she died in a car crash. I was inconsuluable, distraught, very, very upset in the dream I wouldn’t stop crying. It confused me because at one point I turned into Chris. Then I was in a room with Joan and friends in which she was discusing her boyfriend Justin. In which I then decided I wanted to get married to Chris’s friend Jack. It was weird. I woke up with a combination of the butterflies and feeling really sad.

Ah yes Chris’s friend Jack he is cool. Chris says we are simular. Both times we met we got along really well. Plus he says vanilla funny.

Last night Chris and I had a lengthy discusion about the 1960s. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in the wrong time period. When I learn about journalism in the 60s and 70s it makes me sad, because I think journalism was more real than it is now. Also the music back then was art and wasn’t all commercialized and manufactured like it is now.

I’m just kidding about the Aussie husband.

Mathematical discoveries of Futurama

Melissa: Hey Carol did you know that many of the writers on Futurama on the Simpsons have advanced math and science degrees?

Carol: That’s just stupid only funny non NERDY people write for Futurama!

Today I want to write about Futurama.

Why?

Because I do!

Did you know Futurama and the Simpsons have many mathematical references?

These animated shows contain hundreds of references to mathematics such as addition, subtraction, long division, and calculus. The Simpsons writers are former mathematicians, scientist and computer scientists. Several of the writers hold advance math degrees from some of the America’s top universities. They have written hundreds of math jokes ranging from fake equations, to jokes about mathematical literacy and mathematical cultural stereotypes. Sometimes math is theme of an episode. Many of these former mathematicians and scientists who wrote for the Simpsons also wrote for Futurama.

In the episode The Lesser of Two Evils, when the two robots Bender and Flexo meet, they make what is to them an amazing coincidence. Their serial numbers were 3370318 and 2716057. The robots then high five each other happily, only having to explain to their confused human acquaintances that both numbers are the sum of 2 cubes.

Another mathematical reference would be the number 1729, which is historically an inside joke for mathematicians. 1729 is sometimes called the Ramanujan-Hardy number. When Mathematician G.H Hardy, mathematical prodigy Srinivasa Ramanujan, in a London Hospital in 1917 he commented to Ramanujan that the taxi he was in had a boring number. However, Ramanujan responded, by saying the number is interesting because it’s the smallest number expressible as the sum of two cubes in two different ways.

This number 1729 appears in the episode X-mas Story in which Bender receives a card from the machine that built him wishing ‘Son #1729’ a Merry X-mas. It is also used on the hull of the spaceship Nimbus, which Captain Brannigan commands and the bobble head characters in the episode The Farnsworth Paradox, which is used as reference number to the number of alternate universes created.

And now for some reason I no longer hate math.
I found a story I wrote: Read here!

Reminiscing

Ryan Malcolm

Is it me or does Buddy Holly look very simular to Ryan Malcolm? Ryan was the first winner of Canadian Idol...

Buddy Holly











Yeah yeah I copied Amy. But during Canadian Idol everyone kept saying how much they looked alike. I kind of agree.

Reminiscing by Buddy Holly

I'm just sittin' here reminiscing
wondering who you've been kissin'
baby - wo oh baby

I've been wondering all around
there must be a new guy in town
you don't love me anymore
I'll get over you baby
although my heart's still sore
well, you know my heart's still sore

When I think of all the lies you told
to that young man my heart you sold
you're a cheater and a mean mistreater
when I think of all the fun we had
kinda makes me feel so sad
I'm lonely - for your love
and the longest day I live
it's only you that I'll be thinking of
you know I'm thinkin' of
well, it's you I'm thinking of

Why have I chosen this song today….it kind of goes with the theme I suppose.

The last view days, Kayla and I have seen the emergence of a flatmate more elusive than Louie. I’ll call her the invisible ghost flatmate. There is nothing to suggest she even lives here, she has no food in the cupboards, and we rarely ever see her. The only reason why we know she lives here is because she locks her bedroom door, but leaves the main doors unlocked for hours at a time, without our knowledge. This irritates me for some reason.

Yesterday I saw Multimedia Guy: I almost walked into him at the library. I was in the section where all the books are held. I was looking up books for an assignment (obviously). I was reading while I walked a sure sign for disaster. Its weird all of sudden I looked up and there he was. Then I became dumb and continued on my search for books. Then as I was about to leave the upstairs I forgot one of the books I wanted and I almost ran into him again. I wish I could talk to him, but I get really shy for some reason.

Today I got re acquainted with an old friend Derek from high school. However reminiscing about reminds me of a time that I would rather just put behind me. It wasn’t bad memories or anything. In fact high school was an OK time for me. It’s because I want to move on ahead instead of dwelling on the past for some reason or perhaps it’s in the mood I am in.

And thats my speil for the day....

'Fat Words' Newton and Relevant the two laws of oversized friendship!

Quote of the day:

‘Melissa isn’t being a bitch she is just being sarcastic.’ -Kayla
-from the Melissa Anthology of the Fergus book of Silliness and Annoying People

Ah yes the above quote…. We were playing Monopoly with my new flatmate, who has never played Monopoly before, her friend and Kayla. I was being my usual sarcastic self.
Apparently Kayla has previously interpreted my kind of humour as being a bitch. Why yes I am a female dog NOT! Only my friends seem to understand my humour.

Today revolved around two things the thing I was supposed to do today for example assignments and the stuff I ended up doing which included making another movie.

Chris and Kate came by to visit. In the words of Chris: “It are was fun.”

Later Chris and I filmed a documentary about the first two Flat To Myself movies. It’s about two documenters named Maverick and Angela, although, they often refer to each other as Chris and Melissa. Of course this was before we established the names of the documenters. Anyways, they attempt to find out what really happened as well as visit the dog Fergus who they may have unintentionally misinterpreted to be a witness and there is a return of the thing that taunted them at the Multicultural Fair, a Buddy a finger puppet moose with a Canadian flag.

However, I was smart and did end up working on assignments like I was supposed too.

Carol and I :)

Anyways I was researching for an assignment and I came across a section on of my old text book The Canadian Reporter. It was about ‘fat’ words. Fat words in journalism are words that editors and reporters consider bloated, pretentious or overdone.

For example:

‘The committee is working on an open-ended time frame but hopes to finalize its input in the foreseeable future.’

Hmmm… what the heck did that even mean? What is my point?

It has inspired me to write a Carol story. Here it is as follows

Melissa has a flash back to the time when She was packing up for her trip to Australia. Carol is helping her she sees the book The Canadian Reporter lying on top of her suitcase. She picks it up and flips to the section on language. She finds a section called ‘Fat Words’

Carol: MELISSA!
Melissa: What’s the matter Carol?
Carol: How come journalists discriminate FAT people?
Melissa: Carol journalists don’t do that. It’s against are code of ethics were are supposed to treat everyone fairly regardless of religion, ethnicity or size.
Carol: But your book has a section on fat words.
Melissa: Ummm…Carol it’s just a term to define words or sentences that journalists shouldn’t use because they are too bloated pretentious or over the top.
Carol: Bloated? That’s just a polite word for fat! I hate you
Melissa: Ummm….OK that section is there because it’s against journalism rules to write about fat people unless it is relevant.
Carol: Really? Relevant? Melissa I thought we were talking about your profession discriminating fat people not that Newton Law of Fatness.
Melissa: What?
Carol: You know Newtons law or relevant. He was named Newton because he ate figs.
Melissa: No Carol, its Sir Issac Newton and he developed Newtons Law of Motion. For example for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.
Carol: Yes but the relevant law, the one that says all facts the make fun of fat people result in even fatter people.
Melissa: That would be the relativity Carol. Albert Einstein came up with that one. It has nothing to do with fat people.
Carol: Stop being such a NERD. I hate this reporter journalist NERD book I’m going to throw it in the garbage where it belongs.
Melissa: No Carol DON’T
Melissa grabs the book from Carol and crosses out fat words and replaces it with big words you should using when writing stories.
Melissa: Sooo Carol is that better. She shows it to Carol
Carol: Big words…that’s the same thing.
Melissa: OK how about ‘oversized’
Carol: Oversized? That’s STILL the same thing.
Melissa: Oversized can mean an oversized proportion of something…not necessarily fat or big or large.
Carol: You’re an oversized proportion of something, fat big or large and you’re a NERD with a fat NERDY brain.
Melissa: Sighs You’re not throwing out, burning it or tearing apart my journalism book. You’re just jealous because your name doesn’t translate to anything in Greek. Plus I’m Irish and your not.
Carol: NERD! You’re just mad because I am too fat to fit into your suitcase…so I can’t come with you. So you show me your discriminating book. Carol storms off out of Melissa’s room.

She's Lying I'm Irish!

I thought perhaps I would be doomed to have a flat to myself…but apparently I won’t. Today I got a new flatmate, who I have yet to meet and as soon Kayla leaves another, will move right in. Other than that nothing else has happened worth mentioning…On to other things.
I have a surprise for all of you….

A Carol story: A story inspired by my floundering marks in Intro to Communication and Culture and Chris of course.

Carol has a flash back to Canada Carol studied Ancient History in college.

Carol sits in the class. The class is about to end. The instructor Mr. McGlonagkic reads over her work.

McGlonagkic:Umm Carol I would like to talk to you about your essay on Greece at the end of class.

Carol: That’s stupid. Why do you want to talk about something I have already done?

McGlonagkic: Because I am concerned about your essay entitled ‘Gospel of Grease’ Its only three paragraphs long and your references are quite odd.

Carols essay:

Gospel of Grease by Carol

Ancient Grease was actually called Greek. Grease is the oily stuff in deep fryers and car like machinery and is not about the movie Grease staring Elton John. The Greek are best known for inventing fire and making pyramids out of rock like sandy wet stuff know to them as mud.

Melissa is Greek she told me so. Her name in Greek means stupid retarded weird girl and mine name in Greek means song of the fat girl. Greek invented Rome and Egypt and xenophobia which are fear of fat people.

Ελληνική Ρώμη και Αίγυπτος και ξενοφοβία που είναι φόβος των παχιών ανθρώπων. Melissa είναι ελληνικά αυτή με είπε έτσι. Το όνομά της στο ελληνικό όνομα κοριτσιών και ορυχείων μέσων ηλίθιο καθυστερημένο παράξενο στο ελληνικό τραγούδι μέσων του παχιού κοριτσιού.

McGlonagkic: Carol can you explain to me why the last paragraph is in Greek?
Carol: Because it makes the essay more professional like
McGlonagkic: I see, well what does it say in Greek?
Carol: It says Carol is smart and Melissa is a Greek.
McGlonagkic: I was under the impression that it meant, Greek Rome and Egypt and fear of thick persons Melissa they are Greek this me it said thus, her name in the Greek name of girls and mines medium idiotic delayed strange in the Greek song of means of thick girl.
Carol: Looks perplexed I have babelfisheria…I caught it from Melissa.
McGlonagkic: I was hoping you could explain your references. I see you looked at many sources.

Carols References:

Carol, C 2005, Ancient History, Carol publishing, Caroland Alberta Canada
Carol, C 2005, The Anthology of Carol is All Knowing, I Am Always Right Inc. Melissaville, Alberta Canada
McKenna, M, The Encyclopaedia of useless trivial facts, Anthem of Praise publishing, NERDY Melissatown, Queensland Australia
Woo, C 2006, That Stupid Musical Encyclopedia That Proved Me Wrong, FERGUS publishing, Queensland Australia.

McGlonagkic: Carol is these references even real?
Carol: Yes. They are
McGlonagkic: Well can you show them in hard copy to me?
Carol: Fine! She shoves a book that says ‘By Carol: Carol is ALWAYS right!’
McGlonagkic: Carol this is a copy of Woman’s Day
Carol: You’re a copy of Woman’s Day
McGlonagkic: No I’m not.
Carol: Unless I failed this assignment miserably I see in point in my presence here because I am fat and I take up space.
McGlonagkic: Carol you ARE failing miserably.

Melissa walks in the room after just finishing French class.

Melissa: Bonjour Monsieur Mcglonagkic De Hymne de louange Bonjour
McGlonagkic: Bonjour Mélisse comment allez vous aujourd'hui ?
Carol: Why are you two speaking in French?
Melissa: Because its fun to speak in French.
Carol: Nooo we don’t live in Quebec Melissa.
Melissa: Carol I am learning French, so if people in Australia ask me if I speak French can say Pourquoi naturellement je
Carol: You just said I am fat…didn’t you. I hate you.
Melissa: No Carol I said “Why of course I do!” or ‘why naturally I’
McGlonagkic: Interrupting Sorry Melissa I was just in meeting with Carol about her essay.
Melissa: The one about Greece? Umm yeah she’s lying I am Irish.
Carol: If your Irish how come you don’t have red hair and you speak in a funny accent type way.
Melissa: They’re just stereotypes Carol
Carol: What type of stereo? I thought only the Japanese made those.
McGlonagkic: I’m Irish too. How did you know about her essay Melissa?
Melissa: I proof read it.
McGlonagkic: That explains the grammar and what not.
Melissa: Oh yeah and Melissa means honey bee in Greek. And there is no meaning for the name Carol in Greek.
Carol: Nooo it means Song
Melissa: Yeah in German
Carol: Were not talking about Germania we are talking about Greek.
McGlonagkic: Look Carol you failed the assignment because it’s inaccurate and poorly written. Greeks didn’t invent fire and it was the Egyptians who built the pyramids. Also xenophobia is fear of strangers or of the unknown.
Carol: You’re inaccurate and poorly written
McGlonagkic: Look! read this book and rewrite the essay by Friday or I WILL fail you. He hands Carol a textbook, Ancient History and Civilizations.
Carol: Who is this history book and why does he keep proving me wrong? She storms out of the room Melissa runs after her

Even the dream dictionary neglects about Canadians!

Today has been boring enough said. Also take note this entry shall be rather sporadic and random.

Interesting thing I found while interpreting my dreams.

Travelling: To dream that you are travelling, signifies the journey toward your life goals and a journey through life in general, that you enjoy what you do and find much pleasure in it. To dream that you are travelling through an unknown area denotes the lurking of your rivals. To dream that you are travelling in a car filled with people signifies that you will make new and fun friends and exciting adventures. To dream that you are travelling in a car by yourself, signifies troubling matters ahead for you.

Australia: To dream about or that you are in Australia, suggests that you feel that you are being pulled toward opposite directions. The dream may also indicate self-exploration into your natural and uninhibited self. Often referred to as the land down under, the dream may be a metaphor to represent your unconscious and your underlying thoughts.
However, the dream bank turned out to be biased when I searched Canada, there be no dream reference. However I did find one for America

America: If you are from America and dream of America, then the dream symbolizes independence and freedom to do what you want. If you are from outside of America, the dream may represent commercialism, riches, or abundance. Your own political views will also strongly influence this imagery.

Here is my definition for Canada:

Canada: To dream of Canada means you have a strong connection to the north. You feel alienated by the growing American influence, which is common for most Canadians. I could also symbolize freedom or being on top of the world.

My reason for looking up Australia and Canada is because I keep having damned dreams about you guessed it Canada and Australia.
The scenarios are as follows.
1. I am in Canada preparing to come to Australia (this dream went on for about three months)
2. I have left Australia, but I am in Canada preparing to come back.
3. I am in Australia preparing to go back to Canada, but come back to Australia afterwards.

So far I have no idea why I keep dreaming this. It’s really starting to annoy me.

My second pet annoyance lately is….
People mistaking me for a bloody American…

Words of advice from my British Grandma: “We are captains of our own ships and it’s up to us to sail where we want too.”

Amy: asked me to write about Felix that Cat, no no its Felix the person, the German guy. He is the epitome of nerd. He wears daggy jeans and rolls up the cuffs of them. His shoes are ugly. He looks like one of the characters from Revenge of the Nerds...except not as nerdy. I hope that makes sense Amy.

FERGUS!!!! I hate house flies

FERGUS! Ha ha sorry I know that name Makes Chris laugh so... Fergus..Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus Fergus......

Today may be a long entry….

But first,

Which is better a thoughtful homemade gift or something bought from a store?

I have smartened up this term. I have started 3 out of four essays earlier instead of waiting till the last minute. At least I think I have.

Why do my friends back home keep bugging me to send them post cards…I don’t see them sending me any.

And now to other things….

In less than a month I will be 22, but I figured that my birthday wouldn’t technically be on October 5, because of the time difference. You see I was born at 9:25 p.m. Pacific Time, back in Canada, but here in Australia, (I am not sure of the time zone here) It would have been October 6 at 4:25 a.m. But legally it’s the 5th of October it says so on birth certificate.

I have officially moved into the big room, by some luck and just being nice the managers let me have it. Apparently “Big Desk” never came. My first night in my new room was sleepless, two house flies managed to get into my room and the constant buzzing kept me awake. I tried opening my door in hopes the stupid bastards would fly out but, they were stubborn little buggers. So I turned on the ceiling fan. This helped drown out the flies buzzing, but the fan was loud and kept me awake. Not to mentions I kept thinking about one of the stories I am writing, and stressing about an assignment that is due Friday, that I haven’t even started, but enough about my new room.

Yesterday was Chris’s birthday. Unfortunately he was sick. I made his present. I made a collection of movies that we have filmed together, such as A Flat To Myself, the remake of A Flat To Myself, the sequel A Flat To Myself Part 2, out takes from A Flat To Myself Part 2, a documentary on the Multicultural Fair and a montage about Chris and the ‘Mocha Frappe.’ He said he like my present. I always thought that it’s better to make something for someone because it shows that you care.

On Sunday night I had a dingmare.

A dingmare? What is that?

A dingmare is a term to define, when I have a dream, which results in a story or helps add too a story I am either formulating or writing about. I first heard the term dingmare in the movie Harriet the Spy, when Harriet’s friend Sport describes his father’s dreams, saying all writers have them. Why was this dream a dingmare? I am not saying why.

Now not all of my stories have come from dreams. Wild Will came to me during on of those days that I was in an imagineering mood.

My favourite made up word ‘adorkable’ came up during college, when I was trying to think of a way to describe someone in a more positive way. Is the combination of the words adorable and dork. Dork, can mean a whales penis, an undesirable person, nerd, or someone who is odd. Adorable means someone desirable of worthy of admiration. Adorkable means an odd person, who is worthy of admiration. Adorkable tales was the name of column in college, when I wrote for the college newspaper.

Another word I use is muchly…which is not a word at all. In fact spell check wants to change my non-word to mushily, mushy, musky, much or mutely. In fact I am not sure how I started using it or came up with it.

Welsh? Never heard of that? Where the heck is Welsh anyways?

Today I shall present an actual conversation Kayla and I had. Simply because she says the funniest things with out even realizing it.

Conversation 1:

We were watching the TV show House Wednesday night when this question was brought up.

Kayla: Does Hugh Laurie sound British to you?
Me: Actually he is Welsh
Kayla: Welsh? Never heard of that? Where the heck is Welsh anyways?
Me: Its Wales
Kayla: Umm What? Whales? Where’s that?
Me: Umm… near England, people from Wales are called Welsh.
Kayla: There is no such place
Me: Right that’s why Princess Diana was referred to as the Princess of Wales.
Kayla: Oooohhhhh!

Conversation 2:

On Thursday morning, we were discussing why I haven’t celebrated a birthday since I was 19 with my family. Yeah it’s sad. Suffice to say the last two birthdays have sucked. Anyways enough about that….

Kayla: So why haven’t you been with your family for all those birthdays?
Me: My mom and I lived in different provinces B.C. and Alberta, while I went to college
Kayla: What? How is that possible?
Me: What do you mean?
Kayla: How can your mom live in B.C?
Me: Umm… it’s a province
Kayla: Yeah but B.C stands for Before Christ
Me: I was referring to British Columbia most Canadians refer to it as B.C.
Kayla: That’s kind of stupid
Me: No it isn’t.
Kayla: What are provinces again?
Me: There like states basically
Kayla: Oh OK.

And now for some reason I want to go to Wales.

Speaking of Kayla, she seemed kind of pissed that I told her that I didn’t want to go to her party because I have an assignment worth 60% in week 12. She told me I was strange and made the point that she has 50% assignment in week 9 and she won’t have any weekends. What? Does she prefer the real answer I was going to give her:

Real Answer: Oh Kayla, I would rather eat my non existent carpet, then spend five minutes in the fiery pits of hell, throw up all the carpet and run around the street naked then go to your stupid party.

Proper polite Answer: I’m sorry I pay a lot of money to be here and I could be deported or put under academic surveillance if I fail because I worry too much and I really don’t want to do four essays at once in one week.

End Result: I went to Kayla’s party with disastrous results that I really don’t want to write about.

I wonder if Kayla knows that I just ‘payed’ her out in this blog for being unintentionally dumb. I will now put the first conversation into Carol story format, over exaggerated of course.

Melissa’s Flat: Melissa, Kayla and Carol are watching the TV show House, when the question of the actors who plays House is brought up.

Kayla: Does Hugh Laurie sound British to you?
Melissa: Actually he is Welsh
Carol: Noooo he sounds American can’t you hear the American accent Melissa or have the Aussie accents rotted your brain?
Kayla: Welsh? Never heard of that? Where the heck is the Welsh anyways?
Melissa: Its Wales and my brain hasn’t rotted Carol.
Carol: Noooo Melissa they don’t name countries after mammals or aquatic life that’s just stupid and you are a NERD NERDY RETARDED GIRL.
Kayla: Umm What? Whales? Where’s that? By the way I am always right.
Melissa: Umm… near England people from Wales are called Welsh.
Carol: How do you know this Melissa? Stop being such a fat brain NERD.
Melissa hands Carol a travel guide about Great Britain and shows her the section about Wales.
Carol: Ohhhh Wales, who wrote this book and why do they insist that I am wrong.
Kayla: There is no such place, I have never heard of it therefore it does not exist.
Carol: Yes there it does. It’s written in this book. (She shoves the book into Kayla’s lap). See Kayla!
Me: Right that’s why Princess Diana was referred to as the Princess of Wales.
Kayla: Oooohhhhh!
Carol: Oh yeah now I remember this Wales, geeze Melissa you didn’t have to go all NERDY and shove a NERD travelling book in my face.

And now to the subject about nerds, is it me or do they typically have a bad stigma attached to being one?

Seeing as I am talking about nerds, my tutor for Introduction to Communication and Culture is going to think I am a science fiction nerd because I managed to bring it up in half of my weekly exercises. My final essay is about Futurama which is science fiction and my weekly exercise I brought up Back To The Future movie. She may also see me as Canadian centric as the other half of my assignments brought up Canada and I seem to relate the whole stupid class back to Canada. So there you have it I am a Canadian centric science fiction NERD. I found this interesting book in the library about how women were portrayed in science fiction films from the 1950s which I will include in my essay. Blame the science fiction nerdom on my mom, I grew up watching the stuff. Curse you Hev! And only Chris will know what I mean about that.

The name Fergus, do you find it funny? Chris does. Every time I say it Chris laughs. Perhaps it’s the funny looking dog that lives at the flat manager’s residence, whose name is Fergus. Fergus is such a hit with Chris he suggested that I bring him in to my Wild Will stories through an intricate plot about eight parallel characters, such as a beaver named Captain Winky and Carol. I am thinking I could bring the character Frostbite and Kate in to the story, by having them be angry because they don’t alternate characters. I also have an alternate character named Alyssa who claims to be the illustrator and likes the same guy as me. It’s not written yet, but I am sure it will be as bizarre as the other ones.